lack of friends and abusive relationships


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Hi all,its been a very long time since ive posted on here and Ive debated heavily about doing so! But here I am and I think im ready to share!!

As a young woman i was very popular and social..Wasnt till i had my babies that all changed!! I got into one abusive relationship after another,and all were emotional abuse and verbal..Extreme cruelty as i now know that i dealt with narcasissts thro therapy!!

Anyways Ive become this shell if my former sef and lack freinds and never been one to connect with neighbours and I do have a uncomfotable feeling in group settings...I just dont know how to fit in anymore!!!Its been many years since ive had a girlfreind to hang with,just mostly hang out with family...

Ive attempted to go out and meet people and i have BUT i think i turn themoff someohow because they never stick...I think at times i talk so much and try to be overly funny and witty,that by the time we meet again im shy and at a lose for words!!!

My last relationship which ive written about on here with the last narcasisist lasted ten yrs and till this day I cant seem to find myself STILL!!..I used to be on here chatting alot but have withdrawn and feelin secure about posting anything here!! I fear i will make a fool out of myself with my interps etc.

All my friends are from online and i seem to be able to

blend in fine for the most part but again im not posting anything anywhere and have this strong fear of public failure!!

Astrologically I know i have saturn in the 11th in taurus,and some heavy moon,mars,pluto stuff that can indicate the abuse in my life..And I dont seem to be able to connect with women well..Alll the girlfreinds i ever have have aways stolen men from me ,not kidding!!

I was hoping that someone could look at my natal chart and see what else they can see!! Maybe having others look can bring me some perspective!!


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on first looks the t-square in your chart between Moon, Mars and Pluto stands out to me and yes, this aspect can indicate the abuse you've experienced.

You have both Sun/Mercury and Asc in water signs and Moon also in the 12th, these placements are likely to make you sensitive and add to the emotional stuff. My feeling is you need to sort out your own inner emotional world, so you don't attract other people's emotional negativity into your life any more. With Moon in the 12th your feelings are quite hidden and private and not easily expressed.
The t-square between Moon, Mars and Pluto can be explosive at times and also attract anger from others.

On the other hand there's a fair amount of fire in your chart as well and you have a nice Jupiter/Neptune conjunction in your 5th house in Sagittarius. This is a visionary/idealistic combination and it is strong in your chart since both Jupiter and Neptune rule your Sun sign Pisces (and your Sun/Mercury conjunction is in your 9th house as well). You can be very creative and probably have high ideals about love relationships, at your best you are a very positive person who can uplift others too. Try and express the deep emotional stuff through your creativity, this could help you move forward.


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Bina thanks for the reply,but ive been more upset about the lack of friendships in my life as of late..Could be that I got T.Saturn going thro my 5th house!! But more to that,Been feeling like this for years now!!!I just never fee supported in this way..I envy women who have girlfriends that have friends to go to movies with,have coffee and what have you!!Even in all my relationships,we never had other couples as friends ...Just always been me and my partner..Always secluded!!! I so desperatley wish I didnt have my chart and freakin saturn in my 11th house of friends ,hopes and wishes..It seriously hinders me!!!!


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Saturn makes a nice sextile aspect to your Sun/Mercury in the 9th and to your Asc as well.
Perhaps you need a deeper kind of friendship, and those are harder to find. Superficial contacts with people might not satisfy you, your friendships may need to be more serious, commited and long-lasting than most people's, and there may be less of them, but these could be more fulfilling. :smile:


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..Always secluded!!! I so desperatley wish I didnt have my chart and freakin saturn in my 11th house of friends ,hopes and wishes..It seriously hinders me!!!!
I think it's more related to having your Moon in the 12th. I have the same placement in Gemini. (I'm also a Cancer Asc) I think this Moon position tends towards seclusion. There's nothing wrong with it. I actually feel that it's good as it seems most people are very insensitive. I've been focusing more on my spiritual growth and learning about myself.

However, that being said, I'm trippin a bit currently on losing friends. I'm realizing this phenomenon is due to the fact that I've begun to realize that maybe these "friends" weren't very good for me (Ven con Nep) in the past. My rose colored glasses have finally come off. I'm growing out of my old relationships as I feel I'm expanding into new areas.

