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Psychological abuse, can you see that in my chart?
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<blockquote data-quote="ricca91" data-source="post: 923171" data-attributes="member: 59127"><p>Thank you Ardentika for your kind words and analysis. I am REALLY sensitive, but I mostly don't show it, unless I'm with someone I trust since I feel I'm ripping myself open and giving opportunities to others in case they want to hurt me or manipulate me. </p><p></p><p>Gemini moon plays out by me being sarcastic when I'm talking about myself and how I feel. When I was in the dark pits of depression no one really knew it since I was able to hide it so well behind a forced smile and a sense of humor. But I was suffering like hell inside. Also, I always try to look for a logical explanation to everything, however, I also know that many things can't be explained by logic or at all.</p><p></p><p>Mind you, my mom had 2 miscarriages before I was born and had troubles throughout my pregnancy, however she told me that she wanted to have me so badly that she didn't care she couldn't move from her bed (severe nauseas, vomiting and threats of miscarriage) while she was carrying me in the womb.</p><p></p><p>I am mostly considered intelligent, charming and good-looking by other people, but I couldn't really see it. My self esteem was underground. Now it's much better after years of therapy and after I discovered astrology.</p><p></p><p>Although I have difficulties showing my emotions, I can have a lot of empathy and understand other's feelings (when I have the patience to do it). I am a medical doctor, so it's really helpful for me. It's interesting how the 12th house also rules hospitals and asylums.</p><p></p><p>Problems with sex and intimacy? Not really yet, but I always have to "dominate the scene", not in a BDSM, violence or extreme stuff thing, but I have to take the lead in bed and my pleasure derives more from giving the other pleasure than actually feeling pleasure, if that makes sense.</p><p></p><p>The thing is, when my mother used to abuse me, I was stuck. I didn't know how to react since "wow, a mother isn't SUPPOSED to do this". Why is she doing that?? There were my thoughts. I always responded to her abuses by telling her she was doing it all wrong, that I wish she wasn't my mother and by insulting her, and she would begin with the victimization and guilt trips.</p><p></p><p>Note that she has a tight conjunction of her Moon to the asteroid Sado (1º applying), maybe it's relevant.</p><p></p><p>I used to live alone for the past 4 years, now because of some circumstances, I was forced to go and live at my parents' for a while, a big fight broke loose which made me remember of all the abuses, and I started this thread. I knew my life was going to change, I have been preparing for it for a while (tUranus opposing sun in the 5th and tNeptune opposing Venus in the 4th). I'm doing everything I can in order to go back living alone.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I feel for both of you. It's terrible. And I didn't know chiron opposing saturn in the 2nd-8th axis was so "bad". You were also born during a full moon (were your parents perhaps very different from each other and working one against the other?), and your Sun and Venus are squared Neptune and Uranus, I suppose it can't be easy. I suspect lots of instability and confused self image, however, a very keen perception.</p><p></p><p>I used to write funny poetry when I was a teenager, drawing not so much. However, I ALWAYS do things creatively, even medicine, which is my field. I follow protocols, but I feel that they should only create an order and not limit the physician's possibilities. I feel like medicine is an art and not an exact science, a bit like alchemy. Also, since I discovered astrology I also want to work with that and maybe integrate astrology with medicine. I feel my purpose in life is to help others and relieve them from suffering. </p><p></p><p>As for exploding, that's true, I used to do it. Repress and repress until I explode and everybody would be baffled, they didn't expect it. I understand that's also a possible Mars-Saturn expression.</p><p></p><p>I am a bit fearful about my Saturn return in 2020. I didn't hear very good things about saturn return in the 8th, let alone squaring sun/mars (and opposing chiron). I am very afraid of my death despite my young age, although I am also fascinated with death as a topic.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ricca91, post: 923171, member: 59127"] Thank you Ardentika for your kind words and analysis. I am REALLY sensitive, but I mostly don't show it, unless I'm with someone I trust since I feel I'm ripping myself open and giving opportunities to others in case they want to hurt me or manipulate me. Gemini moon plays out by me being sarcastic when I'm talking about myself and how I feel. When I was in the dark pits of depression no one really knew it since I was able to hide it so well behind a forced smile and a sense of humor. But I was suffering like hell inside. Also, I always try to look for a logical explanation to everything, however, I also know that many things can't be explained by logic or at all. Mind you, my mom had 2 miscarriages before I was born and had troubles throughout my pregnancy, however she told me that she wanted to have me so badly that she didn't care she couldn't move from her bed (severe nauseas, vomiting and threats of miscarriage) while she was carrying me in the womb. I am mostly considered intelligent, charming and good-looking by other people, but I couldn't really see it. My self esteem was underground. Now it's much better after years of therapy and after I discovered astrology. Although I have difficulties showing my emotions, I can have a lot of empathy and understand other's feelings (when I have the patience to do it). I am a medical doctor, so it's really helpful for me. It's interesting how the 12th house also rules hospitals and asylums. Problems with sex and intimacy? Not really yet, but I always have to "dominate the scene", not in a BDSM, violence or extreme stuff thing, but I have to take the lead in bed and my pleasure derives more from giving the other pleasure than actually feeling pleasure, if that makes sense. The thing is, when my mother used to abuse me, I was stuck. I didn't know how to react since "wow, a mother isn't SUPPOSED to do this". Why is she doing that?? There were my thoughts. I always responded to her abuses by telling her she was doing it all wrong, that I wish she wasn't my mother and by insulting her, and she would begin with the victimization and guilt trips. Note that she has a tight conjunction of her Moon to the asteroid Sado (1º applying), maybe it's relevant. I used to live alone for the past 4 years, now because of some circumstances, I was forced to go and live at my parents' for a while, a big fight broke loose which made me remember of all the abuses, and I started this thread. I knew my life was going to change, I have been preparing for it for a while (tUranus opposing sun in the 5th and tNeptune opposing Venus in the 4th). I'm doing everything I can in order to go back living alone. I feel for both of you. It's terrible. And I didn't know chiron opposing saturn in the 2nd-8th axis was so "bad". You were also born during a full moon (were your parents perhaps very different from each other and working one against the other?), and your Sun and Venus are squared Neptune and Uranus, I suppose it can't be easy. I suspect lots of instability and confused self image, however, a very keen perception. I used to write funny poetry when I was a teenager, drawing not so much. However, I ALWAYS do things creatively, even medicine, which is my field. I follow protocols, but I feel that they should only create an order and not limit the physician's possibilities. I feel like medicine is an art and not an exact science, a bit like alchemy. Also, since I discovered astrology I also want to work with that and maybe integrate astrology with medicine. I feel my purpose in life is to help others and relieve them from suffering. As for exploding, that's true, I used to do it. Repress and repress until I explode and everybody would be baffled, they didn't expect it. I understand that's also a possible Mars-Saturn expression. I am a bit fearful about my Saturn return in 2020. I didn't hear very good things about saturn return in the 8th, let alone squaring sun/mars (and opposing chiron). I am very afraid of my death despite my young age, although I am also fascinated with death as a topic. [/QUOTE]
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Psychological abuse, can you see that in my chart?
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