How do I know when a relationship lesson is over?

RuledbySaturn

Well-known member
Someone once told me that sometimes people enter your life to teach you lessons, or for you to teach them lessons, or more commonly both people learn lessons from each other.

My question is this: How can I tell when the lessons are finished and it's time to move on? What signs do I look for? The reason for this question is because while I don't want to make premature decisions, I also don't want to waste anybody's time or have them waste my time.

I cannot just go by my "feelings" because I have afflicted Moon and afflicted Neptune that's angular, which means not only do I get "addicted" to certain people, I also tend to walk around confused unless I develop some kind of reliable formula or system to follow. I think I am very close to figuring this out - just need some pointers from people who are more experienced. Thanks.


[Mod note - thread moved here, as it seems to be better-placed on this board than in the 'General Chat' section.]
 
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aquarius7000

Well-known member
RBS,

Actually, this is something one could write chapter and verse about, give different examples, but, in short, one way to recognise that the lessons (may) have been learnt is when a recurring pattern (in terms of circumstances, behaviour, etc) is broken. Let us combine this with Astrology, and take an example. Let us say, you have a Plu-Ven affliction (conj/squ/opp) and in each relationship face power issues, even violence or abuse of some sort. Say, you even attract either partners with this aspect or have this aspect repeating itself in synastries. Hence, this Plu-Ven theme, time and again, confronts you on some level, so there could be some indication there for you (and perhaps your partner) to learn how to manage power/control issues in a relationship. [Ever heard of the sad housewife's tale where the poor wife has had three abusive marriages with each breaking up because of the same reason - a violent husband, or rather three violent husbands. (?)] They say unless the lesson has been learnt (and the mind/soul has evolved to another level), there is a good chance that you might continue attracting such issues (aspect/relationships) on some level.

Now, you say you "don't want to make premature decisions", or "don't want to waste anybody's time or have them waste my time". Whilst I do understand what you mean, the thing is that we are all human beings that communicate primarily through emotions, and emotions cannot be cut or switched off when we feel that the time is up/lesson learnt. What I am trying to say is that you cannot 'calculate' certain things in life, or, say, even if you could calculate and give yourself a yes/no answer as to whether or not you have learnt your lesson, you cannot break off the human bond that has been formed between that other person and yourself just because you feel the lesson has been learnt/taught, and that you would not want to waste your/their time (not talking about abusive relationships where one party really might need to break all contact). These are things that one grows with and out of as part of a somewhat natural process. The relationship then between your partner and yourself (speaking in 3rd-person terms) will then reach a new understanding and quality of life. Personally, I believe that every situation or experience in life enkindles evolution on some level of the self; the difficult ones are that wee bit more challenging and bring about deeper transformation perhaps. Nothing is static, especially not thoughts and emotions, which primarily trigger action. Perhaps conscious evolution of the self is something that might bring about more self-awareness.


:)AQ7
 
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Someone once told me that sometimes people enter your life to teach you lessons, or for you to teach them lessons, or more commonly both people learn lessons from each other.

My question is this: How can I tell when the lessons are finished and it's time to move on? What signs do I look for? The reason for this question is because while I don't want to make premature decisions, I also don't want to waste anybody's time or have them waste my time.

I cannot just go by my "feelings" because I have afflicted Moon and afflicted Neptune that's angular, which means not only do I get "addicted" to certain people, I also tend to walk around confused unless I develop some kind of reliable formula or system to follow. I think I am very close to figuring this out - just need some pointers from people who are more experienced. Thanks.


[Mod note - thread moved here, as it seems to be better-placed on this board than in the 'General Chat' section.]

I have a so called afflicted moon square uranus and opp neptune. But very strongly angular uranus to. Spiritually, everything we do is a Lesson, Test or Exam and yes people come in and out of our lives for a reason like you say.

How you do know when a Lesson is finished in my mind is when that person leaves your life--- end of. If they come back the Lesson hasn't finished. For examploe, I married my last husband twice, cos I wanted to finish the Lesson to soon, but my Higher Self or I AM Prescence and the Universe had different ideas.