As a result I've also had the realization that I need to make new friends but it's more challenging as you get older. As we age, I think our schedules prevent us from meeting as many people as we did when we were younger in school, college etc. We have more responsibilities. Not as much time.

Consider meeting people through your main interests.


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I totally understand about what you say it sometimes can be better to be alone..Imcomfortable being alone normally but Im really desiring close freindship as well!!!

But at times my family has had issues with me always being alone with no true freinds ,they deem it unnatural...Think im too eccentric etc....But they aso know of how others have treated me and the family drama ive had which is also another reason i stayed tomyself,because people would get dragged inot the dramas!! I have uranus 4th house,homelife is not stable due to outside influences aways tryin to start some ****!!! Thats another thread I could start! LOL!!

Thanks for responding!!!


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Reading a sidereal/wholesign chart, Saturn is in Aries/11 and you've got Mars in Sagittarius/7

Jupiter, ruling 7, and significator of husband, is in 6

Mars and Jupiter are in a mutual reception, so powerful difficulties with relationships could be predicted there

Jupiter is also sig for 'babies'

You had a long Jupiter dasha beginning in 1993

You're currently doing a Saturn dasha, which might leave you feeling cut off from your friends and social networks.


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Thanks Moog...But what is dasha???

The dashas are a system of timing used in vedic astrology.

You have a sort of timetable that accompanies the main chart, and certain periods of time are 'ruled' by certain planets.

When those time periods arrive, we experience what those planets signify in a much stronger way.

So if you had Jupiter problems, you've probably already had the worst of it.


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Have you considered going to a support group for women of domestic violence? You'd be able to interact with other women on a deep level and not feel judged by them when sharing your experiences. It might help in the healing process. You have a nice trine from Saturn in the 11th - groups/friends/organizations to Sun in the 9th (philosophies, religion, higher mind) in pisces. A place for you to SHINE. Also your neptune ruler of pisces in the 5th is sextile venus in the 7th(house of others). Just seems like a group environment with others having experienced what you have would really be beneficial and would work out for you. It would also give your 12th house moon a way to set itself free.

There is alot of shame that gets internalized after abuse.. don't give it the power to be your undoing. it's needs to be expressed somehow...
and i hope you'll find a way to do it. if not through a support group then some other way, just find something that feels right to you.

best of luck :smile:


Account Closed
Friends are of course an 11th/5th house event, but its also a Venus Return event on the romantic side. Do you still live in Toronto, Canada?


Account Closed
Actually no I live in london ontario canada now!Does this make a diffrence????

Return charts(which is a kind of transit charts) must be calculated for where you live today, not where you were born. The further you are away from there the more significant it is.

Feel free to privately PM me with the data if you don't want anyone to know where you live, which under the circumstances I could understand.

Or just don't; I UNDERSTAND THAT TOO. I spent 40+ years in school based mental health services before I retired. I think I've seen every possible kind of abuse. Recently a new friend where I retired was commenting on how he thought I was happy because I didn't have anything like the Sandy Hook murder thing happen to me in my career. And then I asked him if he remembered the Amish Shootings... yeah.... been involved in SUPPORT for every kind of abuse.


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Ill send the data to you privatley!!! Or perhaps you can tell me how to draw that up??? Thanks for this!!!

AR: i loved your response,so very true!!!! I think ill look into a group of that nature,never thought of that!! Thank You!!!



I just came to this forum out of curiosity... and am looking at your chart.

I think the moon/pluto/mars T-square can definitely affect your relationships with women, as others have mentioned. The whole thing you mention about women taking your men away I feel is really indicated here as well. I wonder what the underlying issues are that cause you to repeat that karmic pattern? Pluto close to the IC and Uranus in the 4th definitely indicate an instability at the roots of your life... Also a sun/moon square... Like the parents didn't get along. To me, it speaks to some kind of power struggle related to your mother or upbringing that later exhibited itself through violent situations with men (pluto & mars, two of the most destructive planets at their worst!) and a similarly difficult relationship with women who in their own way exhibit the mars & pluto qualities... maybe by being more dominating sexually, controlling, sneaky/manipulative... so on.

