Need help understanding my mother...

[Feature]

Yeah so, topic title. There's a wall of text for an opening post, fyi. First of all, here's her chart:

http://www.astro.com/tmpd/cm4dfileJUMiRk-u1284773018/astro_2gw_03_mom.11170.7471.gif

Ok, so originally, I thought I understood my mother very well. She has issues - control issues, trust issues, has a tendency to be over dramatic and overreact. When you grow up with something you get adjust though. She's my mom, so whatever the circumstance, I can't help but love her though.

On to the main point though - she kind of hates everyone, and everything, aside from my maternal family that live in the Philippines. I kid you not. She hates her workplace (most of us do), my father's family, my father's children and grandchild, my friends, my brother's friends, and the public. It really doesn't matter what the circumstance is or who the person is. She hates them. She finds a reason to dislike them, or to be angry. It's been like this since I was a child though - we have adjusted. We all recognize that she has a severe inferiority complex. She makes her problems everyone elses and handles stress poorly. Thing is, even if we as family try to help her or try to alleviate stress, she won't listen and just does what she plans, and then goes on about it more. However, if we are ever unsupportive in her eyes, she starts with a melodramatic scene about how she does so much for us and how we don't appreciate her, so on and so forth. Eventually we calm her down, find her peace only for the cycle to start anew.

My brother (leo), father (cancer), and I (cancer) still adjust and put up with it because she's very important to us. We go out of our way to try and please her, put up with her demands all for the sake of peace and sanity. Thing is, when is enough, enough? My half brother and sister (plus her child) don't visit my father because my mother is very unwelcoming. My brother and I have few friends, who never get to visit and neither of us hardly get to go out, because of the uproar she would cause. My brother is now in the navy and I recently finished college, looking for a full time job but in the mean time live with my parents. Unfortunately, until my prospects look up, I'll need to bear it, but I just need advice on how to community better here. Recently we've had a HUGE fight and I haven't spoken with her since the end of June, or about 3 months ago. We live in the same house.

See, it was my birthday and I had two of my friends visit (a leo and a sag). Something I haven't done in YEARS, literally, and kept it brief. My parents kindly bought us fast food to eat before we went to beach, which we appreciated. After an old fashioned introduction, we went to the beach, came back and decided to eat something again (it was much later in the day - around dinner time). My mother wanted to give us money to buy MORE fast food - which I declined. I did not want to eat fast food twice in one day, and I told her so. Also I felt guilty because they went grocery shopping earlier, and bought fast food so I was trying to be conscientious of money, so I declined. I asked my friends if shrimp and corn sounded ok and they agreed so I cooked it and we ate it. For some reason she got furious. Afterwards she treated my friends very rudely - wouldn't speak to them, look at them or acknowledge them then started slamming things loudly trying to drive them out, and overall, making a menace of herself. I knew things were going to get ugly so I asked my friends to leave and as they were walking out the door she started saying really rude things about them from behind my father (poor guy was caught in the middle) which was where I drew the line and stood up for them. I was so embarrassed an angry. She went ont later saying the reason she acted that way was because they helped themselves to everything (they did not, I was the one who refused her money, picked the food and cooked it), that they manipulated me and I just let them do whatever they wanted in her house and that neither of them had any consideration for her.

Later on, she changed her mind and decided she liked the Leo but hated the Sagittarius. I didn't learn of this until the NEXT incident.

About a month later, I decide to head to the beach again with my Sag friend. She knows mom has issues, and respects it. So we are ready to go right, and she is waiting outside, on the road for me. I ask her to wait while I get my house keys, go back inside, find my mom hauling *** to the front door (didn't even put her stuff down) and she is cursing and hollering Jerry Springer style to my friend for no reason. Literally, I walk in the door to find her coming home from work, trying to get outside and cuss out my friend. Before she gets outside, I stop her, pull her back inside, which she finds as an act of aggression, tries to push me (and fails, because I'm considerably larger than her), I restrain her and my dad "breaks us up", worried I'm going to take out my mom. I wouldn't, ever. I'd never hurt my family, but I'm not about to sit by and let uncalled for, bad behavior happen, especially directed at my friends. She goes off on this rant and tirade about Sag, making things up that she knows are untrue, like how she was planning this and how she is trying to get into our house when my mom isn't there, when Sag is outside the house, not even on our property, in the street, waiting for me.

