Why am I attracted to substance abusers and borderline personality disorder?

melisa

Well-known member
Hello
I would love any feedback about why most of my partners have been substance abusers and or people with borderline personality disorder (psych. problem involving impulsive traits, intense moods, rejections and fear of rejection, etc).
My current partner has both. Astrologer 50 has written that
When looking at a woman’s chart the type of man she would look for is her sun sign and mars traits, plus 7th house planets and house cusp ruler and where that ruler was deposited.
That's helpful. My partner is Pisces-Scorpio-Virgo.
My Sun is trine Neptune, Mars is oppose Neptune, and ruler of my 7th is in my 12th house====those would match his Pisces Sun, and also hint at people with substance abuse or psych. problems. Mars is also oppose the Moon, perhaps indicating emotional problems? The ruler of the 7th is also a few degrees away from directly opposing the 7th house Aquarius.
I attached my chart. Any other indicators about why I would attract water signs. or attract sub. abusers or psych. problems would be helpful.
Thank you
Melisa
 

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wowreally

Well-known member
it could be .... not sure though.

1. sun and venus in cancer > meaning you like to take care of people
2. pluto in virgo > you like to be of sevice to others, fix people, etc
3. not sure but chiron is in your 7th house...mmm...maybe you feel like you're not worthy of love and sell your self short. it could also be the fact that chrion is the wounded healer....so although you feel lke you may not be able to get love, you are able to give it to those that are suffering by being in a relationhip wiht them.
4. neptune and moon in scorpio could maybe make you more drawn to darker individuals, like they're more interesting to you, you get them, can relate to them, etc.
5. mercury in 12th > again maybe just making it easier to click with individuals that suffer.....
6. pluto in 1st > could be responsible for the abusive relationshoips...cuz you need that extra passion, emotions, etc...i guess that could come our violently sometimes as in your case...
7. mars in steady taurus could make you put up with it all..

wow...i think pretty much everything in your chart points to you being sucked into destructive realtionships...

i could be wrong, but to me it looks like there are more things pointing to you being the one that seeks them out, as a pose to them seeking you out.

your chart, to me, looks like you filter the good ones out and go iwth the bad ones.
sitting down and clarifing to yourself what you really want, would be a good place to start imo.

anyway, i'm pretty new to astrology, wait a little longer, i'm sure there'll be more qualified people that respond soon.
 

Vagabondgirl

Well-known member
Aquarius DC and uranus in the 12th. The 12th house ruled by neptune = intstitutions, and neptune for substance abuse. Hidden stuff.
 

Gwenyhfair

Well-known member
this is just too common. I´m that too, attracted to a substance abuser and borderline personality. My ex was not a substance abuser but a psychopath. Really. So why is that.

The easy way out for therapist is to ask "does anyone in your family drink". Nope, not in my case. And neither do I. But I´ve had a troubled youth and bla bla so I´m kinda borderline myself (by the way new psychiatry do not use the term "borderline" anymore). I´m about to get my diagnosis soon.:sleeping:

Like is attracted to like, is the general rule of attraction. In my case I´m "sort of borderline personality" - therefore attracting unstable or crazy ppl. Another effect of my hard childhood is I know there is relief in substance abuse. I definitely understand ppl who do that. All of us do not, and some won´t even really understand that their partner/parent or someone else is really an alcoholic. I see that instantly.

I have sun opp neptune in natal chart, moon in pisces, scorpio rising.

Pluto in virgo, never mind that, millions of ppl have it! But pluto in first, yes I agree with wowreally, this could also be in the chart of an abuser for the same reasons, again like attracts like.
 

Olivia

Well-known member
Traditionally speaking, Saturn rules Aquarius, and that's your seventh house cusp. What makes this bad, even though Saturn is dignified, is that it's opposing your Sun (ascendant ruler) and Venus conjunction in Cancer - Sun-Saturn oppositions are nasty enough, usually involve people being fearful with good cause because they've been rejected many times - especially when they involve a sign where Saturn isn't particularly happy, like Cancer.

