Narcissus
Well-known member
Hi all,
Really want to share some of my insights of having Pluto transit over ascendant. I have my ascendant at 0 degree of Capricorn as well as a conjunction of Jupiter and Neptune at 3 degree of Capricorn on my natal chart.
Throughout the past 2 years until now, Pluto has been putting me into various difficult trials and now it's the third time it retrogrades over my ascendant. The RX of Pluto is gonna last until September this year. I could deeply feel the urge of changes and the lessons brought by this transit.
I had been with my ex for more than 7 years and 2 years ago we started arguing a lot. From his attitude, I could feel that he was no longer into me like 8 years ago and I knew that he didn't really want to marry me. At that time I felt my inner voice telling me to leave this guy, but I had already get used to the life of being with him for so many years. (Yes, I admit that he was my comfort zone and I was attached to the life having him around. However, we were not able to communicate efficiently, didn't have sex anymore even we were living together and every time we argued just cause of the same reason and things just never improved. This is a bad relationship that I knew I have to get rid of, but I was just too weak and was reluctant to let go of it.) Every time when Pluto got close to my ascendant (with 3 degree orb), issues just happened and we "broke up". However, he came back to me as if nothing had happened a few months later every time we separated, and every time I was just too feeble to reject him and compromised at last.
So, in April last year, when Pluto hits exactly on 0 degree of Capricorn, another guy had came into my life, but I had turned him down and decided to stay with my ex. Our relationship had not improved - things just got worse - my ex started losing his temper and kicked me out of our house during midnights. I couldn't tolerate it anymore and finally decided to leave him and move out in November 2008.
Afterward, that other guy started to get close to me when he knew I was single again. I was touched by his passions and affections and at last I decided to get along with him in Feb 2009. However, when Pluto became station and started to turn Rx on April 4th, my ex sent me an email and asked me to get back to him. (Wow, I was amazed by this, I received the email exactly on the date that Pluto started to turn.)
I don't know what is going to happen next until Pluto changes its path again. But from the past experiences of having Pluto RX, Pluto is urging me to let go of my comfort zone as well as any bad relationships and asks me to stop escaping. At first, the painful feeling was mild but when I refused to let go, Pluto started to push me with more vigorous force. The arguments we had was getting worse and more violent, (He threw things at me and cursed me with vicious words) and when I had decided to leave this guy, another guy appeared to prevent me getting back to him again.
Within the past 2 years having Pluto on my ascendant, things just keep changing around my life - My ex started his business in China, so I left my family and move to this foreign country with him, I changed my job, and at last I left this guy and stay in this country alone for my job - these are just something I had never expected before, never. Things were just totally out of my control.
When I received my ex's email this month, he said he was going to move back to New York if I had made my choice of not going to meet him again. At that time, I feel the pain deep inside my heart of losing him and suddenly I questioned myself: "what I had been living for and longing for?"
He used to be EVERYTHING in my life - my love, my faith, and my life - and I used to do everything just because of him before. Without him, I suddenly feel that I am no one and belongs to no where. He brought me to this place and he is now leaving, back to NY. I lost all my faith and my hope. I don't know the reason of why I am here and what I am actually doing. Everything in my mind collapsed and I feel I am like a living corpse. Maybe this is the lesson of having Pluto transiting in the first house - I should not build my own identity on top on someone and I should seek for what is really important for ME - something really belongs to my own self.
So, is there anyone having (or once had) Pluto transit over ascendant could share some experiences of how to get the pain through? I am so lost - especially having Neptune & Jupiter conjunction on my ascendant, transiting Pluto hits them both at the same time too. Transiting Neptune & Jupiter is going to conjunct my natal Sun in a couple of months too (now have 2 degree of orb), things should get even more blurry very soon and Jupiter would be magnifying this kind of struggle. It is a total re-stage of myself right now and this is such a painful period. I know one day I will get through it and become invulnerable, just a matter of time.
