Is this negative period of my life going to last for much longer?

LostinPhilly

Well-known member
Hi all,

I have been going through a rough time at the moment. In brief:
  • Anxiety has taken over my life since my dad's death in December 2021 and I find myself battling heightened anxiety, OCD and even paranoia on a daily basis.
  • I reconnected with my estranged mother and siblings because they needed me to handle all the estate / probate paperwork. All my weekends and spare time has been consumed with me taking care of this workload on my own and remotely as we don't live in the same country. My mother cannot read nor write and has never had a job, so it is all on my shoulders out of the blue when I thought I had left her toxicity behind when I cut her off 6 years ago. I try to limit my contacts with her as they instil more anxiety but it is not always easy.
  • I lost all my friends during the pandemic because we just drifted apart. I went from a pre-COVID life where I was surrounded by tons of people, to literally no one. I don't have a single person to speak to (outside of my family, but I don't really express my feelings to any of them).
  • I have been stuck in a job I am not particularly passionate about for the last two years and all of my efforts at moving jobs have ended up in rejections. I am constantly being overlooked at work despite my hard work, long hours and dedication, other people get accolades, I don't get anything.
  • As a result of my stress, anxiety and grief, I have lost a lot of weight because I spend my spare time either working on estate paperwork or stressing over one thing or another. There's always something not so pleasant that pops up. It's been this way for months if not a year now.
  • I've now started hating my current apartment as this whole negativity started the moment I moved in and it's been riddled with bad energy.
I simply feel completely and utterly trapped in my own life. I've no one to turn to and I'm just dealing with one burden after another. I simply cannot go on like this anymore. My heart is about to explode every single day and I sometimes think disappearing off the face of the earth would be a better option.

Is this negative period of my life going to last for much longer?

Thanks.


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Osamenor

Administrator
Staff member
Anxiety correlates with Mercury, ruler of the nerves. Mercury rules your IC (home, family, especially family of origin) and your twelfth house (ancestry, deeply buried secrets, hidden traumas) and disposits your Moon (also family). No accident that your anxiety appears to be triggered by this weighty family stuff.

Saturn has been squaring your Mercury for the last couple of months, and your other Scorpio placements since early 2021. Heavy responsibilities, burdens. Saturn can also be associated with death, and the father. It will be within orb of that square until February 2023. Meanwhile, Uranus is making a much slower transit in opposition to your Scorpio stellium. Uranus transits aren't always bad, sometimes they inject needed energy, sometimes they bring nice surprises your way, but they always bring the unexpected. When you have very heavy transits going on at the same time, the likelihood of the unexpected being a serious blow goes up.

Meanwhile, Neptune is squaring your Moon, and has been for all of the past year. That adds a washing away, diminishing quality, especially to the Moon-related areas of your life. Since Moon rules your ascendant (the body) and is also one of the primary indicators of body and health in all birth charts, regardless of its house placement or rulership, it's no accident that you've lost weight. Your body has diminished.

Neptune will start moving out of orb of that square about a year from now, mid 2023.

To top it off, Pluto is making a long, slow opposition to your Chiron. That brings up the very deep wounds that Chiron represents.

The big picture I see here is that you've been living as the walking wounded for a long time. These transits are bringing it all to the surface now.
 

LostinPhilly

Well-known member
Thank you very much, Osamenor.

Thinking this will go on until mid-2023 is quite painful, but I have to live through it I suppose. It is tough because I don't know how I'm going to survive much more of this. Just when I think I'm feeling better, I get knocked out yet again.

I think the hardest throughout these transits is not having a friend or a confident to speak to. I've been deserted by everyone I once knew and I find myself dealing with my family's heaviness all on my own. It reminds me of 7 years ago when I had just finished college, had no friends and had only my dysfunctional family around me. I feel as though all these efforts at building a healthy social life and lifestyle over the past 6 years have gone down the drain in the blink of an eye. I used to be a very active person (5k run every day before work, going to events after work, going to museums / movies etc, driving lessons, weekly therapy sessions). Now I'm only the shadow of myself and I just feel utterly empty inside. I'm on auto-pilot most days.

I honestly don't know what the best course of action is. I have been trying to get a "fresh" start (job, location or apartment change), but all my efforts have proven to be pointless because nothing is moving forward and everything is status quo. I'm probably not in the best mindset to be making these decisions, but I thought a fresh start of some sort would help.
 

Osamenor

Administrator
Staff member
Thank you very much, Osamenor.

Thinking this will go on until mid-2023 is quite painful, but I have to live through it I suppose. It is tough because I don't know how I'm going to survive much more of this. Just when I think I'm feeling better, I get knocked out yet again.

I didn't say this will go on until mid 2023. I said the transits will.

