Doom & Gloom


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‘You do not deserve to have animals in your care.’
Joey Carbstrong

That is what the vegan activist, Joey Carbstrong, said to a small pig farmer, who tried to tell him her pigs get put to sleep before they are murdered. He corrected her and said they get shot/stunned in the head and then stabbed in the throat or gassed to death.

She keeps them as pets, her children play football with them, but she does not want to think about what happens to her pigs after she drops them off, so she tells people they get injected/out to sleep first.

90% of UK pigs are gassed to death, which is torture.



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Joey Carbstrong has just had a documentary released on Amazon called ‘Pignorant,’ which shows undercover footage from UK gas chambers, with the purpose to expose the lies of the meat industries advertising campaigns.

This is the footage the public watched in the clip above, before giving their reactions.

Despite the heartless pig farmer, the next guy Joey speaks to, is genuinely shocked by the footage - because he has a kind heart.

The lady pig farmer who tried to peddle lies and gaslight Joey, is someone who is not only a pig murderer, but someone who is living more in her ego than in her heart.

The fact she was exposed to this footage and had a conversation with Joey, was a lesson that the lady needs to switch on her heart and stop wearing a mask of lies.

Most people continue living a lie, though. And scapegoats continue to suffer for it.



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I just want to mention someone’s behaviour from my real life that has affected me recently.

He made me cry yesterday because he wished me Happy Mothers Day yesterday and I was not expecting it.

He didn’t wish me it out of spite, it was a genuine error, but he has known me for over 5 years and knows I am not a mother and do not have a mother. He knows I had an abortion 2/3 months ago, yet he still wished me happy Mother’s Day.

He then proceeded to talk about his ex, at the same time telling me he’s interested in me romantically.

I told him that I am not interested because he is still in love with his ex and he made me feel cheap by trying to treat me like that and I also told him wishing me happy Mother’s Day upset me.

This morning, he apologised and asked me out for a drink. I said no, because you are not over your ex. He then proceeded to talk about her to me and sent me a photo where he is trying to contact her on air b&b.

So, the apology meant nothing this morning.

I want to make it clear, that is is a guy with a good soul, but he treats women like ****.

He was sleeping with a woman for a few months that he had been friends with for years. He told her it was just sex but he knew she was hoping it would turn into something more. I told him he needs to stop using people, but he continued until she got the message that he is only interested in sex.

He doesn’t care that he would have made her feel cheap or used, even though she was a supposed friend. He doesn’t care he made me feel cheap or is trying to use me.

All he can see is his own pain.

He is so consumed by an utter lack of emptiness within himself, he needs to steal energy off of women.

His dad is dead and his mum is a narc (his words).

He has CPTSD, just like I have.

Like me, he has struggled through life, feeling the confusion, loneliness, and chaos that goes hand-in-hand with CPTSD.

I have my own issues. My issues mainly show up as health issues. As in, my soul and spirit is remarkably well adjusted, pragmatic and brave, considering I have CPTSD.

It’s my body that slows me down. If it was up to me, I would not be resting right now.

His trauma shows up as a deep-seated pain that scratches at his soul, pulling his insides out. It is so depressive, that he loses all sense of morals.

Am I being too generous with him? Because I also think he is just a selfish person who uses people. But he is also a good soul.

He is also the guy who told a friend the baby would be ugly, when he found out I was pregnant.

He clearly has issues with women, so his mum being a narc makes sense.

He thinks another woman can fill the void in his soul. But, of course, anyone with any common sense, knows that is not going to work.

Yet he wanders the Earth alone, constantly stealing energy from women.

His only redeeming quality is he genuinely is a good soul with a good heart.

The trauma can be seen in his chart, his Moon is conjunct the fixed star Hyades. You cannot get more depressed than Hyades, it is a literal hell —

— ‘5°45 Gemini - *Hyades: Scandal, violence, disgrace, imprisonment. Unfortunate; Saturn/ Mercury.’

— ‘The Hyades cluster of the rain stars bear out a Mars-Neptune character with a Uranian blend. Their influence is that of a staggering increase of the sexual urge; self-preservation, which could lead to greediness; sexuality; a dissolute life; excessive and licentious ways; and a striving for prestige leading to power politics.’

In the quote just above, I think it is fascinating that the fixed star increases sexual urge and a need for self-preservation.

To have this conjunct his Moon - it describes perfectly his vampirish ways he feeds off of women. It describes perfectly his personal Hades.

