Doom & Gloom


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**** has kicked off big time at work, to the point I left work an hour early in tears. Pluto in Cap and how it represents shitty bosses is exploding.

The team leader who a few weeks ago I had raised an informal complaint about for raising his voice at me explicitly denied doing so in front of a man from HR.

He made a passing comment and I asked him to clarify. I said, ‘are you explicitly saying you did not raise your voice at me?’ And he said yes. That sealed his fate in front of God. He has chosen the path of lies and will reap karma for that. I assume he will continue to lie until the bitter end, so he’s chosen his path.

Everything is going to snowball from here.


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Took the day off work. Dreading the thought of going back tomorrow. It feels like the Tower moment started yesterday but the storm is still raging. I looked at my cat earlier, it sat next to me on the couch, enjoying the unusual occurrence of me not sitting at my desk working during the day. At that moment, everything was loving and peaceful but it was like the storm still rages outside. In apocalyptic terms, it would be as if it was only a matter of time before the hunter’s and scavenger’s found my door and tried to break it down to gain entry. My peaceful existence is on borrowed time and I knew it, but the cat didn’t.


Hello. I am having a Tower moment. I want my Mummy. *runs off crying.*


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‘Ah, looks like life got too much for her. She hasn’t lost her sense of humour though. ‘ (said the villager’s as I run around the street naked screaming for my Mummy).


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I took the day off to process my thoughts. Despite my natural fire, I am a pussy and needed time out. A ‘mental health day’ as the Millennial spoilt tarts call it. It is 3pm here, the day off is nearly over. I can take tomorrow off too if I want, won’t make any difference in terms of how much damage taking a taking one day off has already. I might go back tomorrow. I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, as in, my thought’s are starting to calibrate now.

There are a couple of thought’s that stick out: the first one is, that I can walk away with my head held high because I have only ever tried to protect my boundaries and I have acted with integrity and kindness. Unlike the manager and team leader who have resorted to lying and underhanded tactics such as a campaign to discredit me. Truth has been my sword and weapon and the ultimate consequences will be on those bastards.

Secondly, in the ‘grand scheme of things,’ Tower moments aren’t actually that big of a deal. I remembered a dream I had a couple of years ago where I had a bird’s eye view of the Main Street of the village I grew up in. On one end of the street, a lady walked across the road Cather her chopping bags. On the other end of the street, as the man crossed the road, he fell down and had a heart attack. A small crowd gathered as they tried to assist him and eventually an ambulance came and picked him up. Then, village life continued as normal. The moral of that dream was, emotions may have been high on the street level when the man collapsed, but up in my bird’s eye view, it was a tiny event.

I refer to another dream I had a few years ago. This time was a past-life memory. I was lying in a field, unable to move and feeling terrified. I could feel the enemy coming closer to me and eventually, my world went blank. (I believe I was a soldier injured in a field who was then shot). In the dream, I tried desperately to rewind and go back but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. I had the same dream every so often and it was vivid each time. Each morning I woke up scared. The last time I had it, I finally woke up and recognised it as a past-life memory. The moral of that story is, is that that was such a huge Tower moment, I actually died. So this Tower moment I am currently having, isn’t as final.

I have been reading about Marie Antoinette recently. She was sentenced to death during the French Recolution. She famously said, ‘let them eat cake,’ when confronted with the news that the civilian population were starving. During her trial in court, she was accused of being a traitor for sending money to her native country Denmark, for having numerous affairs despite being married to the King, and her son was even talked into falsely accusing her of making sexual advances towards him. Her lawyers expected life imprisonment at worst, but instead she was sentenced to be executed by hanging. Now that must have been an awful Tower moment kind of day.

My point is, I too shall die and today is not the day it happens.

Another thought that occurred to me is a good way to approach a Tower moment or any crisis in life is to approach it with a sense of humour. Human being’s are utterly ridiculous after all.


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The purpose of a Tower moment is to cause us the death or loss of something. And then our ‘wild twin’ comes out and we start acting in a crazy way, as if by a character we do not recognise: our wild twin; our shadow.

This excerpt from a book describes it beautifully poetically.

‘The greatest poems are not written by the woman who got that last kiss; they are written by the woman who didn’t.’
— Courting The Wild Twin
— Martin Shaw

— ‘

Edit: decided to order the book. Looks like I’ll have a lot of free time coming up soon anyway.


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A Poison Tree 🌳 🍎

I was angry with my friend;
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I waterd it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears:
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night.
Till it bore an apple bright.
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine.

And into my garden stole,
When the night had veild the pole;
In the morning glad I see;
My foe outstretched beneath the tree.

William Blake