I suffered the same as you. So I pursued a professional degree in counseling, and got a job assisting children like me. I’m long retired from that, but i did it for 35 years, and I learned that I was not alone, or that my situation was even especially bad compared to the group. I hav e stories that you would simply not believe. I also picked up astrology along the way. It can help but only for self-actualization. if you are beyond that, then astrology won’t help because you may b e beyond the ability to do it all by yourself, and may need assistance from others.Thanks for attention and advice
Hi KTONEHello, thanks for your reply.
Thats the question I'm always thinking about. I'm trying to remember if I was always like this or if it started after something. I can say that I was never ever comfortable in myself.
Even as a child, I was always the subject of discussion. My classmates (when I was 7-8 years old) were never understand anything from me correctly, as well as my teachers and other people around me. I mean that even a very normal joke from me could be unacceptable to them, but the same from others could be funny and okay.
In my later school years I had a lot of problems with my classmates, but the fact that was making it easier for me was that I had friends too. But still I was always feeling the deficit of people around me. Because of this, In my late teens, I started relationships online and then met them in real life. None of these relationships continued.
After finishing school and going to university, I lost the only friend with whom I had been in the school years and from there everything went even worse. At university I wasn't able to start friendships. I think it was because of bad experiences at school. Maybe I was scared that they would get everything wrong from me as happened in the past, or I don't know.
I can’t understand if the problem is in myself, in my brain, or just life hates me too much that it's always sending me events and people who will make me feel terrible.
So the answer is that, yes, I think I was always like that. I had never felt loved by others, I was always feeling like strange person, so I become someone like that.
I'm attaching a progression chart but I'm not sure if that's what you have asked for.
Hi Ktone, I study Vedic astrology and can take a look at your chart if you would like please let me know. I am based in UK. Studying since 2016Hello everyone,
I've just discovered this website, I hope there will be someone with some free time and desire to look at my chart.
I don't really know because of which sign, planet, aspect or transit it is, but I feel dead emotionally. And not only emotionally, I would say. It's like living like dead, doing nothing, talking to nobody, almost hating everybody, always wanting to be alone but crying with my soul because of being lonely like that.
I can't see any hope, everything is getting worse. I feel and I know that I'm regressing in every aspect. I don't have good relationships anymore, even with my family members, whom I really love with my whole heart. I feel like an evil person who's jealous of everything, even of loved ones. I feel that I have a bad influence on everyone around me. I ruin and destroy everything that I touch. I feel that even my dog is avoiding me and doesn't love me anymore, because she feels that I have become a terrible person, better than humans.
Where should I find the answers? In religion, in psychology or in astrology? Not in my head for sure. What happened to me and my life? Is it going to end and get back to normal?
A few days ago, I crashed my brother's car, right before his birthday. This accident made me feel even worse. I wish I had driven my own car and even if I burned and died in it, it would be less problem for me than what has happened.
I love my brother more than myself, but I feel that I’ve a bad influence on his life and it’s killing me inside. I even ask him to stop telling me about ongoing events in his life, because whenever he tells me that something good is happening or is going to happen, soon after everything goes backwards for him. I blame myself for it. I'm tired of doing nothing physically but being tired and exhausted mentally.
Sometimes I wish to leave my parents' house. I think this is the only way to stop blaming myself for everything and to become ALIVE, to do anything, doesn't matter what.
But I cant do that. I feel like there is something that's making me tied down. I'm lacking energy, ambition, courage, emotional strength and maybe even a desire to change my situation in which I'm dying.
I want to start working or continue studying.
I took an academic year from university after the CV19 virus started and haven't continued it till today. I have one year left to get a diploma.
I don’t know what’s stopping me from doing any of this, but I think that's what I want. I want to find a job and become at least a little bit more independent and socialize, to meet new people in real life and have real communication with them. I’m not sure if I'm answering your question in the right way.
Sometimes I just want to find someone with whom I will just simply run away and start a new life. But I know it happens only in the movies and fairy tales.
I don't know why but it was somehow emotional to read this. Maybe because it's motivating and whenever someone is trying to motivate me or compliment me, I'm always about to spread out tears.
Deep inside I feel that I cant do it by myself, I can't change anything or move on without any kind of force. That's why I'm always waiting for something, something that will make me go out and start working, to go into the kitchen and make breakfast for myself by myself.
You will think, what is stopping you from going into the kitchen and making coffee, like it's impossible, nobody and nothing can "block" you from doing this. And the answer is yes, nobody is stopping me. And I'm not lazy to do it, but yet I can't do it. So it makes me think that it's because I'm living in this house.
If I lived alone I would do it and everything that's needed, so I would feel alive and not a dead body like I'm feeling now.
Sadly, in this messed-up country in which I'm forced to live in, it's not that easy, it doesn't happen like that to open the door, leave the house and continue living as you wish, as an individual. That's why I said that I wanted to find someone, because I need someone to do it.
You've asked me where I want to run. So there is an answer: Somewhere where there would be any of my family members, relatives, neighbors, anyone who knows me or who's familiar with me. So I will have to save myself, to survive by myself.
For me, talking to you is like talking to a psychologist. I know I have bored you by talking about all this depressive stuff and nonsense.Thanks for your time. I truly appreciate it so much. It helps a lot to freely talk about the mess ongoing in my brain and knowing that someone will read and understand it. Thanks again and again for your time and labor. For being kind.
ok, i had a busy day but will look again this week. Your comments mentioned going to Uni, please tell me what you were studying and what is it that you really want to do? If you find that difficult to answer please tell me what areas interest you. How would you like to impact the world?I would be happy, thanks for attention.
ok, i had a busy day but will look again this week. Your comments mentioned going to Uni, please tell me what you were studying and what is it that you really want to do? If you find that difficult to answer please tell me what areas interest you. How would you like to impact the world?