Hi Rahu,
Thanks from the core of my heart.
You have depicted a picture of me, no one could ever explore.
I really have many confusing energies inside me. I can vision many previous lives (although my religion has no concept of re-birth). I experience things I cannot explain, I even try to be away from all that.
"your venus is opposed to mars and loosely square the node which shows that love and passion have always been drawn to you. This gives many suitor beginning early in your life. And with the strong Jupiter it seems everyone of them wants to marry you at first but then your unusual karma comes into play then unexpected changes break off serious commitment"
a)True things are always like that many lovers but no commitment.... What is my "UNUSUAL KARMA"? tried to figure it out, ho much? can it be over during this life???
"you may feel cursed because with Saturn conjunct to juno and the sun/Saturn midpoint conjunct to ceres, you deeply desire commitment and family and marriage ,yet blocks always seem to arise to these plans and hopes"
b)YES I FEEL CURSED.It may be true, there is something always blocking my plans and ruining my efforts. How can i know? How can i remove??
"the Juno/Jupiter midpoint is square to your node so it is clear that a serious relationship is a key to your future. these symbols also show economic and professional success which likely started with family wealth and connections."
c) I am really tired with relationships they are sucking my energies, NOW I THINK MARRIAGE IS NOT MINE CUP OF TEA and i should concentrate on my profession only.
"your sun/moon midpoint is opposed to neptune and square to vesta,this shows you have a very devotional spiritual side to your nature .actually your spiritual insights and visions have always been very strong and profound in your life.this may not be obvious to other because you physical/emotional/sexual nature is so strong that few would expect you to have a spiritually refined attitude also. with the intense karmic energies that run through which i touched on above, you spiritual insights may include spititual images or knowledge.
you have nessus on the ascendant which shows you have had a abusive childhood. the Saturn/Pluto midpoint is conjunct ixion which puts the onus of these abusive experiences on your father. he seems to have been a cold and distant man and likely had the potential for violence if he did not get his way.
with eros opposed to nessus, you have since a child , unhealthy and unnatural sexual desire drawn toward you.
there is a element of a lost childhood as serious,"adult" issues were put on you early in your life.the eros/psyche midpoint is opposed to pluto and square to orcus, which as mentioned shows that draw selfish desires were directed at you as a young child. it is difficult not to see sexual abuse and your youthful joy purity was taken form you very early. it is not clear if these experiences are conscious or repressed. but you problems with relationships likely are related to your abuse issues from childhood, in that you have mental blocks to these experience s and hence your consciousness can not distinguish between men who want to abuse and dominate you and men who want to honor and love you."
d) Yes my father was very cold and distant, i had no attachment. My mother temperament was too hot.
In my first marriage I was subject of tremendous sexual abuse.........
I have contacted my religious people , many astrologers and many who claim to have knowledge and remedy..............All waste.
Thanks for your insight.
Regards
TMA