midnight sun
Well-known member
I’ve been searching and trying to understand the situation of Saturn opp Venus, or in general hard aspects of Saturn and Venus because it has a very bad fame for causing curse in love. And it does.
But the planets’ positions are not the reasons, they are just indicators of real life situations.
After a long time, I understood the psychological dynamics lying under this aspect.
It’s about losing connection with people and then not being able to form it again. Usually losing connection is about losing trust and security and it happens during childhood times. So it works quite unconscious in the adulthood, it’s a defense system coming from childhood and sabotages our life in the future. What I found very difficult is to regenerate the security I needed in the past and also in present. I don’t know how to create it really. It’s not simple as telling myself that I’m in safety.
As a child, I was always afraid of something, especially at nights. I never feel secure even if there are many people (parents&relatives) around me, in the house. I got frightened in any house I slept in. I held my legs tight to my chest while I was sleeping till I’m 12. I was afraid that something will pull my legs. I was always told that I have a good and happy childhood but in my late twenties I realized that this is not the truth at all. I realized that my parents show interest to me and love me mostly phsycially but didn’t understand my emotional needs and never paid attention to them. So they never thought my fears are serious or why I’m feeling so alone.
I went on analysing of my childhood feelings. I found out that I don’t really know what it means to be loved. Because my parents were showing me love and interest (not my father much), but I always feel abondaned and unloved. My main issue is the big gap between my feelings and the image of my family life. I couldn’t understand what is real actually. One more thing, I learned that I can be loved when I behave like other people wants. And this pattern goes on all my life with my friends or boys I feel in love with. But I never won, at the end I was always alone, by myself.
The main friendship pattern I always live is that I join a friend group and be very close to them. Then after a time, they stop calling me or pay attention to me and I’m left alone. The main love pattern I always live is that I fall in love with impossible men or sometimes abusive ones.
I’m 30 and I still don’t understand if a person love me or not. Because I don’t understand people’s messages. There were so many people seem to be very close to me and left me suddenly. I really don’t understand what is real or not. So finally I decided to be alone and never get close to anyone. At this time I found out that I’ve been sexually abused in my childhood and my real feelings about men rise in me(I mean they are not unconscious anymore). I decide I don’t to be a pleasure object for any men or give any men pleasure. I don’t want to get married with someone or be a lover of someone. Because I’m more peaceful now. I was always having depression attacks when I fell in love with someone. The most funny parts of relationship like flirting are usually nightmares for me. I quickly want to understand if he’ll be my boyfriend or not. My psychology gets upside down if there is an uncertainity.
So finally I understand the dynamics of Saturn opp Venus. Yes it’s about fear, not being able to feel secure, not being able to trust people, in some cases hating yourself or punishing yourself, actually love is dangerous for your mental health in this position. Love takes away your defense, and you can’t protect yourself and no it’s not fun for you like other people feel. It’s a threat, you feel your being is under threat and this is not a simple thing. Even psychologists can’t see this pattern easily.
At this time, it’s hard to offer a solution. Going to psychologist couldn’t help me(I went to so many). Because they can’t understand the issue right. For example I was working on relationships for one year but at one point I couldn’t go far because it’s a threat. I mean it’s like I have to go into a burning house to save someone…And the doctor couldn’t see it. First this fear have to go for starting to work on relationships and all those learning processes of them. And don’t forget that for the person to leave the fear behind, she/he has to believe that she/he will be able to protect herself/himself.
Another detail which I’m sure is about Saturn opp. or my other aspects is that I feel I’m isolated from all the people, like I’m outside of them(including my family and all my relatives). And again this is a “feeling”, not something I live physically. I mean this when I told about “not being able to connect”. But I feel connected to humanity in general and mostly animals and nature. And I also feel very mıuch love for animals and nature. I guess I only feel love for them. My future dream is to live with some animals and plants together.
But the planets’ positions are not the reasons, they are just indicators of real life situations.
After a long time, I understood the psychological dynamics lying under this aspect.
It’s about losing connection with people and then not being able to form it again. Usually losing connection is about losing trust and security and it happens during childhood times. So it works quite unconscious in the adulthood, it’s a defense system coming from childhood and sabotages our life in the future. What I found very difficult is to regenerate the security I needed in the past and also in present. I don’t know how to create it really. It’s not simple as telling myself that I’m in safety.
As a child, I was always afraid of something, especially at nights. I never feel secure even if there are many people (parents&relatives) around me, in the house. I got frightened in any house I slept in. I held my legs tight to my chest while I was sleeping till I’m 12. I was afraid that something will pull my legs. I was always told that I have a good and happy childhood but in my late twenties I realized that this is not the truth at all. I realized that my parents show interest to me and love me mostly phsycially but didn’t understand my emotional needs and never paid attention to them. So they never thought my fears are serious or why I’m feeling so alone.
I went on analysing of my childhood feelings. I found out that I don’t really know what it means to be loved. Because my parents were showing me love and interest (not my father much), but I always feel abondaned and unloved. My main issue is the big gap between my feelings and the image of my family life. I couldn’t understand what is real actually. One more thing, I learned that I can be loved when I behave like other people wants. And this pattern goes on all my life with my friends or boys I feel in love with. But I never won, at the end I was always alone, by myself.
The main friendship pattern I always live is that I join a friend group and be very close to them. Then after a time, they stop calling me or pay attention to me and I’m left alone. The main love pattern I always live is that I fall in love with impossible men or sometimes abusive ones.
I’m 30 and I still don’t understand if a person love me or not. Because I don’t understand people’s messages. There were so many people seem to be very close to me and left me suddenly. I really don’t understand what is real or not. So finally I decided to be alone and never get close to anyone. At this time I found out that I’ve been sexually abused in my childhood and my real feelings about men rise in me(I mean they are not unconscious anymore). I decide I don’t to be a pleasure object for any men or give any men pleasure. I don’t want to get married with someone or be a lover of someone. Because I’m more peaceful now. I was always having depression attacks when I fell in love with someone. The most funny parts of relationship like flirting are usually nightmares for me. I quickly want to understand if he’ll be my boyfriend or not. My psychology gets upside down if there is an uncertainity.
So finally I understand the dynamics of Saturn opp Venus. Yes it’s about fear, not being able to feel secure, not being able to trust people, in some cases hating yourself or punishing yourself, actually love is dangerous for your mental health in this position. Love takes away your defense, and you can’t protect yourself and no it’s not fun for you like other people feel. It’s a threat, you feel your being is under threat and this is not a simple thing. Even psychologists can’t see this pattern easily.
At this time, it’s hard to offer a solution. Going to psychologist couldn’t help me(I went to so many). Because they can’t understand the issue right. For example I was working on relationships for one year but at one point I couldn’t go far because it’s a threat. I mean it’s like I have to go into a burning house to save someone…And the doctor couldn’t see it. First this fear have to go for starting to work on relationships and all those learning processes of them. And don’t forget that for the person to leave the fear behind, she/he has to believe that she/he will be able to protect herself/himself.
Another detail which I’m sure is about Saturn opp. or my other aspects is that I feel I’m isolated from all the people, like I’m outside of them(including my family and all my relatives). And again this is a “feeling”, not something I live physically. I mean this when I told about “not being able to connect”. But I feel connected to humanity in general and mostly animals and nature. And I also feel very mıuch love for animals and nature. I guess I only feel love for them. My future dream is to live with some animals and plants together.