Depressed, stressed and fed up by it’s every meaning

KTONE

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Samantha Bean

Well-known member
Thanks for attention and advice
I suffered the same as you. So I pursued a professional degree in counseling, and got a job assisting children like me. I’m long retired from that, but i did it for 35 years, and I learned that I was not alone, or that my situation was even especially bad compared to the group. I hav e stories that you would simply not believe. I also picked up astrology along the way. It can help but only for self-actualization. if you are beyond that, then astrology won’t help because you may b e beyond the ability to do it all by yourself, and may need assistance from others.
 

LunarLioness00

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Hello, thanks for your reply.
Thats the question I'm always thinking about. I'm trying to remember if I was always like this or if it started after something. I can say that I was never ever comfortable in myself.
Even as a child, I was always the subject of discussion. My classmates (when I was 7-8 years old) were never understand anything from me correctly, as well as my teachers and other people around me. I mean that even a very normal joke from me could be unacceptable to them, but the same from others could be funny and okay.
In my later school years I had a lot of problems with my classmates, but the fact that was making it easier for me was that I had friends too. But still I was always feeling the deficit of people around me. Because of this, In my late teens, I started relationships online and then met them in real life. None of these relationships continued.
After finishing school and going to university, I lost the only friend with whom I had been in the school years and from there everything went even worse. At university I wasn't able to start friendships. I think it was because of bad experiences at school. Maybe I was scared that they would get everything wrong from me as happened in the past, or I don't know.
I can’t understand if the problem is in myself, in my brain, or just life hates me too much that it's always sending me events and people who will make me feel terrible.
So the answer is that, yes, I think I was always like that. I had never felt loved by others, I was always feeling like strange person, so I become someone like that.

I'm attaching a progression chart but I'm not sure if that's what you have asked for.
Hi KTONE 😊

I can see good things in your natal chart.
As you have asked about what could be possibly ‘wrong’ I will start off with what needs developing as I have learned on this site by some wonderful people that we can work with things we think are ‘wrong’. It’s all a learning curve of life.
So, your natal chart tells me your south node is in 7th house. Which explains a lot of what you have been communicating on this thread. A lot of what you say is focused on other people. How other people make you feel, what others have done and how you want to not be alone, again other people Involved.
Your north node is in the first - all about you. This is where you are heading. The energy you are telling is pushing you to develop YOU. Focus on YOU.
If you can’t do this by yourself then yes, you should ask for some kind of help or assistance to get you there. Religion, astrology is very beneficial for you. You have part of fortune on 9th house. 😊
You are some very young and have a good Life ahead to you. Start looking at your environment, look around and make the changes until YOU feel satisfied.
Firstly though, I would like you to think about what you want. You mention you don’t like your life and it’s lonely. Ok, I get that and know how that can feel. However, what specific outcomes do you want. Answer those first. Don’t focus on the ‘well that can’t happen or won’t happen’. Focus on what would make you feel happy, specifics. What outcomes do you want to see in the next 6 months? You can break this down by using headings such as love life, work life, study life, etc and then write down what you want.
Astrologically, looking at the rest of your chart. I can only see good things. You need to change your mindset. Move away from the 7th house and focus on you. Only then can the 7th house benefits come easily to you.
The first step you have made by talking about it and acknowledging this, is the best thing ever as this is the start of growing, growth and moving forward.
Please answer this and we can look at the rest of your chart.
 

loopylouom

Member
Hello everyone,

I've just discovered this website, I hope there will be someone with some free time and desire to look at my chart.

I don't really know because of which sign, planet, aspect or transit it is, but I feel dead emotionally. And not only emotionally, I would say. It's like living like dead, doing nothing, talking to nobody, almost hating everybody, always wanting to be alone but crying with my soul because of being lonely like that.

I can't see any hope, everything is getting worse. I feel and I know that I'm regressing in every aspect. I don't have good relationships anymore, even with my family members, whom I really love with my whole heart. I feel like an evil person who's jealous of everything, even of loved ones. I feel that I have a bad influence on everyone around me. I ruin and destroy everything that I touch. I feel that even my dog is avoiding me and doesn't love me anymore, because she feels that I have become a terrible person, better than humans.