I was so upset that day, when I came out of the house it took me a while to calm down and my sag friend thought I was going to torch the bushes and houses next to my own. It was hard to deal with that and face her - i know she heard but pretended otherwise, for my sake, I guess. The shame that I felt those days, the embarrassment, it'll be with me for a long time. It's not something I can act on though, I mean what can I do in that situation? Thank God for my Mars in Capricorn - it lets me internalize my anger, my frustrations, instead of acting on it and lashing out at anyone - which is what I *really* want to do. What really gets me - she never apologizes. Ever. Me, my father, or my brother ALWAYS have to apologize to her, no matter what. In her mind, she is never wrong, and if the fight is to end, one of us have to apologize to her. I refuse to do so this time because I know I did the right thing and will stick by it. My sag friend said next time we can meet up someplace else and go from there but honestly, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of having to hide who my friends, what I'm doing are and always tippy toeing around as if walking on glass.

With my moon in Pisces I can get a pretty good judge of character for people and have the natural gift to feel and understand others, and I know that whatever goes on, my mom will never change. However, I'm kind of at a blockade right now and could really use insight on this. We usually have good energy floating between us and rarely fight...even so her outbursts weren't even a surprise to me because I always expect something bad from her concerning others - it was just the magnitude of it that was shocking. I have no idea how to deal with this any further other than just cutting her out of my life - something I know will be very painful for her and something that I would regret in the future should anything ever happen to her.

So, yeah, any insight on this would be appreciated. Just thoughts in general I guess, about the overall situation, about her chart about dealing with her, etc. It looks like she has not just 1, but 2 mystic rectangles as some key features in her chart but I am unsure as to how that would express itself or how to interpret actions that may be a result of them expressing themselves.

(On the flip side, I just realized she has a lack of Earth in her chart. :| So that might explain the lack of stability in some part, at least.)

 

[EhTeam]

First, I want to say I am no pro.
If you want the title to be done " Need help understanding my mother..."
It may help to have your chart.

It may show that there is something in your 4th house that is making this more difficult for you.

 

[Feature]

First, I want to say I am no pro.
If you want the title to be done " Need help understanding my mother..."
It may help to have your chart.

It may show that there is something in your 4th house that is making this more difficult for you.

Add my chart? Am unsure how this would help since this is a problem not specific to me, necessarily, as she treats everyone like this - I am just looking for a different solution other than 1)ignoring it or 2) letting her have her way since it doesn't alleviate the situation. The examples given were just my personal and recent experiences, my brother and father have had more numerous altercations with her. She explodes at my father almost daily, bless his heart for putting up with her and my cancer moodiness.

Even so, here is my own chart, if this helps any:

 

[R4VEN]

Feature, I am attracted to your question because:
1) It is a Mother Question - my favourite type of question....
2) I was born the same year as your mother, so I have a few ideas up my sleeve to begin with.

Firstly, as far as some of her erratic behaviour goes, I would look at the Mercury-Mars opposition. She has a fistful of oppositions, but the Mars-Mercury one can be difficult to both live with for her, as well as for those around her. I'd suggest that you check out all her oppositions for insights into some of her behaviour, as she seems to believe that "it's them of me". For instance, Jupiter opposition Uranus can be a very self-righteous, I'm-OK-so-what's-your-problem? aspect, which may be over-blown due to the other oppositions.

I'm more interested in this statement in your opening paragraph about her:

She has issues - control issues, trust issues, has a tendency to be over dramatic and overreact.

I think that sums her up admirably, and gives an underpinning to all the behaviours you later described.

I also have to admire you for wanting to understand her. That is an admirable characteristic in itself .

It sounds to me, feature, like your mother suffers from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) perhaps due to some early life experiences over which she had no control, or at the very least, little control. People who experience early life trauma generally manage to suppress their feelings until later life, when it all begins to bubble out of them.

She has Chiron in Scorpio conjunct her Scorpio south node. Many of us born with these placements came from past lives - and perhaps even early this life - where control was taken from us, or we were over-controlled by outside influences. This leads to a suspicion of the motives of others, and a desire to control all the daily minutiae in our lives - often to the detriment of the relationships with those we love.

Rather than go on about it here, I'll give you a couple of links which may help you understand what this means for your mother.
http://northnodeastrology.blogspot.com/search/label/North Node in Taurus
http://northnodeastrology.blogspot.com/search/label/Family Karmic Inheritance
(The 2nd link refers to her having natal Pluto squaring her nodes - which I also have - and I can attest to its extreme difficulty, given that I seem to `carry' a lot of my family's karma to be aired in my lifetime.)