Venus doesn't have a lot of power on its own because it's combust - it's pretty much in service of the Sun. But what the opposition between the 1-7 rulers means is that you're probably attracting enemies instead of lovers, and men you can't get close to - that's the substance abuse problem.

All is not lost, however. Jupiter is out of sect and retrograde, but it's in rulership, which strengthens it considerably, and on the cusp of your fifth house of romance - it also doesn't appear to have any major afflictions besides the retrogradation. And it trines your ascendant. I think if you take the emphasis off of marriage, and look for men you can have actual fun with - and travel, and philosophical conversations, and all those good Jupiterian things - you may have considerably better luck.

The other thing I'd advise is to SLOW DOWN in relationships. You've got Moon on the 4th cusp fallen in Scorpio ruled by a detrimented Mars in Taurus that opposes it. This could indicate really bad role models when you were growing up as far as relationships are concerned, and one of the problems of having the Moon in a Mars-ruled sign is it's often too driven to slow down long enough to take proper care of you - or anyone you care about.

In your case, it can't be a race, or a competition. You may feel like it is, but that's going to hurt you terribly over the long-term. Try to relax, do some things YOU enjoy doing (that's fifth house, too) and put Jupiter to good use - it may not lead to marriage, not in a chart like yours, but - it could lead to a good relationship, and those are rare commodities.
 

Horus

Well-known member
I was once into drugs heavily and attracted other substance users a lot. Though I am clean and a holistic health practiitioner, I still do attract a drinker or smoker occasionally. My magnet is Neptune in Scorpio in the 11th. Your Neptune in Scorpio in the 3rd is trining your Sun in the 11th perhaps giving a similar effect. The other significant magnet is likely your Chiron in Pisces in the 7th also trining Neptune.

It was already stated in this thread that "like attracts like", and that may be true or rather 'the complement attracts the complement' such as an abusee will find an abuser because their karmic monads match and lock. But your subconscious point of attraction for these types of men is what needs to be identified and healed if you want different results.
 
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Kama

Member
My chart hast some similarities with yours and I also attract these kind of people. My life has been improving a lot since I started doing energy therapy, astrology and doing charity work with homeless people. So I keep them in my 12th house so to speak and do not need making them my partners - although sometimes I wonder....
We are always healing ouir problems in others....
kama
 

Claire19

Well-known member
Your 5th house of lovers is ruled by Jupiter and it is deposited there.
I think you are generous and benevolent and will have many or have had many in your life. With your CHiron in Pisces in the 7th, attracting those who are addicted and also have insanity or mental problems and who you can help with in the healing process.
This can be draining with the dependency issues and you need to get away from the rescuer/victim dynamic to have a healthier dynamic....
However others have to help you with your attraction to these types and to find others that embody the Piscean energy in a more constructive way, such as charitable, caring and spiritual persons who can give you as much as you give and so a more equitable relationship can be had.
 

Claire19

Well-known member
My chart hast some similarities with yours and I also attract these kind of people. My life has been improving a lot since I started doing energy therapy, astrology and doing charity work with homeless people. So I keep them in my 12th house so to speak and do not need making them my partners - although sometimes I wonder....
We are always healing ouir problems in others....
kama
This is exactly what I mean......to use the more positive side of the energies which takes maturity and awareness. Congratulations.
:happy:
 

Claire19

Well-known member
I was once into drugs heavily and attracted other substance users a lot. Though I am clean and a holistic health practiitioner, I still do attract a drinker or smoker occasionally. My magnet is Neptune in Scorpio in the 11th. Your Neptune in Scorpio in the 3rd is trining your Sun in the 11th perhaps giving a similar effect. The other significant magnet is likely your Chiron in Pisces in the 7th also trining Neptune.

It was already stated in this thread that "like attracts like", and that may be true or rather 'the complement attracts the complement' such as an abusee will find an abuser because their karmic monads match and lock. But your subconscious point of attraction for these types of men is what needs to be identified and healed if you want different results.
Right on!!!!!!:biggrin: I have Neptune conjunct Mars and Venus in Libra in the 8th with CHiron in the mix. and attracted those I saw as wounded or vulnerable and subconsciously thought I could heal. THese men invariably had sex problems as well.....It became very draining and unsatisfactory as I was not getting anything back. I have since channelled my energies into other 8h house influences and now can help others without taking on their issues and being swamped.
 
