Depression Question

Lennon

Member
Hi...

I'm going through a really difficult time trying to do anything. I see everything through a darkness that won't go away...

I've felt like this for a long time. It started with heavy abuse from my alcoholic mother when I was a freshmen in high school and extended itself until now, where I'm a senior, and about to graduate- which terrifies me.
Recently, though, it's become a incredible severe depression. I've been tempting fate a lot taking sleeping pills and what have you.

Will this period in my life ever go away?


Jessica Johnson
May 18th, 1988
San Leandro, CA
9:36 AM
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eonechoes

Well-known member
I'm not very good with this stuff, so I cannot help you really.

But I am 17 and I'm going through a lot of scary stuff, I do not have an alcoholic mother or anything, but as crappy as I feel, without that problem, I can't imagine how you feel. So, good luck :).

*hugs*
 

Arian Maverick

Well-known member
Hi...

I'm going through a really difficult time trying to do anything. I see everything through a darkness that won't go away...

I've felt like this for a long time. It started with heavy abuse from my alcoholic mother when I was a freshmen in high school and extended itself until now, where I'm a senior, and about to graduate- which terrifies me.

Recently, though, it's become a incredible severe depression. I've been tempting fate a lot taking sleeping pills and what have you.

Jessica, I too am seventeen years old (or will be in a week) and have had several difficult experiences with depression and suicidal thoughts. Your post really hit home with me since I went through a similar situation only last year, and I will not hesitate to say that it was the worst time of my life. Since my misery was entirely self-induced, I cannot relate the abuse you experience from your mother...but I truly emphasize with you.

Everything may look bleak now, but please have faith that there is some higher plan for you. Since I have experienced this myself, I am aware that no words--no matter how well-meaning--may alleviate your pain. Please keep in mind that there are people who care about you deeply, even if they may not know how to express such emotions. Enjoy simple creature comforts for now--good food, good music, plenty of sleep, etc. Take life one step at a time if you can, and do not look ahead for any reason. This is the best advice I can offer you, as feeble as it may sound.

Please take care of yourself...you are more important to the world than you can ever know.

Arian Maverick
 

Summery Joy

Well-known member
Oh dear!

When I was reading your, I kept thinking; "I hope she posted her birthdata. I'll need to look at the 6th and 12th houses". As I got to the end of your post, I saw your chart. Jessica, that's some tough energy to handle.

In my experience in natal astrology, which I have to tell you is only like one year, I found that 6th house placements are generally related to burdens and depression. The 12th house is about escapism, self-undoing and hence; drug and/or alcohol abuse.

You have a very difficult opposition between two stelliums, one in each of those two houses. Aspcets between planets usually mean that these planets excite and energize one another. Your stelliums are stimulating each other in a very stressful way.

Of course the nodal axis in Pisces/Virgo is not exactly help here.

Now, don't let that scare you. The first step towards solving a problem is finding out what it is. Obviously, a considerable portion of your problems comes from the energies of your natal chart. But natal charts are just a snap-shot of potential energies, i.e. it's not your fate, you have free will.

What you are going through at the moment is just the negative side of your natal placement. Believe it or not, these very same placements have a wonderful bright side.

First of all, I personally prefer natal charts with stressful aspects. I have found that people with more stressful aspects have potential to work hard to actualize their dreams as opposed to smooth-aspected chart natals who seem to think they can ahve it easy. I realize that this is a generalization, but it applied to many cases that I studied. What I'm getting at here is that you are a person with great potential to be a self-actualized person.

Second, the 6th house placements give you potential to be a hard-worker, a quality that is highly appreciated. Although your 12th house placements could get you to fall for sob stories, once you figure out that it's fine to pick those whom you want to serve/help, things will be fine. You must resist the tendency to want to save everyone without thinking rationally.

Also, whatever you do, please do not believe that you are a victim. If you do, then this is the 12th house stellium playing tricks on you. I realize, from your story, that you have had it harder than most teenagers. In fact, I'm sure I don't even know the half of it, I realize that this is only the tip of the ice-burg. However, you have a choice in this life. Some choices are harder than the others, but that doesn't give us the right to declare ourselves victims to choose the easier way out (alcohol in your case).