Scroll down in this next link to Chiron in Scorpio.
http://members.wizzards.net/~magyan/chiron.htm

I think that your mother's anxiety and control games are about her trying to express her own power - but this gets really mixed up in the expression of it, and just comes out like she's trying to suppress the power of everyone around her.

I hope this gives you a bit of insight.

 

[ridethewave]

Hi, I also had a mother like yours. I would offer you some advice from what I see in both of your charts and also the experience I had.

Firstly, the psychoology: with your mother's outbursts and temper tantrums she inflicts a large amount of emotional damage on yourself and other people. If she is not aware of how much her behaviour is constantly hurting others she may be forgiven but needs to learn how to overcome it. If you placate her every time or most times she will continue this behaviour - as we teach people how to treat us. This does her no favours either as she will completely overrun everybody else's boundaries. It is amazing how when one person has got away with "bad" behaviour for so long how less likely they are to change. One approach you can take is to have an honest talk with your mother (warn your dad first) and have a conversation about what she needs and expects from you and what you expect from her. You will find the tears and guilt trips will be coming at you thick and fast. this is a person who will not face their emotions honestly. But she is your mother so have the talk anyway. If she doesn't listen or change any behaviour after this conversation it is not going to get any better - find another place to live. This will ensure that your relationship doesn't deteriorate any further.

With her astrological chart this person will always put themselves first (venus in aries in the first house). She is likely to disillusion herself about others (neptune in libra) and the relationship she has with them. This also reflects back on the relationship she has with herself. The sudden outbursts are a 3rd house placement her uranus in gemini overstimulates the mercurian energy of gemini (uranus taken by some astrologers as being the higher octave of mercury). She may also feel as if she was not considered for higher education, or maybe experiences at further study did not go well, teased in school?. She may have a constant sense of dissolution or loss of direction (sun in 12th) and this could be the feeder for her isolationist behaviour. Chiron in the 8th in Scorpio is no small thing and the depth of her emotions may lead her to feel if she sees that people have crossed her (they may not - snap judgement uranus-Jup again) would leave her feeling abandoned. She has a lot of energy and a lot of pull towards her children and while she loves you she would also see you a certain way (neptune in 7th aspects pluto, saturn, mars stellium in leo in fifth), her ideal. The stellium in leo sextiling the Uranus in the 3rd house can be translated as "I get my power and rule through my unpredictable speech".

Your mother also feels very uncomfortable expressing her opinions (Jup 9th quincunx Moon in Cancer 4th quincunx mercury 11th). This is a person who is lost for deep meaning and expression of emotion. As you are her son and know her better than I do I would try and find a way of drawing this out from her whether by writing, electronic videoing, art etc, Your mother is learning this lifetime to establish her own resources and its a little hard to be stable when there is little earth (as you pointed out before). However don't lack the lack of earth stop the expression of the other elements of the chart. There is much blocked creativity here and this is also causing anguish.

As for finding the strength to cope with this you'll receive some fantastic support from your friends and your father. BTW your girlfriend in future may have some issues with your mother too. *lol* You have a large amount of compassion alloted to you to cope with this. I wish you the very best and remember to take care of yourself first.

 

[Feature]

thank you both for your well thought out posts. I really appreciate the effort you guys took to reply to me.

Feature, I am attracted to your question because:
1) It is a Mother Question - my favourite type of question....
2) I was born the same year as your mother, so I have a few ideas up my sleeve to begin with.

Firstly, as far as some of her erratic behaviour goes, I would look at the Mercury-Mars opposition. She has a fistful of oppositions, but the Mars-Mercury one can be difficult to both live with for her, as well as for those around her. I'd suggest that you check out all her oppositions for insights into some of her behaviour, as she seems to believe that "it's them of me". For instance, Jupiter opposition Uranus can be a very self-righteous, I'm-OK-so-what's-your-problem? aspect, which may be over-blown due to the other oppositions.

I'm more interested in this statement in your opening paragraph about her:

I think that sums her up admirably, and gives an underpinning to all the behaviours you later described.

I also have to admire you for wanting to understand her. That is an admirable characteristic in itself .

