This is not the life I want (Uranus)

[Skywaters]

I have recently posted in here and I have issues going on with my ex husband. But just in general in my life it feels off. I am just not happy. But I can't exactly put my finger on what is not making me unhappy. Besides that I wish I was further advanced in areas in my life than I am now. I do not think I am "in love with the man I moved in with but he is amazing for my daughter and I, but I also don't even know if I am truly giving him a chance. (Even after 3 years) My job I felt as if had such promise and I don't even like that for I find it boring but it is supporting my daughter and I and it may in the future (with promises that change daily by management that my functions will change) but I lost my drive to even want to do the job out of frustration for wasting my potential and excitement. I feel like I met someone that may be more suited for me. But it may be all in my head. Because life is not giving me the results I want anymore. I created a great life for my daughter and I. But some where along the way I think I was so fixated on creating this life and getting rid of my past that now I have no idea who I am or who I want to be. I am very sad and very scared to make any decisions. And it is making me very depressed.

 

[Skywaters]

Here are the two synastry charts one I live with is NA

 

[Zarathu]

Did you move away from Denville more than 15 miles at any time during the first four years of life(that is up to April of 1984), and if so exactly when and exactly where?

Zarathu

[P.S.: I am asking questions or making comments to decide if I am interested in pursuing your issues astrologically, not because I am offering or planning to do so immediately.]

 

[astralrabbit]

I have recently posted in here and I have issues going on with my ex husband. But just in general in my life it feels off. I am just not happy. But I can't exactly put my finger on what is not making me unhappy. Besides that I wish I was further advanced in areas in my life than I am now. I do not think I am "in love with the man I moved in with but he is amazing for my daughter and I, but I also don't even know if I am truly giving him a chance. (Even after 3 years) My job I felt as if had such promise and I don't even like that for I find it boring but it is supporting my daughter and I and it may in the future (with promises that change daily by management that my functions will change) but I lost my drive to even want to do the job out of frustration for wasting my potential and excitement. I feel like I met someone that may be more suited for me. But it may be all in my head. Because life is not giving me the results I want anymore. I created a great life for my daughter and I. But some where along the way I think I was so fixated on creating this life and getting rid of my past that now I have no idea who I am or who I want to be. I am very sad and very scared to make any decisions. And it is making me very depressed.

I felt that way a few years back you know, had a ton of Uranus transits that where hitting me and my , wife at the time, charts. It was beautiful how it well the universe was just so in sync with the timing of everything. I try to think about how it all came about....you know..consciously I did not make any decisions, but unconsciously we were on a course of change that has been so exhilarating , depressing, and a great lesson in humility for me... I currently am going through more uranus transits...even the progressions show it all.... can you stop what is coming? I don't know for sure...probably not, because the outer world mirrors the inner. Saturn is coming to pass upon your natal planet and when he comes to rest on the next retrograde then you will have it in harmonious conversation to your mars. Hard tedious work to come in your relationships...it will be an opportunity I feel to remake and redefine what it is that you desire...but just remember don't rush to quickly and in haste as our oddball planet seems to encourage us to do....maintain integrity, it is worth it when the energy karma carries forward~ good luck

 

[Skywaters]

Did you move away from Denville more than 15 miles at any time during the first four years of life(that is up to April of 1984), and if so exactly when and exactly where?

Zarathu

[P.S.: I am asking questions or making comments to decide if I am interested in pursuing your issues astrologically, not because I am offering or planning to do so immediately.]

No I am still within those miles.