The 12th house placement makes you sensetive. That could be either good or bad. It won't be bad if your do not allow yourself to be too sensitive. Also, I cannot help but believe that you must have a wonderful spiritual heart inside of you. Resorting to spirituality can help you, and you can use it to help others because you have the ability to be a spiritual leader. I'm not encouraging you to start your own cult here. It's just that you can achieve the alternative consiousness that you seek through alcohol without alcohol, but with your heart.

You have the Sun in Taurus. Identify with its energy and use it to get a practical approach in life. I think you are already starting since you are worrying about graduating when you still have the problems that you have. Worry doesn't do work though, you do. If there's something that you want, work to get it. Don't listen to the 12th house placements that'll keep you dreaming without working, listen to them when they give you dreams to work on.

Well, I'm almost done here, but there's a lot more in your chart that needs exploring. I bet you'll get good advice from the many gifted members of this forum. So, I'll give them room and wrap this up. But before I go, I'd like to say one last thing. With that Cancer/Capricorn ASC/DSC, you'll feel responsible for the world. You'll want to make things better for everyone. Jessica, you are not and you can't. You are only responsible for yourself and your actions. And you can only make some things better, not all of them. Help yourself first, then help others. An empty bottle cannot fill any glasses. In fact, you shouldn't fill any more glasses, if you know what I mean. Listen, if you feel that you have a serious alcohol problem, you need to join a support group or see a professional about it.

OK. Now I'm done. Good luck. Hope I've been helpful.
 

Kite

Well-known member
Hi Lennon. You've got a couple of Pluto things going on that are probably affecting you. First you have transiting Pluto opposing your Chiron in the 9th house of higher education from the 3rd house of lower eduction. Chiron is the wounded healer which you have in Gemini and speaks to the stuggles of getting through your ordinary routine, communications and thinking. Worrying about advancing out of high school is stressful enough but then you throw in a heavy Pluto transit like this, and I can imagine how you might feel cornered in some kind of big transformation that seems bigger than you want to handle.

In addition, Solar Arc Pluto is squaring natal Mars in the 8th house. Again this speaks to transformation and since Mars rules your 10th house, I'm going to speculate big conflicts with authority and either one or both of your parents.

I'm guessing you are feeling a lot of depression related to truly standing on your own when you were forced to emotionaly stand on your own at much too early of an age. Acutally I can relate to that as I had a similar experience at your age and like you, looked to medicate my way out of the pain.

First thing you need to realize is that your feelings are ok and it's ok to feel depressed. It will pass but trying to avoid feeling the hurt with sleeping pills will put you in serious risk of harming yourself. I myself can attest to a 3 day coma I'm lucky to have emerged from as a result of taking too many sleeping pills.

You need to understand that you are not alone nor unique in feeling the way you are feeling. Alcoholics tend to be filled with shame and then they pass it on to their kids and the rest of their family. There are paths open to you to help you through this darkness. One path is Al-anon or Alateen http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

You can meet others who are struggling just like you are to find a way to lighten their load and put themselves on a more positive track. There are books out there that can help you as well but it's a lot better to be with people like yourself so you can help each other. It's not weak to ask or get help. It is a strong person that can reach out when they need to. Best to you,

Kite

p.s. the Pluto transits will eventually pass but they are greart opportunity to help you transform yourself in the person you want to be.
 

C Jayne

Well-known member
Lennon said:
Will this period in my life ever go away?




Lennon--

I re-posted your chart, since the other one had expired. :)

Here's what I think.

8) 1. Kite's idea about joining a group is good, particularly for you, because with no planets in personal houses, you're not likely to easily be introspective. Also, with your 11th house Taurus Sun, you can put up with a lot (which has probably been both a good thing and a bad thing in your life!). You are good at fitting into groups. Now, you just have to use that freewill and consciously choose a healthy group you want to be a part of!

:roll: 2. Exercise would also be helpful. With that Saturn/Uranus conjunct, you've got some frustration there. Physical release would help -- not instead of a talk-group, but as well as one.