What's going on in your life is not the planets' fault. They may have tripped the switch to set it all in motion, but they could only do that because the switch was there to trip. Now that they have set it all in motion, there's no turning back. Things won't get better just because the transits move on. Things get better because of what you do to deal with what they've set in motion. You don't have to wait for the transits to move on to start that. You can't afford to.

It sounds like the anxiety is what's getting in your way the most right now. If you're not treating it, you need to. That's the first step.
 

LostinPhilly

Well-known member
I didn't say this will go on until mid 2023. I said the transits will.

What's going on in your life is not the planets' fault. They may have tripped the switch to set it all in motion, but they could only do that because the switch was there to trip. Now that they have set it all in motion, there's no turning back. Things won't get better just because the transits move on. Things get better because of what you do to deal with what they've set in motion. You don't have to wait for the transits to move on to start that. You can't afford to.

It sounds like the anxiety is what's getting in your way the most right now. If you're not treating it, you need to. That's the first step.

No, I know that you referred to transits specifically. The transits do not trigger hardships or difficulties, but they do contribute to the way we react to them and the way we deal with them. I never said my current set of circumstances is attributable to the planets' fault. I simply meant to say that this emotional volatility / anxiety / stress will last until 2023 based on the transits. I'm not talking about the difficulties I'm experiencing lasting until 2023 - these are dependent on various factors that are not directly related to how the planets are aligned.
 

Osamenor

Administrator
Staff member
The transits do not trigger hardships or difficulties, but they do contribute to the way we react to them and the way we deal with them. I never said my current set of circumstances is attributable to the planets' fault. I simply meant to say that this emotional volatility / anxiety / stress will last until 2023 based on the transits.

Your emotional volatility, anxiety, and stress are part of your set of circumstances. Circumstances of your body, mind, and spirit. The fact that the triggering transits are still happening does not mean the anxiety and stress have to remain. When the transits move on, the fact that they've moved on won't make the anxiety and stress disappear.

You can't change where Saturn is, but you can change what you're doing in response. Are you just passively waiting for your emotional volatility, anxiety, and stress to go away with the transits? That's not how it works.

If there's ever a time to find a therapist, it would be this. If there's ever a time in your life for anti-anxiety medication, this checks all the boxes. And/or whatever else you might do to treat anxiety. (I was once told by a doctor that taking vitamin B complex helps relieve anxiety. I tried it and found that it did, although it takes four weeks of taking it daily to kick in, and it's just a mild reduction in anxiety--takes the edge off but doesn't completely cure extreme anxiety.)

Point is, when anxiety is this serious and this crippling, it's a disease in itself. It doesn't go away without treatment. If it is treated, you might be seeing enough success by mid 2023 that you can reduce or stop treatment.
 

LostinPhilly

Well-known member
Thank you, Osamenor.

I agree that the first step is to take care of my anxiety, not only has it been crippling but it has been entirely debilitating. However, I personally do not believe in anti-depressants and other pills to cure a mental health crisis, so this might not be the route I want to take. People are quick to suggest pills but the ramification of those on one's body and often overlooked.

I read elsewhere the Saturn-Mercury connection can be the reason for the OCD (my OCD has gone through the roof and part of what I'm feeling right now is directly resulting from it).
 

Osamenor

Administrator
Staff member
Thank you, Osamenor.

I agree that the first step is to take care of my anxiety, not only has it been crippling but it has been entirely debilitating. However, I personally do not believe in anti-depressants and other pills to cure a mental health crisis, so this might not be the route I want to take. People are quick to suggest pills but the ramification of those on one's body and often overlooked.

I read elsewhere the Saturn-Mercury connection can be the reason for the OCD (my OCD has gone through the roof and part of what I'm feeling right now is directly resulting from it).

I agree that pills are not a cure, in and of themselves. What they do is keep the symptoms manageable while you're finding the real cure. It's like taking pain relievers for menstrual cramps: the cramps just have to be waited out, but without pain relief, you're uncomfortable at the very least, maybe even non-functional. (Doesn't apply if you don't get significant cramps, of course.)

Having studied herbalism, I can say there are a number of herbs that help anxiety, but which ones work best varies a lot from person to person. If you can find an herbalist, they may be able to come up with the right kind of formula for you. And, of course, there's therapy. Sometimes body work is helpful for anxiety and OCD. Considering that a major transit to your AC ruler is part of the picture, I suspect body work would be helpful in your case.

The decision is yours, of course. If not medication, then another kind of treatment (and if medication, then also another kind of treatment), but it does need to be taken care of.

Saturn-Mercury may be exacerbating your OCD, but it's not the cause of it. Everyone gets Saturn-Mercury transits several times in their lives. Not everyone has OCD. It sounds like you have it at a low level all the time, it's just blown up big now.
 
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