Depressed My Birthchart Set Me Up For Failure

Hi guys!

This is my first post here. Truthfully, I don't know or understand much of reading astrological charts. I do tarot readings, so I understand the cards very well and picking up on things intuitively, however when it comes to reading an astrological chart it goes right over my head and becomes like solving a mathematical equation for me and gives me a headache. :lol: To me it's very different because astrology feels very fixed and unchangeable, where as in tarot energy changes all the time making things much more open ended. This is where my frustration comes in.

I get very depressed looking at my chart because I feel it has set me up for failure in the areas of life that mean the most to me - relationships and family. I can only hope it is me misinterpreting it, but I don't think I am. I am turning 41 next month and it has always been a strong desire of mine to be a mother biologically since I was little girl. I have nearly no family. I am only child with absolutely no cousins (my only aunt on my dad's side passed away in a car accident when she was 16 and my only uncle on my mom's side simply never had children of his own). My dad died from cancer when I was 13, my grandparents have all been gone for a very long time. It's literally been just me and my mom for the longest amount of time. My uncle came back into my life about 8 years ago. But that's about it. My mom and uncle won't be here forever though and one day it will literally be just me, basically an adult orphan with no family.

I do have many friends, and I am grateful for them, but at the end of the day they all have their own families and their own lives. I don't feel comfortable infringing on that nor do I want to.

This is why it's very important to me that I want to be a mom biologically. I love my family, as small as it is, and don't want to see it end with just me! :crying: I know adoption is an option, but I'm truthfully not interested in that at all. And the whole sperm donor thing... no. With an empty 5th house in Aires I'm panicked I've been astrologically *******. :eek: I'm very family oriented. I'm terrified my chart has set me up for isolation when my life's biggest dream and what I have always felt my purpose was to be a wife and a mom. While I can make money and have a career, that has never been my biggest dream. Money and opportunities will always be there. But a beefy bank account isn't going to hold my hand one day on my death bed.

When it comes to relationships, that house is empty as well. I've only had three long term meaningful relationships in my life, none of which resulted in marriage, I don't mean to be picky at all, but I usually know if that attraction is there with someone and it clicks. Sad to say with most people it doesn't, and I can't force it with someone I'm not feeling it with, which is why there have only been three men in my life, however I can safely say all three of those relationships were deeply meaningful and important. Two of the three I remained friends with after we parted romantically and they are more like brothers to me these days. The third one, who was actually my first love when I was 14-18, we were separated for 20 years and then he resurfaced in my life two years ago. Now there's this thing happening between us again, but I don't even know what it is other than it has me feeling like I'm 16 again.

Like me, he never got married or had a family either. I thought maybe with us having so much in common in our time of separation maybe we meant were meant to be together this whole time and found our way back together for that, but there have been hurdles to overcome. Unlike me, he had some rather negative relationship experiences during that time apart. Needless to say, he is not friends with his exes as I am. Yet we both moved across country to nearly the same area during our time apart and didn't even know we were anywhere near each other. Too many synchronicities that makes it unique for sure.

On the positive side, physically and biologically speaking I am actually good! I'm biologically still fertile, not perimenopasual, periods come like clockwork every month totally on time and normal. Medically speaking I'm in good health for this happen. It's not like I want five kids. Just one I'd be happy and blessed. And honestly when I pray, when I tap into my intuition, etc I feel like this will still happen, that I will still become a mother biologically.

