So, I'm back home again. You wrote that you fall in love head over heals, then just as fast stop yourself from going on.
I meet a guy. before l have a chance to breathe l fall for him totally (or what l think is falling, infact l fear it might be more a need for security). Then my fear of rejection kicks in and l kinda freak out internally.
It is not so difficult to see why. You have all sorts of opposites (I'm not talking about oppositions now) in your psychological make-up. Very outgoing and funloving Moon and Venus in Aries (flirty, irresponsible, jumping before thinking sort of thing) and a Saturn who should stop you from going wild but is himself unsettled in Aries, (a fire sign in a fire house!) and cant do much about it, and then the total opposite :looking for stability, security ,being loyal, and focussed on being constructive (Sun,Mercury and Mars in Taurus). Not easy, this must feel to you like having a multiple personality. One says GO! the other says NO!.
What is actually helpful, or could be helpful eventually, is
the mutual reception between Mars and Venus in order to find a balance between the two different sides.(and it is all about balancing things out with you).
It takes a long time to get there, due to the interception of two such important planets.
But now with Pluto entering the stable sign of Capricorn and Saturn also finally out of his fire sign and into his Earth element it probably will get easier from now on to find that security in personal relationships.Progressed Mercury has just entered Cancer and is at 1°50' in your 4th house exactly trining Chiron which could mean that a healing of old (bad) memories is possible. In about 2 years progressed Mercury will turn retrograd! and this could be very important for you as Mercury is ruler of your 3rd and 7th house. 6 years ago Mercury entered Cancer and these areas probably have gone through changes. Mercury is not so happy in Cancer, it is all too emotional for him and he cant think so straight anymore in this sign so relationships and communication with others could have become more difficult. Mercury will return into his preferred sign Gemini in 9 years, so that will still take a bit, but then he will stay there
for about 30 years, so that is OK. It is always very important to look at progressed Mercury, especially with children by the way. As soon as Pr.Merc. goes direct in their chart, school stuff will advance and vice versa (often).
Your progressed Moon is in an earth sign at the moment and could have made you more productive these last 1.5 to 2 years. He will be entering your 7th house (I will have to draw a chart, right now to be sure;I am looking into the ephemeries).Progressed Venus and Mars are both in Gemini now and will stay there until you are 56 years. Exactly in that year they will be conjunct! So who knows, a very late but significant relationship could happen as they are rulers of 1 and 7 AND at birth, in mutual reception with one another.
Progressed Saturn has of course been the major factor in feeling insecure over all these years. He passed over your Moon, Moonnode and Venus and will still conjunct your Sun, Mercury and Mars later in life. But by then he is in an earth sign and will also trine your Jupiter, ruler of your Ascendant at some stage and I think that in Taurus he will be becoming more constructive. As he is ruler of your 11th house of hopes, wishes and friends I think that those areas will improve. Your chart looks wilder than it is because you have put in all those stars. Take them away (do it, there is hardly any evidence of them having some function) and you end up with just the opposition from Pluto to your Ascendant and Mars opposite Neptune (forget about Lilith as well unless you want to go into details that as yet have not yet really been researched well). What you are left with is the Grand Trine from Moon/Venus to Jupiter and the MC, very nice indeed. Jupiter in your 6th house of service to others and health matters is making it difficult for you to know what you want to do. You are not averse of working. Ruler 6, the Sun is in strong sign of Taurus and this shows that you would like to do something constructive and productive and maybe something artistic as well. Ruler 1 in 6 often shows a workoholic, or at least a very hardworking individual. Here Jupiter squares Mars showing a lot of energy to use, but if not used well, a lot of wastîng energy as well. The square to Neptune could make it difficult to focus on what you really want to do. Ruler 10 squares