 

[Skywaters]

I felt that way a few years back you know, had a ton of Uranus transits that where hitting me and my , wife at the time, charts. It was beautiful how it well the universe was just so in sync with the timing of everything. I try to think about how it all came about....you know..consciously I did not make any decisions, but unconsciously we were on a course of change that has been so exhilarating , depressing, and a great lesson in humility for me... I currently am going through more uranus transits...even the progressions show it all.... can you stop what is coming? I don't know for sure...probably not, because the outer world mirrors the inner. Saturn is coming to pass upon your natal planet and when he comes to rest on the next retrograde then you will have it in harmonious conversation to your mars. Hard tedious work to come in your relationships...it will be an opportunity I feel to remake and redefine what it is that you desire...but just remember don't rush to quickly and in haste as our oddball planet seems to encourage us to do....maintain integrity, it is worth it when the energy karma carries forward~ good luck

I just feel like my whole life has been one big humiliation after another and I finally get it together and to have it all slip away again for the unknown would be like "here she goes again" But it's different now I have a child the most amazing little girl in the world. I need the money and the stability so show her a better me. So she can be a wonderful woman. (But somewhere I need to find that confidence.) And I feel if I begin to look for it, her stability will be shattered (again)

 

[Zarathu]

Its easy to see the emotional issues in your current Tertiary Progressed Return Chart.

You are currently struggling with challenges represented by two T-Squares, and a temporary YOD, as well as an out of bounds Mars, and Chiron in a critical degree. On one of the T-Squares the Mercury square Saturn/Jupiter conjunction is substantial.

and with the Moon Beseiged its not hard to see how your feelings about changes are uncomfortable.

Your 1st house of the future is powerful with high friction, and your tenth house of careers is even higher friction and power.

There is surely a lot to talk about here if you should wish to address it.

 

[Skywaters]

Its easy to see the emotional issues in your current Tertiary Progressed Return Chart.

You are currently struggling with challenges represented by two T-Squares, and a temporary YOD, as well as an out of bounds Mars, and Chiron in a critical degree. On one of the T-Squares the Mercury square Saturn/Jupiter conjunction is substantial.

and with the Moon Beseiged its not hard to see how your feelings about changes are uncomfortable.

Your 1st house of the future is powerful with high friction, and your tenth house of careers is even higher friction and power.

There is surely a lot to talk about here if you should wish to address it.

I would really life to address them all. But keep in mind my daughter is only 5 and my ex husband is a monster. With major violent tendencies.
For my 10th house career. I would like to start to apply for a new job. I got the education got my apprentice status removed now have experience. But Just keep believing that this company is going to pull through on their promises made to me. And the money is good and so is the health care :-/.
I always want to learn more for my perfusion and they are not a good company that permits that so I go elsewhere to stay current. But starting to loose my hope and drive.

I saved a lot of money. But afraid that if my ex takes me back to court it will be gone. then will be forced to remain in he relationship that I am in. (not that its a bad relationship. It is a good one, just not sure if its for me.

Am I ready to do this all on my own. Or would I just be everyones charity case again. And that I can not stand.

 

[Zarathu]

I would really life to address them all. But keep in mind my daughter is only 5 and my ex husband is a monster. With major violent tendencies.
For my 10th house career. I would like to start to apply for a new job. I got the education got my apprentice status removed now have experience. But Just keep believing that this company is going to pull through on their promises made to me. And the money is good and so is the health care :-/.
I always want to learn more for my perfusion and they are not a good company that permits that so I go elsewhere to stay current. But starting to loose my hope and drive.

I saved a lot of money. But afraid that if my ex takes me back to court it will be gone. then will be forced to remain in he relationship that I am in. (not that its a bad relationship. It is a good one, just not sure if its for me.

Am I ready to do this all on my own. Or would I just be everyones charity case again. And that I can not stand.

I don't do specific predictions. I only help you look at the mental chaos and feeling Trauma to start, and then move on to your chart as a whole. What we would be do is to work on a full analysis of your chart. If this is what you want, then I will PM the Agreement to you.

When things get too intense(and they will), we'll stop---either for a break or more permanently.

 

[Skywaters]

Why don't you get online and find a reputable, professional astrologer in your area? Maybe one who offers astrological counseling. Oh, by the way. I simply do not feel sorry for you. You are a stubborn, self absorbed idiot to be putting your daughter once again thru hell. Get your head out of your you know what and instead of asking for advice, TRY FOLLOWING IT! I totally feel sorry for your poor child, you are a fool idiot mother and you are just plain a walking talking idiot. Like I said before, buy a **** clue because you are fresh out! Too bad you don't have a willing and capable relative to raise your daughter, you sure aren't ever going to give her the stability she needs.