Depression is hard, especially for a young person, because they haven't gone through it before, so they don't know any tricks, yet, on how to pull themselves out of it. Since everybody is different, no one person knows all the tricks for anybody else.

A talk group like Al Anon can help you learn the tricks that help you. You weren't born knowing how to read. Somebody had to teach you to use a telephone (you learned by watching). Getting over depression is the same thing -- you need a teacher.

I looked over your Progressed chart, and couldn't really see any significant developments there, except for a conjunction of your Venus and Mercury, opposing that Saturn/ Uranus thing.

What I get is, you've got some kind of lesson going on here about happiness and love, and getting smarter about them. You can get through this. Keep coming back here and telling us how you're doing.

-- CJ
 

C Jayne

Well-known member
Lennon said:
I've been tempting fate a lot taking sleeping pills ...

Lennon--

BTW--

There is no such thing as a non-addictive sleeping pill -- my husband and I have figured this out. He has tried all of them, because of an injury.

It's hard for a teenager to have a "clean" lifestyle -- when I was 17 and decided I really didn't like smoking dope and I was just doing it to fit in with my "friends," I finally realized that those "friends" were never going to accept me without drugs -- I HAD to find other friends!

Quitting the dope-smoking was easy, but "divorcing" myself from the people I'd been hanging out with, and the places I'd been going -- that was the hard part.

Feeling like you're in crisis can be good -- sometimes it's the only way to clear the slate and start a new life!

-- CJ
 

frokenvin

Member
"will this period in my life ever go away?"

Yes! Things are always changing... Usually the biggest changes take some time -- but you will get "there". The teen to adulthood years gradually improve as we secure our positions in life. One thing to keep in mind is that you are the most important person in your life. Someone mentioned Al-anon - These meetings could prove to be valuable to you. It isn't right for anyone to feel subjected to anyone.. be it family, friends or whatnot. I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through... There is the struggle & suffering and also the light & love. I know it's hard to see beyond these feelings... It really seems you're at a turning point, though -- about to graduate and all : ) Are you considering moving away over your college years?

I wish you the best!
 

KitKat

New member
Lennon said:
Hi...

I'm going through a really difficult time trying to do anything. I see everything through a darkness that won't go away...

I've felt like this for a long time. It started with heavy abuse from my alcoholic mother when I was a freshmen in high school and extended itself until now, where I'm a senior, and about to graduate- which terrifies me.
Recently, though, it's become a incredible severe depression. I've been tempting fate a lot taking sleeping pills and what have you.

Will this period in my life ever go away?

Hi Jessica,

You don't mention your father in your message but from looking at your chart my best guess is that he and your mother are not together and might have some significant issues between them (Moon/Venus conjunct in Cancer opposing Uranus/Saturn loosely conjunct Neptune).

The placement of your Moon/Venus in Cancer in your 12th house signifies your mother's alcoholism. Saturn often signfies the father in a natal chart. The Neptune aligned with your Saturn/Uranus in your 6th might indicate the same issues with your father or just that he is not a "useful" part of your life.

Also your Sun(which also signifies the father) is in Taurus in your 11th house and is in an exact square to your Mars in Aquarius in your 8th house. You want a strong and stable father (or parent) but the things your parents do are unreliable and not valuable to you.

In any event, it looks as though you cannot rely on either parent for emotional support.

Rather you turn to your friends to take care of you (Jupiter ruler of your 6th house of health and ervice is in your 11th house of friends). Which is likely why you came to this forum for advice.

Going on what I know of my own natal chart, anything aspecting the Virgo/Pisces axis might set one up for psychological problems. You have only your Nodes in Virgo/Pisces but that in itself is an axis and they are in your 3rd and 9th houses. The 3rd house rules the brain and the 9th house rules mental outlook.

The North Node (NN) is in Pisces in your 9th house with the South Node (SN) in your 3rd house. Let's start with the SN in Virgo. It is ruled by Mercury and your Mercury is in Gemini in your 12th house. It is in its Rulership (Mercury rules the sign of Gemini) which makes your Mercury somewhat "strong". You are very bright and smart.