Where should I find the answers? In religion, in psychology or in astrology? Not in my head for sure. What happened to me and my life? Is it going to end and get back to normal?
Hi Ktone, I study Vedic astrology and can take a look at your chart if you would like please let me know. I am based in UK. Studying since 2016
 

LunarLioness00

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A few days ago, I crashed my brother's car, right before his birthday. This accident made me feel even worse. I wish I had driven my own car and even if I burned and died in it, it would be less problem for me than what has happened.
I love my brother more than myself, but I feel that I’ve a bad influence on his life and it’s killing me inside. I even ask him to stop telling me about ongoing events in his life, because whenever he tells me that something good is happening or is going to happen, soon after everything goes backwards for him. I blame myself for it. I'm tired of doing nothing physically but being tired and exhausted mentally.

Sometimes I wish to leave my parents' house. I think this is the only way to stop blaming myself for everything and to become ALIVE, to do anything, doesn't matter what.

But I cant do that. I feel like there is something that's making me tied down. I'm lacking energy, ambition, courage, emotional strength and maybe even a desire to change my situation in which I'm dying.

If you read your statements above you are saying people made you do these things. They didn’t. You were INFLUENCED by them. South node issues
KTONE, I want you to answer my question please. You say that bad things happen to your brother when he tells you. That’s not true. You’re being superstitious. Your mindset is telling you this. Your mindset is equals your actions and so on and so forth
My question is what outcome are you looking for. Be specific.
What do you want to achieve.
You haven’t ruined your life like you say. You make mistakes. Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes!!
Like Samantha mentions on here, help people less fortunate than you. It will open your eyes and you will feel more grateful. It’s difficult, I know but try. This is a 7th house thing. You can do this so the focus goes from what people say and onto you helping others.
We all look for miracles and they are within us. We don’t want to hear what we think is a harsh answer but put one foot forward and move on by focusing on what you want to achieve.
Name one small thing you would like?
 
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LunarLioness00

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I want to start working or continue studying.
I took an academic year from university after the CV19 virus started and haven't continued it till today. I have one year left to get a diploma.
I don’t know what’s stopping me from doing any of this, but I think that's what I want. I want to find a job and become at least a little bit more independent and socialize, to meet new people in real life and have real communication with them. I’m not sure if I'm answering your question in the right way.
Sometimes I just want to find someone with whom I will just simply run away and start a new life. But I know it happens only in the movies and fairy tales.

Ok this is a good start! 😊🤩.
What do you feel you want to run away from? I think maybe yourself?
If it’s uni life and you don’t like it then change uni if you can do this and complete the course like you want to. What is the course you are doing? What job do you want to do?

Looking at your natal chart you have mars in 12th house.
With this placement it makes mars a bit soft. So mars is drive and passion and in 12th house you feel hard to express it.
I will give you an example of mars.
My aunt was angry because someone told her that her kids will never be educated. She was on fire with anger but they fire turned into passion to focus and drive her kids education. My point is anger can be good if we turn it to positive. With your 12th house mars you fear it and suppress it or you find it hard to find the anger and the passion for what you want. It’s there though. You found it by answering one question; what do you want. You said uni and work. It’s all there. Use it to benefit you.
Another point with mars in 12th house is that they fear hurting others. However being in ‘soft’ house you could never hurt anyone. You just think you are. In fact
You only hurt yourself. That answers the issues you have when you think you hurt your brother.
So work out what you want. Then work out how you are doing to get it.
To do this you are a Virgo. Make a list! Structure and focus.

I could write lots more. For now I need to digest your chart. Then come back to you. However with a Leo ascendant you are creative. You crave attention, love of people. You are generous and fun loving. At the moment you are in a rut. That’s all it is and you will come out if it. Make the first move. Uni!!

Sun square Pluto. You sun 2nd house square Pluto in 5th. It’s only a square and you can work with this. All of your fears are self inflicted but sometimes they are from the environment. However you can overcome this. You have to overcome this by taking a leap into what you desire. Remember that list!! Force past the obstacle and do it. Have the fear and do it anyway. What can help you is your Leo ascendant. Use your Pluto to dig deep and use your leo to love what you do.
 

LunarLioness00

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Also here is another link which will help you as you have an intercepted first house and therefore 7th is intercepted.
It’s nothing to fret about! I have an intercepted 3rd house with mercury there but I’m doing ok! I’m communicating!!!

Your interceptions are Leo and Aquarius so read upon this.
To look for a solution we look at the duplicated signs. Your would be Virgo/Pisces so 2nd and 8th house.

 

LunarLioness00

Account Closed
I don't know why but it was somehow emotional to read this. Maybe because it's motivating and whenever someone is trying to motivate me or compliment me, I'm always about to spread out tears.

Deep inside I feel that I cant do it by myself, I can't change anything or move on without any kind of force. That's why I'm always waiting for something, something that will make me go out and start working, to go into the kitchen and make breakfast for myself by myself.

