How to diffuse my 8th house stellium energy


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With Neptune conjucnts my 2nd house cusp, and opposes Mercury, the ruler of my eighth house, I finally gave up on sex totally. Scientifically speaking, the chance of that happening is smaller than 0.03%. For the first time, I have absolutely zero expectation and hope for it happening.

I used to believe in God so firmly, but my personal values (which is also second house issues) have totally eroded (along with my huge stock market losses > $US 1 million now).

For the first time in my life, I want to start to think FOR myself, instead of FOR others. I recently realize that all of my 41 years of life, I have always tried to be of service to the world (Sun in Virgo) and not looking out for my own interests. But even if I want to be a selfish person, I don't know how. I just can't.

I don't need good food, good clothing, good housing, or good cars for myself at all. I don't desire any material things.

I just need a little sex and a little hope to go by. But even that is crushed by Neptune on my second house cusp.

I've always prayed to God to either give me sex or remove my natural and biological desires. Sadly, I thought about castrating myself more times than I thought about betraying my wife, even while she continues to maintain a flirtatious friendship with her ex-boy friend behind my back.

I have reduced all of my prayers to the simplest: God, please show yourself and love towards me. That's all I ask.

I think I'm finally disillusioned. There are just not many logical conclusions that I can draw. Either He is not there, or He doesn't hear my prayers, or He doesn't love me.

Even then, out of all those choices, I hope it's not the first one, because I will cry my heart out for ALL of the heros, heroines, martyrs, and saints in ALL human histories and current days. They would have died in vain, and who is going to take care of them and cloth their dead bodies, and heal their spirits?


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Hi Astronovice. I just had a few thoughts about the thread and your chart that I wanted to share in case they add any clarity to your difficult situation.

I think its important to keep in mind that the 8th house, like the 7th and 9th, symbolises experiences in which we play a part in the realisation of collective life - the community. In particular the 8th symbolises experiences of connecting with others on a deep feeling level, giving substance to the ideals of communal participation which are potentially envisaged in the 7th house, and leading on to the broad understanding of collective processes which is potentially experienced in the 9th house. Sexual intimacy for its own sake (rather than as a procreative act) is just one way to fuse with others on a feeling level - the other traditional meanings of the 8th house seem more soul-less, but these associations are only valid in as much as they provide this feeling connection.

I can see that with Mars conjunct Sun in an earth sign as part of the 8th house gathering in your chart, that sexual intimacy could be very rewarding for you, and that being denied the opportunity to experience this intimacy with the person you love could very invalidating of who you are. And while Ram makes out that people go around deliberately trapping people into sex-less marriages, the truth in most cases is probably very different to this. In your case, we can see that you have a predisposition to be attracted to, and to attract, a partner who might be predisposed to struggle with sexual intimacy - and here I'm looking mainly at the Moon in Virgo in the 8th, closely square Saturn in the 5th. You were probably attracted to her reserved quality, not realising that there would be difficult implications of this in the future.

I think the idea of volunteering in a hospital is interesting, because this would involve an experience of connecting with your community, and would also perhaps involve experiences of the deaths of others, which reminds us that we are part of a larger life that will carry on after we are gone - and that out individual existence has a greater significance through its role in the continuation of the community/humanity.

As transiting Neptune approaches the opposition to your natal Mercury, which of course rules all of those Virgo planets, being of service to others may become increasingly enticing to you. I think someone also mentioned yoga, which I think would be definitely worth a go, especially with the 8th house planets in Virgo, and including the Moon and Mars. I think the Sun could really shine through this practise also, and with Scorpio MC, you may decide that it is part of your calling in life to help others by teaching yoga at some point in the future. Your're almost at your Uranus half-return, and the shift from computer technician to yoga teacher, or whatever, could be the main thrust of your 'mid-life' crisis.

I imagine that your partner would find it extremely difficult to take off her 'body armour', which she has probably worn for most or all of her life. And yet the Venus in Leo trine Neptune, and the Cancer descendant in your chart suggest that she is also very warm and compassionate. Like blackempress, I don't see sex as an necessary part of life. I have angular Pluto and chart-ruling Moon in Scorpio, and have found that when sex is taken out of the picture, the possibility of a different kind of intimacy with the rest of life becomes more evident. Anyway, I'm glad that you are man of integrity - it would be so easy to run around like some stray dog. I'm sure that life will reward your integrity and your searching for new ways of being.