But my birthchart scares the life out of me and makes me feel depressed and hopeless. This is why I have "Chihuahua Mom" as my username because my birth chart makes me scared I'll wind up having more chihuahuas than I already do now and those will be the only babies I have. :crying:

I'm a big overthinker, perhaps it shows that in my chart. I can only hope overthinking is what I'm doing. But this whole birth chart thing was really bothering me and I wanted to share. So that's basically it. I've included my chart if anyone is curious. If anything, thanks for listening to me vent. :libraimg:

chart.cgi
 
Apparently I must've put the chart in wrong. I don't know how to actually put the picture in here, so here is the link instead to the chart. Hopefully this works. https://www.astro.com/cgi/chart.cgi?showgif&lang=e&gif=astro_w2gw_heather.67074.196048.png&res=63

[please upload a chart to the AW Forum or upload a chart to a link site (astro.com is NOT a link site and you can not link directly to an astro.com link as the link WILL expire) and post the link - information on uploading charts here: https://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=119327 - Moderator]
 
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Ok, trying this again, posting my chart. I feel like all my responses are simply me trying to upload my chart. :lol: Clearly, I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't even know how to describe any aspects of it or anything, so if this works it works, if it doesn't, it doesn't. astro_w2gw_heather.67074.196048.png
 
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Zora

Well-known member
[FONT=&quot]
Truthfully, I don't know or understand much of reading astrological charts.

Hi ChihuahuaMom,

just curious - what do you think how your birthchart managed to do this to you ?

Depressed My Birthchart Set Me Up For Failure

[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]To me it's very different because astrology feels very fixed and unchangeable, where as in tarot energy changes all the time making things much more open ended. This is where my frustration comes in.

I get very depressed looking at my chart because I feel it has set me up for failure in the areas of life that mean the most to me - relationships and family. I can only hope it is me misinterpreting it, but I don't think I am. I am turning 41 next month and it has always been a strong desire of mine to be a mother biologically since I was little girl. I have nearly no family. I am only child with absolutely no cousins (my only aunt on my dad's side passed away in a car accident when she was 16 and my only uncle on my mom's side simply never had children of his own). My dad died from cancer when I was 13, my grandparents have all been gone for a very long time. It's literally been just me and my mom for the longest amount of time. My uncle came back into my life about 8 years ago. But that's about it. My mom and uncle won't be here forever though and one day it will literally be just me, basically an adult orphan with no family.

I do have many friends, and I am grateful for them, but at the end of the day they all have their own families and their own lives. I don't feel comfortable infringing on that nor do I want to.

This is why it's very important to me that I want to be a mom biologically. I love my family, as small as it is, and don't want to see it end with just me! [/FONT][FONT=&quot]I know adoption is an option, but I'm truthfully not interested in that at all. And the whole sperm donor thing... no. With an empty 5th house in Aires I'm panicked I've been astrologically *******. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]I'm very family oriented. I'm terrified my chart has set me up for isolation when my life's biggest dream and what I have always felt my purpose was to be a wife and a mom. While I can make money and have a career, that has never been my biggest dream. Money and opportunities will always be there. But a beefy bank account isn't going to hold my hand one day on my death bed.

When it comes to relationships, that house is empty as well. I've only had three long term meaningful relationships in my life, none of which resulted in marriage, I don't mean to be picky at all, but I usually know if that attraction is there with someone and it clicks. Sad to say with most people it doesn't, and I can't force it with someone I'm not feeling it with, which is why there have only been three men in my life, however I can safely say all three of those relationships were deeply meaningful and important. Two of the three I remained friends with after we parted romantically and they are more like brothers to me these days. The third one, who was actually my first love when I was 14-18, we were separated for 20 years and then he resurfaced in my life two years ago. Now there's this thing happening between us again, but I don't even know what it is other than it has me feeling like I'm 16 again.

Like me, he never got married or had a family either. I thought maybe with us having so much in common in our time of separation maybe we meant were meant to be together this whole time and found our way back together for that, but there have been hurdles to overcome. Unlike me, he had some rather negative relationship experiences during that time apart. Needless to say, he is not friends with his exes as I am. Yet we both moved across country to nearly the same area during our time apart and didn't even know we were anywhere near each other. Too many synchronicities that makes it unique for sure.