You will think, what is stopping you from going into the kitchen and making coffee, like it's impossible, nobody and nothing can "block" you from doing this. And the answer is yes, nobody is stopping me. And I'm not lazy to do it, but yet I can't do it. So it makes me think that it's because I'm living in this house.

If I lived alone I would do it and everything that's needed, so I would feel alive and not a dead body like I'm feeling now.

Sadly, in this messed-up country in which I'm forced to live in, it's not that easy, it doesn't happen like that to open the door, leave the house and continue living as you wish, as an individual. That's why I said that I wanted to find someone, because I need someone to do it.

You've asked me where I want to run. So there is an answer: Somewhere where there would be any of my family members, relatives, neighbors, anyone who knows me or who's familiar with me. So I will have to save myself, to survive by myself.

For me, talking to you is like talking to a psychologist. I know I have bored you by talking about all this depressive stuff and nonsense.Thanks for your time. I truly appreciate it so much. It helps a lot to freely talk about the mess ongoing in my brain and knowing that someone will read and understand it. Thanks again and again for your time and labor. For being kind.


You are not boring me. In fact I find you very interesting indeed!! And your chart!!
It’s nice to hear you feel emotional. This is the start of your movement. Everything starts with a feeling.
What is stopping you from moving?
If you want to badly move then make the first move that will help you get there. A job maybe? Find one…then it can happen. You are blaming your environment. But is it real? It in your mind as sun square Pluto doesn’t help with those feelings. But like I said you have to start somewhere. You have to find a solution. If moving away is a solution then that’s good. You have pof right on your mc. It’s near 9th house. Travel, moving away could be good for you. However, to get there you need another solution…. A job? How? ….. I hope all this helps as please read the links as it will help you.
I used to want someone to help me but no one did. I’m glad. The best satisfaction and the best feeling is knowing and feeling you did it your own way and by yourself!
Any other way and you would be hard on yourself saying you didn’t deserve it as someone helped you. Believe me as I believe in you. You can do it. Your are just being superstitious.
I hope it all helps and others with a lot more experience than me can give you their valuable insights.
 

LunarLioness00

Account Closed
My pleasure and I’m not an astrologist. I’m practising like most people on here. Learning is the best way.
I’m glad you feel better. I was just telling you what I can see in your chart and it’s truly amazing especially when you learn how to handle it.
Thanks for your kind words. Good luck with everything and keep us posted!!
I’m sure others will give you their valuable time too. ❤️❤️❤️
 

loopylouom

Member
I would be happy, thanks for attention.
ok, i had a busy day but will look again this week. Your comments mentioned going to Uni, please tell me what you were studying and what is it that you really want to do? If you find that difficult to answer please tell me what areas interest you. How would you like to impact the world?
 

treguard

Member
I have south node in seventh house in vedic astrology. I've experienced that thing where someone tells me what worked for them socially..but then it didnt work for me.
 

loopylouom

Member
ok, i had a busy day but will look again this week. Your comments mentioned going to Uni, please tell me what you were studying and what is it that you really want to do? If you find that difficult to answer please tell me what areas interest you. How would you like to impact the world?

In Vedic Astrology you are Cancer Asc with Mars, Mercury and Venus ALL in 1st House

Using the Vedic sidereal system it makes you Cancer Asc, this makes you a very sensitive person and cause you to hold on to many painful memories. You will often regress back into the past and re live the traumas. Your Ascendant is at 29degrees Cancer so at the very end of the sign and getting ready to move into firey sign Leo, This transitionary zone can be challenging, and feel as if one has a loose footing, unsure of where they belong and what path they should take.

Mars is also in your ascendant in a difficult position in Cancer. Sometimes you will not feel any courage and may become a pleaser. May not speak up for oneself can lead to outburst at the most inappropriate moments, the main reason is the lack of courage in expressing ones unrest, needs in a constructve way and getting your voice heard.

Moon is in Scorpio which is ruled by Mars so because of this frustrated martian energy it is affecting your psyche. Mars is also aspecting Moon so it is doubly challenging.