Best wishes
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miquar, I appreciate your input.

I'm in transformation. I don't who I will become, but I won't be the same for sure.

I do understand that the whole problem is not all caused by my wife, but just as you've described, it's also in my chart.

Neptune opposing my Mercury did bring various thoughts of service, but also destruction of my net worth.

This is my personal note for Neptune 2nd house transit:
"I may start to donate more money every year. Danger in financial dealings??" which I followed through by actions, but actually money was just drained out from me. I don't really know how to tell the personal calls from charities for donation solicitations that at the consecutive third year of huge losses, I'm now in self-preservation, and can no longer donate thousands of dollars year after year.

I'm going to write the notes for my upcoming Neptune opposes Sun/Mars:
"I may get laid off from my job and idle for an extended period, or get hospitalized due to accident or disease."

I always get unlucky with Saturn in 5th. So might as well expect the worst.


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Hi. Those are very negative notes on those transits. I would recommend a book called The Gods of Change, by Howard Sasportas. This will give you a much more healthy and constructive understanding of outer planet transits.

You might also want to look at why you carry a sense of being inherently unfortunate. You could Google the various experiments that have been done around self-fulfilling positive or negative expectations. It seems that to a large extent we do make our own luck by being receptive to good fortune.

An emphasis on Pluto, Scorpio or the 8th house can bring a belief that the rug will always be pulled from under one's feet. There has to be trust that uncontrolled change happens for good reasons - otherwise we might get cynical or resentful about our seeming lack of control.


Premium Member
Actually in term of sexual life, although 8th house ruler, Mercury in his exaltation as an Earth sign living in his own ruling house, yet, Mercury is still under the sunbeam, with Saturn in Gemini in 5th will still cut down a lot of sexual activities even though Saturn as your ascendant ruler placed in 5th. In your situation, it does show large focus on speculative activities such as Stock market. Along with your luminaries and Mars your drive then mental works Mercury all in 8th house, a lot of focus on money, and Jupiter in Sag and Neptune in Sag ruling your 2nd house.

Mars in Sun's Cazimi, that is the ruler of 3rd house gave much mental strength in intellectual practical sign Virgo. Yet 7th house ruler Moon is combustion and Mercury under the sunbeam. Mercury is the final dispositor of Sun (Sun rules Venus), Mars (in Cazimi so highly blessed), Moon (7th cusp ruler), because of Mercury having slight affliction just some minor issues, but Moon is in higher affliction being in closer combustion range yet the final dispositor Mercury in Virgo not too bad, but the ruler are all in 8th house....

It is strange you said you can't get from her. From derived house, her 5th is Sagittarius, should be very active with her hobbies, children, sex, and her 8th house is Pisces should also be very very fertile. But Jupiter hasn't got any effective easy aspect, the flow therefore rather difficult to release however I don't like the problem due to lack of libido. Perhaps her physical health is not too good due to Moon being her ascendant and 12th house ruler, while her 6th is ruled by Saturn in Gemini which is your own ascendant ruler.

Jupiter in his own sign, placed in 11th house, yes possible to do well to serve larger community for humanitarian works, volunteering in hospital will serve this Jupiter well. Interesting, quincunx is adjustment aspect which does aspect Venus in Leo in 7th house for your partnership & humanitarian work. It may well be a good start to transform relationship. Is your wife also interested on doing volunteer work with you?


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My wife spends most of her 5th house energy on children. It's hard to find a more protective mommy than her. She has Venus/Mars and Sun in 5th house, cusp at Aquarius.

Her health is just okay. But she has Saturn conjunct Mars, both conjunct DC. I think for that reason, she is not very physically active at all.

My wife doesn't share my dream of services to mankind.

Miquar, I used to believe that I can make my own luck. But if you are in my situation years after years, life will change your thinking. I have been very tenacious, and so it took decades. The willpower of average people won't even last for 10 years.

