So, I have progressed venus conjunct natal pluto right now and transiting pluto trine natal venus (though I'm not sure if that's exact right now).
Natal pluto is in scorpio in my 10th house (end of 10th house, one degree before the 11th) that is the ruler of my 11th and 12th house.
Natal venus is at the end of the virgo sign in my 9th house and rules my 5th, 6th and 10th house - I dunno what venus even does at an anoretic degree - I don't seem to understand much in the romantic field and I was way too shy to explore anything in these realms.
I started a new job in january this year and one of my bosses was constantly staring at my ****, even when I had the interview for the job. He was odd and I thought him to be very insecure and thus unattractive. He was constantly observing me during work and ordered the other colleagues to do the same. At one point it seemed he instructed them to not talk to me anymore and to not be friendly towards me. I know this situation already, as I was bullied out of a retail job before, because the female elders didn't seem to want me there - they even went as far as to send detectives to my home to stalk me. At work they would then talk about my apartment and other stuff to make me anxious and so on, they even threatened me at work - truly sick stuff that only sick people do! I mention this because it was 2021 when I left this retail job and the stalkers are still here. The teams that are observing might have changed over time, but they are still here. And I believe it is because of them, that this sick-o kind of boss thought he had some sort of power over me. But I saw through him and was absolutely sure that he is a weak individual, who cannot do anything on his own and without the position that was given to him by his friend, the owner of the company and without the tactics of my years-long-stalkers. So I mostly ignored the things he did, I rarely reacted to any of the **** and tried to do the training for the job, which was too boring for me to handle.
When I was introduced to the pr person I somehow liked him right away. He mentioned occasionaly that he had two small kids at home and I reacted openly displeased with this news (I turned my head around to put off some steam and I don't remember me doing something like that in such a situation ever before - it does happen in other situations, mostly when I try to do things right, which is quite natural to me). He noticed my reaction which I didn't see then. Things went on and I greeted him often times with a big smile on my face and he did the same and after some time I wondered if this is a sag thing (I'm sag rising) - I can be enthusiastic at times and not always does the big smile mean that I'm really interested in someone, just being happy or liking a conversation... I only had that thought because I noticed he did it too, the big smile thing, and wondered if it means anything and that maybe I misled people in the past without knowing. I mention those little observations, because I don't remember that someone else ever provoked these kind of thoughts in me before, so maybe this also is a venus-pluto thing.
I try to fast forward things now: once we met on the way to the train after work and he told me about all the things he had done in his life, his age and wanted to know my age too. I guess after that I was really interested in him, because he was interesting and we had things in common. This caused a lot of stress in my mind because of course he already has a gf whom he has kids with, but I couldn't stop having the feelings I had, which you see now, is definitely a pluto-venus-conflict. I was able to cool down a bit, when I fell ill and stayed at home for a week. His manners had changed though, the friendliness was gone, I felt his facial expression to be kind of twisted, I assume, because it wasn't what he genuinely felt. I didn't like that and thought that the attraction might come to an end now, as we didn't talk anymore anyway. He just gave me those strange twisted looks. On one afternoon, after some time, where nothing happend between us, I noticed that he told one of his female colleagues to ask me if I wanted to join them for some afterwork drinks. I declined, because I had to stay 3 more hours before I could leave. If it'd have been only an hour I probably would have decided differently. A few days after that I left this job, because I couldn't motivate myself anymore to go to this horrible place.
In the beginning of february I left that job and the rest of the month was awful for me. It sounds stupid, but it feels like loss to me. I never met a man like that before and though I was interested and attracted, I wasn't sure in the end if he would have been good for me. My mind is telling me no, this could have only been awful and nothing else and that I don't know what his intentions were though my head believed it to be only s.., which I just cannot deal with. Even last month i felt a stitch to my heart, when I laughed at sth, because the laugh reminded me of him..... ouch!
If you think the stalking part is just insane and cannot be real, I can only say, trust me, that it's the truth. Stalking is a plutonian thing and I have even more experience with it then I mentioned here. Not everyone is going to experience such a thing. But because you don't experience it, it doesn't mean that it can't happen to someone else. I'm plutonian myself and either it's because of that, that I have the pleasure of going through this (sun square pluto natally and leo sun/moon and cancer mercury in the 8th house) or it could be because of saturn in the 12th house experiencing the ill-will of others and having hidden enemies. Transiting neptune in my 3rd house isn't quite a help either and I really had some bad luck with the kind of people I encountered in life - probably even more since neptune started going through the 3rd house.
No matter how long this **** might go on, I’m going to survive it!