I also feel that water sign people are often prone to very intense emotional experiences ... I have found many people who end up in highly dramatic/abusive relationships often have charts heavy in water. I think it's because a water personality can become swept up more easily than others. Also, that Neptune Square Sun is a killer... It can make the direction in life very confusing -- With the Pisces sun added in there, I can see this making it difficult to discern situations, and possibly going into something feeling rather idealistic, but then suddenly finding out it was all an illusion. Pisceans tend to struggle with how to be in the material reality ... escapism... I'm sure you've heard the whole bit. I've found people with a lot of water, but especially pisceans, need to really take their sensitivity more seriously and set boundaries between themselves and others... or else they will easily get lost in someone else's emotional vortex. Building strong emotional foundations within the self is important so you can be more discerning of situations.

I find your Aquarian North Node in the 8th/Venus in Aquarius (in the 7th) to also be interesting. Here venus works in harmony with neptune and pluto, who are basically causing a lot of the trouble... The Aquarian node in the 8th seems to have a message that you need to move outside of your personal comfort zone and learn to deal with crisis situations in a way that can ultimately be of service. I can see the "Strong fear of public failure" coming in here... but it's something you may have to face to fulfill your path... as this nodal placement seems to talk about redefining your sense of self and security in terms of collective goals ... that said, at your present situation... you may still be resisting some aspects of your nodal path and attempting to cling to something more familiar and secure, which is creating negative feedback. maybe there is something you need to do outside of your normal social sphere completely? I like what the one poster said about women's crisis groups -- because I feel you could connect with something like that in a positive way, given the north node placement and what i've briefly deduced from your chart/what you said about your life.

Some kind of community or group could be a place where you can forge different kinds of relationships which could translate to helping you heal aspects of your nature which have been the cause of major struggle and upheaval in your life.

Also, looking briefly at your transits -- Saturn just crossed into your 5th house, and Uranus crossed your MC a few years back. I feel Saturn in the 5th could dampen the social life... Uranus crossing the MC impacts the public sphere -- so could be work, etc... but it could also affect relationships to others in the world/your community. maybe you are just going in a different direction now from the people you used to associate with... so therefore can't connect as much anymore? Also this could have affected your home/personal life... such that you had to make an adjustment here likely in favor of or because of something related to your career/reputation/public life...

Let me know if any of that resonates with you... I've been working with astrology for a few years and I'm still pretty new to interpreting the charts of strangers!!! Soooo thought i'd throw in a bit of what i am seeing. Take it with a grain of salt if it doesn't make sense to you :)

edit: wow that was longer than i thought!! ahhaha.
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BRAVO!!!!!!!!BRAVO!!!! Wow!!!!

You nailed it!!!!! Damm i forgot about that sun/neptune I have!!! So very piscean of me ugh!!!Im so glad that you saw the "woman" part of my chart!!!Its always baffled me!!! I often thought to myself,"i musta been a bad *** person in a past life " to get abuse from both males and females!!

When u mentioned uranus going thro my tenth,all i can tell you that since it opposes my 4th(which is uranus anyways) And I had saturn transiting there for a time too,that my family life became more erratic BUT i became more responsible(thanks saturn for that)Now my saturn is in my 5th house,my daughter has decided to move back home with me from her dads!! She went through a rebellious streak about 2 years ago and wanted to try with her father(wont comment on that hot mess of a man)!But shes back and we are closer then ever!!!

My social/love life being dull,well thats nothing new,I dont forsee any great love relationship in my life coming anytime soon,Ive also did my progressions and theres some heavy venus stuff there and now progressed DSC is uranus!!! I seem to have a lot of uranian influences in my life as a theme...Nothing is ever stable...SO i think ill still be lonely for years to come regrettably,maybe a few flings here and there.sigh..Its depressing actually..