My lesson in all of this, is to not let him use me like he is trying to do.

I have been made to feel like I am invisible my whole life, that my own family members chose to scapegoat and bully me, so they could manage their own emotions better. My dad hasn’t even realised he abandoned me. He only sees himself.

It is no coincidence that this man has entered my life. He is trying to use me and kill me for his own self-preservation, jsut like my dad did.

I do deserve someone who does not speak about their ex to me at the same time they are trying to date me. After missing out on my childhood because I was sacrificed like a scapegoat, I deserve someone to simply love me.

God doesn’t makes this as black and white as this though.

Through this man, I can start to understand my own dad’s behaviour, because I’ve never understood how a parent can sacrifice an innocent child so coldly.

Well, some people need to use others to survive because they are incapable of finding strength within themselves.

How lucky am I to believe in 5D, to have an inner confidence that means I can put up with a lot of failure and hopelessness without giving up.

Actually, I have been so depressed in my teens, I did give up hope. It was during a Pluto transit and was whist I was in the midst of being neglected and scapegoated by my father and stepmom.

Pluto destroyed me. But what it gave me in return was a deep appreciation of life that started my spiritual journey, even though I don’t realise it at the time. Thanks to losing hope, I understood life on a very, very deep level.

And you know what, this is also the secret to why this guy has a good soul. Well, he had a good soul because he is a good soul, because most people turn selfish to survive. He does feed off women like a vampire, but he has a good heart.

It is very Sun Sag opposite Moon Gemini. He has a complicated nature that I bet not many people have understood. The only reason I understand him is because of my own experience with CPTSD.

I am, a healer. But one who needs to learn to put herself first, and not let myself be trampled over, like my own family did to me.

This guy is also on a spiritual path. I am pretty sure he realises he is awake. He is extremely intelligent and can see through bs (Pluto is strong).

I guess I am disgusted by his behaviour towards women, hurt by his treatment of me, and have empathy for his Moon being conjunct Hyades.

Poor guy. He feels utterly empty inside right now. I have been blessed with the belief in God’s abundance. I truly do believe we are all connected.

I can be naive af, like ‘an innocent spirit of love that has been abused,’ as Rahu described.

In a lot of ways, I am the opposite to this guy. I am Light where he is Dark (in a Neptune-Pluto kind of way, not a moral way).

I believe we are soul mates. Not in the romantic sense, but kind of like CPTSD buddies, but a bit deeper. He is a soul…mate…,,not a soulmate.

I don’t think we are destined to be together and I do not think I understand him on a deep level, but I just understand his CPTSD.

He has been very brave to put up with this amount of emptiness for as long as he has.

In turn, I have empathy for my Dad who was incapable of dealing with his problems. He’s still running except my stepmum cord at Xmas time and he buzzed my door for the first time in nearly 10 years, and I think I was right to tell him I didn’t want a visitor like that. My dad is wondering the Earth lost now, on his own.

It is not up to me to save my dad. My role, this life, is to always remember to make myself important. I am courageous but I am still human and it is not up to me to save people, even if a part of me wants to save my dad still.

I have a past life memory of being as lost as my dad is. I’ll need to write about them again. But the point is, God will heal everybody.

Anyway, here is this guys chart with all info removed so he is anonymous.

I think he reads this thread but he won’t admit it to me. I stupidly shared it with him a few months back.

Well, if you’re reading this, you’re a knob. A really nice vampire. But still a vampire who I struggle to understand but, through you, because your sadness consumes your soul like it did my dad, it is helping to understand that a bit better, even if I do not agree or condone using people.

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I got my hair done on Saturday and I am getting non-surgical rhinoplasty on my nose this Sunday.

It’s spriiiing time!! 🌼🌸 💃


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This forum actually provides me with a sense of belonging.

As a child, I was often left to my own devices, and I acquired a terrific imagination. Therefore, I was too happy to feel lonely, but I did miss out on learning crucial social skills that have caused me to become an introvert.

It is amazing the way life shapes you for your own benefit. Right form a young age, ‘fate’ or karma, or God (whatever you wanna called it), started me on my journey of self-actualization by making be independent from a very young age.

Therefore, I like to have a sense of belonging, but I often prefer to be in the background of things.

And look what I have done (subconsciously) - I have found an obscure astrology forum, where it is much more independent than normal social media, yet I am also able to express my naturally open self.

By writing in the forum, and say, not just a piece of paper at home, I am living out my need for independence and a sense of belonging.