My mother is an astrologer. 30 yrs plus. I did not ask you to feel sorry for me I get I do this to myself. But I also Have a right to make myself happy. Don't feel sorry for my daughter please I do every thing for her. I moved a mile from my two brothers my mother and walking distance to my sister so we can all help and raise the children together. So she would know family and love she has steady routines dr apt vacations friends. I do the best I can do for her. Yes I am allowed to have my own life and my own thought. Whom is not. You make it seem like i talk about it to her and do this in front of her. No I do not. maybe 3 years ago when we were in a domestic violence shelter but we are way past that and in a completely diff work. I provider her health insurance pay her rent groceries. car. we are different people Am I happy with her and I YES. And I happy with Me I am not sure two very different things

 

[Skywaters]

And another thing, quit posting stupid synastry charts and asking a bunch of dumb questions online to strangers like we have all the answers.


Instead, why don't you take Zarathru up on his offer and PM him. Hint: You have to take the initiative AND DO IT. Perhaps he can offer you some insight.


By the way, your chart has "Impulsive fool" written all over it. Accept and embrace the loneliness you will always feel. Some new hot lover won't ever make you feel better, just worse.

Thank you again for being and I will try to say this nicely bossy but before you posted this. I did PM him. So thank you for the advice again. And its not always very kind to kick people when they are flat out telling you when they are down. weather you think you know all the answers or not.

 

[Calvinsmom]

You mention your ex husband being horribly violent and you insist he co parent your daughter. ( You chose him, married him and made a baby. Your choice)


You met a nice guy and have been with him 3 years but now your not so sure. ( You chose him. Again you made a choice).


Now, you aren't so sure. Feel like a victim. Maybe you should stop overanalyzing everything to death and just accept. It's what you gotta do when you have a kid. It's not about you. It's about your kid.


And do I ever fear for that kid.

 

[Skywaters]

You mention your ex husband being horribly violent and you insist he co parent your daughter. ( You chose him, married him and made a baby. Your choice)


You met a nice guy and have been with him 3 years but now your not so sure. ( You chose him. Again you made a choice).


Now, you aren't so sure. Feel like a victim. Maybe you should stop overanalyzing everything to death and just accept. It's what you gotta do when you have a kid. It's not about you. It's about your kid.


And do I ever fear for that kid.

I don't feel like the victim you are making me out to be one. I am trying to see if the coices I am about to make are going to be positive ones for my daughter and I. Just because he is nice does not mean that I have to be unhappy. There can be many positive things that may come from this too. It is all about choices. well thought out. I wold not be scared if I did not care about evenone involved. But it does not mean that there could be better things for every one else also.

 

[lauren]

Skywaters, you are amazing. Look how far you've come in
undoing past patterns that have tried to pull you down yet
you've triumphed. You've simply forgotten who you are,
that's all, and are looking without (in situations, jobs, partners)
what can only be found within. That aside, I see such courage,
spunk, aliveness and desire for NEWNESS in you, which all
reflect the god(dess) that is in you. And your beautiful daughter
is not the meaning and motivation of your life, you are; She
is a little beam off the sun, YOU. I would recommend some
spiritual practice, simple, nothing special; prayer, meditation,
and also health practice, eating well, yoga or some kind of
daily exercise; coupled with the deep question within. Your
vision, as well as your answer, will come from within. Just want
to say, you've done amazingly, in your life, to move up and out
into your true nature, love. Thanks for sharing. Don't worry
about your restlessness, just keep blessing outer conditions,
and seeking your clear path within. Happiness is on its way,
and nothing is stuck, ever.

p.s. what a blessed daughter you have, truly.
lauren

 

[ashriia]

I wholeheartedly agree with Lauren.

