help! what is happening to me..

[LightworkerNikki]

Hello all, i met someone a year ago. I felt a strong bond with this person .. like a family type bond. A few weeks ago we began to talk again.. and had such a wonderful strong connection. But then scary stuff started happening.. i began to experience feeling his energy and him feeling mine. It felt terrible.. as if we were melding into one or sucking each others energy. I became pale and lost weight. I began to see him and hear him from far.. with my eyes closed. We both even had the same stomach pains at night and could see each other in our dreams. My pluto is squaring my sun right now and i can honestly say this is the most difficult and transformative period of my life. Ive stopped talking to my friend but i feel a deep sorrow in my heart. He and i both cried that we couldnt talk anymore. I just felt too obsessive around him and he with me. It very deep terrible obsession. Its been the more scary time of my life. sometimes i wish i had never met him yet i know it was destiny to meet...

though i dont want to talk to him ever again i have such a pain and feel obsessive with him that i just want it to go away.. :'(
I think about him all the time and want it to stop so bad.


this is like a nightmare... and i already have a boyfriend. I dunno why this happened.. :'( ive even been suicidal twice but i have all my faith in God that i am getting through this..

someone please.. share some insights..

here is our synastry

and here is his chart

and mine..

 

[Vagabondgirl]

I can say that I know what this feels like....

There is a guy that I am almost "obsessed" with, but we are kind of like friends. The only problem is that he is very shy and mysterious and doesnt seem like he ever dates. But still, I have had to many weird experiences with him to call it just "coincidences" you know. Very crazy stuff!

Anyway, I see that you have the bowl or bundle chart like me. Many planets concentrated at one half of the horoscope or less. You have Venus conjunct Pluto, I have Mercury conjunct Pluto And with Moon and Saturn in scorpio and in the 6th house, I can understand where you get your "health" problems from. Could be psychosomatic from all the energy around this guy.

You need to try and think about something else and focus your energy on better things. It can become really "sick" to think about one person all the time. The curse of Scorpio unfortunately... But it can be controlled ofcourse.

Your moon conjunct his pluto can also be very intense.... Like he awakens some deep/transforming or strong feelings in you.

But I think maybe the Sun square Saturn and Mars conjunct Saturn can be an energy obstacle in your relationship. A real tough one....You may be restricting each other in some way.

 

[LightworkerNikki]

thanks so much for your reply.

I feel like an idiot at times.. because ive never felt this way about anyone.

The first night after we spoke a few weeks ago.. we both had dreams.. he sensed a darkness.. and much of my fears were revealed to me in my dream. Its as if he is helping me to go deep within my subconscious and face some of my darkest fears.

I experienced things like telepathy and remote viewing.. etc.. electronical devices breaking on me when we were thinking of each other. Id ask him ' are you thinking of me' and he said yes, i cant help it. Its as if we were merging as one energy. It was crazy. One night he felt afraid and i woke at 4 am scared for no reason.

Its so strange. its made me feel schizophrenic and obsessed. My grandpa tells me that he and i must have very like energy and its easy to absorb each other.

he and i both have really bad depersonalization disorder and ocd mixed with pure-o ocd... so maybe this is the result.. he was like a mirror or me.

it was life changing. But i just want him to erase from my mind now. but i feel like my heart hurts because i miss him. Ive never been this way. Ive never felt so strong for someone like this. Im wondering if its all in my head at times.. if ive created a comfort with him and i just want it to erase. But im working on dealing with this as hard as it is.

:'(

 

[queeny]

Hi Nicki, I haven't looked at your chart yet but I wanted to write back as soon as i read your post. I went through EXACTLY what you are describing to the letter about 5 years ago on my Saturn return. I know exactly what you are feeling. All i can tell you is that while it took me around 2 years to overcome what was the most traumatic separation of my life and while i had debilitating panic attacks in the middle of the night feeling his energy sucking the life out of me, i can happily tell you that with time I have totally healed and moved on from it, even though I didnt think it was possible at the time to ever get through that experience. There is obviously strong karmic connections between two people but when you can feel that its destructive like this, despite the obsessive pull towards that person its important to try and move forward. The energy thing that you feel - that dark pull to him even from afar can be controlled with your mind - thats what i discovered. I would wake in the middle of the night for months after i broke contact with this man and a dark energy would take over my body and i thought i would die. I slowly developed the discipline to observe what was happening in my body without feeding any fear or worry about it. IT was hard at first but i got better with sheer will. Just surrendered completely to the terror even though that was scary and observed myself as though i was someone else. That was the only thing that helped because after doing this diligently a few times, the attacks started decreasing and now it never happens anymore. Another thing is not to feed this idea that someone else's energy can hurt you in anyway - just DONT subscribe to it. Realize that you have the power to protect yourself from everything - visualize white light around you and refuse to let anything in. be careful feeding fear, just detach as much as you can from it and have faith that your guides are protecting you. Ask for Archangel Michael's help - he will always protect you. My thoughts go out to you, i know how difficult these kind of karmic connections can be, but you always have the power. I found that the hardest thing was feeling an obligation and love towards this person but knowing deep down that it was unhealthy to keep in contact because of the undeniable effect it was having on me. TRUST yourself. And trust that other people are taken care of life without you having to rescue them. Only be around people that your body agrees with no matter how confused you are about it. honour youself. Much love

 

[queeny]

Just to add one more thing. It sounds exactly like in my situation, where the pull towards this person was a deep desire and fascination to get in touch with darkness which he embodied. And this is not a bad thing, so dont panic that you've done the wrong thing. Its part of what youre here to explore and its great that you were able to do this with this person, but take care of yourself now. Experiencing the dark mysterious part of life is a rewarding thing, especially in hindsight because it makes us more whole human beings. but maybe youve tasted enough for a while and its time to reclaim yourself.

 

[queeny]

ps your Jupiter is in the 8th house (hidden parts of the subconscious, mystery, karma, transformation, healing) and your North Node (destiny) is the house of spirituality (12th). So there is a strong pull you have (as have I with 4 planets inthe 12th) towards digging deeply into strange and dark things. Its part of our trip. this is frightening now, but as you grow older and gain more experience in accepting the dark part of human life without judgment, you will see how it will have helped you grow into your purpose. There is much satisfaction with you resolving Karma and undoubtedly this has been part of it. Thats why its so difficult to let go, even though you know you must. it will get better as time goes on