It is basically a recreation of me playing in my room alone as a child 😂

Also, my 3 cats are my estranged family members 😂

Also, writing is very healing for me. I find it boring to write on paper, takes too long.

My intuition told me to start writing. So I did.


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The opposite of belonging is fitting in (according to an instagram video I just watched).

It automatically reminded me of the forum troll - they somehow feel like they have to change who they are to fit in.

They somehow feel they cannot express how they really feel.

A parent somehow made them feel that way. Given that they mostly target women, it is an issue with their mother and feeling like they were not loved by her.

Yet, they are drawn to this forum over and over because they, like every other human being, desires to belong.

They are trapped in their unresolved trauma.

You know, there are worse things to do than troll an astrology forum. He could be out robbing people or abusing women, so, in the grand scheme of things, it is fairly harmless, and to that extent, I am willing to accept his disability.

However, as I stated in random thoughts yesterday, the person (whoever it is), has crossed the line and gone way too far, by having to deceive people we are both close to, just so their mask does not slip.

This is when you need to be careful: that your coping mechanism does not devolve into you having to destroy and abandon yourself.

Because, I am sure, that you care about the people on this forum as much as I do. And you need to take responsibility for having gone too far and having needed to hurt and deceive people, just to keep up the pretence.

But also, and most importantly, is this coping mechanism not holding you back in life?

Say you were brave enough to take small steps into accepting yourself and being yourself, you would begin a journey towards self-healing and no longer feel ashamed of who you are inside.

Because it is you who you are hurting in the long run and I bet you’ve got CPTSD too.

The question is, are you brave enough to begin your healing journey or are you going to continue to wear a mask?

Are you going to get angry at me for telling the truth? Because it is easier than feeling shame that is deeply buried within yourself? Or, are you going to take off your mask and begin to life authentically and begin to love and heal yourself?

If you are wondering if me saying this makes me a hypocrite, I want you to know that I have been as transparent and as honest as I can and I have not deceived anybody.

There’s the difference.

You could use your creative talent without destroying or betraying yourself, by needing to deceive people you care about. It is your own fear that has caused you to act in ways that even you must have regrets over.

Take off your mask.
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The journey to self-actualisation is possible for everybody, if we all consciously choose to live in our heart and not our ego!

Do not settle for having your physiological needs met only. Do not settle for unhealthy coping mechanisms that hurt you. Free yourself!

(General message to everyone).

The journey to self-actualisation is scary. Not everyone does it.

Also, I am at my happiest when I am spending time at home alone, with my cats.

If I found out I had a terminal illness, would I spend my last days travelling the world? (If I had the funds to do so).

Ehhh, I would miss my cats!

I am happiest when I am with my cats or going a walk.

I would love to go on a bigger adventure, but I would not want to spend my last days away from my cats if I was terminally ill.

Does it sound sad that the loves of my life are all cats? It does not sound sad to me!

They give me a sense of belonging. Bless the unconditional love they give me. Bless, bless them.


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Most people think that animals only have physiological needs, like food and shelter.

The law gives pets the right to their physiological needs so, if a human is seen to be cruel to a pet, the law does protect the animal.

The reality of this law is that the punishment is usually very lenient.

Also, when animals are used for lab testing, they lose their right to physiological needs (according to the law). This makes it not against the law to subject poor animals to torture and then being bled to death once their 3-6 months in the lab is up.

There was a huge breakthrough in America last year. I cannot remember the specific details of the case, I will copy it in another post once I find it, but basically, the gist was, that some undercover animal activists stole either a sheep or a pig that they discovered on a factory farm and they rescued it.

That was the crux of the case - was it a theft, or was it a rescue?

Basically, is the animals right to their physiological needs being met more important than property law?

Well, it was up to a jury to decide….


The jury decided it was a rescue :)

So, the law is only just catching up to the physiological needs of the animal, even though it has officially been a law to not mistreat one.

This is his backward the world is because the animal has more than physiological needs - the animal has every single need as stated in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

Not many people consider an animal capable of having wants, even if the animal shows them unconditional love. People still see an animal as an object that needs fed, like a baby I suppose.

But, after spending a lot of years with my cats, it has recently dawned on me, just how complex my cats are.

It is not so far-fetched - vets can prescribe anti-depressants to a pet, for example, so it is recognised that an animal has feelings, but yet, it is not really recognised.

I could really blow your head off right now and tell you that my kettle spoke to me 3 years ago. I was not stoned. My kettle broke and I was sad but then I felt it feel, ‘I have done my duty well,’ as if it was proud and aware of its consciousness.

