Perhaps we should take the chart comparison between my and my ex's chart as Exhibit 'A'. I guess on the bright side nobody got shot, but it wasn't pretty. There was a double whammy of Mars/Pluto challenging aspects...
My answer to your question, is 'what kind of bad do you want?' If being deceived is your worst nightmare, then the other guy's Neptune in challenging aspects to your personal planets would deliver that. If we're talking about the proverbial rain on your parade, the other party's Saturn in tough aspect to your personal planets would be the ticket. Getting thrown off balance by their challenging Uranus aspects to your planets would be heck for some. A ruthlessly transforming Pluto could be a nightmare. On a really niggling compatability level, square moons where you don't want to do the same thing at the same time, might eventually drive you to distraction. One thing I found out. Not even a Jupiter conjunct Sun and Sun conjunct Jupiter in a chart comparison can make up for a mess of bad aspects.
Late addition: I may be out to lunch on this, but I believe my X's Uranus square my ascendant was a prime instigator in the big split-up. So if you're looking for longevity, I think that's a killer.
ditto Steeler. I know a couple that have this in synastry and in composite . She always wants to get close to him but there is always this invisible wall between them. It must be frustrating and depressing.
My wife's Mars (Capricorn) is square my Sun. We almost never fight about anything. The only problem I have is that she is very practical about the way she handles things. My Mars in Scorpio is much more emotional. But I do learn from the way she deals with things.
I don't believe any one synastry aspect is enough to rule out a great relationship. It seems to me that the number of hard aspects, showing general incompatibility, is the real problem.
I just had to agree with Steeler, Venus and Saturn. I had it with an ex, my Venus conjunct his Saturn, and his Venus square my Saturn. Then in the composite, Venus sesquiquadrate Saturn! It was really hard to express any sort of affection, but we are still pals.
this is exactly what i hope someone will come to .SEE some aspects cancel other aspects out. i have been grubbling on this one for along time and i know couples whommmm get so well together even though they have some real challenging aspects along the pretty ones. i have not yet figured out which ones can cancel other ones but i support this theory ...
prob true but how come their challenging aspects than WORK FINE OVERALL for them in their relationship !!this is so confusing for me . for me bad ones always come upfront and RIGHT AWAY for them for years together ,look what people above us arre sayin my wife this my wife that ...SO there must be some powerful force bindin them together that no matter what happens and what challenging aspects they might have they KNOW ITS WORTH IT and till death does them appart kinda love.
CHIRON CONNECTIONS ARE FREAKY-whom is into FREAKY kinda stuff ,garbage from the past,insecurities,complexes ,deep wounds might enjoy this..
ur PLUTO,SATURN opposition-square SUN ,HE WILL RUN AWAY FROM U NO MATTER WHAT he wont enjoy this relationship
Uranus square mars not good
i personally dread any connection of moon or venus to Uranus and Netune myself .cause i had a fare share of those and never turned out to be good
I think 2 points above are very important ... first, WHAT one considers "really bad" can vary a lot. Second, WHAT OTHER aspects are present in the two chart can -- not cancel out a bad aspect -- but *ease* it ... allow it to function more positively.
I tend to run from challenging Neptune-personal planet because I got BURNED. Classic "really beautiful soul-mates" feeling ... until waking up and realizing what you'd thought you'd married wasn't what you'd married, and then the *other* deceptions started up.... We also had a Venus-Saturn square to add to the mix ... and very few strongly *positive* aspects, or not those that aren't fairly common (Sun-Venus conjunction in the composite, but that's not really all that rare, but no Sun-Mercury conjunction ...).
The three planets I look at with a wary eye are Neptune, Saturn and Pluto. One or two challenging aspects from these guys is not a killer -- but only if there are a lot of equally positive/flowing aspects to offset them. Venus-Saturn square or opposition or conjunction is going to be a problem ... but if one has equally strong Moon-Moon or Sun-Moon or Sun-Venus/Moon-Venus, that's going to ease it up a lot. There will still be a sense of "wet blanket" to emotions and affection, but if a couple has a Venus-Saturn square, but also a Moon-Moon conjunction -- even if they're equally strong -- the Moon conjunction will *ease* the Venus-Saturn square, might allow the fricative energy of the square to be put to positive use. Houses also matter. If you've got a 5th house Venus squared by a partner's Saturn in your 2nd house, that suggests all love of play/joy/children is killed by worry about finances or overly strict handling of money/resources by the partner. (Ambitious) Saturn falling in your 10th house squaring a 12th house Venus, however, would be very different. Still not "easy," but perhaps more stabilizing. It depends on how it's handled.