At my first major depression, I had this combo:
Saturn transit through my second house (restriction of self-worth and money), opposing Mars/Sun (action impedement/ego challenge), and then triply transits to Moon (depression), coinciding with Neptune conjunct AC (dissolution of self-identity), plus Pluto conjunct Neptune (total destruction of dream/idealism).

I was literally obliterated to nothingness, and then I made a "new-self".

At my second depression, I had this combo:
Saturn transit through my eighth house (restriction of joint finance), triply conjuncting my natal Mars/Sun (restriction of actions/ego) and Moon (loneliness and depression), while Pluto conjunct my Jupiter (total destruction of faith & hope), with Uranus triply opposing my Moon (emotionally upsetting and going crazy), and transiting through my second house (tremendous ups & downs in net worth) all together.

I lost 1.2 million in 4 months because of extraneous reasons, and then I made an excruciating comeback.

With Neptune conjunct 2nd house cusp this time, I finally observe a pattern. Maybe the universe is telling me to be more selfish. With my packed eighth house, I can always sense all the conscious or unconscious motives behind everyone's words & actions. While most of everybody including my psychological therapist are busy looking out for their own interests, I'm not. When I made my utmost endeavor wanting to become a scientist for lifetime service, the universe not only obstructed me, but obliterated me. When I wanted to make the best financial choices for my relatives, it went beyond the worst nightmare that I could have ever had.

And when I vowed to donate 0.5 million in my lifetime, the universe went on to let me lost it all and more. And I made a second vow for next year donation, and it became even worse when it was already at the worst. I notice the synchronicity of my altruistic thoughts versus my plight. When I was busy watching ALL of the episodes of the youtubes on "rich mate poor mate", empathesizing with all the homeless and poor, my net worth would continue to make new lows.

All along, I know that if I've ever done anything good in this world, it comes not from me, but God. And in the midst of my continual financial plight, I pray to God that "if you don't want to take care of me, please take care of all of those poor and sick in the whole world, for they are your dear children as well."

And then I finally realized that maybe God is just not there. Not there for me, and not there for the poor either.

I don't know anything now, but just stares at my new aquariums that the Neptune has brought onto my second house cusps.

For all of my life, I think for others. I try to save as much money and earn as much money, for I have always thought that God owns everything. My family always goes to the cheapest restaurants for dine outs. I use the close to the cheapest labor and materials for my home remodeling. Everything in my house is basically the cheapest that you can find. The most expensive item in my home is the LED TV which is $1050. Nothing else including furniture is more than one thousand (except 1 piece of 10-year anniversary jewelry and the engagement ring for my wife). But maybe I should really spend more money for my family instead of others.

My wife always says that I love strangers more than her, but I tell her that strangers can only receive one-time favor from me. I still remember the year I bought the five thousand dollars of the diamond engagement ring for my wife, I felt so guilty that I donated two thousands that year, only at the first year of my job.

There is really nothing that I can do for this world. If God doesn't exist, nobody in this whole world is going to look out for my family. Nobody. The acts of true love are so few, and most people go on their Darwinian life based on Adam Smith's invisible hand. Even charity organizations take advantage of natural disasters to raise more money.

I don't know if there is something really wrong with my thinking. I've got to do some serious thinking about it. And that's the Neptune dissolving my personal values at second house cusp, opposing my Mercury.


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Hi astro novice. I'm sorry to hear that your good intentions didn't bring the results that you would have liked. My hunch is that you are carrying the residue of experiences from another life, in which wealth was used in an excessively self-centred manner - this could account for a need to accrue wealth in order to do things differently, and also a sense of not deserving wealth. Or perhaps there is a residue of poverty which has instilled in you a kind of 'poverty-consciousness' which is difficult to shake off.

Whatever the background to your difficulties, they seem to be reflected in your natal chart largely by the 8th house emphasis. Both your issues with your wife and your financial frustrations are reflected by this, since both involve attempts to relate to others in a way which makes new energy available, but which can result in the frustration and humiliation of not getting the 'return' on our (emotional or financial) investment.

The 5th house, symbolising the experience of being a creative and special individual, is also relevant in both cases, since both romance and speculation offer the potential for such an experience. So the squares from Saturn in the 5th to the 8th house planets - especially closely to the Moon - seem to reflect your experiences very vividly.