I got my own temper as well with that tsquare!! But it only seems to come out in defense of being treated badly!! I can come across as intimadating to some when ive had enough!!And some say i give off an "aloof but yet autoratative" vibe!And some have said I always seem"sad"

Your analysis is spot on and please continue with your work because you are quite good at it,and I am on a mission to find a womens group that has dealt with the same issues as I have!! People say I am good at counsilling others and helping others make positive changes in their lives!! So lets hope I can do this!!!

Yes fear keeps me from moving forward publically,even in work...

Thank you again ,this was wonderful and I am now happy I chose to post this for ive gotten some AWESOME feedback from all of you!! I feel inspired again!!!



I know a lot of Uranian types, and incidentally have been meeting a lot of 4th house Uranus people... and it can be rough going for them in terms of feeling stable. I have a Uranus-Venus Neptune-Venus opposition natally, which may seem hopeless on a level... but my venus is in the 7th like yours and relationships have played a key role in my life. They are usually with very unusual kinds of people, and yes, the tend to come and go... but not always! I think, likewise, Uranian people might try too hard to be "normal" for a good part of their lives but still can't resist their Uranian impulses and this causes trouble. It is easier to just embrace the fact that you're not going to be like everyone else. Also your Uranus is inconjunct your sun... So that probably adds to the instability you feel within yourself. Your friends probably can't always evolve with you... but if you can move in your correct path, you will have others around who can do this work and be in your sphere for longer.

Yeah the moon/pluto/mars can definitely be extremely temperamental. I'm still trying to understand how T squares work in a practical sense... I think with your chart there's definitely a need for healthy emotional release. With the moon in the 12th involved in such a T-square ... the others around you may be a reflection of inner anger/struggles ... deeply subconscious things that you aren't totally conscious of which need to be released. Once you start to key in on who you are and your path, you will be able to begin the process of healing and unveiling the unconscious stuff. You don't quite have a grand cross ... but I feel there is something about the t-square sun/neptune square that is very powerful and has the sort of stability that a grand cross might have. Since the main line of communication seems to be with the sun/moon/neptune on one side with mutable signs.. it's like learning to apply a constant change and transmutation to the areas of life represented by the houses (higher learning, children, self expression, creativity, the subconscious mind) ... on the moon/pluto/mars side the focus seems more in the sphere of communication/service/work and health. So there are two threads there that have a parallel relationship... like... the things you deal with in the moon/mars/pluto realm (where I see the abusive energy occurring esp because of the 3rd and 6th house) have a direct correlation with your sun/moon/neptune experience (which is your piscean stuff that, in many ways, enables the moon/mars/pluto to get out of hand) ... In other words, if you are able to develop the higher qualities of neptune/pisces/12th house (fine spiritual connection, selfless service, dream work or other exploration of subconscious elements, community work) with the use of inner strength and boundaries ... you will be able to alter and change the more volatile aspects of the T square... and vice versa. You can take specific actions through creative work with your personal vision. There are some house/sign correlations in that formation that further emphasize the communication/service oriented approach with a higher vision in mind. But in order to do that the ego attachments and subconscious issues must be unearthed and let go. This is the higher octave of your chart as I am seeing it.

I wouldn't necessarily interpret the Uranus DSC progression as meaning you will be alone forever -- perhaps it just means a reorientation of your relationship to others... Uranus breaks up ingrained patterns -- so maybe he is now helping you/guiding you to break the lifelong chains you've had when it comes to others... and maybe there will then be an opportunity to have a different kind of relationship that is more positive to you. Even if you end up alone, partnershipwise (which I don't necessarily foresee with venus in the 7th), community involvement seems important and fruitful. Your partnership might even be connected with a community. The Aquarian thing I think would make it less "passionate" in a sense, but calls for a more evolved approach that might stray from the average concepts of 'marriage' ... partnership, so on. In this way it may be that your relationships have a sort of "detachment" but in the right situation, this is very good for you. It has the possibility of offering the deep emotional support and connection you need without all of the drama. Just a thought!!

Anyway, good luck to you... I'm glad it was helpful and happy to hear that the input on this forum inspired you :)!!!
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