On the positive side, physically and biologically speaking I am actually good! I'm biologically still fertile, not perimenopasual, periods come like clockwork every month totally on time and normal. Medically speaking I'm in good health for this happen. It's not like I want five kids. Just one I'd be happy and blessed. And honestly when I pray, when I tap into my intuition, etc I feel like this will still happen, that I will still become a mother biologically.

But my birthchart scares the life out of me and makes me feel depressed and hopeless. This is why I have "Chihuahua Mom" as my username because my birth chart makes me scared I'll wind up having more chihuahuas than I already do now and those will be the only babies I have. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

I'm a big overthinker, perhaps it shows that in my chart. I can only hope overthinking is what I'm doing. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]

But this whole birth chart thing was really bothering me and I wanted to share. So that's basically it.
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

And what is your question now ? One could write a little book about a birth chart - what is interesting you most now ? To know where to start ....

That your mercury is still double transit activated now - by t-saturn's square and by t-uranus opposition - is not to overlook here :lol:[/FONT]
 
My empty 5th house and Aires. I know empty 5th houses don't necessarily mean you will be childless, but I read somewhere that that house being in Aires is not good because Aires is barren. I google, I try to figure it out. Like I said, I really don't know much how to read charts :lol: It confuses me. I'd like to learn though. However, I am VERY good at jumping conclusions and overthinking :lol: Like I said, don't know if those traits show up about me, but oh if that were a talent, I'd be a billionaire!

[FONT=&quot]

Hi ChihuahuaMom,

just curious - what do you think how your birthchart managed to do this to you ?



[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

And what is your question now ? One could write a little book about a birth chart - what is interesting you most now ? To know where to start ....

That your mercury is still double transit activated now - by t-saturn's square and by t-uranus opposition - is not to overlook here :lol:[/FONT]

I'm not sure I even had a question. I was more venting from a place of panic :lol: Can you explain what that means about the mercury double transit, t-saturn square by t-uranus opposition thing means? I literally don't get it :lol: Sorry, I feel so dumb about this stuff. I've had plenty of tarot readings done saying I'm all good, fertile, baby will come, etc. I don't know if my birth chat reflects that though.
 

watcherofthesouth

Well-known member
There are positive and negative aspects to ANY chart. Just look at quarterback Tom Brady - he has some big challenges - or Paris Hilton who was born with Jupiter retrograde (finding a man) and is a famous heiress. Everyone has a challenge to work out. In your case, you actually have some very exciting aspects. You may be very independent though, so that's why it's hard to settle down. I have Uranus close to my ascendant and I am very happy that I didnt have children.

I think there is a good chance you will have sons that are Uranus in nature - scientists or revolutionaries. Perhaps a military family.
 
There are positive and negative aspects to ANY chart. Just look at quarterback Tom Brady - he has some big challenges - or Paris Hilton who was born with Jupiter retrograde (finding a man) and is a famous heiress. Everyone has a challenge to work out. In your case, you actually have some very exciting aspects. You may be very independent though, so that's why it's hard to settle down. I have Uranus close to my ascendant and I am very happy that I didnt have children.

I think there is a good chance you will have sons that are Uranus in nature - scientists or revolutionaries. Perhaps a military family.

I'm very independent when it comes to work, that's for sure. I hate working for someone else, which is why I run my own business and I work for myself. But in my personal life I'd rather live with others in a family dynamic than be on my own, even though I can be without it being an issue.

I used to work in the music business and travel quite a bit, perhaps that's a part of my exciting aspects or even the military family vibe. I'm not involved with the military at all, however I do love traveling. I lived in LA for 15 years, moved back to my hometown just three months ago, traveled across country three times within the past year and honestly could do it again. :lol: I've even thought of relocating to Colorado one day down the road since I do enjoy the mountains so much. But for now I feel home is where I'm supposed to be, spend time with my mom, work things out with my first love, and I just feel right now at this point in my life is the time to settle down. I've definitely already lived a lot of crazy adventures. But now I'd like to have a family of my own and create adventures with them.

