Having internal fight

I'm a professional feature writer, primarily medical, and have been for my entire adult life. I am about to finish a book about an experience I had during my first Saturn Return.

About four years ago it became an obsession with me to write this book, but as I've made herky-jerky progress, I've had to fight another strong emotion of fear of publishing this book. I've never been afraid to publish anything before.

It is hitting hard right now, for about a week, and I'm wondering if this internal fight could be caused by transit Saturn sitting on my Chiron in 7th house Aquarius, and at base of a Yod? I could wait it out then. But, could there be something else going on? Also, will publishing this book bring me pain in some manner? Here's my chart. Thank you!
 

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Frisiangal

Well-known member
Hi,
You might find some answers for yourself if looking at a secondary progressed chart for this period of life, together with a solar arc direction chart in which all planets hypothetically move at the same rate as sec. progr. Sun, for the same period. .
With no birth data given, the natal planetary positions offer an approx. date. The Position of natal Sun is suggestive of a morning birth, so I took each day after birth to equate with one year of life.

About four years ago it became an obsession with me to write this book,

Sec. progr. Venus entered Virgo 4 years ago, to be followed by s.p. Mercury within the same year. As you can see , their first aspect in the sign would be to natal Pluto .... the compulsive side in people. Virgo likes to dot the i's and cross the t's!! Add that s.p. Jupiter had entered Scorpio a few years earlier to sextile natal Pluto, and the Mercury-Venus conjunction would also have sextiled s.p. Jupiter. The compulsion within yourself to write to (emotionally) put things right and set the record straight?

The 'idea' may have come to mind and been brewing inside for several years before because s.p Mercury and Venus had previously squared natal Moon. By doing so they opened the natal square between Moon-Pluto ... an aspect every astrologer knows to produce exceptionally strong feelings that can 'take control' over one's nature. Moon's ruling sign Cancer has strong inner feelings, anyway, and the Sun in the sign would increase them, even if they are not made public!.
At the time Sun had progressed well into Virgo itself and had reached and activated the square to natal Venus. In doing so, the Venus- Saturn opposition was also opened.
NOW, s.p. Sun squares natal Saturn. It would suggest that there is 'something' that Sun finally has to come to terms with and accept regarding Saturn's past and all it represents to the individual. Although confronting, there is an opportunity to resolve the natal Sun inconjunct/quincunx Saturn aspect of the chart. A 5th house Saturn could suggest a parent-child issue of any kind.

I work with a non-physical calculated astrological point between Moon's apogee and Earth. Known as MEAN Black Moon Lilith it refers to those images created in the forming years to puberty which can have difficulty finding outer expression, and remain 'hidden' inside. IF such images are negative of nature, they can produce a source of inner feeling of shame, shunning, regret, neglect and desertion, and consequnetly taking the blame and accepting guilt for/about that which was not actually of their making. Are such images true or as one imagined them to be?
This position is in Aries the 9th house. It squares natal Sun, yet is trine natal Saturn.

Saturn is ruler of the 6th house of the chart, which refers to (self) service, employment, colleague relationship, and also physical disorders. Saturn in the latter function has strong associations with any complaint that, as a result of circumstances and over time can become chronic of nature.

Has Saturn in Sagittarius affected your attitude towards 'telling the truth' that s.p. Sun in Virgo now implies to be 'about the realism towards one's self'? Is your hesitation to publish 'what you believe' to be Saturn's influence undergoing the consideration of its true authenticity? Your medical writing experiences no fear because it is objective ( Uranus) of nature. Yet when it becomes personal (Mercury-Uranus in Leo), it is an entirely different matter.

Much has been written about Saturn and its effects upon people. Does your book offer new insights for all to share, or is it merely a means to explain your own actions taken of the time. ....from which you have ....or still haven't learnt?

:smile:
 

leomoon

Well-known member
Not sure what type of chart I am looking at but you may want to consider asking someone you know to help you out, someone you trust to be a sort of ghost writer for you. With the Sun in the 12th house involved you do have Venus in the 11th house of friendships in Gemini, ruler of Mercury trine to Chiron. This may help you out of your current dilemma. Venus also appears friendly to your 1st hs. Mercury via aspect.
 

leomoon

Well-known member
I'm a professional feature writer, primarily medical, and have been for my entire adult life. I am about to finish a book about an experience I had during my first Saturn Return.

