This is interesting. What really should be said at some point is that both persons can play the role of rebuilder/destroyer in relationships not by virtue of tendencies carried by signs or ruling planets, but by the individuals themselves.
In this case, I think there is this tendency to believe that the pluto person [un]consciously does all of this destructive work. Is it really just a passing thought in anyone elses mind other than mine, that the internal dynamics that cause this scenario to play out? I have experienced a venus/pluto square, and I am the pluto (in Scorpio) 'vs' the venus (in Leo) and things were the exact opposite of all you are describing.
The venus actually turned out to be the liar and the traitor. Secretive and manipulative, which is not something the pluto in scorpio would allow, for long. And yes in this case, pluto did destroy. Pluto destroyed the facade, a bit of the arrogance and a bit of the egoism, that is before the venus had the chance to destroy pluto completely, which reared its ugly head right after the mask was taken off--big time. The soft, gentleness faded and rude, degrading things showed up. All that was left was a dying flame being fanned by the last breath of sentamentality. I also think the signs of the pluto and venus play a part in this as well. And guess who was really devastated--both of us. I felt like a fool for buying into it even a little, and they felt HORRIBLE for deceiving me. They felt so bad, that I felt bad for them feeling bad and I thought I was wrong. :-(
I don't agree with this notion that "one is sick" and one "is the healer." In my experiences AND in my observations of others--both parties have some "sickness" or lacking that they both feel the need to intuitively fill in the other. Often times, it seems both are looking for something from each other. Both are searching for different things that are somehow interrelated. Love and intimacy, are obviously tied. But how they play out, varies. I have played victim in relationships long enough to know that we must accept our responsibility and our decisions to learn the lessons we learn from complex relationships even when they damage us. This is when we truly become empowered. This is where the regeneration takes place within and with you, perhaps long after that person is gone.
But if you ask the "venus person" they might recall the situation exactly as many of you have stated. Was I trying to "harm" them or remove dignity, in my case no. Did I do it in a harsh, demeaning, hurtful way--not at all. I was extremely forward and direct. But they might very well perceive it that way. As if I was smashing things. I just wanted to truth. It is all about perspective really. I wouldn't go characterize every venus sq. pluto in this way either. I'm not going to go characterize every venus in Leo that way. I try to look at astrology as objectively as possible without allowing 'too many' of my experiences to cloud a balanced outlook of the larger implications.
I think the specific scenarios many have mentioned here do not completely shed light on other synastry aspects or they minimize the importance of other dynamics that might have contributed to the way some of the stories have unfolded. They minimize transits also. I say that to say, some of these sound down right awful, but lets not get into the "oh I experienced this, you experienced that" because we all know astrology is amazingly complex.
And perhaps I am midly offended because I am the pluto person. I am somewhat empathic and have a ton of other 'strange' placements in my chart that make me quite sensitive to relationship dynamics. We all have the power to redirect our regenerative energies. It is really unfair that so many times in the astrology community, we blame things on aspects and predispositions when it really has more to do with personal awareness, self-awareness and self-knowledge (or lack of) that lights the fire so to speak. Everyone is not as 'aware' as others are, so we then began blaming or thinking that it must have been intentional. They knew what they were doing. Maybe they did, maybe they didn't. And worse, perhaps they didn't care at all. How much that had to do when synastry...meh, who knows. We like to find meanings for things. But sometimes, we can go to far. Sometimes, we might end up judging other relationships based on these things. Takes the joy out of life, and learning in a way. And the reality is that pain actually teaches us.
So to answer the person above, yes, there are cases where the venus person can play a sort of 'reversed' role so to speak.