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waybread

Staff member
You've got sun/Venus in care-taking Cancer; opposed by Saturn. He suggests that there are some self-esteem issues. Do you think you can get or deserve someone who has nothing wrong with him?

Moon conjunct Neptune suggests a lot of idealism--and Neptune is the modern ruler of drugs. If you don't take them yourself you can attract people who do, as they may see you as a care-taker, if not enabler.

Chiron, who shows us "where it hurts" is in your 7th house of long-term relationships. Its modern ruler is Uranus in the 12th, which has to do--among other things--with people who are shut-in or institutionalized in some way. The Mars square to Uranus is wide, but its midpoint is right on your Venus. It can indicate an attraction to men who are disruptive and perhaps even violent--it can also indicate "unusual sexuality." Mars opposite your moon-Neptune, again, makes me wonder whether you expect men to hurt your feelings.

Of course, you're not stuck with this scenario. Your choice!
 

melisa

Well-known member
Hi--- Thank you for the feedback,, I appreciate it! Claire19 wrote:
Your 5th house of lovers is ruled by Jupiter and it is deposited there.
I think you are generous and benevolent and will have many or have had many in your life. With your CHiron in Pisces in the 7th, attracting those who are addicted and also have insanity or mental problems and who you can help with in the healing process.
This can be draining with the dependency issues and you need to get away from the rescuer/victim dynamic to have a healthier dynamic....
However others have to help you with your attraction to these types and to find others that embody the Piscean energy in a more constructive way, such as charitable, caring and spiritual persons who can give you as much as you give and so a more equitable relationship can be had."

----Yes, Chiron in Pisces in 7th would explain my attraction to sub. abuseres. With the current Pisces man, I amm trying to help him heal. Re: Jupiter, I don't feel it as much,---I am not generous, perhaps because Saturn in Cap. is also in the 5th, along with Jupiter :)

HORUS wrote:

"I was once into drugs heavily and attracted other substance users a lot. Though I am clean and a holistic health practiitioner, I still do attract a drinker or smoker occasionally. My magnet is Neptune in Scorpio in the 11th. Your Neptune in Scorpio in the 3rd is trining your Sun in the 11th perhaps giving a similar effect. The other significant magnet is likely your Chiron in Pisces in the 7th also trining Neptune.

It was already stated in this thread that "like attracts like", and that may be true or rather 'the complement attracts the complement' such as an abusee will find an abuser because their karmic monads match and lock. "
---You are right---all that Neptune can provoke my relations with sub. abusers and those with other psych. issues. Also in the composite with my partner we have Neptine oppose our Sun, Venus and Merc, plus he has many Neptune aspects. I'm not sure what a "karmic monad" is....

Thank you
Melisa
 

melisa

Well-known member
Hi---
Thanks for the help!
Waybread wrote---You've got sun/Venus in care-taking Cancer; opposed by Saturn. He suggests that there are some self-esteem issues. Do you think you can get or deserve someone who has nothing wrong with him?

----Well, with my Uranus opposing my 7th house Aquarius, and Venus in 11th, I kind of find the "sicker" ones more interesting and needy.

"The Mars square to Uranus is wide, but its midpoint is right on your Venus. It can indicate an attraction to men who are disruptive and perhaps even violent--it can also indicate "unusual sexuality." Mars opposite your moon-Neptune, again, makes me wonder whether you expect men to hurt your feelings."

---You are right---Mars oppose Moon, I get angry when they hurt my feelings. Just curious, with my Mars 10 Taurus and Uranus 19 Leo, I calculated that midpoint as 29 Gemini! My Venus is 15 Cancer. The Uranus might be having an influence anyway though, as it opposes my 7th (and rules my 7th)



Olivia wrote---


"what the opposition between the 1-7 rulers means is that you're probably attracting enemies instead of lovers, and men you can't get close to - that's the substance abuse problem."