For this reason, you might want to read Saturn by Liz Greene. She writes extremely well about the frustrations we experience through Saturn, and about what kind of resolution we can and can't expect.

My mind keeps drifting back to the idea of you doing something like yoga - properly, with the breathing exercises and the meditation. I really think you can turn these placements around by transferring them to a new canvas in which issues of guilt and past defeat can't get a foothold, and where you can experience the flow of power in a straightfoward and immediate manner.

You might also want to look at the inconjunct between Chiron and the Sun Mars conjunction. Chiron in the 3rd tends to feel unfairly hindered in attempts to interact with the world in a satisfying manner. This house corresponds to the sign of Gemini, which is the sign of the merchant, interestingly. Chiron aspecting Sun and Mars can experience a similar unfairness with regard to attempts to pursue one's goals.

The strong Virgo emphasis adds to your tendency to be down on yourself and to moderate your self-expression and self-gratification. It also adds to the likelihood that you would benefit from something like yoga. Mystics sometimes speak of the need to know the 'poverty of God', which you may be able to relate to. Its not something I'm qualified to elaborate on, but may be something you decide to look into, if you haven't already.


Premium Member
My wife spends most of her 5th house energy on children. It's hard to find a more protective mommy than her. She has Venus/Mars and Sun in 5th house, cusp at Aquarius.

Her health is just okay. But she has Saturn conjunct Mars, both conjunct DC. I think for that reason, she is not very physically active at all.

My wife doesn't share my dream of services to mankind.

....My wife always says that I love strangers more than her, but I tell her that strangers can only receive one-time favor from me. I still remember the year I bought the five thousand dollars of the diamond engagement ring for my wife, I felt so guilty that I donated two thousands that year, only at the first year of my job.

Children can be both barrier or buffer of relationship. From what I hear from you perhaps as a woman's point of view, she felt better off to invest more affection toward her children and her value is more family based while yours is more community based. Different value, eventually growing apart.

One thing that I really wish you to have some deep thinking. The actual inspiration and the strength of love is from the internal most basic unit of mankind, Family. If you are not able to unit your family, to be the loving husband and father, with the actual Actions of Love toward your family, your family will be inspired, one day they may also share what you love, together as a family unit, you can bring greater good to the community then being your own solely.

There is something I can't express with words about love. Perhaps it is more like the winter Sun, how it nurtures everything and gives warmth, it never was like a spotlight solely targeting one particular group. It is there to give to everybody, which including your own family.


Premium Member
The Best lesson of unconditional love, can be learned within your own family, your own internal root. If we are abundant enough, Then, we shall give more to the world.


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Not sure of your religious belief. In the Christian Bible, the entire book, many chapters and paragraphs were written as teaching on how to love your wife, your family, your children more than anything else.

I strongly believe, love can only grow stronger and be abundant when you have provided your family and also your own internal spiritual well being first before you may be able to offer more than yourself and your family unit.

It is pointless, to offer so much time and love to other people but you failed your own family, wife. You may want to consider their need more. You are their family and you are what they only have. Personally, I think that is unwise to focus on others, while you may not pay enough attention to your own Closest Neighbors, who are the neighbors, does it really have to be the strangers outside of your home? What she and your children actually need?

By building a stronger, brighter relationship, your wife and your children will be at better used to the community. When they are loved and inspired, by your abundance, they will also then be able to give more to the world beyond the family itself. It is wiser to nurture your own, to expand outward to bring great structural, practical impact. It is the united family better than a man solely trying to make a difference to the world. As a whole, you and your family, will be the living gift to the community you truly care about.


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I used to like to meditate (raja yoga) occasionally, but now I don't even pray anymore due to my depression. My biggest problem with meditation or spiritual activity is that it gives me even more physical and sexual power, which I simply don't need. I know the seven chakras from books, and unfortunately the energy that I received from meditation always spills to the lowest form. The better the meditation is, the more energy that I received, and "energy" simply goes everywhere in my body. I often don't meditate more because I just cannot control where the energy goes.

I always provide for my family. The reason that my wife feels I love strangers more because I would donate one thousand dollars to a charity in split seconds, while a spending of more than one hundred dollars is rare for our family and often take lots of deliberation. Most of personal/family spending is by necessity. My family has everything that they need, if not more. It's obviously hard to draw this line of need, especially when so many in the world are hungry.

