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<blockquote data-quote="AquaVenusian" data-source="post: 1204190" data-attributes="member: 59306"><p>So, we cannot forget my lunar south node in Scorpio and all the squares my personal planets in the Ascendant make with Pluto.</p><p></p><p></p><p> And why I want to quote this, because in my life (not only related to sexual orientation) I burned personal values in relationships, and in a strange way doing that moves me, I am completely different from people, from my family, with my country and with everything I manage to leave my mark different, I have a very strong price for being like that and bringing this revolt in a positive way, exercising only my right to be who I am.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sooo I see myself burning all these values/prejudices and regenerating myself in a lighter, more evolved way and gaining more personal power.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>OH MY GOD... I loved that phrase!! lol</p><p></p><p>I was always on the podium for the best science papers at school fairs. And that's why the boys at school called me ("Suzy Man"... Suzy is my first name)...</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I suffered a lot with these bullies because I didn't want to be seen for a sexual orientation that I still 'didn't know fit me at the time.... soooo since that time it started to repress my strong masculine energy... and it only made me suffer because when I exaggerated the female energy it never seemed to be good enough....</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I felt that way with the depression I was diagnosed with, in everything I did I was never good enough (the weight wasn't right, the appearance wasn't good enough, I couldn't even tell NO to family, friends, work or intimate relationships... I couldn't have the right to be angry about anything... )</p><p>I never felt like a good enough woman.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I went through extremely abusive relationships (I was abusive to myself in those relationships too) because I was that extreme feminine energy that was always doing my best, always tolerating, always believing that the relationship would get better even with all the pain and red flags I went through. I forgave the unforgivable, I always put everyone first and then myself, I was the one who failed in all my possible energies (material, emotional, intellectual and spiritual in the name of the love I felt) I was the one who didn't know the right to matter, I didn't know the right to have safe barriers and to be firm, I was the one who accepted crumbs and mistreatment.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>And now my breaking point has arrived... with years of therapy I discovered that I have values, that I am beautiful, that I was extremely good with others and terrible with myself... now I don't want to develop more than I already developed from my feminine energy, today I know that I did it with excellence, I still need to forgive myself for having let many things happen to me... but now I want and need to live the masculine energy, explore everything I want for myself first and then for the other, about being non-binary, I really like this concept, maybe I can fit in... but I still have little knowledge about it but I believe it's like Prometheus and if it is, it's more or less this mythological idea that I really like.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>YESSS ... I completely agree that this was an obsession of mine and that I made myself feel very bad, I wanted to fit in with what society wanted from me.... I longed for perfection when I realized that it didn't even exist.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It got to such a breaking point that now I don't even care what other people think, I feel like I did my best to be someone acceptable to have an outcome that let me down and now it doesn't matter. more, it's like I've tried so hard to be who I am not just to find out who I really am.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Maybe I will become non-binary as I related above, I like that concept and my brother when I told him....he talked about that possibility to me and that suited me because I don't want labels and I don't want to be in a box without absolutely nothing, I believe that maybe I will become non-binary.... but I want to change my body, I want to dress more like a man, I don't want to feel suffocated in a woman's body anymore with extreme concern in looking like getting my nails done, tidying up hair, losing weight... but at the same time I believe that with my more masculine body I will feel better about taking care of myself.</p><p></p><p></p><p>And look what a coincidence in all this awakening I've been having... recently I'm having health problems and guess what?</p><p></p><p></p><p>I just found out I have issues with my ovaries and uterus where I'm sterile and I'll probably have to have those organs removed as well... so even if it was a choice before, those "female" organs are no longer healthy inside my body.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Sooo this is one of my fears, because I don't want to become a narcissist or a being so extreme in male energy that I don't care about others, only myself...</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>because I see it now I want external changes, but my internal feelings have been changing for some time... I don't know if it's my therapeutic process but I'm completely disconnecting from the feelings of others and much more connected to my own feelings... connecting to others' feelings made me fight to never let other people down without caring about me...now that's completely changing.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>But as a lunar libra I always ask myself do I need to experience the extremes of each energy to finally know how to balance myself??