Hindsight is a glib word but useful, it's only when you can look back and assess and realise what Lessons you have learnt, can you move on :innocent:
 

RuledbySaturn

Well-known member
Thank you so much everyone - I really appreciate it. I've read all of your replies and now have more related questions...

Why do I attract the people who are not right for me?

1. Is it for me to master my ability to discern because my Sun and NN are in discerning signs? I strongly suspect this is THE reason because whenever I am with the wrong people (be it wrong romantic partner or business prospects who don't close deals, I ALWAYS see the perfect prospect passing me by...but I would miss the opportunity with them because I am stuck with or drained by the wrong people who are wasting my time ((though I know it may not be their intention to waste my time)).

2. Is it because the Universe doesn't think I am ready? But I am not happy about this because I believe I already have a lot to offer so why am I supposed to live up to Universe' apparent high expectations when other lucky people can just marry their high school sweet heart and be romantically set for life?

3. But people in your life should be viewed like gifts from God...which means I probably cannot disrepect or mistreat them, but why does God send me "gifts" that make me unhappy?

4. A spiritual counselor once told me that sometime people come into your life so YOU can teach THEM lessons...but why me? When I don't want to I should have the rigth to say NO.

5. How do I get the kind of people I really want? Is it to BE the kind of people I really want? But how can I learn to BE the kind of people I want to attract when the Universe purposely doesn't send me these people for me to imitate and learn from?
 

EJ53

Banned
My experience is that learning astrological lessons is like peeling an onion......Removing/overcoming the visible outer layer of each problem (through increased understanding and self-awareness) invariably uncovers another layer/different level of the same problem.

However, (imo) "the teacher appears when the student is ready to learn" and disappears (as a teacher) when the lesson has been learned......All we need to do is have faith that the Universe is unfolding as intended, and focus on our currently visible lessons.
 

EJ53

Banned
...Why do I attract the people who are not right for me?......1. Is it for me to master my ability to discern......2. Is it because the Universe doesn't think I am ready?......3. Is it because God wants to make me unhappy?......4. Is it because I have not the right to do as I want? 5. Is it because the Universe doesn't want me to imitate and learn from those whom I think could make me happy?

The Universe provides us with what we need rather than want, RBS.

Perhaps you are learning about the Law of Attraction......"Whatsoever things you desire when you pray, believe that you (now) have them and you shall have them"......[However, the key is to understand what "things" the Universe requires you to desire.]
 

RuledbySaturn

Well-known member
My experience is that learning astrological lessons is like peeling an onion......Removing/overcoming the visible outer layer of each problem (through increased understanding and self-awareness) invariably uncovers another layer/different level of the same problem.

However, (imo) "the teacher appears when the student is ready to learn" and disappears (as a teacher) when the lesson has been learned......All we need to do is have faith that the Universe is unfolding as intended, and focus on our currently visible lessons.
I just remember that I took some kind of a psychology test that said I tend to look far ahead but miss opportunites right in front of me, so I am suspecting that the people I want may be in my life already...I think I need to stop walking around half-asleep and open my eyes and spot them. I also need to be more disciplined in general, which I believe will help in the love department.
 
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RuledbySaturn

Well-known member
Your questions are too difficult, a whole life questions...or at least I don't know the answer.
LOL, to be honest sometimes I write out a bunch of things just to help my brain sort things out. It does work. 90% of the time after posting a question on any forum I eventually arrive at an answer.
 

flea

Well-known member
I can relate to issues about having to deal with people that treat you badly.... It prompted me to delve into some very deep healing processes. I changed within myself, living on my own (other people can be a distraction from your true self) and found that I was actually treating myself badly. Not an easy conclusion to come to be this was over a number of years little by little. And little by little as I ghealed myself, I started to nuture myself more and more.

I started exercising (yoga in my case) learning how to choose food to my benefit (being sag and jupiter in the 1st house I like too much of the sweet things). I give myself time to do the things i love.

Gradually I feel this learning process is coming to some kind of conclusion. It was destined I suppose with pluto conjunct uranus in virgo square my sun in the 7th. My relationship with myself has had its own revolution in this lifetime.