At the end, it's just about choices. Do you spend $5 for one day worth of meals for a poor family in the third world country, or you spend that so that your family can have some drinks besides ice water for a dine-out? Do you spend the 1.5 hour playing with your kids, or you spend the 1.5 hour at Red Cross donating your blood every 8 weeks? I often wish that I can have more than 24 hours a day, but both of my time & money are limited.

Unfortunately, it's very difficult to teach my children about sharing, which is basically anti-survival. When I tell my kids that I donate thousands of dollars, their eyes are so wide-opened that they cannot believe it, since it's a relatively significant amount in terms of our own spending. When my kids learned about my blood donation, even with my strong encouragement, they said they just wouldn't do it when they grow up because they don't want to bleed. I, on the other hand, actually wanted to fill up an entire wall with donation stickers, just to realize later that I won't even live long enough to fill the wall when I'm donating at the max possible frequency.


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I think you are an unusual and special person. Only you can decide what is the way forward, but I have faith in your ability to cope with the energy that arises in you through yoga, and to release it into the world as healing power - just as you have been doing with your financial donations. Both are positive and fulfilling expressions of the 8th house. But perhaps only the yoga can be truly empowering for you.


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So many things have changed since, and yet so many things haven't changed.

I thought I may lose job or get hospitalized, when Neptune oppose Sun/Mars came. Instead, I lost my "self" (Sun) and my integrity (Mars).

I thought I may go through a marriage crisis when Saturn/Pluto oppose my Venus, and conjunct my AC in 2020/2021, and Uranus conjunct my 4th house cusp.

Instead, Uranus square my AC/DC in 2016. Almost to the day of the exact square, I WOKE UP. Why was I tolerating 4169 days of zero sex from my wife, when I need sex every other day, if not everyday, and financially can afford to pay prostitute every day for the rest of my life and more?

All my life I was so upbright. I didn't even look at any women nor any porno for 4044 days throughout. My state of sexless marriage made me suicidal and catatonic. I was inches away from suicide. When you don't want to choose betrayal to spouse, betrayal to God, and yet you cannot get any sex within a marriage, there is nothing left that I can choose but death, because death is a far better choice than living sexlessly. Yet, at the thought of my parents sending me away in coffin, I could not kill myself. That would be the worst thing to do to my parents.

Eventually, I realized that the sexual drives or procreation desires besides survival instinct are the two highest priority for any living organisms. I emerged from my deepest depression and told my wife that I would no longer tolerate sexless marriage, and she just had 2 weeks to fix it. And I will leave anytime if this issue resurfaces. And guess what, she had Pluto conjunct IC, transiting for the next two decades through fourth house.

Amazingly, she (and I) had Uranus transit trine Jupiter, and she managed to keep her end of bargain. Yet, in a way, it was just too little too late. I found myself unable to love her fully, nor stay faithful to her at the Biblical standard. I tried to find other women at all levels of relationship without any success, only to find out that in the online world, Asian men are the least preferred, while Asian women are the most coveted. My old spiritual self with integrity simply perished away. My new self is self-preserving and wants to be selfish. I am not able to hate my wife, but I hold disgruntle towards her. If she had listened a little to any of my past pleadings, and just bare a little pain, I would have never "died" (spiritually) in total despair where no solutions existed for me until I abandon my ideal self that held my marriage in sanctity.

Now, my Pluto/Saturn transit over my AC, opposing my DC is finally upon me in a few months. Yet, my marriage is "fixed". I don't know what to think of my transits anymore. I thought that I could recover my lost one million dollar in the stock market from the last Uranus trine Jupiter transit, but that didn't happen. I actually thought with Neptune opposing Sun/Mars, I may finally chemically castrate myself and lose my sex drives. Instead, my spiritual self died, because the physical self wanted to live.

There is one thing that I do know now: I will NEVER pick up the short-end of sticks again, in anything that I do, and I will not allow anyone to take advantage of me in any way. No more Mr. Nice.

P.S. And of course, I had Progressed Sun changing sign in 2017, the typical all old things out, and all new things in.