Thank you though for the feedback! And that's true, there are positives and negatives to everyone's charts. I guess it's just how we go about handling what we're dealt with. I didn't know that about Tom Brady or Paris Hilton!
 

Eric traveller

Well-known member
You'll have to run your Dasha sequence to see at what stage of life you'll be at...and, the sequence of events that'll happen/ or take place at that time.
I Hope that this helps...
Take care.
I noticed the asteroid Chiron at exactly your descendant/ascendant degree. This, without a doubt has some great effects. If I believe I'm remembering it right Saturn rules that house, and I believe it was in the 11th? I can't remember. But Virgo is a good dignity and 11th is good for Saturn.
Nevermind. Sorry I looked again and it's Taurus that rules the seventh house and it's lord is in debilitation. That's explaining your issues. The midheaven /tenth house represents the culmination of ourselves, our lives and to what heights we will reach, even our longevity, if you are able to carefully and with skill factor in the stars around it.
I also have Chiron in Taurus (sidereal) and it means you basically never feel/ are loved...or can't really get your resources together or in place. I have it up by midheaven.
And the Lord of which is also debilitated. It's very tough.. I hope that you get through this.
 
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watcherofthesouth

Well-known member
It's tough - the whole transition thing. The Military might come later (your own family) although Aries is also sports (maybe you'll have a little quarterback on your hands).

Agree with Eric about seeing your Dasha phase.
 
Eric traveller, I have no idea what a Dasha sequence is. But none of that sounds very promising... I don't know, I mean I do know that I'm loved by many people (friends, my mom, etc) and I love myself. My resources are pretty strong in terms of survival so, I'm not sure what to think of that. I've reconnected with my first love, which in many ways has been my greatest source of pain and joy over my entire life. If anything I hope his return in my life has a lot of do with finally settling down considering neither of us did during our time apart and I don't believe his return is a coincidence by far. I don't know if it's true or not considering I saw this in a random TikTok, but an astrology TikTok I saw just earlier today said whatever degree your Chiron is in indicates the age you experience your biggest pain or trauma, whatever it looks like to you, that really destroys you. I don't know if that's true or not, but that's what that TikToker mentioned. For me, I thought for sure it would be when I was 13 when my dad died, but if I'm reading the degree of Chiron right, it would be 17°, age 17. At 17 that was the first massive break up me and first love had, it was extremely heartbreaking, we got back together shortly after and broke up again about a year later again until meeting up again all these years later. But maybe he's always been my invisible achilles heel.

watchersofthesouth, I don't know anyone in the military and I'm not involved it in any way shape, or form, myself. The guy I'm involved with right now (my first love) works in retail, so definitely not military. When you said military I wasn't thinking literal, I was thinking more figurative like the travel aspect that comes with military families, since I do enjoy traveling and have a long history having done that in the past during my days in the music business. Actual military feels super structured and rigid to me, which I don't deal with very well. :lol: As a creative person I need my wiggle room. But hey, little quarterback or not, boy or girl, just as long as they come and they're happy and healthy I will support their football dreams or whatever other dreams they have. :smile:
 

Eric traveller

Well-known member
Eric traveller, I have no idea what a Dasha sequence is. But none of that sounds very promising... I don't know, I mean I do know that I'm loved by many people (friends, my mom, etc) and I love myself. My resources are pretty strong in terms of survival so, I'm not sure what to think of that. I've reconnected with my first love, which in many ways has been my greatest source of pain and joy over my entire life. If anything I hope his return in my life has a lot of do with finally settling down considering neither of us did during our time apart and I don't believe his return is a coincidence by far. I don't know if it's true or not considering I saw this in a random TikTok, but an astrology TikTok I saw just earlier today said whatever degree your Chiron is in indicates the age you experience your biggest pain or trauma, whatever it looks like to you, that really destroys you. I don't know if that's true or not, but that's what that TikToker mentioned. For me, I thought for sure it would be when I was 13 when my dad died, but if I'm reading the degree of Chiron right, it would be 17°, age 17. At 17 that was the first massive break up me and first love had, it was extremely heartbreaking, we got back together shortly after and broke up again about a year later again until meeting up again all these years later. But maybe he's always been my invisible achilles heel.