It sounds to me, feature, like your mother suffers from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) perhaps due to some early life experiences over which she had no control, or at the very least, little control. People who experience early life trauma generally manage to suppress their feelings until later life, when it all begins to bubble out of them.

She has Chiron in Scorpio conjunct her Scorpio south node. Many of us born with these placements came from past lives - and perhaps even early this life - where control was taken from us, or we were over-controlled by outside influences. This leads to a suspicion of the motives of others, and a desire to control all the daily minutiae in our lives - often to the detriment of the relationships with those we love.

Rather than go on about it here, I'll give you a couple of links which may help you understand what this means for your mother.
http://northnodeastrology.blogspot.com/search/label/North Node in Taurus
http://northnodeastrology.blogspot.com/search/label/Family Karmic Inheritance
(The 2nd link refers to her having natal Pluto squaring her nodes - which I also have - and I can attest to its extreme difficulty, given that I seem to `carry' a lot of my family's karma to be aired in my lifetime.)

Scroll down in this next link to Chiron in Scorpio.
http://members.wizzards.net/~magyan/chiron.htm

I think that your mother's anxiety and control games are about her trying to express her own power - but this gets really mixed up in the expression of it, and just comes out like she's trying to suppress the power of everyone around her.

I hope this gives you a bit of insight.

Well she's my mom - even if we are at odds, nothing can change that. Besides, I'm not really the kind of person that gives up on others easily. Either way though, I already thought I knew her well enough - in the past, whenever she was angered she never blew up like she did. At least not in front of other people. She always waited until guests would leave before blowing up at the rest of us so I was under the impression that if I got my friends out in a hurry, I could just let her vent and placate her later. She's told me about things from her childhood but I expand on this later on in my post. I can certainly see things from your perspective, now the million dollar question is how do I respond to this....

Hi, I also had a mother like yours. I would offer you some advice from what I see in both of your charts and also the experience I had.

Firstly, the psychoology: with your mother's outbursts and temper tantrums she inflicts a large amount of emotional damage on yourself and other people. If she is not aware of how much her behaviour is constantly hurting others she may be forgiven but needs to learn how to overcome it. If you placate her every time or most times she will continue this behaviour - as we teach people how to treat us. This does her no favours either as she will completely overrun everybody else's boundaries. It is amazing how when one person has got away with "bad" behaviour for so long how less likely they are to change. One approach you can take is to have an honest talk with your mother (warn your dad first) and have a conversation about what she needs and expects from you and what you expect from her. You will find the tears and guilt trips will be coming at you thick and fast. this is a person who will not face their emotions honestly. But she is your mother so have the talk anyway. If she doesn't listen or change any behaviour after this conversation it is not going to get any better - find another place to live. This will ensure that your relationship doesn't deteriorate any further.

With her astrological chart this person will always put themselves first (venus in aries in the first house). She is likely to disillusion herself about others (neptune in libra) and the relationship she has with them. This also reflects back on the relationship she has with herself. The sudden outbursts are a 3rd house placement her uranus in gemini overstimulates the mercurian energy of gemini (uranus taken by some astrologers as being the higher octave of mercury). She may also feel as if she was not considered for higher education, or maybe experiences at further study did not go well, teased in school?. She may have a constant sense of dissolution or loss of direction (sun in 12th) and this could be the feeder for her isolationist behaviour. Chiron in the 8th in Scorpio is no small thing and the depth of her emotions may lead her to feel if she sees that people have crossed her (they may not - snap judgement uranus-Jup again) would leave her feeling abandoned. She has a lot of energy and a lot of pull towards her children and while she loves you she would also see you a certain way (neptune in 7th aspects pluto, saturn, mars stellium in leo in fifth), her ideal. The stellium in leo sextiling the Uranus in the 3rd house can be translated as "I get my power and rule through my unpredictable speech".

Your mother also feels very uncomfortable expressing her opinions (Jup 9th quincunx Moon in Cancer 4th quincunx mercury 11th). This is a person who is lost for deep meaning and expression of emotion. As you are her son and know her better than I do I would try and find a way of drawing this out from her whether by writing, electronic videoing, art etc, Your mother is learning this lifetime to establish her own resources and its a little hard to be stable when there is little earth (as you pointed out before). However don't lack the lack of earth stop the expression of the other elements of the chart. There is much blocked creativity here and this is also causing anguish.