You have indeed come far, it takes alot of courage to get out of an abusive relationship especially with a child. Some women never do, or they never can because they are killed or crippled at the hands of their abuser. So good for you for having that courage to do so
From your words it's obvious that you love your daughter very much, and that you are trying to do the best for both of you. It's great that you are pursuing your own happiness and what makes you happy. It's very hard to do because there is such disorientation after abuse, in finding out who you are and learning to love and honor yourself.

I think yoga, as lauren mentioned, would absolutely be great to do. the meditation aspects works wonders. I wish you all the best!

 

[wilsontc]

keep the focus on astrology

All,

Please keep the focus on astrology. Personal opinions are fine in the "Chat" forum but in the astrology section, please keep focused on the astrological indicators in the chart. And if someone posts something you personally don't agree with either ignore it; put the person on "Ignore"; or if you think it's a real issue, report it to the Moderator Team.

Back to astrology,

Tim

 

[Marinka]

Few items that I saw in your chart --

1. Your ruler of the 1st is Uranus in the 9th and it is square the ascendant. This tends towards a disconnect between what you have and what you want. At this time, your Uranus is in Scorpio and will be conjuncted by transiting Saturn. This adds to the disconnect by bringing in responsibility that hinder your efforts in achieving what you want.

2. Jupiter will be moving into the 7th house later this year for a bit, back out and then moves back in next year. I expect that could make your relationships better. Jupiter also rules the 10th so, it could also mean that your job will have you out more in the world .. more in the pubic eye. This could add some satisfaction in your life.

3. Your progressed Venus has moved into the 5th house of children, amusements & pleasures and I suspect that this is another reason for the dissatisfaction with your life. Venus is probably not able to express easily -- I might suggest taking up an artistic endeavor and see if that helps add a purpose in your life.

As noted, the major disruptor I am seeing is Saturn about to visit your natal configuration of Uranus square to ascendant (Uranus rules 1st). Saturn visits also tend to force structure ... even when not wanted.

 

[Skywaters]

Few items that I saw in your chart --

1. Your ruler of the 1st is Uranus in the 9th and it is square the ascendant. This tends towards a disconnect between what you have and what you want. At this time, your Uranus is in Scorpio and will be conjuncted by transiting Saturn. This adds to the disconnect by bringing in responsibility that hinder your efforts in achieving what you want.

2. Jupiter will be moving into the 7th house later this year for a bit, back out and then moves back in next year. I expect that could make your relationships better. Jupiter also rules the 10th so, it could also mean that your job will have you out more in the world .. more in the pubic eye. This could add some satisfaction in your life.

3. Your progressed Venus has moved into the 5th house of children, amusements & pleasures and I suspect that this is another reason for the dissatisfaction with your life. Venus is probably not able to express easily -- I might suggest taking up an artistic endeavor and see if that helps add a purpose in your life.

As noted, the major disruptor I am seeing is Saturn about to visit your natal configuration of Uranus square to ascendant (Uranus rules 1st). Saturn visits also tend to force structure ... even when not wanted.

Thank you for the response.

1. I am now seeing how my aquarius rising has been a part of my life and not been used for its positive traits. With My uranus in natal 9th house I am sure I feel the need to teach for Uranus rules 11th house (social and friends and 9th house is education and lessons and travels) this is how I would personally take it. But teach what? I love what I went to school for and want to use and apply it but I am not right now Saturn the ruler of capricorn and is in my 7th house relationships natal (but now transit my education and travel and my social life 11th house) I can see my social life for I have rid myself of all my child hood friends. I actually can just see myself forming into what society want a person to be then wanting to rip my face off because its too routine.
Since my saturn is in scorpio right now and that rules the planet pluto. I truly feel and see that my career is going to be done. (Pluto 8th house endings,beginnings) But hopefully take on a form that I have built on becoming.

Am I reading things correctly and hearing people correctly or no? I will write what I think about 2 and 3 later. Thank you