FleaXXX
 
Thank you so much everyone - I really appreciate it. I've read all of your replies and now have more related questions...

Why do I attract the people who are not right for me? If you were your teacher instead of student, how else could you 'set up' your learning Lessons??

1. Is it for me to master my ability to discern because my Sun and NN are in discerning signs? I strongly suspect this is THE reason because whenever I am with the wrong people (be it wrong romantic partner or business prospects who don't close deals, I ALWAYS see the perfect VERY NEPTUNIAN WORDS HERE (nothing or no one is perfect hon) prospect passing me by...but I would miss the opportunity with them because I am stuck with or drained by the wrong people who are wasting my time ((though I know it may not be their intention to waste my time)).

2. Is it because the Universe doesn't think I am ready? But I am not happy about this because I believe I already have a lot to offer so why am I supposed to live up to Universe' (substitute YOUR Higher Self here)apparent high expectations when other lucky people can just marry their high school sweet heart and be romantically set for life? over analysing sour grapes --- sorry.Self pity is not attractive

3. But people in your life should be viewed like gifts from God...which means I probably cannot disrepect or mistreat them, but why does God send me "gifts" that make me unhappy? So you learn and grow in your soul's Lessons

4. A spiritual counselor once told me that sometime people come into your life so YOU can teach THEM lessons...but why me? When I don't want to I should have the rigth to say NO. Why not you? of course you have the free will to say no, but if it's something that you agreed before reincarnation, you can say no now or with a certain person, but the Universe/your subconscious mind will 'set you up' with people and circumstances again for you to have the Lesson.:wink:

5. How do I get the kind of people I really want? Is it to BE the kind of people I really want? But how can I learn to BE the kind of people I want to attract when the Universe purposely doesn't send me these people for me to imitate and learn from?
You need to buy the DVD/book 'The Secret' available off ebay or large bookstores. This is about 'quanatum phsyics' how billionaires and millionaires made their fortunes. Your subconscious mind is like genie and aladin's lamp-- but main difference is--- it doesn't know the difference between fact or fiction. All it knows it that whatever you are putting 'thoughts and emotions behind' is what you want your reality and will do everything it can to help and support your endevours....

 
[deleted remarks critical to the original poster - Moderator - Note: posters can post about whatver questions they want as many times as they want. If you personally find repostings annoying...don't reply to their posts.]
 
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C0rnholio

Well-known member
Ruled... about your first question. I think you should seriously question the notion that people enter your life to teach you lessons. We are not puppets of some outside planetary powers (even though we are susceptible), so not every relationship has lessons that need to be learned.

Another thing, I have a suggestion for your afflicted senses. I have Venus in Virgo (in Fall) squaring Moon, and like many Venuses in Virgo I have an "ideal partner checklist" that I periodically go to and update. It has 20 points. If the relationship is going well, then my checklist is at 80-95%. If not, then it is at 70% or below, and then I stop putting efforts in that relationship, or cut it off early. If you do not like the lesson, you don not have to sit in the class til the bell rings.

As far as your second question, why do you attract wrong people... I assume you are a woman, and every woman attracts men. But most somehow manage to sort the bad ones out either early or later on. Apparently you do not have that subconscious ability. Hence -- I'd stick with the check list. Or a "reliable formula", as you call it.

> I also need to be more disciplined in general, which I believe will help in the love department.

LOL! This is such a Capricornian conclusion. See if you can learn something useful from Arieses, Cancers and Libras.
 

Vinyasa

Well-known member
My question is this: How can I tell when the lessons are finished and it's time to move on? What signs do I look for?

You simply know it. Inside. :) No matter what afflictions you have and how dependable you may be, arrives a moment when you know that something is really over. That is has made its full circle and now you are moving to the next level... Imagine life and all the important experiences within as a spiral evolving upwards... versus the higher self.... and at the same moment downwards... to the deepest consciousness... When the circle is full, you realize you have achieved a different level of consciousness and then the experience/lesson is fulfilled.