</p><p></p><p>Even the people I attracted into my life now vibrate more feminine energy, they are fairer, they go to therapy, they offer me more than I give.</p><p></p><p>When I say that everything is changing, in all relational and physical spheres and spheres, everything is changing for me.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>PS: I put some pictures here for you to see how extremely feminine I was and the possibility of how I will be as a man.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AquaVenusian, post: 1204190, member: 59306"] So, we cannot forget my lunar south node in Scorpio and all the squares my personal planets in the Ascendant make with Pluto. And why I want to quote this, because in my life (not only related to sexual orientation) I burned personal values in relationships, and in a strange way doing that moves me, I am completely different from people, from my family, with my country and with everything I manage to leave my mark different, I have a very strong price for being like that and bringing this revolt in a positive way, exercising only my right to be who I am. Sooo I see myself burning all these values/prejudices and regenerating myself in a lighter, more evolved way and gaining more personal power. OH MY GOD... I loved that phrase!! lol I was always on the podium for the best science papers at school fairs. And that's why the boys at school called me ("Suzy Man"... Suzy is my first name)... I suffered a lot with these bullies because I didn't want to be seen for a sexual orientation that I still 'didn't know fit me at the time.... soooo since that time it started to repress my strong masculine energy... and it only made me suffer because when I exaggerated the female energy it never seemed to be good enough.... I felt that way with the depression I was diagnosed with, in everything I did I was never good enough (the weight wasn't right, the appearance wasn't good enough, I couldn't even tell NO to family, friends, work or intimate relationships... I couldn't have the right to be angry about anything... ) I never felt like a good enough woman. I went through extremely abusive relationships (I was abusive to myself in those relationships too) because I was that extreme feminine energy that was always doing my best, always tolerating, always believing that the relationship would get better even with all the pain and red flags I went through. I forgave the unforgivable, I always put everyone first and then myself, I was the one who failed in all my possible energies (material, emotional, intellectual and spiritual in the name of the love I felt) I was the one who didn't know the right to matter, I didn't know the right to have safe barriers and to be firm, I was the one who accepted crumbs and mistreatment. And now my breaking point has arrived... with years of therapy I discovered that I have values, that I am beautiful, that I was extremely good with others and terrible with myself... now I don't want to develop more than I already developed from my feminine energy, today I know that I did it with excellence, I still need to forgive myself for having let many things happen to me... but now I want and need to live the masculine energy, explore everything I want for myself first and then for the other, about being non-binary, I really like this concept, maybe I can fit in... but I still have little knowledge about it but I believe it's like Prometheus and if it is, it's more or less this mythological idea that I really like. YESSS ... I completely agree that this was an obsession of mine and that I made myself feel very bad, I wanted to fit in with what society wanted from me.... I longed for perfection when I realized that it didn't even exist. It got to such a breaking point that now I don't even care what other people think, I feel like I did my best to be someone acceptable to have an outcome that let me down and now it doesn't matter. more, it's like I've tried so hard to be who I am not just to find out who I really am. Maybe I will become non-binary as I related above, I like that concept and my brother when I told him....he talked about that possibility to me and that suited me because I don't want labels and I don't want to be in a box without absolutely nothing, I believe that maybe I will become non-binary.... but I want to change my body, I want to dress more like a man, I don't want to feel suffocated in a woman's body anymore with extreme concern in looking like getting my nails done, tidying up hair, losing weight... but at the same time I believe that with my more masculine body I will feel better about taking care of myself. And look what a coincidence in all this awakening I've been having... recently I'm having health problems and guess what? I just found out I have issues with my ovaries and uterus where I'm sterile and I'll probably have to have those organs removed as well... so even if it was a choice before, those "female" organs are no longer healthy inside my body. Sooo this is one of my fears, because I don't want to become a narcissist or a being so extreme in male energy that I don't care about others, only myself... because I see it now I want external changes, but my internal feelings have been changing for some time... I don't know if it's my therapeutic process but I'm completely disconnecting from the feelings of others and much more connected to my own feelings... connecting to others' feelings made me fight to never let other people down without caring about me...now that's completely changing. But as a lunar libra I always ask myself do I need to experience the extremes of each energy to finally know how to balance myself?? Even the people I attracted into my life now vibrate more feminine energy, they are fairer, they go to therapy, they offer me more than I give. When I say that everything is changing, in all relational and physical spheres and spheres, everything is changing for me. PS: I put some pictures here for you to see how extremely feminine I was and the possibility of how I will be as a man. [/QUOTE]
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