About four years ago it became an obsession with me to write this book, but as I've made herky-jerky progress, I've had to fight another strong emotion of fear of publishing this book. I've never been afraid to publish anything before.

It is hitting hard right now, for about a week, and I'm wondering if this internal fight could be caused by transit Saturn sitting on my Chiron in 7th house Aquarius, and at base of a Yod? I could wait it out then. But, could there be something else going on? Also, will publishing this book bring me pain in some manner? Here's my chart. Thank you!
I'm having a difficult time with getting used to the new reply ....board - so pardon my duplicated post - but the pain you mention (last sentence) is represented by Chiron in the 7th house quincunx your 12th house Sun...however, the Trine to your 11th house Venus (friendship) should take that away and make you feel you are not alone in this venture.
 

dhundhun

Well-known member
I think book writing is driven by Uranus/Mercury conjunction. Nothing (planets) to support this except your stronger determination. Since they are in 1st, you should be in a position to take resolution to move forward.
 

ElenaJ

Well-known member
Mercury is your writing skills, ruling your 3rd house of thoughts, conjunct ascendent of expression and in the sign of Leo, the ego.
So in reality your writing expression is directly related to your self expression, so the theme of your book seems very appropriate.
Speaking of your personal experience.
The conjunction with Uranus gives extraordinary insight and the ability to see things in an original way.
The downside is that Uranian energy is not stabile and continuous. It comes and goes in spurts. Your ideas come like lightening bolts, and sometimes last as long. You have to catch it quickly, or you get bored, or just move on to the new lightening bolt.
Mercury in a developing sextile with creative Venus gives a refined style to your writing, nothing vulgar or disturbing would suit you. You can also express yourself easily when speaking with others, you can persuade and convince.
You need a stabiliser here, but you don't have one in the chart.
The 9th rules your higher thoughts, philosophy, religion. But for you more importantly it is publishing, ruled by Jupiter and Neptune.
The midpoint between these two planets is exactly conjunct North Node, confirming this is the path you should be taking.
And creative Venus is moving towards an easy trine with Jupiter. Again, helping your creativity, but alas also making things a little comfortable for you, preferring comfortable surroundings, and easy work, which can also slide over to the side of laziness, laziness because you love that comfort.
Jupiter also rules the 5th of creativity, helping you tie together the energies you need to harness to come across to others, to convince them about something.
The 3rd is ruled by virgo, the sign of health care, remedies, medicine. It is also meticulous in its detail, which helps anchor the expansive Leo mercury.
Consider that the mercury/uranus conjunction has been hit recently, by restrictive Saturn in opposition, and by erratic Uranus by square, and positioned in your MH of career.
Mars rules the MH, making you authoritative with initiative and energy in your career area. Mars also rules the 4th of home, and mars sits on the south node. You might be tempted to work from home, but South Node with mars says you should resist this temptation.
Ascendent ruler sun is in the 12th house of institutions, hospitals, subconscious, deep hidden motives.
It looks like this "down" period is just a passing transit, and certainly opposing Saturn can tend to push you down, but it passes.
So with Leo ascendent, mercury/uranus, of ego, MH and mars in Aries of the individual, Venus in comunicative gemini, and Sun positioned to make you look inward, it would seem that your intuition has been pulling you in the right direction, your chart is heading this way.... self expression, self help, also teaching others in that easy flowing way you have of communicating with others, teaching "How to" by using your experiences as the basis from which to work.
If I were you, I wouldn't worry too much about the down period, just try to avoid the lazy feel-good habit of doing nothing, or just rattling around talking about yourself to others.
That Jupiter/NN/neptune in libra of art and gracious expression, will help you get your message across. It's your destiny in a way!
You haven't lost it, it's just preparing you.
Be ready for it when the wheel turns and it comes on you all of a sudden one morning.
Good luck with the project, keep us posted as to how it goes.
 
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