Now, when we get to things like crustaceans, of course, they do not seem as conscious as say, a fish. But just because there is no movement in the 3D realm, does not mean there is not a level of consciousness.

This is the same as the belief in ‘one-ness,’ that we are all connected. But do you know that actually means everything is conscious? Because that’s exactly what it means.

Hey, Mother Earth is conscious. All the planets are conscious.

But here we are, humanity, so backwards and cruel that a huge court case fiasco is needed to determine that an animal had a right not to be tortured.
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Maslow’s hierarchy of needs —

View attachment 110618

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs correspond to the 5 Chakra’s.

I said in my previous post, that animals’ have every need as stated in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, even if this is not recognised by society or humanity.

However, in the back of my mind, I still had a question mark about if an animal has a purpose in life to become self-actualised. I kept it in because I knew that ethically it would be wrong to not give an animal this right, especially just based of appearances, but I thought to myself that there was still some extra thought needed here.

It did not take me long to first conceptualise the idea that animals are already self-actualised.

This idea became concrete when I was reading an artifle from Dr Hilary Bond’s Wordpress blog site, ‘Star Counsell.’

She commented that Maslow’s hierarchy of Needs corresponds to the 5 Chakras’s and I thought that was very interesting.

It then occurred to me, that because animals do not have any need for culture, social constrictions and constructions etc, that they incarnate into Earth, having already been self-actualised, and that is what they are here to help us to do.



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The Maths exam is on May 13th and I haven’t done any coursework yet and I know nothing about Maths 😂

For the past few weeks, I have started smoking weed, and just generally enjoying hiding away and feeling safe.

It has been good for a bit, but I do not want to stay here and miss out on the real world. I want to focus on Maths and gain logic and grounding.

I treated myself to a Vegan afternoon tea last week. The purpose was to treat myself but also to mark the end of my hiding away period.

I also smoked my last joint two days ago.

If I fail the Maths course this year, I will do it next year, and just put it down to an ‘I should have’ moment.

However, the play is not over until the fat lady has sung, and I intend to re-enter the real world, try my best to catch up on Maths, and turn up for this bloody exam, as prepared as I can be.

This post is to make myself accountable.

I have also started sessions with a psychotherapeutic astrologer, who I feel can help me with my chart.

So it is all happening now.


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The Maths exam is on May 13th and I haven’t done any coursework yet and I know nothing about Maths 😂

For the past few weeks, I have started smoking weed, and just generally enjoying hiding away and feeling safe.

It has been good for a bit, but I do not want to stay here and miss out on the real world. I want to focus on Maths and gain logic and grounding.

I treated myself to a Vegan afternoon tea last week. The purpose was to treat myself but also to mark the end of my hiding away period.

I also smoked my last joint two days ago.

If I fail the Maths course this year, I will do it next year, and just put it down to an ‘I should have’ moment.

However, the play is not over until the fat lady has sung, and I intend to re-enter the real world, try my best to catch up on Maths, and turn up for this bloody exam, as prepared as I can be.

This post is to make myself accountable.

I have also started sessions with a psychotherapeutic astrologer, who I feel can help me with my chart.

So it is all happening now.
If it helps you, update us frequently. Keep you on track!


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Joey Carbstrong has debated pretty much everybody in a Vegan debate. He could do it with his eyes closed; it is his full-time job to be a vegan activist.

He is an Australian ex gang member, who turned to Veganism over 10 years ago, after a stint in prison. The solitude gave him time to contemplate his life choices.

Not only did Joey leave his gangster life style behind and decide to give up drugs, but he also took it as far as realising that the food he was eating was full of violence too.

From that day on he decided to become a Vegan and now seeks to educate the public about it.

One thing I really like about Joey, is how he tweaks his tone depending on who he is taking to. For example. When he is talking to a cruel and cold-hearted pig farmer who is trying to gaslight everybody about the harsh realities of murdering animals, he takes on a more aggressive tone.

Or, if he is talking to someone who is just beginning their journey and is open minded and curious, or a Mother who is seeking the best for her children, he is much more patient and takes the time to inspire them.

I really like how he utilises his aggression still but for a good cause.

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I watched Patrick Swayze’s ‘Roadhouse’ last night. It was good. I hope you watch it.

I am now watching Jake Gylenhall’s remake of said movie today. Only 36mins5secs in and it is good so far. Thanks.