However, your Mercury is in your 12th house (psychological issues, things that aren't useful or don't work -- because it opposes the 6th house which is the house of work and service). Your Mercury *exactly* squares your SN in your 3rd (the SN is basically "where we came from"). From this I would say that you probably have a genetic tendency towards having brain chemistry problems. Your brain doesn't "work right" and by this I mean on a physical level.

Your NN in Pisces in the 9th house is ruled by Neptune in your 6th house of health. The NN is basically "where we are going"). Pisces rules escapism and your comments about taking sleeping pills show that you have been taking the "negative" approach of Neptune/Pisces which is to find means of escaping your confused and cloudy mental outlook.

Another means of doing this "negatively" would be to self-medicate (6th house) with alcohol or illegal drugs. However, to choose any of these means of dealing with your depression would only lead to disaster in my opinion.

You need to use the "positive" energies of Neptune/Pisces by doing one or all of the following: find a GOOD doctor and get medication for your depression. Follow that up by getting GOOD therapy or counseling for the problems that lead to your depression and/or the problems your depression may have created for you. Also, it might benefit you greatly to find a good Church, minister, etc. Both alcohol and God are ruled by Neptune which is why so many alcholic treatment programs are successful by using something "spiritual" to replace the alcohol. If you can find something "Higher" to believe in, it might go a long way towards uplifiting your mental outlook (9th house) in the future.

When I was 17 and in my senior year of high school I also became severely depressed. I was not diagnosed properly by a doctor and did not receive the proper medication treatment. In the following 10 years I had 5 more episodes of depression. Had I been treated correctly the first time, I probably would not have continued to cycle into bouts of depression. This is why I strongly urge you to see a doctor pronto!!!

The good news is that I am now 49 years old. I eventually did get some good and proper medical treatment and I have not had a bout of depression in 22 years. There is HOPE for you, Jessica. In fact things can be much better for you if you get some real treatment now.

Good luck and God bless!

KK
 

wilsontc

Staff member
right brain?

KitKat,

You said:
Your brain doesn't "work right" and by this I mean on a physical level.

While I understand you are trying to help, telling someone that their brain is broken does NOT help them. After all, they have to use this brain for their entire life! Perhaps, instead, suggest that their brain works DIFFERENTLY than others, and needs some help in order to work on the same level as the people around them. Because ONLY a medical doctor can make a brain chemistry diagnosis, and they would DEFINITELY have to see the patient before saying it!

Suggesting using non-judgemental advice,

Tim
 

Laura Elizabeth

Well-known member
sorehearted said:

First of all, I personally prefer natal charts with stressful aspects. I have found that people with more stressful aspects have potential to work hard to actualize their dreams as opposed to smooth-aspected chart natals who seem to think they can ahve it easy. I realize that this is a generalization, but it applied to many cases that I studied. What I'm getting at here is that you are a person with great potential to be a self-actualized person.

It's true. And having a "difficult" chart myself, I speak from experience. It ain't easy, but it's worth it in the end.

My Mother was an active alcoholic until I was 14. One day she stopped drinking. Why? My Father threatened to send me off to a boarding school in Europe. She prayed for God to help her stop so she wouldn't loose me. She stopped drinking, but replaced the alcohol with me. I became her parent (well, I had been the parent most of my life already) and her crutch. I wasn't until she died that I realized what she had done.

Do I hate her? Was she an evil person? No, to both. She was deeply sick and needed help she never got. That wasn't my fault, my Dad's fault (though I did blame him for a long time) or even hers. You have to "let go and let God" - trite but true. You are not responsible for her - only for yourself.

sorehearted also said:

Well, I'm almost done here, but there's a lot more in your chart that needs exploring. I bet you'll get good advice from the many gifted members of this forum. So, I'll give them room and wrap this up. But before I go, I'd like to say one last thing. With that Cancer/Capricorn ASC/DSC, you'll feel responsible for the world. You'll want to make things better for everyone. Jessica, you are not and you can't. You are only responsible for yourself and your actions. And you can only make some things better, not all of them. Help yourself first, then help others. An empty bottle cannot fill any glasses. In fact, you shouldn't fill any more glasses, if you know what I mean. Listen, if you feel that you have a serious alcohol problem, you need to join a support group or see a professional about it.