So I suppose I see Neptune as the most potentially problematic planet in synastry, largely because it leads to illusions/delusions that aren't revealed until further on. Saturn and Pluto are, I think, quicker to show their true colors -- and therefore easier to address (or run away from). Neptune feels really good ... until it feels terrible. Saturn and Pluto are difficult from the get-go. And as with anything, if you're aware of/alert to the possible problems, the energy can be better handled.
My boyfriend and I have a T-square between his moon in leo, my jupiter and his venus conjunct in aquarius and my mercury conjunct both his and my pluto in scorpio. Fun! We broke up once (cause of me), but back together now and its going a bit better. We need to do new stuff together in order to have a better relationship, like mentally active stuff!
Then we have:
My sun square his jupiter
His sun square my mars/venus/moon
My mars square his uranus
His Mercury square my mars/venus/moon
I agree with the prior people who say 'what do you think is bad?'
In our synastry chart we have, Jupiter conjunct Mercury. I am a full leo, he is a Sun/Moon Gemini, with Cancer asc.
My husband and I both LOVE to talk and listen. Some people hate to talk and share, and some people who love to talk, don't like to listen. We do both, equally.
Is it a bad aspect for us? No, it's wonderful. Could it be bad for someone else? Very much so.
Moon Square Uranus.
Venus square Uranus
Some would say, o no, bad.
Us? It works out. He is in the Military, so he is gone every three months, before I can feel 'tied down' he leaves. When he is home, I give him an 'hour of power' as we call it. I do not bug, pester, talk or annoy him when he gets home from work. Most days I am out and about, and he loves it. If he wants to talk, all I do is listen. It gives him the freedom to know, that for at least 1 hour a week, the house is his, things are cleaned, dinner will almost be done, and he can do as he pleases. Sometimes he goes shopping, alone, without telling me. Am I jealous, or resent it? No! I understand that he needs time alone, just as much as I do.
I think that's a really good example of how a couple who KNOWS their needs and strengths (and potential pitfalls) can use it instead of having it use them.
My ex- and I (he of the Neptune-Venus square, Venus-Saturn square) had VERY different relationship (Venusian) needs. He was a Scorpio Venus and I have a Leo Venus, but no ACTUAL contacts between our two Venuses in synastry. (You can probably already see the problems coming.) He smoothered me, but was very controlling. My Leo Venus needs a cheerleader. His Scorpio Venus needed to be needed. He'd say, "I need to be needed!" (And I want you to be jealous, too, when I talk about other people/women.) My reaction to that was, "I do need you as a friend and partner but I don't need saving!" (And I'm not the jealous sort, sorry.) But needing his *friendship* wasn't what he meant by "needing" him. So he'd withhold support (the cheerleading) as a method of controlling, and found my independence to be a wet blanket. I felt "cold" to him (Saturn squaring his Venus). In the end, it was highly toxic because our relational methods and needs were SO different. We were barely speaking the same language!
Current fellow I'm interested in has a Sagi Venus, matching my fire with fire (instead of dousing it with water), and is, if anything, even more independent. It also helps that our Libra Suns and Fire Venuses mutually sextile. So our needs, while not the same, don't confuse or cancel each other out. Along with a conjunction of our Aries Moons (yes, we share the same sun and moon signs), a sextile of our Mercuries, and a Venus-Mars trine, there is enough connection and understanding to bear up the Venus-Saturn square and Sun-Saturn square.
Those still aren't *good* aspects and certainly present their share of hurdles, but they ... rub less? I get irked, but I don't get (as) angry. I trust him more, there are no power (Pluto) struggles or deception (Neptune) worries. We also have a Mars-Mars square that's almost NECESSARY, or all the soft sextiles and trines would have no get-up-and-go. It becomes healthy competition and intellectual sparring, not a game of one-upmanship or constant conflict.
In many "unhappy combinations" I have seen so far, I believe that any aspect (even the good ones) of moon and uranus has rather bad influence and it certainly results in irrational outbursts and separation.
Ive heard that there is a need for some degree of friction for a relationship to be interesting in the long run, and that too many easy aspects is more common in friendships rather than long term relationships....