When will this depression finish?

midnight sun

Well-known member
I'm jobless, I never worked, I'm living with my family. I don't have boyfriend since 2007. My close friend ended our friendship. I'm feeling very hopeless.

I have mood disorder but I was good, hopeful and social till this automn. I am also getting therapies for my relationships.

But my mood changed suddenly. I'm doing phd and waiting for academic job. There is a hope to be accepted but there is also a problem which I don't predict before. In the campus, there are dogs living gregarious and my dog phobia (which I thought I overcome in the past) suddenly rises very much. I'm thinking that if I work there, I'll always be unsecure and uncomfortable. But there is no other choice.

It can seem to you nonsense but I have anxiety disorder and when this dilemma came up, my other anxieties and feelings of unsecurity and loneliness came, too. So now I'm in a deep depression. I'm feeling I don't have any support, and I'm feeling it very painfully. I also wonder if there will be any help or support coming to me in the future?

I'm tired of living the same things over and over. Especially in love and friendships. There is no information on how to heal the cycles. I don't know what to do. Also, I know my Saturn return came but I was living this crisis in different ways in the past, too. I don't think it's special to the Return.
 

Attachments

  • astro_24gw_01_anonymous_2013126.57369.28734.jpg
    astro_24gw_01_anonymous_2013126.57369.28734.jpg
    89.1 KB · Views: 33

Zarathu

Account Closed
Are you sure that this is your actual birth time. Very few people are born exactly on an hour and usually this is a rounded up or down time. A 20 minute difference in birth time is a big and not a good deal in astrology.
 

midnight sun

Well-known member
Are you sure that this is your actual birth time. Very few people are born exactly on an hour and usually this is a rounded up or down time. A 20 minute difference in birth time is a big and not a good deal in astrology.

This hour is written on my birth document.
 

Lillytoday

Well-known member
Dear friend,

i saw your case and your question and i did cast a chart for the time and place where and when i understood the question - this is called horary, in case you dont know... - and it works... amazingly enough...

The data of the chart is: 6.12 8.17 pm Bochum, Germany
you might check this chart it certainly contains your situation!
First judgement: I can't see you ill (depression) in the strict medical sence of the term...

Lord 1 sun (dry/hot) is in a sign of its own natur and not in serious affliction... However the moon is in 7 so on top is obviously the matter of relationships as you mentioned ...
moon is peregrinewith only little light..., seems like you are drifting... and lord 7 (relations) saturn is in detriment of moon..., also moon is in detriment of sun... this i suppose is where depression shows up, emotions pulling you down... - well....

Besides: note Pluto on 6, planet of phobia... right on the dogs house...
isnt it amazing this astrology...? Lord 6. is saturn again...

What is to come...? Not sure if you know about antiszia...? Moon is applying to conjucnt Saturn shadow point on 12 Aqu. things should light up once thats past... Timing though is tricky - i could last some time 4 weeks/month... maybe what scale is possible here? what you think...?

Your birthchart certainly shows promising picture around jobmatters with mutual reception of lord 10, moon with merc. right in 10th cusp...
I did also note that transiting saturn these days is right opposite Venus, Lord one of your birth chart... thats probably the harder part then the return itself...

please check the horary chart, i am sure in there is everything you need...

Finally - really honestly - iwould like to say, i think thats a horrible avatar, you did put up there for you... makes me feel sad... how come...?

Best regards ::devil:, Thorsten, Germany
 

ashriia

Well-known member
I don't think it's special to the Return.

Your Saturn return should not be disregarded here. Your return is in the 2nd house. House of self worth, possessions/what you value, and money. Your Saturn is opposite venus natally. Saturn is placed in scorpio and ruler of scorpio -pluto is approaching your IC. that is pretty heavy energy. Since pluto when approaching angles in the chart can be felt strongly. Venus quincunx Uranus shows instability in matters of love/relationships. I have this aspect too, and it's challenging to be sure. It can lead to quick attractions, the excitement of new romance can become like a drug. And while you may be inclined to wanting something long term. You're likely to also get bored with your partners. that is how this aspect works. I find that when I start to get bored, I subconsciously create problems... and they manifest themselves. but there is a lot of learning to be done in matters of loving.

Something else to be taken into consideration is your north node is transiting scorpio so your south node is transiting venus ruled Taurus. yet more venus themes.

