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<blockquote data-quote="rahu" data-source="post: 925703" data-attributes="member: 2870"><p>hi again AbbeyE</p><p> </p><p> I hoped you would have some feedback a these topics can be very difficult to open up to.</p><p> </p><p> your father's suicide is suspect. by that I mean his suicide would make sense if he had been treating you abusively and someone found out.</p><p> </p><p> the periods I pointed out were part of the cycle of abuse. since these periods affected you, it makes me think there are abusive experiences in your past.</p><p> </p><p> as I mentioned ,I feel you were abused at a very early age . probably before your personality/consciousness formed. hence you can't remember consciously what happened but you still obviously have emotional reaction to this abuse. regression therapy is an intellectual process so experiences in your pre conscious life may not be accessible. also did you go to a psychiatrist? psychiatrists are the worst counselors to go to for sexual abuse problems because their "dogma" down plays sexual abuse.</p><p> </p><p> I have had several clients with severe sexual/incestual abuse. I'd like to describe one case as it might jog your memory.</p><p> </p><p> one client who was very close to me, also could not remember any instances of sexual abuse with her father.but she is a brilliant woman and did have some odd childhood memories that she could never figure out.</p><p> </p><p> the first was when she was about 18 months old......she remembered looking a her raggedy ann doll with stiches for eyes. and she remembers thinking how sad it was that her doll was dead. obviously the first thing that she wondered about was how she as a 18 month old infant would have ideas of the concept of death to begin with. but she clearly remembers thinking this while in her crib.</p><p> </p><p> sexual abuse and death are often closely related if the victim has no other way of escape.18 months is quite early but I also have memories of when I was 18 months old. I think a strong chiron/mercury aspect can give one access to very early memories in life.</p><p> </p><p> she always was afraid of her father though she had no memories as to why,but it was so severe that her mother gossiped to in laws as to why she feared her father who did not outwardly show hostility.her mother had no idea why she feared her father either. I felt this was a block her mother had....that is ,never acknowledging that there was something amiss with her husband and never wanting to upset the boat so to speak as he was very wealthy.</p><p> </p><p> she also was a cutter, cutting slices on her arm. this can be a sign of abuse. she also engaging in stabbing action to her stomach. she never cut herself there but clearly remembers as a child acting out stabbing herself many times. this action can also indicate sexual abuse because of the penetrating motion directed at their selves.</p><p> </p><p> I asked when she stopped fearing her father and she did not remember but even up to the time we were counseling, she said she was uncomfortable with him until they had a drink or two.</p><p> she had a alcohol problem that when back to childhood when she would get drunk with her father. it was clear to me that the sexual acts always occurred when she was a drunk and hence contributed to the lack of memory.</p><p> </p><p> just aside, I have found that alcohol is very often associate d with sexual abuse/incest.i worked with non practicing alcoholics almost exclusively for 10 years and in that time 90% of the women in AA also had sexual abuse histories.</p><p> </p><p> she came to me at 28 years of age and still had no memories even after is pointed out the aspects in her chart.</p><p> </p><p> it was "funny" because though she never remembered any abuse, she did not disregard the possibility . one reason was that many people had noted throughout her life , a "strange" connection between her and her father.</p><p> and she actually researched nessus which has become a signature symbol for abuse and found that nessus was conjunct her sun.</p><p> </p><p> interestingly previous to the time I met her, her father had recently told her top get a life.....that is she was at his house all the time and her father's girl friend did not like her around him.</p><p> </p><p> I'd say tragically, after her father broke up with his girl friend, she started getting drunk with him again and staying over night at his house.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> incest in infancy are the most difficult cases to deal with .</p><p> but also the most destructive to the personality, as in your situation, because the negative feelings don't seem to have a rational source.</p><p> </p><p> the biggest problem comes with relationships. very often because of the displaced sense of love, relationships become very difficult in one later life because ,very often one becomes involved with abusers because one has a blind spot for these types of men.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> I would suggest finding a counselor who specializes on abuse victim psychology.</p><p> a counselor may be able to elucidate what aspects of your personality reflect abusive experiences.</p><p> </p><p> I also wonder if you have had autoimmune diseases, because this is very typical of abuse survivors whether conscious or not.