Family relationship + north node in 4th.

[valuhz]

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So I have a bad relationship with my family, ever since young; my father used to be very dominating and he used to always show this very angry energy which was why I always hated him and couldn’t like him, he never showed his emotions in any way to my family when we were young. He’s an aries and it’s in my 4th house and my mom’s a libra and it’s in my 10th house. My mom tho, she’s a very quiet type of person in the public but she is VERY picky and judge-mental and overly critical and she can say the meanest **** behind people’s backs and i mean family gossip is a normal thing but she’s very judge-mental and always would pick what clothes i should wear or not, not only does she do it to me but also my father & sister. But i prefer my mom no doubt, she can be really easy to talk my problems to. I never talk about my problems to my dad. My sister tho is an Aquarius, she’s okay, like it’s a normal sibling relationship, it’s fun to talk to her because we have the same interests but she can be annoying sometimes. Now as i became like 16, I feel like my father started showing more of his emotions as in being more welcoming i guess but he still has those anger issues and is very stubborn and he still scolds me on a daily basis that’s why i still can’t vibe with him and i want to know what will happen in the long run with my family because it seems like they are going to restrict me forever. The fact that I also have north node in 4th baffles me, it’s like basically saying I have to focus
more on my family but we all are so toxic being and staying together and it’s just a nightmare for me.

 

[OuterPlanets89]

I have NN in the 4th (in Aquarius), and when I first found astrology, the descriptions of my NN placement confused me too. But you haven't experienced your first nodal return yet, which happens around 17/18, and usually gives some direction with regards to your NN purpose. With yours being in in early Taurus, your return will happen about a year from now.

Don't let the generalized description of NN in the 4th fool you -- it's not necessarily about focusing on family and shunning your career. It's about finding inner emotional stability/safety. Most people with NN in the 4th didn't have families/homes that were conducive to them feeling emotionally grounded/rooted, so this becomes the norm as they grow up; they assume that they don't need a "safe place" to retreat to because home/family never fulfilled that for them.

But everyone needs this, as the IC/4th house represents the roots of your chart tree (what's underground), while the MC is more like the canopy. So when storms inevitably come, no matter how high your branches might reach in the public sphere (SN in the 10th), your tree will be uprooted if you never water the ground/tend to the soil.

So in that sense, home/family is central in why people have this NN/SN axis, but everyone's solutions are unique. Find what makes you happy for you, not what you think others will approve of, or what your family will like. Maybe making peace with your family is part of your journey, and maybe it's not. For some, finding/creating a home elsewhere and setting your roots down away from your family is what heals them. For me, it's been about focusing on what I'm actually passionate about inside (music, writing) rather than burning myself out on what will make my family proud (Leo SN in 10th).

Either way, it's about building a life that makes you feel emotionally settled and grounded.