All that said, this transits are going to reshape how you view yourself, maybe how you generate income. pluto near the ic might lead to moving house. & Saturn requires hard work/extra effort in the house it's transiting, particularly if you also have it there natally. you have a very nice mercury Saturn trine though..
Self love is going to be important here. Has this been a challenge for you?

interesting you have a fear of dogs, me too. this can be overcome though. don't let it stop you from pursuing what you want to do.

all the best.
 

midnight sun

Well-known member
Your Saturn return should not be disregarded here. Your return is in the 2nd house. House of self worth, possessions/what you value, and money. Your Saturn is opposite venus natally. Saturn is placed in scorpio and ruler of scorpio -pluto is approaching your IC. that is pretty heavy energy. Since pluto when approaching angles in the chart can be felt strongly. Venus quincunx Uranus shows instability in matters of love/relationships. I have this aspect too, and it's challenging to be sure. It can lead to quick attractions, the excitement of new romance can become like a drug. And while you may be inclined to wanting something long term. You're likely to also get bored with your partners. that is how this aspect works. I find that when I start to get bored, I subconsciously create problems... and they manifest themselves. but there is a lot of learning to be done in matters of loving.

Something else to be taken into consideration is your north node is transiting scorpio so your south node is transiting venus ruled Taurus. yet more venus themes.

All that said, this transits are going to reshape how you view yourself, maybe how you generate income. pluto near the ic might lead to moving house. & Saturn requires hard work/extra effort in the house it's transiting, particularly if you also have it there natally. you have a very nice mercury Saturn trine though..
Self love is going to be important here. Has this been a challenge for you?

interesting you have a fear of dogs, me too. this can be overcome though. don't let it stop you from pursuing what you want to do.

all the best.

Thank you ashriia for your comment. Yes I have a self love issue but I’m working on it. I’m better than past. I believe this “boredom” you’re telling happens subconsciously because of fears and “not accepting people like who they are”. I feel I have this problem. With Virgo Moon, I’m perfectionist and I’m usually waiting people to correct themselves, I also put pressure on myself too much to be correct. I always feel I'm not enough and always feel other people are not enough.

But because of Neptune effect in my chart, I’m really confused about what has to be, what is the right action, thought….

A big detail about Saturn-Venus aspect is that I found out that I have been sexually abused in my childhood but I don’t remember it. I found out its drawing in the house and I’m seeing dreams about it since 2008. So that’s also a part of the plan perhaps but I’m really really tired of correcting and changing things. Actually I think I’ve done enough and I want my prize. I don’t have energy left to Saturn work. So probably I’ll accept the worst and go to a psychiastrist and take an anxiety pill. (normally I'm aganist using pills)

By the way, a few days ago I wrote down my all anxieties(emotionally, physically, spiritually-I have religious obsessions) and there is one common point in all: fear of losing control of body. It makes me a little happy that there is one resource about them. :happy: My second type of anxiety is about being alone all of life.This is the oldest one, I lived always, and typical Saturn-Venus effect. But the others came up after I realize the abuse story. This season I’m especially triggered by the end of my friendship and the dog problem.
 

midnight sun

Well-known member
Dear friend,

i saw your case and your question and i did cast a chart for the time and place where and when i understood the question - this is called horary, in case you dont know... - and it works... amazingly enough...

The data of the chart is: 6.12 8.17 pm Bochum, Germany
you might check this chart it certainly contains your situation!
First judgement: I can't see you ill (depression) in the strict medical sence of the term...

Lord 1 sun (dry/hot) is in a sign of its own natur and not in serious affliction... However the moon is in 7 so on top is obviously the matter of relationships as you mentioned ...
moon is peregrinewith only little light..., seems like you are drifting... and lord 7 (relations) saturn is in detriment of moon..., also moon is in detriment of sun... this i suppose is where depression shows up, emotions pulling you down... - well....

Besides: note Pluto on 6, planet of phobia... right on the dogs house...
isnt it amazing this astrology...? Lord 6. is saturn again...

What is to come...? Not sure if you know about antiszia...? Moon is applying to conjucnt Saturn shadow point on 12 Aqu. things should light up once thats past... Timing though is tricky - i could last some time 4 weeks/month... maybe what scale is possible here? what you think...?

Your birthchart certainly shows promising picture around jobmatters with mutual reception of lord 10, moon with merc. right in 10th cusp...
I did also note that transiting saturn these days is right opposite Venus, Lord one of your birth chart... thats probably the harder part then the return itself...

please check the horary chart, i am sure in there is everything you need...

Finally - really honestly - iwould like to say, i think thats a horrible avatar, you did put up there for you... makes me feel sad... how come...?

