Why do my wife and I not get along?

DarkLover

Active member
Why do my wife and I not get along?

My birthday November 17, 1978 at around 12 noon in Chicago. My wife's July 20, 1968 at 9pm in Jackson, Missippi I was wondering based on astrology why we always fight and never seem to get along. We have what I would call a love/hate relationship for the last 8 years... like lady Gaga's song "bad romance". We both love each other deeply and can never let go. She says she would probably die without me and I have the same feelings toward her, I can't image a life without her... so despite being in a chaotic love/hate/ always fighting relationship we stay married anyway because we love each other.

A huge part of the problem is despite my wife being a Cancer.... she actually acts more like an Aries in real life. My wife is the boss of our family, the boss of me, the boss at her job. Her very bossy controlling personality causes problems with everyone around her. My wife likes to control everyone and boss everyone around. My wife has often said "it is my way or the highway". So my wife ends up getting her way most of the time. After long bouts of screaming and arguing at each other I just say ok...I will just do what she wants. It's been this way for 8 years we have been married.

My past love relationships I have had in my life have always been chaotic with women love/hate relationships I tend to get stuck in.
 
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DarkLover

Active member
Please put up the charts. You can create them at astro.com and upload them here.
Not the most tech savy person. I will see if someone who knows computers better than me can help me sometime. Seems very complicated like trying to learn Greek. I will see if a friend can help me. Thanks.
 

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waybread

Well-known member
I can see the "control freak" side of your wife's personality, with her sun (identity) conjunct Mars (assertiveness) square (in a stressful relationship with Saturn (Dr. No.) With her sun in the 6th house, however, she may see her mission as helping people by correcting them-- for their own good, presumably. She appears to have a very strong personality. Also, since she is significantly older than you, she may see herself as more emotionally mature and experienced than you. She can't change herself significantly, but she can learn ways to be more sensitive towards other people. Like you, for example.

But you seem to have posted the same chart 2x. Where is yours?
 

dr. farr

Well-known member
She has a most elevated Neptune + Venus under Leo in 7th house-perhaps she had an idealistic idea of marriage and expected much more from the relationship than what has developed.
 

DarkLover

Active member
I can see the "control freak" side of your wife's personality, with her sun (identity) conjunct Mars (assertiveness) square (in a stressful relationship with Saturn (Dr. No.) With her sun in the 6th house, however, she may see her mission as helping people by correcting them-- for their own good, presumably. She appears to have a very strong personality. Also, since she is significantly older than you, she may see herself as more emotionally mature and experienced than you. She can't change herself significantly, but she can learn ways to be more sensitive towards other people. Like you, for example.

But you seem to have posted the same chart 2x. Where is yours?
I thought I posted mine..... sorry
 

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blackbery

Well-known member
Both charts are posted. And I notice right away that your wife has 4 planets in Cardinal position. Cardinals are the leaders,
the inititators, the ones that get everything started. Your wife has :sun::mercury::mars::saturn:all in Cardinal. Therefore, she must be in
control at all times. With the wide :sun::mars::conjunct:mixed in, she has the chart of a tyrant. She could be a General as she's always
ready to fight. She's what you call a 'battle-ax'. Great for the military but not so good for domestic or everyday life. She
will never compromise, never give in, never surrender. If you want to remain married to her, you need to put your foot down
& demand that she get some sort of therapy.....even if it's anger management classes. She has no self-awareness that she
alienates & hurts people with her dominant ways; she hasn't a clue. Probably needs to control everyone & everything coz
she wasn't able to control her father when she was little. With a :sun::mars::square::saturn:her dad really did damage to her, probably hit
her or even worse. :cancer: is deeply sensitive, feels things more deeply than any other sign & when they are hurting, they hide
under their shell. Your wife uses her Cardinal planets to dominate over others so they can never hurt her the way
her father did. It's sad that she is allowing her past to control her future but that's what happens when she doesn't do the
'inner work'. Many people have horrible childhoods & they end up alone coz they can't function in a
healthy relationship. You've only stuck around coz you two are soulmates. That's very clear in your synastry. You have
:sun::trine::sun: which is beautiful, flowing energy. You have :sun::conjunct::neptune:- the relationship is like a dream it's so romantic. :venus::trine::mercury:
& you use your words to calm her, reassure her that you love her. You definitely have a lofve/hate relationship, your
marriage is fated. But there are also some troubling aspects such as the :venus::square::venus: & :mars::square::pluto: which could indicate violence
on her part as it's her natal :mars: that is pounding down on your :pluto:. Eventually, if you stop allowing her to control& dominate
you, she might lash out in fits of anger that are violent. Don't allow :neptune:to white-wash how she abuses (on an unconscious
level as she loves you beyond words but her actions are causing you harm) & she must get help to deal with her inner-rage.

You are born with only one Cardinal & that's in the outer planet of :pluto:& you don't have to need to be in control & the leader.
You are a very easy-going person but extremely sensitive too with 3 planets in :scorpio: but you hide your pain & how your wife
makes you feel. With a very tight :mercury::neptune::conjunct::sagittarius: you are extremely intuitive but keep your own pain hidden. Maybe you can
go for therapy or healing techniques to deal with your dictator wife. As much as you love her & vice-versa, you need to create
boundaries that she cannot cross going forward to respect you.

Just want to add that the past 3-4 years have been particularly hard for your wife with :pluto:opposing her :cancer: planets. These
transits can make her feel like she is losing everything & probably she did have the rug pulled out from her many times.
Things will improve greatly now that Pluto has reached its end degree.

I hope you can work it out but she has lots of inner-work she needs to do, as do you, if you want the marriage
to not only survive but thrive.

Good luck & thank you for your honest posting. Can't be easy to admit that the woman you love is a petty tyrant but you
did it & I'm glad you did. Now, the healing can begin for you both.


😊😊😊







:saturn:
 

waybread

Well-known member
Your synastry looks pretty good. She seems like your best friend, as well as your spouse. I think the problem is that with your sun conjunct Uranus and Mercury-Mars in Sagittarius, you can't be controlled at the level that seems to be a natural expression of your wife's personality. You need a lot more space in your life.

You mentioned that your wife seems more like an Aries. Mars rules the sign of Aries. Sun conjunct Mars will naturally give someone a more "martial" character.
 
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