As for finding the strength to cope with this you'll receive some fantastic support from your friends and your father. BTW your girlfriend in future may have some issues with your mother too. *lol* You have a large amount of compassion alloted to you to cope with this. I wish you the very best and remember to take care of yourself first.

On your first point - I know my mother is aware that the rest of the family disapproves of how she handles her anger - whether or not she cares, or cares to change is another thing because I'm certain she feels justified in her anger. Growing up, I had little choice but to allow it to continue. As an adult it's much easier to cope than try to correct (this word makes me cringe mentally). This mainly has to do with my dad - he really just let my mom's outbursts slide. If it was either my or I (or both) versus my mother, we would always lose, regardless of the situation because we are the children so we are wrong. Doesn't matter what the situation or circumstance is, the child is wrong, the adult is correct, and respect must be paid were it is due (it was the same with school). Can't say I agree with it as it was often the cause of a lot of fights growing up but it does have it's own virtue and a lesson in loyalty I guess. That's just his character and I cannot fault him for that. I know he will always side with my mother (which is good I guess) though he has lightened up quite a bit now that we are older. I suspect that should I try to sit down and have a talk with my mom, it would be like beating my head against a brick wall, and my father would be the steal reinforcements. I say this because I tried this once before as a teenager when we had a huge fight and the results were not only unsuccessful, but weird. By the end of it, they were questioning my sexuality. Completely blindsided on that. You are correct though, I do need say something, instead of pretending she doesn't exists.

It's strange that you say she puts herself first because she's always trying to provide for everyone - even if they don't necessarily need or want her help. I've found though that she uses this 'generosity' to manipulate people and guilt them into her bidding (only ever family though, because she doesn't help anyone who isn't blood related), so maybe this is what you mean by 'putting herself' or her feelings first. As far as her childhood goes, well she's told me stories, but given her nature I can't help but wonder how much of it is embellished. I don't think she would purposely lie to me, and in truth, everyone exaggerates stories a little bit, but she has this tendency to victimize herself. I don't think she was necessarily bullied in school so much as at home, according to her. She always sees herself as the unfavored daughter, "the ugly one" compared to her sister and in her words from what she said she heard from other people "the one ment for the kitchen." Her dad was also a drunk. She seemed to focus on this a lot and when I asked what kind of man he was when he wasn't drunk she spoke favorably of him but would eventually revert back to talking about his bad habits.

I'm not really quite sure what you mean by she views myself and my brother as her ideals. Sure enough I believe she would sacrifice anything for us, even if we are fighting but there are plenty of times she underestimates us, leaving myself and my brother frustrated. There have been plenty of times where we were looked down upon as naive or stupid simply because we disagreed with her. I know my mom is generally a conflicted person though. As you said she doesn't express her opinions - in public, or ever voice her concerns, especially with her job. This is where she feels she is bullied the most. She refuses even to stand up for herself over silly things fearing that any show of a backbone would cost her, her job. Honestly I think a lot of it is in her head. As an example she claims there is a woman who follows her to bathroom when she goes and then coughs when she uses it. I think it's a coincidence. She then says this woman does this everyday. Ok, well if this is so, she should try talking to this woman. She doesn't even need to be aggressive or anything, just try to strike up a conversation. Or, if she feels THAT uncomfortable (and I know she does) she should take it to her boss and let her know about it. She won't though, because there is apparently some kind of conspiracy theory going on where everyone at her work place is going out of their make to make her miserable. According to her. So, she often takes this frustration home and then out on us. We can try to comfort her or give her advice, but as I said, she never takes it, out of fear and goes about her business. She never stands up to anyone in public and prefers to keep the peace, and as a result, becomes a bully at home.

As far as outlets go for my mom, she crochets and gardens, and I don't think she would do much else really. She's a hermit so anything outside the house is a no no, a clean freak so any drawing, painting, sculpting is also a negative, and if it's anything computer related, she and father just have me do it for them. The only thing she likes doing besides those two things is watching animals give birth on Youtube...and I'm not really sure how to incorporate that into a healthy hobby. She won't volunteer at a local animal shelter because she'd rather place her energy into the house and family.