Really want to share some of my insights of having Pluto transit over ascendant. I have my ascendant at 0 degree of Capricorn as well as a conjunction of Jupiter and Neptune at 3 degree of Capricorn on my natal chart.
Throughout the past 2 years until now, Pluto has been putting me into various difficult trials and now it's the third time it retrogrades over my ascendant. The RX of Pluto is gonna last until September this year. I could deeply feel the urge of changes and the lessons brought by this transit.
I had been with my ex for more than 7 years and 2 years ago we started arguing a lot. From his attitude, I could feel that he was no longer into me like 8 years ago and I knew that he didn't really want to marry me. At that time I felt my inner voice telling me to leave this guy, but I had already get used to the life of being with him for so many years. (Yes, I admit that he was my comfort zone and I was attached to the life having him around. However, we were not able to communicate efficiently, didn't have sex anymore even we were living together and every time we argued just cause of the same reason and things just never improved. This is a bad relationship that I knew I have to get rid of, but I was just too weak and was reluctant to let go of it.) Every time when Pluto got close to my ascendant (with 3 degree orb), issues just happened and we "broke up". However, he came back to me as if nothing had happened a few months later every time we separated, and every time I was just too feeble to reject him and compromised at last.
So, in April last year, when Pluto hits exactly on 0 degree of Capricorn, another guy had came into my life, but I had turned him down and decided to stay with my ex. Our relationship had not improved - things just got worse - my ex started losing his temper and kicked me out of our house during midnights. I couldn't tolerate it anymore and finally decided to leave him and move out in November 2008.
Afterward, that other guy started to get close to me when he knew I was single again. I was touched by his passions and affections and at last I decided to get along with him in Feb 2009. However, when Pluto became station and started to turn Rx on April 4th, my ex sent me an email and asked me to get back to him. (Wow, I was amazed by this, I received the email exactly on the date that Pluto started to turn.)
I don't know what is going to happen next until Pluto changes its path again. But from the past experiences of having Pluto RX, Pluto is urging me to let go of my comfort zone as well as any bad relationships and asks me to stop escaping. At first, the painful feeling was mild but when I refused to let go, Pluto started to push me with more vigorous force. The arguments we had was getting worse and more violent, (He threw things at me and cursed me with vicious words) and when I had decided to leave this guy, another guy appeared to prevent me getting back to him again.
Within the past 2 years having Pluto on my ascendant, things just keep changing around my life - My ex started his business in China, so I left my family and move to this foreign country with him, I changed my job, and at last I left this guy and stay in this country alone for my job - these are just something I had never expected before, never. Things were just totally out of my control.
When I received my ex's email this month, he said he was going to move back to New York if I had made my choice of not going to meet him again. At that time, I feel the pain deep inside my heart of losing him and suddenly I questioned myself: "what I had been living for and longing for?"
He used to be EVERYTHING in my life - my love, my faith, and my life - and I used to do everything just because of him before. Without him, I suddenly feel that I am no one and belongs to no where. He brought me to this place and he is now leaving, back to NY. I lost all my faith and my hope. I don't know the reason of why I am here and what I am actually doing. Everything in my mind collapsed and I feel I am like a living corpse. Maybe this is the lesson of having Pluto transiting in the first house - I should not build my own identity on top on someone and I should seek for what is really important for ME - something really belongs to my own self.
So, is there anyone having (or once had) Pluto transit over ascendant could share some experiences of how to get the pain through? I am so lost - especially having Neptune & Jupiter conjunction on my ascendant, transiting Pluto hits them both at the same time too. Transiting Neptune & Jupiter is going to conjunct my natal Sun in a couple of months too (now have 2 degree of orb), things should get even more blurry very soon and Jupiter would be magnifying this kind of struggle. It is a total re-stage of myself right now and this is such a painful period. I know one day I will get through it and become invulnerable, just a matter of time.
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