watchersofthesouth, I don't know anyone in the military and I'm not involved it in any way shape, or form, myself. The guy I'm involved with right now (my first love) works in retail, so definitely not military. When you said military I wasn't thinking literal, I was thinking more figurative like the travel aspect that comes with military families, since I do enjoy traveling and have a long history having done that in the past during my days in the music business. Actual military feels super structured and rigid to me, which I don't deal with very well. :lol: As a creative person I need my wiggle room. But hey, little quarterback or not, boy or girl, just as long as they come and they're happy and healthy I will support their football dreams or whatever other dreams they have. :smile:
If you pm me your birth details, I can give you my own predictions. Using the Vedic sidereal astrology system, which I find highly, highly accurate.
I'd be more than happy to do this for you..
 
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I got curious after reading the Dasha Sequence thing. I still don't understand it completely, but I do have a bit of a better grasp on it now. Seems to be about cycles we experience. Anyway, I entered my birth info into a Dasha calculator and this was what was said for this current time frame of my life:

SATURN Mahadasha Phal (November 21, 2018 - November 21, 2037)
Your SATURN is in Virgo sign which is a Friendly sign for SATURN . SATURN is lord of 3,4 house and situated in 11th House. SATURN aspects 1st, 5th, 8th house and aspected by KETU . Physically as well as mentally you will be very courageous during this period. This is a good phase for your relatives. Go for attempts in your career life as the success is assured. Gain of material things is also indicated. You will purchase land and machinery during this period. Substantial gains in your business and trades are assured. Your enemies will not be able to plunk before you. You will come into contact with people from far off places. This period is also very good as far as love life is concerned. You will receive full support from your family members.

So far with what I read for each phase I've already experienced makes a lot of sense and adds up. My first one (Mars) was from birth to age 4. It mentioned health issues (which I never had as a child other than normal kid stuff) and problems with "senior officials." I don't know, maybe they're referencing tantrums I had as a toddler :lol: I don't know. That one was a little weird.

The second one (Rahu), age 4-22, does mention problems with family, in which this was time period I experienced a lot of deaths in the family. And as a whole it was a mixed period for me, which makes sense. There were plenty of ups and downs through my childhood and teens.

The most recent one I experienced (Jupiter) age 22-38 mentions the spotlight being on me at some point, journeys, being given credit for my work/efforts, people wanting a "piece of me," etc. Makes sense. This was the time period I moved to Los Angeles and worked in the music business. Lots of travel, hobnobbing with people in the industry, etc. And that brings us to now, which I mentioned above.

What is interesting about this current phase is it was late 2018, when this one started, my former roommate moved out of our apartment and shortly there after, I reconnected with my first love. Three months ago I moved back home so we could actually pursue this new beginning between one another. Prior to that we had been 2000 miles at a distance. I had to laugh at "purchasing machinery" unless it's a car, I don't know what else that could be. Purchasing land would be nice. I knew that would never happen when I was still living in California. Now there is a better chance of that after having moved.

What do you guys here think of the pattern app? I refer to that quite a bit and so far it's spot on for my cycles. Right now I'm in New Beginnings - ends December this year, Activation of Power - ends January 2022, and Expansion of Home - ends January 2022 (which actually aligns perfectly with my recent cross country move). Coming up I have Let Go of Old Relationships starting in November and Let Go of Chaos starting in December, both lasting six months. And after that Completion and New Chapter starting simultaneously February of 2022 - November 2022. Interestingly some of the Dasha descriptions do make sense with previous cycles I've experienced in the pattern app. Man, it's a lot to digest, understand, and process.
 
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