Re-read it - hell, re-read her whole post, it's important for you. Everyone else has excellent advice to offer as well. To re-cap:

1) Professional help - while you're still in high school you can get counseling for free
2) Group help - never worked for me, but then I'm a stubborn s.o.b. Al-Anon works for a lot of people; it's free and meetings are easy to get to.
3) Get out of your own head; exercise, talking, finding a passion to pursue - all good.

As Kite said:

You can meet others who are struggling just like you are to find a way to lighten their load and put themselves on a more positive track. There are books out there that can help you as well but it's a lot better to be with people like yourself so you can help each other. It's not weak to ask or get help. It is a strong person that can reach out when they need to.

You have to get ready to live your own life. She may well try to prevent you from doing so. Without harming her, you can follow your own path. In the long run, it's what's best for both of you.
 

Arian Maverick

Well-known member
It's true. And having a "difficult" chart myself, I speak from experience. It ain't easy, but it's worth it in the end.

What exactly makes a chart "difficult"...lots of squares and oppositions? I don't think it's fair to tell a person who's had a difficult life that they have an "easy" natal chart and their problems are in their own minds, even if this is true. I feel like it's a competition on the forums sometimes :?

Arian Maverick
 

C Jayne

Well-known member
Arian Maverick said:
It's true. And having a "difficult" chart myself, I speak from experience. It ain't easy, but it's worth it in the end.

What exactly makes a chart "difficult"...lots of squares and oppositions? I don't think it's fair to tell a person who's had a difficult life that they have an "easy" natal chart and their problems are in their own minds, even if this is true. I feel like it's a competition on the forums sometimes :?

Arian Maverick

Dear AM--

Anyone examining me and mine would say I had an easy life but a difficult chart. from what I now know I can say that having a difficult life and an easy chart would really be the worst combination! :)

An "easy" chart means, you have nothing but trines and sextiles, which means those energies get along well together, and so, you just keep doing things the same way your whole life. If you decide, at age 12, that the way to deal with things is to xxx xxx xxx, then that's probably how you'll just always do it.

A "hard" chart is where you wrestle with things inside yourself. You are more uncertain about how to proceed because the "pieces" of your personality don't fit together well and you can't decide if you should be more this way or more that way.

A "hard" chart -- in my opinion -- is much richer. It offers a person a lot of latitude in how they use their free will.

:wink: Good question!

--CJ
 

Arian Maverick

Well-known member
Hmm...so I guess the correlation between the two is not as clear-cut as I originally thought. Thanks for the explanation! 8)

Arian Maverick
 

KitKat

New member
Re: right brain?

wilsontc said:
KitKat,

You said:
Your brain doesn't "work right" and by this I mean on a physical level.

While I understand you are trying to help, telling someone that their brain is broken does NOT help them. After all, they have to use this brain for their entire life! Perhaps, instead, suggest that their brain works DIFFERENTLY than others, and needs some help in order to work on the same level as the people around them. Because ONLY a medical doctor can make a brain chemistry diagnosis, and they would DEFINITELY have to see the patient before saying it!

Suggesting using non-judgemental advice,

Tim

I'd suggest you follow your own advice and maybe stick to the subject matter rather than go off on some "Politiically Correct" tangent.

Would you tell someone that had diabetes that their pancreas doesn't work right or would you worry about offending them and thus say nothing thereby letting them go without proper treatment just so long as their feelings aren't hurt?

The brain is a BODY ORGAN just as the pancreas is. Sometimes things go physically wrong with the brain and/or brain chemistry and it "doesn't work right" just as some people's pancreas malfunctions.

Just as we know someone with diabetes has a pancreas that is "not working right," we also *know* that someone suffering from depression has a brain that is not functioning right. That is NOT rocket science.

It seems to me that I DID offer Jessica ideas on where to go for HELP to FIX or REPAIR her depression (the brain that is malfunctioning). I ALSO suggested she get therapy on top of seeing an MD.