It is a deep knowledge. No matter what happens in the external circumstances, you feel exactly this fulfillment.
You don't have questions anymore, "why...?" "if..." "what if...?" "should I..." "hadn't I...." to torment you.
You don't feel its agony.
You don't "fight" it anymore.
You are what you are and "it" is what it is and you can accept "it" as it is and you can accept yourself within it and you don't want to adapt yourself to it and you don't want to adapt "it" to yourself.
You are quiet about it.
You can let go.

I wish you all the best :)
 
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You simply know it. Inside. :) No matter what afflictions you have and how dependable you may be, arrives a moment when you know that something is really over. That is has made its full circle and now you are moving to the next level... Imagine life and all the important experiences within as a spiral evolving upwards... versus the higher self.... and at the same moment downwards... to the deepest consciousness... When the circle is full, you realize you have achieved a different level of consciousness and then the experience/lesson is fulfilled.

It is a deep knowledge. No matter what happens in the external circumstances, you feel exactly this fulfillment.
You don't have questions anymore, "why...?" "if..." "what if...?" "should I..." "hadn't I...." to torment you.
You don't feel its agony.
You don't "fight" it anymore.
You are what you are and "it" is what it is and you can accept "it" as it is and you can accept yourself within it and you don't want to adapt yourself to it and you don't want to adapt "it" to yourself.
You are quiet about it.
You can let go.

I wish you all the best :)

Like the idea very much, but what if they have a stellium planets in Virgo or strongly placed pluto? they thrive on details and analaysis. Scorpio and all the water signs find it very hard to simply let go of anything :w00t: All we know about RBS is he is Cappi sun sign?
 

RuledbySaturn

Well-known member
You simply know it. Inside. :) No matter what afflictions you have and how dependable you may be, arrives a moment when you know that something is really over. That is has made its full circle and now you are moving to the next level... Imagine life and all the important experiences within as a spiral evolving upwards... versus the higher self.... and at the same moment downwards... to the deepest consciousness... When the circle is full, you realize you have achieved a different level of consciousness and then the experience/lesson is fulfilled.

It is a deep knowledge. No matter what happens in the external circumstances, you feel exactly this fulfillment.
You don't have questions anymore, "why...?" "if..." "what if...?" "should I..." "hadn't I...." to torment you.
You don't feel its agony.
You don't "fight" it anymore.
You are what you are and "it" is what it is and you can accept "it" as it is and you can accept yourself within it and you don't want to adapt yourself to it and you don't want to adapt "it" to yourself.
You are quiet about it.
You can let go.

I wish you all the best :)
Thank you Vinyasa. I agree with your post. My challenge here is that logically I always know I'm with the wrong person, but having to end emotional bond is the challenge. I am picky about the people in my life, so when I decide that I like someone, whether it's man, woman, business or personal, I like them a lot! - All or nothing sort of thing for me. Now that I am digging deep, I think at a subconscious level I may be addicted to the "experience" of falling in and out of love more than anything...Going back to the original question though and to clarify everything, my biggest challenge right now is this: When two people appear to be completely compatible, made for each other, etc., yet the only problem is that the timing is off, like one person is moving away for college for a few years, or neither is ready to settle down due to financial reasons, etc. What do I do with this "relationship"?

I strongly believe that if two people are really meant for each other, none of these should stand between them, and that they are all excuses, but I am also realistic - in a sense that why pick a relationship that has a major obstacle that needs to be conquered when one has other choices that come with minimal obstacles?

Choices to be made:
1. Invest in the time to try to work out the obstacle, for a possible happy future (meaning the lesson is not over), or
2. Waste no time, immedieately move on to find something that has minimal/no obstacles (lesson over, Universe, I do not need your approval)

Of course I picked #2, but am open to learning new things from you guys.

Addition: Ok, #3 Immediately move on, but no need to burn bridges, either, just in case a year later, both people are finally ready...but if I've already settled down by then, too bad.
 
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RuledbySaturn

Well-known member
And question for those who are currently happily married: I've been told that when you've found THE ONE, you just know - there would be no hesitation, no need to ask questions, no doubt - you just know. And they told me that there would also be no obstacles of them getting married; both people will also happen to be ready. Is this true?:smile:
 
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