midnight sun
Well-known member
Hello everyone,
I would like to write about a mourning feeling but I didn't lose anybody in my life.
Briefly, I'm thirty years old, working as a research assistant, writing phd thesis. I’m the only child of my family, I am single, I mostly have friends at work. I was social till I started working but I don’t have much social life. I like to be at home, I like painting, reading, writing at home. I’m using medicine for anxiety and on EMDR work with a psychologist. We are working on my childhood.
My problem is, in the last two years, there is an increasing feeling inside me. Like I lost something. I don’t know what exactly because it differs. Sometimes I feel like I am widow. I am never married but I have a feeling like that. Like I lost my husband and I can’t love anymore. Sometimes I feel like I lost my brother/sister in the past. I don’t have a memory like that, but I was feeling very lonely in my childhood. There is a deep wound inside me, a hole hurts so much. And I feel like I lost something gives me safety, hope, happiness etc. Now I don’t want to do anything. I am 30 but I feel like my life is over, there can’t be anything new and different. So I am in deep mourning depression. I can’ start something new in my life.
I looked at my chart and saw that I have some intense transits. But I don’t feel like they are helping. In contrast, Saturn is starting to conjunct my Uranus and I think that is the reason why I feel so trapped. I like to use art to free my feelings but I am so controlled, I can’t do anything even if I wanted to do so much.
When will this process finish? I don’t know what to do.
I would like to write about a mourning feeling but I didn't lose anybody in my life.
Briefly, I'm thirty years old, working as a research assistant, writing phd thesis. I’m the only child of my family, I am single, I mostly have friends at work. I was social till I started working but I don’t have much social life. I like to be at home, I like painting, reading, writing at home. I’m using medicine for anxiety and on EMDR work with a psychologist. We are working on my childhood.
My problem is, in the last two years, there is an increasing feeling inside me. Like I lost something. I don’t know what exactly because it differs. Sometimes I feel like I am widow. I am never married but I have a feeling like that. Like I lost my husband and I can’t love anymore. Sometimes I feel like I lost my brother/sister in the past. I don’t have a memory like that, but I was feeling very lonely in my childhood. There is a deep wound inside me, a hole hurts so much. And I feel like I lost something gives me safety, hope, happiness etc. Now I don’t want to do anything. I am 30 but I feel like my life is over, there can’t be anything new and different. So I am in deep mourning depression. I can’ start something new in my life.
I looked at my chart and saw that I have some intense transits. But I don’t feel like they are helping. In contrast, Saturn is starting to conjunct my Uranus and I think that is the reason why I feel so trapped. I like to use art to free my feelings but I am so controlled, I can’t do anything even if I wanted to do so much.
When will this process finish? I don’t know what to do.