HOW TO REMEDY MARS:
Donate blood (on Tuesdays if possible)
Do plenty of exercise, boxing, martial arts, run, aerobics. Helps let off steam

HOW TO STRENGTHEN MOON:
Moon is in Scorpio 5th house, you can do a ritual each day for Moon. Moon rules your Ascendant so it will strengthen your Asc too so it can be very powerful for you.
Chant Moon mantra Shram Shreem Shraum Sah Chandraya Namaha
If you are familiar you can also chant Shiva mantra, Om Namah Shivaya.
Even light a candle and offer to picture of Shiva everyday and chant for 10-20 minutes.
Do this for a month and you will benefit and continue wherever possible.
I have used mantras and rituals to remedy my Moon as it is conjunct Mars so I understand Mars-Moon issues.
You can also volunteer with women or at women centres or do some sort of social work


In Vedic astrology we divide the houses into portions called lunar mansions. The portion where your Mercury and Venus are can give rise to feelings of jealousy as it is playing out in your Asc these feelings are becoming quite harmful to yourself.

There is a lot of serpent energy in your chart, but it can act like a poison if not directed correctly. There is certainly potential to turn this power around. There is the ability to evolve spiritually and transform through Kundalini energy. However a proper teacher is necessary. Sometimes astral travel and Out of body experiences can also be had. These are clues to the special abilities that you may posess but take care not to turn this power back in on yourself with feelings of spite and jealousy.

The karaka of intelligence- Mercury and Venus - discernment in this portion also mean your insecurites and fears will effect your ability to make the right decisions. I have read your comments in the thread and can see you mentioned such occasions where you have not made good choices.

HOW TO REMEDY: Ask you guides and even your higher self to guide you into make the right decision for the highest good before you act or make decisions over major things. Practice this as a meditaion even when there aren't important choices to make. Make sure you are always only one station away from tuning into the right choice.

North Node in Leo the 2nd house of speech and early childhood will make you noticable and somewhat different especially in childhood and amongst close family. It is a lifetime where you are to experience being different from others in the way that you sound and look as 2nd house is that of speech and the face area. Two planets in Leo make you very creative and that is something you must explore. It is in a portion of Leo that represents our ancestors, so grandparents may've been very prominent in childhood or there may've been lots of old family heirlooms or belongings in the house??

Tune into your intuitive power as your chart shows you have a lot,
Cancer Asc and Moon in Scorpio. Also South Node is in 8th according to Lahiri Ayanamsa (the calculation I use) This also enhances your intuitive power. Past life using astrology is shown here,, You can follow astrology, the more you learn about yourself the more you will gain control of your path again. Also you can be good at psychology SN in 8th Moon in Scorpio for sure. Also I can see why you studied sociology with all the planets ruled by Moon. You show up as a healer too, maybe one day the wounds you experience for yourself can be used to assist others.

TALENTS
You mentioned psychology Moon in Scorpio will help with that, also South Node in 8th house gives ability to understand others psyches, also research abilities and astrology. South Node in 8th can indicate past life experience of occult sciences so you can enhance this skill in this life. South Node is also in Aquarius which means you past life you were part of a bigger grup, place in society, with North Node in 5th house it is now time to think about your own individuality and creative potential and bringing this to the forefront in this lifetime. North Node is in a portion of Leo which relates to the ancestors so there maybe some gift or skill you have inherited from ancestors. But defintley something from the past incarnation or connection can be used by yourself in the realms of creativity.

You mentioned wanted to be in management or leadership, I do see some struggles in career if you were to be a manager in a corporate and boring environment. You may be undermined or not listened to. But the Sun-NN conjunction in Leo with give you leadership skills but in a more creative field. So use you talents, charm and individuality to shine rather than just be someone that tells people what to do. Don't be afraid to explore doing something a little different and innovative. South Node in Aquarius means you have worked in large groups and communities before. But use NN in Leo placement to shine with your own ideas creatively this time. Even work for yourself one day.

I think your english is really, really good, the way you express sounds like you are english! So well done there and no doubt it would be a benefit for you to continue learning english as it seems you have picked it up very well so far.

The Vedic chart also shows you as being a healer. So bear this in mind for the future. People can benefit from having you around them. You could practice some hands on healing with your dog when he is near. Just meditate and welcome in love and healing and channel through your hands whilst resting on the dog.

Your Vedic chart also shows into your early 30's is when you will really start to bloom. Your Juipter and Moon will have experienced, grown and matured. You will be a great help to others and warm person to be with. With lots to give the world after the huddles you have overcome.

TRANSITS
I noticed in 2024 NN moves into Pisces and late 2024 to early 2025 North Node it will transit over natal Jupiter in 9th House, Jupiter does very well in Pisces so I see opportunities will open up linked to fulfilling your higher purpose , higher education, foreign travel, a spiritual path can open up. Luck may come abroad or overseas connections. This is a very good transit for you. Also Jupiter will be transiting in your 10th house of career and your role in the public domain, so will bring abundance and opportunity for you to create with your ideas :))
 
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