Have you experienced Saturn return? I have Neptune conj MC, so Saturn coming over also means a conjunction to Neptune as well. And I'm still waiting for Saturn return.drowning in guilt sounds a bit more like Neptune.
the first time Saturn was conjunct my midheaven I failed, massively.
Like I said getting old.
But then again I can't promise you did whatever it was Saturn was preaching when it squared your midheaven a few years ago...