Thank you xHi GeminiSun. You've said that you are restricted by your anxiety, and so the question is 'Why are you afraid?'
Astrology isn't necessarily the best way to look at something like this - it can be more fruitful to just reflect on early relationships and examples where the patterns learned early in life have affected your experience and behaviour later on.
But the things that jump out from your birth chart are the Mars Chiron Pluto configuration, and also the Moon Saturn square. Also, Scorpio is rising, which makes Mars' aspects more significant; and Mercury is in Cancer (which can be apprehensive) trine Saturn - with Mercury's placement being more significant because the Sun is in Gemini. You could research these aspects, but your research will just take you back to the stuff mentioned in the previous paragraph.
At present, the natal Sun Venus semisquare is being aspected by transiting Uranus and Neptune, so you may be feeling the sense of restriction more strongly. The Sun and Venus have to do with finding joy in being alive and being oneself, and Aries and Gemini value freedom to explore and play. Transiting Uranus and Neptune have to do with reaching for more than is currently experienced.
When transiting Saturn reaches 28 degrees Sagittarius it will be quintile natal Saturn - perhaps at this time you will be able to work with your fears in some way and get some leverage against your predicament.
Why has restriction been such a strong theme in my life?
From the age of 4 I wasn't allowed to be myself. Dress the way I wanted, play with the toys I wanted - I had to hide who I was and be very secretive until I was 16. Even figured out little smart ways to be able to express myself and built an imaginary world in my head where I could be myself. But I won't get into details.
Now I'm in a situation where I'm restricted again, and have been for many years due to my anxiety. Holding me back from getting more opportunities in life, from letting people in, etc. I'm even turning down really good people because I'm scared of commitment. It's like there's restriction in my life has always been a very strong theme... There's always something that holds me back from being able to fully be myself and express myself fully.
Anyone see anything like this in my chart?
Thank you for your input... Yes I relate to this.hi GeminiSun
I hate that placement. And then it's Conjunct Pluto too. My poor Sag Moon
the actual repression of your pluto is because the Saturn/Chiron and Saturn/sun midpoints are square to pluto.
you moon/Saturn square is restrictive but not by itself symbolic of the repression you have felt.
you actually have two distinct types of restriction.
the moon/Saturn square's midpoint is opposed to the sun/chiron and sun/mars midpoints.
both involved you father and both are extremely abusive, emotionally, with a high probability of physical and sexual abuse.
I added some more symbols and nessus is conjunct your ascendant which is a prime example of abuse in a chart.
in addition psychic is square to orcus which indicte abuse starting at a very early age.
this aspect adds a love/hate abusive dynamic,a kind of sick emotional logic like I have to hurt you to show I love you.
You asked for my info but you got too busy and never got around to it
Dude you are right on the dot. My situation is religious-based as well.hi GeminiSun
you situation is common to many in extremely patriarchal societies or religions. it is a almost religious affliction, a affliction aimed at your soul.
it is a insidious syndrome because it turns blinds you against your own self worth. of course counseling can help you , but a you have a good awareness for the psychological dynamics that burden you, one suggestion is to realize that as long as you restrict you life and experience......then the abusor is winning.....the abuse is till continuing.
I hope you can find suitable counseling and I wish your soul the strength to regain your own expression of life.
Wow, creepily accurate. Yes, I want to be free. Yes, I'm super calculating and a strategist naturally, but I use my power for good, always. Always play by the rule book and definitely a friend to the world. And you are right, I don't judge people's worth by their money at all... I'm super sensitive, understanding and almost psychic to people's issues and problems. Super sympathetic. Problem is I do struggle with the material world, I love beautiful things, expensive things, etc and I know like you said I have to go towards more of the spiritual world and I'm kind of stuck between materialism and spirituality. I love both and both are so ingrained in me but I'm caught in the middle.Oh ! I am very sorry.I tend to become absent minded sometimes..
All these readings are as per Vedic chart and placements may be different from western chart.
Ascendant Libra Swati the wild child of the wind ruled by Rahu and Rahu is in Scorpio Jyestha the eldest one in the 2nd house of value and wealth.
Libra Swati is the star of freedom. These people hate to be controlled or tied down and they often champion the cause of liberty and freedom for all. So this restrictive environment is a life lesson for you, which will come in handy, to secure freedom for yourself and for people like you.
Rahu is something like North node. It is the place towards which our energies are directed in this lifetime. It is in Scorpio Jyestha, the master of strategy. This star is concerned with occult, strategy, surveillence, detectives, spying etc. They have a strong 6th sense. So , the combination of these two stars makes you 'the one that got away' .You can get away from your misery using strategy.You must trust your instincts. Ketu represents the energy from which we move away. Ketu is in Taurus Rohini which is a very material sign. So the energy is to move away from superficial things, to delve into the beauty of the unseen.
Moon is in Scorpio Anuradha the friend of the world. This star loves to be truthful and play by the rule book. But they can be insanely jealous and revengeful. They are very sexual and love too deeply. Please let go and burn your bridges. Do not delve too deeply into bygones. Usually this star is involved in love triangles.
Your self expression ( 5th house) has Saturn in its own sign in Aquarius Dhabista the donator. You love to donate stuff. You may love music as well.Sun Ketu shows that your self is stifled by your dad. He is a Rohini ( very materialistic guy, measures everyones worth with money) , you are exactly the opposite. Thats where there is a power struggle.Humility will take you places. You take your own path and do not get affected by him. Astrology or occult is a great profession for you too !
Do as your spirit wills! God bless !