Oh, by the way, I guess I got people mixed up with my last post, but I'm actually her daughter. Must have been when I said I was a lot bigger than my mom. See my mom is about 5ft 4in and 85lbs or 90lbs. a very petite Asian lady. I'm 5ft 9.5in and 125lbs so I have almost 6in on her plus about 30-40lbs for a weight and height difference. Sorry for the confusion. Don't know if any future boyfriends would have the same trouble as you'd think, since I either kept them secret, or lived in another state. I am thinking yes, but like I said earlier, I'm tired of always having to hide everything, as if every aspect of my life is something to be ashamed of. I am very thankful for my father though. He is definitely a blessing. I fear I will never find a man half as good as him. I am a bit apprehensive about my friends knowing my family matters though. Not that I distrust them but it's just something I learned to do because of this situation - keep different aspects of my life separated. Home does not overlap with friends, or work and my social life does not intermix with work, either. Aside from my two friends that were there from my birthday fiasco and my one best friend from high school, none of my friends know about my family. It's easier to keep things in control that way. Something I picked up from mom, I guess.

Just a random question, in closing, anything in particular that makes you say "just remember to take care of yourself first,"? You wouldn't believe how often I hear this from people, seemingly from everyone. It's certainly made me curious. Is it the Piscean moon?

 

[ridethewave]

Hi Feature, tried to keep it short and sweet.

para 1 - if she feels justified by her anger she won't change her patterns.
para 2 - putting everyone else first and then trying to control them doesn't cut it. That is colouring the emotion of guilt with sacrifice. That is actually putting herself first. My mum did this too.
para 3 - I feel for your mum if she is in a bad workplace. She needs to change jobs. Time to start helping her figure out what she wants to do as a nicer job. If she gets one it may alleviate things on the home side. If she likes gardens and animals (paid work) point her in that direction.
para 4 - oops ! so sorry about the girl/boy thing! Apologies. But your friends will definitely support you. Show them both sides of yourself and let them make up their minds.

On your pisces moon - this is such a gentle and loving moon and people will take advantage of your kindness. You do need to learn to put yourself first and this can be very difficult. Hiding yourself for someone else does you no favours. Also until you feel totally overwhelmed it may be harder for you to take action (better to let it slide? Actually no).

I really feel for you as this is a difficult situation - you have a person who is unlikely to change and you're a big softie at heart so its hard for you to take a stand. One other piece of advice I would give is this: don't take on her patterns of behaviour by trying to "control" your life you will actually squeeze the joy out of it. hope this helps. Be yourself

 

[Feature]

Hi Feature, tried to keep it short and sweet.

para 1 - if she feels justified by her anger she won't change her patterns.
para 2 - putting everyone else first and then trying to control them doesn't cut it. That is colouring the emotion of guilt with sacrifice. That is actually putting herself first. My mum did this too.
para 3 - I feel for your mum if she is in a bad workplace. She needs to change jobs. Time to start helping her figure out what she wants to do as a nicer job. If she gets one it may alleviate things on the home side. If she likes gardens and animals (paid work) point her in that direction.
para 4 - oops ! so sorry about the girl/boy thing! Apologies. But your friends will definitely support you. Show them both sides of yourself and let them make up their minds.

On your pisces moon - this is such a gentle and loving moon and people will take advantage of your kindness. You do need to learn to put yourself first and this can be very difficult. Hiding yourself for someone else does you no favours. Also until you feel totally overwhelmed it may be harder for you to take action (better to let it slide? Actually no).

I really feel for you as this is a difficult situation - you have a person who is unlikely to change and you're a big softie at heart so its hard for you to take a stand. One other piece of advice I would give is this: don't take on her patterns of behaviour by trying to "control" your life you will actually squeeze the joy out of it. hope this helps. Be yourself

Ah sorry about that, I do have a tendency to be long winded.

Thanks again for the advice. I will definitely heed it, now it's just a matter of getting around the will to actually go through with it, I suppose. Well, my North Node is in Aries for a reason, I suppose.

Just one thing, you mentioned that my father and my friends would be of great support to me...why not my brother? My full blooded brother. I would think since he has the same experiences as me and she would also view him in an "ideal" state that I would find more comfort from him.

 

[EhTeam]

Add my chart? Am unsure how this would help since this is a problem not specific to me
Even so, here is my own chart, if this helps any:

When I looked at your question, I looked at it in a different way, 'How can I help myself to understand/deal with my mother', and therfore your chart would be handy to show your strength for dealing with her, or why you are having difficulty.