---Yes, in dealing with someone who has Borderline Personality, I feel very close to them, then abandoned, then close again, then feel abandoned, so it's hard for any close consistency.


Olivia continued--"The other thing I'd advise is to SLOW DOWN in relationships. You've got Moon on the 4th cusp fallen in Scorpio ruled by a detrimented Mars in Taurus that opposes it. This could indicate really bad role models when you were growing up as far as relationships are concerned, and one of the problems of having the Moon in a Mars-ruled sign is it's often too driven to slow down long enough to take proper care of you - or anyone you care about.
"
---You are correct. I feel insecure and then get too pushy, as you noted, to try to get closer in the relationship. Yes, I had a bad role model growing up---my mother had borderline personality and was abusive to me. Thhis could be partly explained by the Moon on the 4th cusp (Moon oppose Mars!!!). I will try to focus on feeling more secure and slowing down.


Vagabond Girl wrote---Aquarius DC and uranus in the 12th. The 12th house ruled by neptune = intstitutions, and neptune for substance abuse.

---Yes, good analysis. This also partially explains my attraction to the Pisces (plus his Sun is in my 7th)

WOWREALLY wrote---

3. not sure but chiron is in your 7th house...mmm...maybe you feel like you're not worthy of love and sell your self short. it could also be the fact that chrion is the wounded healer....so although you feel lke you may not be able to get love, you are able to give it to those that are suffering by being in a relationhip wiht them.
4. neptune and moon in scorpio could maybe make you more drawn to darker individuals, like they're more interesting to you, you get them, can relate to them, etc.
5. mercury in 12th > again maybe just making it easier to click with individuals that suffer.....
6. pluto in 1st > could be responsible for the abusive relationshoips...cuz you need that extra passion, emotions, etc...i guess that could come our violently sometimes as in your case...
7. mars in steady taurus could make you put up with it all.."

---Yes I agree with you. These factors help me identify with people who suffer. Yet with their instability, my insecurity gets triggered, and my Mercury being in the 12th (square Neptune) makes me doubt if I am loved, and I think of all types of negative imaginary scenarios thinking I am not loved---then the person reassures me and shows me that I AM loved. So I feel insecure and confused, even when people say and show that they care about me. If a friend doesn't call me back right away, or is more distant on a given day, I overanalyze it, think they hate me and will reject me, and get very upset. Then they tell me none of that is true and they were just busy or moody, etc. So I overanalyze things to be negative. It seems to stem from my past with my own mother.

Thank you---
Melisa
 

kainous

Well-known member
I've seen this with Chiron angular. However, most of the time when I've seen it in the 7th house, it's that the native is looking for someone to "fix them." They feel like "they" are broke (and it makes them extremely OCD around others). However, it's likely that this OCD quality isn't so much about you being attracted to those types as much as they are attracted to you. You see relationship as, "I fix you, you fix me." You start trying to fix others, and suddenly you feel like you are stuck without the reciprocation.
 

kainous

Well-known member
I JUST caught one other thing. You are Leo rising (even in my sidereal system). You start out by thinking that "destiny" has brought you the perfect person, and you spend all your energy trying to ignore their faults (common thing with Aquarius descendant). Then suddenly, you are hit with the realization that the other really is human.
 

melisa

Well-known member
Hi---
Thank you Kainous, who wrote---I've seen this with Chiron angular. However, most of the time when I've seen it in the 7th house, it's that the native is looking for someone to "fix them." They feel like "they" are broke (and it makes them extremely OCD around others). However, it's likely that this OCD quality isn't so much about you being attracted to those types as much as they are attracted to you. You see relationship as, "I fix you, you fix me." You start trying to fix others, and suddenly you feel like you are stuck without the reciprocation.

-------Yes I have OCD traits (I think this may be also due to having Pluto rising, and Mercury in 12th square Neptune---[psych. problems). Yes, sub. abusers and borderlines are attracted to me. My wish is "If I fix you, you will love me"

Kainous also wrote: I JUST caught one other thing. You are Leo rising (even in my sidereal system). You start out by thinking that "destiny" has brought you the perfect person, and you spend all your energy trying to ignore their faults (common thing with Aquarius descendant). Then suddenly, you are hit with the realization that the other really is human."