I also offered her ALOT of HOPE whereas you just muddied the water in your attempt to look all "nice" and "sensitive." Right now I'm fine and I can take your game playing but you did all of this at Jessica's expense.

KK
 

C Jayne

Well-known member
Re: right brain?

KitKat said:
wilsontc said:
KitKat,

You said:
Your brain doesn't "work right" and by this I mean on a physical level.

While I understand you are trying to help, telling someone that their brain is broken does NOT help them.

...stick to the subject matter rather than go off on some "Politiically Correct" tangent.... Sometimes things go physically wrong with the brain and/or brain chemistry and it "doesn't work right" ... we also *know* that someone suffering from depression has a brain that is not functioning right. That is NOT rocket science.

KitKat--

Pardon. This topic is becoming pretty emotional, because we all want to help. Let me suggest a thought:

:lol: If you pour cold water into your carburator and the car stalls, the car is operating as it was intended to operate.

8) If your life is unsatisfying and frustrating, and then you become depressed, your brain is functioning in a very sensible manner.

For most people, when they become depressed, they do one of two things:

1. They decide the problem is THEMSELVES, or,

2. They decide the problem is THEIR LIFE!

:wink: The wise thing this young woman is doing is, she's trying to figure it out. Many adults simply choose the first answer, go get a pill, and then wonder why they don't have a happy life. A lot of people go through life this way.

I agree, Tim can be rather politically correct, and sometimes it is annoying. But he means well, and so do I, and so do you.

-- CJ
 

Lennon

Member
First, I would like to say thank you -to an extreme degree- for all the replys. I really appreciate the support. All the information is very enlightening and I am trying my best to follow your advice. I really don't have any strong information sources at this time, so, as pathetic as it may be, this forum is really helping me inch toward some kind of direction to follow. :p

Please don't fight. I don't mind how people phrase things. Kitkat was right, my brain often "doesn't work right". The context of which the situation is used is all true in some way... an ice cube melts to water everytime, as it were. :D But thank you for trying to protect my feelings from being hurt, Tim, I appreciate it very much.

I just really want to know, like anyone with a broken wheel,

A.) what's wrong

B.) how I can fix it

C.) how long it will take to fix...

meh, meh, meh, etc.
 

wilsontc

Staff member
making full circle

Lennon,

Perhaps now would be a good time to go "full circle" and look at what was ORIGINALLY posted about your chart:
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1314&start=0

A strange thing about astrologers is they can say some really nice things when they don't know anything about the person, but once they know there is a problem, they can focus in on the problem and let the "nice things" go away! But they are STILL there. Particularly pay attention to what Lunar Pisces says:
Now as for your chart, I can say - as an astrologer that has spent a lot of time looking at charts of mentally ill, disturbed or otherwise deeply troubled persons and know what a really challenging chart looks like - yours, well, doesn't look anything like those charts. Yes you have your own challenges, and some very interesting ones too, but nothing that suggests you need to fear yourself or your future.

And that's STILL true, even after we know a few more details of your challenges. You have a challenging life, and the strength to face it. Things are tougher right now (due to a Pluto transit, as Kite mentioned), indicating that this is a time of daily transforming.

In addition, you have a T-square between the nodes, focused on Gemini modifying Mercury (thinking), indicating that your thinking is a way to move from where you are (South node) to where you need to be (North node). You have Pisces (spirituality) modifying North node (future goals) focused in the 9th house (expansion, also wisdom). This indicates that you are moving toward some sort of understanding about your spiritual possibilties through your thinking.

So review the old postings (which were unbiased) and think about how you can work at your spiritual awakening. After you understand the old posts, take a look at the newer posts and see what you can learn from them. As you know, the spiritual path is very challenging, but you have the power, the strength, and the will to do it. However, nothing worthwhile is easy.

Politically correctly, ;)

Tim
 

Summery Joy

Well-known member
Lennon said:
The problem is, I keep trying to get better, but I can't... I mean. I just always feel... empty. I feel as if I get beyond this roadblock, they'll be another, and so on... and that I'll never get anywhere because of the way I am. And yeah, I know I don't want to be some rabid pill-popper jumping around downtown with big hair and lime-green spandex shorts... but I don't want to live some life in a mundane job at 7-11 or god knows what else... so .... I kind of know what I want to do with my life, but I feel like there's always some big huge dark cloud in front of me... a boulder that I can't move... and that I'll always be stuck here.