Anyhow, looking at your chart, you have Moon and Jupiter in the 4th house with red and blue aspects.
Which, is related to the mother, or family ties from what I have read.

http://www.myastrologybook.com/Moon-in-the-fourth-house-4th-house.htm

 

[Arian Maverick]

I wish I had something more meaningful to add, but I feel I must point out to those who may attempt interpretation that this is a hypothetical chart set for noon. In other words, we cannot interpret house placements, nor can we interpret the aspects of the Moon.

Indeed, interpretation is limited, with this chart. Can you give us an approximate time of birth, at least--even if only to say she was born in the morning, afternoon, or night?

Arian Maverick

 

[Feature]

I wish I had something more meaningful to add, but I feel I must point out to those who may attempt interpretation that this is a hypothetical chart set for noon. In other words, we cannot interpret house placements, nor can we interpret the aspects of the Moon.

Indeed, interpretation is limited, with this chart. Can you give us an approximate time of birth, at least--even if only to say she was born in the morning, afternoon, or night?

Arian Maverick

unfortunately, i don't...i could guess that it was sometime during the day since i know my grandmother had a midwife for all her deliveries and I would guess it's easier to get one during the day than night but honestly your guess is as good as mine. i dont know if my mother has her birth certificate either. since we aren't on the best speaking terms right now either, i don't think i'll just casually walk up to her and ask for it or her birth time. i would prefer to avoid any possible confrontations.

 

[ridethewave]

Hi Feature took some time getting back to you.....
On the subject of support from your full blooded brother I would say that the support would be intermittent at best ( see 3rd house of your chart with aquarius on cusp). Aspects to uranus in 1st to fourth house (where your moon & Jupiter are housed) are squared - you may encounter difficulty in seeking emotional support from him with regard to the situation with your mother. On the positive side with your brother there is a nice trine to the 9th where venus is sitting so the love is definitely there for you.

Hope all is well

 

[dhundhun]

Sun is not well integrated in chart.

Gold (jewelery), gifts, praise, appreciations, and visiting religious places are likely to make her happy and comfortable.

Don't ever think of changing her. She has mystic rectangle and she comes with spiritual blessings.

 

[Feature]

Sorry about the super late reply. and thanks for the insight everyone.

no one in the family tries to change her. as her daughter though I do know how to effectively "get the message across" that she did something wrong.

which unfortunately means hurting her, either psychologically or emotionally. yes, it's sad, and i'm not proud of it but it's the only way to communicate with her sometimes.

Since my birthday in late june, we only recently started speaking. well, she's made attempts to speak to me, regularly a few days ago. Otherwise she has not existed for the past few months. I answer with short replies and grunts. She has still not acknowledged that she was wrong, nor will she ever, but I feel I will know the appropriate time to "forgive" and that anything before that she may forget her transgression or lie to herself and try to absolve herself of guilt.

@ dhundhun - my mother doesn't like gifts. or she says she doesn't like them. she is actually also very rude and ungrateful about them, even towards family members. she will say she doesn't want it or need it, that she can get a better one for herself and we need to return it and save the money for ourselves. if we say no she will talk about how bad the present is, or try to get rid of it by giving it to another family member. i've successfully given her presents that she was actually delighted to get on a few occasions but you can never give her a similar gift in the future so it get's more and more difficult with each holiday. we'd like to take her to church or some other relaxing places but she refuses to leave the house unless necessary (like work) and always puts up a fuss. even to the grocery store.

I'm sorry I don't mean to come off as negative, but I am just explaining how she really acts. Most people don't believe me because when (if) they first meet her, she comes off as nice, hospitable, a little shy and awkward which endears them to her initially but afterwards....

 

[dhundhun]

...
@ dhundhun - my mother doesn't like gifts. or she says she doesn't like them. she is actually also very rude and ungrateful about them, even towards family members. she will say she doesn't want it or need it, that she can get a better one for herself and we need to return it and save the money for ourselves. if we say no she will talk about how bad the present is, or try to get rid of it by giving it to another family member. i've successfully given her presents that she was actually delighted to get on a few occasions but you can never give her a similar gift in the future so it get's more and more difficult with each holiday. we'd like to take her to church or some other relaxing places but she refuses to leave the house unless necessary (like work) and always puts up a fuss. even to the grocery store.

I gave some clues, which can make her happier. Sometime, you need to motivate. Sometimes, you have to figure out what can make happier and then do that thing. Perhaps hard realities of life have changes her so much that - as if she is in denial mode.