</p><p> </p><p> I realize I might have opened a can or "worms" butfeel free to contact me if you have any ideas of questions.</p><p> </p><p> rahu</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rahu, post: 925703, member: 2870"] hi again AbbeyE I hoped you would have some feedback a these topics can be very difficult to open up to. your father's suicide is suspect. by that I mean his suicide would make sense if he had been treating you abusively and someone found out. the periods I pointed out were part of the cycle of abuse. since these periods affected you, it makes me think there are abusive experiences in your past. as I mentioned ,I feel you were abused at a very early age . probably before your personality/consciousness formed. hence you can't remember consciously what happened but you still obviously have emotional reaction to this abuse. regression therapy is an intellectual process so experiences in your pre conscious life may not be accessible. also did you go to a psychiatrist? psychiatrists are the worst counselors to go to for sexual abuse problems because their "dogma" down plays sexual abuse. I have had several clients with severe sexual/incestual abuse. I'd like to describe one case as it might jog your memory. one client who was very close to me, also could not remember any instances of sexual abuse with her father.but she is a brilliant woman and did have some odd childhood memories that she could never figure out. the first was when she was about 18 months old......she remembered looking a her raggedy ann doll with stiches for eyes. and she remembers thinking how sad it was that her doll was dead. obviously the first thing that she wondered about was how she as a 18 month old infant would have ideas of the concept of death to begin with. but she clearly remembers thinking this while in her crib. sexual abuse and death are often closely related if the victim has no other way of escape.18 months is quite early but I also have memories of when I was 18 months old. I think a strong chiron/mercury aspect can give one access to very early memories in life. she always was afraid of her father though she had no memories as to why,but it was so severe that her mother gossiped to in laws as to why she feared her father who did not outwardly show hostility.her mother had no idea why she feared her father either. I felt this was a block her mother had....that is ,never acknowledging that there was something amiss with her husband and never wanting to upset the boat so to speak as he was very wealthy. she also was a cutter, cutting slices on her arm. this can be a sign of abuse. she also engaging in stabbing action to her stomach. she never cut herself there but clearly remembers as a child acting out stabbing herself many times. this action can also indicate sexual abuse because of the penetrating motion directed at their selves. I asked when she stopped fearing her father and she did not remember but even up to the time we were counseling, she said she was uncomfortable with him until they had a drink or two. she had a alcohol problem that when back to childhood when she would get drunk with her father. it was clear to me that the sexual acts always occurred when she was a drunk and hence contributed to the lack of memory. just aside, I have found that alcohol is very often associate d with sexual abuse/incest.i worked with non practicing alcoholics almost exclusively for 10 years and in that time 90% of the women in AA also had sexual abuse histories. she came to me at 28 years of age and still had no memories even after is pointed out the aspects in her chart. it was "funny" because though she never remembered any abuse, she did not disregard the possibility . one reason was that many people had noted throughout her life , a "strange" connection between her and her father. and she actually researched nessus which has become a signature symbol for abuse and found that nessus was conjunct her sun. interestingly previous to the time I met her, her father had recently told her top get a life.....that is she was at his house all the time and her father's girl friend did not like her around him. I'd say tragically, after her father broke up with his girl friend, she started getting drunk with him again and staying over night at his house. incest in infancy are the most difficult cases to deal with . but also the most destructive to the personality, as in your situation, because the negative feelings don't seem to have a rational source. the biggest problem comes with relationships. very often because of the displaced sense of love, relationships become very difficult in one later life because ,very often one becomes involved with abusers because one has a blind spot for these types of men. I would suggest finding a counselor who specializes on abuse victim psychology. a counselor may be able to elucidate what aspects of your personality reflect abusive experiences. I also wonder if you have had autoimmune diseases, because this is very typical of abuse survivors whether conscious or not. I realize I might have opened a can or "worms" butfeel free to contact me if you have any ideas of questions. rahu [/QUOTE]
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