Jessica,

It's great that you understand that you have a problem and that you are trying to get better. But must also understand that the kind of problem that you are having is exteremely difficult to solve alone. You need help. By help I mean the professional help I suggested in my last post *and* other kinds of emotional support, such as this forum. It's not as pathatic as you think. Browse around the forum. You'll find that many of us post a few posts per day. I myself could post up to 10 posts on a regular day. Why? Because I need this forum. It helps me satisfy areas of my life that are otherwise left without attention. So, maybe you need the forum in a differnt way, but it doesn't make it pathetic at all. We are all in the same shoes here.

We must get real however. This forum and its members can provide some really good support, but I believe that in your case, you need more than virtual friend. Real life friends are important also.

Aboout that whole roadblock that you cannot get beyond, surely you must know that we all feel that way on and off and different levels. It's only problematic when you feel like this all the time about everything. My point is; it's ok to feel that there's a roadblock you cannot get beyong for a while, what's not ok is if that turns off your desire for living.

I think you have a great desire for living. YOu said it yourself, you know what you wanna do with your life, you have imagined a future for yourself. Does that sound like a hoplessly depressed person? I think not. What you must get over is wanting and dreaming about a specific thing to do with your life and refuse every other alternative until what you are dreaming about comes along. You said you don't wanna get a job from 7 to 11 or whatever. Well, if you can get another job that can get you where you wanna go, then fine. But if such job is not available, turing down a 9 to 5 job and settle for day dreaming will not be the right thing to do.

So..

Try professional help or join a support group. It doesn't mean that you are a hopeless case, it means that you are a person with a lot of hope. Make a plan for your future and set doable and feasible milestones, ones that you can actually achieve, not achievable-only-in-dreams objectives, even if it entails getting boring, regular job for a while. Trust me, every time you cross an attained objective off your list of to-do's, you'll wonder why you have every felt depressed. strongly suggest a job where you can tangibly see the difference you make, like working with charity or something.

Remember.. tangible work.. tangible results.. they can help you fulfill your dreams, whatever they may be.

Say, how much of high school is left till you graduate? Do you plan on going to college?
 

C Jayne

Well-known member
Lennon said:
... I feel like there's always some big huge dark cloud in front of me... a boulder that I can't move... and that I'll always be stuck here.... Is this because of my chart aspects?

Dear Lennon,

When I was a sexy young 17 year old, my parents fought every morning before I left for school. I had a half hour to try and help my mother stop weeping before I headed out for a 35 minute highway ride at 90 mph to the private school I attended.

:( I had my own problems -- I was full of hormones, which, at the time, did not seem like a problem (my friends all had the same situation) and I wanted to either fit in or have the freedom to get out.

I remember one day, traveling down the highway, thinking how easy it would be to just turn the steering wheel a little bitty bit, and I could just hit one of those concrete embankments. Suddenly, the thought screamed in my mind, "NO! IF YOU DO THAT, YOU'LL HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH ANOTHER 17 1/2 YEARS JUST TO GET HERE AGAIN!"

So, I waited it out. Eventually, I was free. I skipped college -- didn't start until age 21 -- and just got a job. That's what was right, for me.

8) I had grown up with a great deal of financial freedom, which taught me laziness. I still have that laziness. People facing more difficulty use their youthful frustration to develop financial determination. With your chart, that may very well be what you do. Personally, I hated the "public" world -- I was 98% introspective -- but you could develop ambition from what you're suffering through right now.

:roll: Tell us what you really want to do. Do you want to go to college? Will you get some freedom that way? Do you simply want to escape your immediate circumstances? Can you?

We all agree you need more than "virtual" friends -- please poke around and see what kinds of programs/ groups/ counselors might be available to you.

:wink: Also, clue us in a little more about your situation so we can all bicker with each other some more about the best way to give you help!

--CJ
 
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