 

[Feature]

I gave some clues, which can make her happier. Sometime, you need to motivate. Sometimes, you have to figure out what can make happier and then do that thing. Perhaps hard realities of life have changes her so much that - as if she is in denial mode.

yeah you are right. i apologize if i come off as looking for easy answers, i was very frustrated at the time (and a little bit still to be honest) but she does love being praised - I just find myself having a hard time giving it. Not that I hate it or anything but she often will ask for her praise, (which is a quality I really dislike in anyone, friends, family or strangers) several times, and before I even have the oppertunity to give it. I also feel bitter when she uses favors against me despite my being thankful to her if we have any kind of arguments in the future. Pardon, i don't mean to be negative again. Her retirement is coming up soon, maybe we will have more success at getting her to calm down and get out of the house when she doesn't have to deal with stress from work.

 

[bbr11]

WOW you just described my older brother. he has Sun Scorpio (water like you mom) and moon in cancer like your mom. He is extremely sensitive and I try to stay away from him cuz he is so sensitive and negative about everyone. This is one of the reasons why I don't like water signs. They can be normal at one moment and get really emotional the next.

My ex had an ex who was cancer and at the end of their relationship she came to the conclusion that he is bi-polar because his emotions change so sharply. I have never met the guy but I really think it's his sun in cancer since cancer is the most sensitive sign in the zodiac and really doesn't help a lot when it's placed in the moon.

I'm not really an expert in astrology even though I've been into it for 5 years but that's just my two cents right there. People are just the way they are and no one can change anyone. We just have to learn to accept people for who they are.

 

[Feature]

bbr11 - sorry to hear that you don't get along well with water signs. we really can't be all that bad though, can we? I seem to get along well with just about everyone i know.

anyway, i never said i wanted to change my mother, only to understand her and hopefully be able to find a way to be able to work together instead of having to walk on eggshells all the time.

you should try to study astrology a little more in depth. i'm sure you'll like it. you've been doing it casually for 5 years so why not probe a little further? for instance, you would know that pisces is actually the most sensitive sign of the zodiac, not cancer, and that cancer is infact the ruler of the moon and has dominance there. we are so much more than just our sun signs so i encourage you to research more into it. maybe you can understand a little more about your scorpio brother. really they may seem like a pain but this little crab with her piscean moon finds them adorable and easy to get along with. you just have to know how to approach them, and it was something i knew almost instinctively before getting into astrology.

 

[bbr11]

lol I know how to approach every single sign. But the thing is that I find water signs way too sensitive and I'm the type of person that gets the energy very easily so I don't feel comfortable when I'm with them. It's not that they're "bad", not at all. It's just that I don't get along with their personalities. When I talk I tend to sound very bitter to them when for example fire signs can take what I say and find it funny or fun and air signs can take it in an intellectual manner. It's just the way different signs perceive things in a personal level and I respect everyone for who they are because everyone is special in their own way no matter how cliche it sounds but it's true. I'll give you another example, when me and my friend(aries) hang out we say the meanest things to each other but find it hilarious and funny and really laugh our butts off. But it's a very different situation when talking like that with a water sign, from my experience there is no doubt in my mind that they would get offended no matter how close I am to them, or they'll find a way to offend me because they're secretly offended and they do something to get back at me but clearly they are doing it because they're mad lol. I really enjoy being comfortable with people and from experience no matter how much I've tried I've never gotten to be comfortable with water signs because I tend to be bitter but not mean anything by it but regardless they will take offense to it. But ofcourse there are positive and negative aspects to every single sign and individual and that duality will always be in human beings.

Also I never said you can change your mom nor anyone for that matter. If I did I take it back I'm a firm believer that you can never change anyone.

And ofcousre you would love Scorpios since you got the aspects. just like I get along with Aries because I have Leo Sun and Sag rising. I know more than you might think I do

 

[szanne]

Hello Feature,
I read this entire post and what I want to tell you is that you mom and I share similar planet placements. The hardest on my children has been my venus placement in aries. I like your mom am a piceas with my moon in cancer and venus in aries.
I do not have the anger outbursts that your mom has but I can tell you that venus in aries creates an ease toward detachment even toward the ones you love the most. I am very sure your mom loves you very much! She may have trouble demonstrating this love to you but I do believe it is there. You are a very kind soul I can see that. Try to have patience for your mom. She is doing the very best she can.