My life is destroyed.
And even in periods that i was trying to be positive and don't think about it...again nothing came of.
I'm the one that didn't offer you anything helpful.
I understand where you are coming from now. You are not looking for help, you want pity. But I'm not going to participate in that.
I'll go back to something that I mentioned before.
See your IC - See Pisces on the IC. That is your "HOME". It's your early home life with your parents, its your innate self, it's the end of your life. I mentioned it before to you, because it's very relevant. I know, but not "helpful" to you. So let me explain why I mentioned it to you.
When pisces is on the IC, or neptune is conjunct the IC. There are issues concerning abandonment, very likely your greatest fear is being alone or discarded. Sometimes the home is unorganized, or very messy too. The mind can be the same - unorganized. Again, because it's the "home", the root.
You're needing attention on this post, feeling that no one was paying you any attention. You can see this dynamic at work. Because Neptune is in your 2nd house of self-esteem/values and its square your Aries moon in the 4th house( add that an aries moon needs attention, to feel validated) All these comes back to the root of your Pisces IC. Issues with nurturing, or feeling neglected.
I mentioned therapy. Because astrologically it's recommended that people with neptune square the moon seek professional therapist/counselors to talk to- as the emotions there are too complex for friends to be able to be able to help with, and care should be taken because of accute sensitivity to certain topics, which in the wrong hands will do more harm than good.
Very often there are panic attacks/fears that the native, meaning you, can't really understand. This is often a symptom caused from blocked out memories/experiences.
With Pluto in the 12th house and angular, which you mention my analysis of was "theoretical". There is nothing theoretical about it. If you don't find ways to manifest pluto in the 12th house positively yourself. You run the risk of attracting people that will sabotage you or cause harm to you. That's a guarantee. Because it's quite simple since the 12th house is the house of the collective unconscious. All your pent up emotions/ the darker aspects of your thinking are going to be owned and manifested by others. Reason being because you are not manifesting pluto in a positive way from the 12th. So situations will occur to make you experience pluto themes, so that this part of you cannot be ignored, and gets addressed.
I was telling you that to help you, because even if I don't know you, I don't want you to suffer from something that is in your power to change.
And even though detective is unrealistic to you. Being a detective isn't only found in movies. There are people that work in crime in every state and country, it's a job just like any other. I have a female cousin, who was a police officer for over a decade, and she is a detective now working in sexual crimes. She has a regular life, just overcame breast cancer, and decided she wanted to do more to help women of sexual violence. So she took the exam and passed. I don't know what country you live in, so maybe this is for the "movies" where you live. For that I apologize to have mentioned it, I should have asked where you lived first.
I wish you the best, all the same.