---You are correct. I didn't realize that ignoring faults is an Aquarian trait. I thought the 7th house Aquarius (and uranus opposing it) just led to relations with eccentric types. I am not for being "pals" with a boyfriend (as some people with Aquarius on the 7th would be), perhaps due to Venus in Cancer or Mars in Taurus. Yes, being hit with the realization that the ohter is human is hard for me. Perhaps intensified by Merc square Neptune, Mars oppose Neptune, and Sun trine Neptune.

Thank you
Melisa
 

kainous

Well-known member
It's important for your distinction that I remind you that I'm a sidereal western astrologer, not tropical. In tropical, the idea is that the Piscean people ignore negative traits, but I consider the sidereal side of aquarius that wants to maintain that all people are equal and shouldn't be considered "negative."

And I also believe that Chiron (the "Virgo" of the chart) in the houses indicates where in a person's life one is OCD. For instance, a Chiron in second house would make a great accountant because they are OCD about balancing monetary accounts. They will go after a single penny if they have to. I've seen this in my ex. In the 9th house, one is OCD about getting the high level understanding about things correct.
 

Claire19

Well-known member
Venus and Sun in Cancer opposing Saturn in Capricorn 5th, is about all I can see for what you describe. Somehow you may play the parent and be quite strict or disciplinarian towards them or they see you that way even though you feel you are being nurturing. You do have the caretaking role planets and I think you may belong to a group that does that kind of thing as well. Moon conjunct Neptune is in the 3rd and some of your friends are probably those who you perceive as needing rescue or who are addicted, especially females. A sibling perhaps has substance problems or your neighbour?? You are compassionate and sympathetic but need to be discriminating in who you have in your life. You dont always have to rescue or make better those that you are involved with in order to feel validated or useful. This is quite an unequal dynamic that ultimately is not satisfying for you and sometimes those you take on may even turn on you....
 
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I would also focus on Venus conjunct Sun in Cancer, 11th house opposite Saturn in Capricorn, 5th house. Also Chiron in the 7th house. I think there is creative, eccentric energy that you might not be expressing within yourself, which is why you are attracting people with these issues. A nice hobby might be acting.

Yes I agree, saturn opposite these two suggests feelings of being unloved in childhood and having a cautious reserved affectional nature and having to endure financial hardships to.

Plus, was waybread stated, Moon conj Neptune is emotional disillusionment and wearing rose tinted glasses, also connected to mother and occastionally eating disorders....

Elementory you have a lack of air in your chart, but planets in air houses to compensate. Usually lack of air makes sweeping statements without a enough thought of the outcome, but with merc retro in 12th I don't feel that would be your case really....
 
Aquarius DC and uranus in the 12th. The 12th house ruled by neptune = intstitutions, and neptune for substance abuse. Hidden stuff.

Yes I agree, difficult placement having ruler of 7th in 12th house, but I wouldn't have put this down to substance abuse in partners though...:unsure:

I would also research your chiron as to where your *wounded* by partners and it's aspects ie: opp Pluto, quincunx mercury.

Chiron thread
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9786
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=286
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17165
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11976

Further discussions on AW and links from this thread….
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17165
http://www.moonsweb.com/ast/chiron.shtml
http://www.aquarianage.org/west/planets/ch-nat01.html
http://www.astrotherapy.eu/Chiron.htm
http://www.bobmarksastrologer.com/chiron21.5.html
http://www.aquamoonlight.co.uk/chiron.html

http://www.martinlass.com/chiron.htm
http://www.zanestein.com/chiron_a.htm


http://books.google.com/books?id=4rnvfxrc4LwC&pg=PT1&dq=astrology+chiron&lr=lang_en&as_drrb_is=q&as_minm_is=0&as_miny_is=&as_maxm_is=0&as_maxy_is=&as_brr=0&ei=wMfUSoj-HI6MNdHKzYcO#v=onepage&q=astrology%20chiron&f=false

Mercury being retrograde and in 12th suggests a very private person, who perhaps was not able to ask or communicate fully in childhood....
 
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