Best regards ::devil:, Thorsten, Germany

Thank you Lillytoday for your effort. It's really interesting, especially Pluto and 6th house issue. I wonder if horary shows solution ways for the problem? For example, can you see supporting positions for overcoming these situations? Can we interpret horary like that?
 

Zarathu

Account Closed
You have some cognitive structures(ways that your mind works to deal with the world in this body in this life) which make it very difficult for you to make changes very quickly. The nature of change for you is not easy.

I would be happy to go over it with you, but....... First, you won't like what I am saying, and may find ways to disagree. Second, do you want me to tell you? Thirdly, if you do, do you want me to do it in a the public forum, or by private message?

Zarathu
 

midnight sun

Well-known member
You have some cognitive structures(ways that your mind works to deal with the world in this body in this life) which make it very difficult for you to make changes very quickly. The nature of change for you is not easy.

I would be happy to go over it with you, but....... First, you won't like what I am saying, and may find ways to disagree. Second, do you want me to tell you? Thirdly, if you do, do you want me to do it in a the public forum, or by private message?

Zarathu

Thank you for your interest. Actually I'm in a constant change since I know myself. I like change and diversity very much. And because of that, I have a very rich life.

The nature of change is not easy when the issue is trauma. (And I believe this is common for most of the people in the world because of the nature of traumas) For example, I'm very resistant to change my fear of dogs. I'm almost angry that I have to deal with it now. There are few reasons causing that. First my fear thinks I'll stay unsecure and will be in danger if I deal with it. Second is, I'm angry to spend time on it. I mean I'm bored of spending time to "correct" myself or my feelings. (as a Virgo Moon effect)

You can share your ideas with me in private message, we can talk about it. Even if I'm angry to correct myself, I have a big interest in doing analysis. I can't stop myself doing it:) In the last days, I find out that in daily life I'm always feeling the fear of "not being wanted, being desired, being preferred by people". So my encounters with people are very problematic. I don't reflect this emotion to them, I behave normal and have good communications but when I'm alone this crisis go outside. I interpret everything in my mind(the situations,people's body language, behaviours etc.) like they are a sign that I'm not wanted. I accept this, now. So I'm living in a different perception dimension which causes me to stay separate from other people even if there are lots of them around me. And yes, changing this cognitive processes is not really easy because they are coming from childhood and unfortunately some events I lived in my adolescent years reinforced this beliefs. It's very strange that I can feel any behaviour from a person, is like a "threat" to myself.
 

ashriia

Well-known member
Thank you ashriia for your comment. Yes I have a self love issue but I’m working on it. I’m better than past. I believe this “boredom” you’re telling happens subconsciously because of fears and “not accepting people like who they are”. I feel I have this problem. With Virgo Moon, I’m perfectionist and I’m usually waiting people to correct themselves, I also put pressure on myself too much to be correct. I always feel I'm not enough and always feel other people are not enough.

But because of Neptune effect in my chart, I’m really confused about what has to be, what is the right action, thought….

A big detail about Saturn-Venus aspect is that I found out that I have been sexually abused in my childhood but I don’t remember it. I found out its drawing in the house and I’m seeing dreams about it since 2008. So that’s also a part of the plan perhaps but I’m really really tired of correcting and changing things. Actually I think I’ve done enough and I want my prize. I don’t have energy left to Saturn work. So probably I’ll accept the worst and go to a psychiastrist and take an anxiety pill. (normally I'm aganist using pills)

By the way, a few days ago I wrote down my all anxieties(emotionally, physically, spiritually-I have religious obsessions) and there is one common point in all: fear of losing control of body. It makes me a little happy that there is one resource about them. :happy: My second type of anxiety is about being alone all of life.This is the oldest one, I lived always, and typical Saturn-Venus effect. But the others came up after I realize the abuse story. This season I’m especially triggered by the end of my friendship and the dog problem.


maybe veering off topic. Have you been diagnosed with ocd? When you mentioned fear of losing control of your body. I immediately thought of ocd.


And please know that while going through a Saturn return it's extremely difficult to see the benefits of the process of your Saturn return. Especially when it's a rough one. But hang in there you'll get through it. I almost checked myself in to a mental hospital for mine. so i'm not a stranger to the difficulties. But in retrospect I can see it as a blessing.
I am sorry about your abuse. Its actually very common for repressed memories like that to manifest in anxiety disorders. Or need to keep control which can lead to eating disorders sometimes self injury too. But if you think professional help is needed then its important you get the help you need.

best of luck to you.:smile:
 
Top