Critical Father?

[Beth93]

Hi everyone, so this is an issue that’s really personal to me and i’m seeking some insight to what’s going on. I sadly cant afford to move out of my home, but at the same time I’m dealing with a very over critical father who nit picks every single thing that I say. God forbid I mention my sister who he’s not like that with. Because she’s 22 with an independent career and never at home, she’s the golden child.

Naturally, I’m a generally polite/shy person who’s not had it easy getting a stable job but whenever I try and talk to my dad like normal he always responds with something degrading or critical and i’m struggling to deal with it. Apologies for my rant but wanted to see if there’s something in my chart that could shed light or be the cause of my non-existent relationship with my dad. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t connect with him.

 

[Antiks72]

He's seen by Mars in your chart, which is right next to your Jupiter. Jupiter is your first house ruler, so part of your life mission is dealing with this difficult person. He appears to be very agitated with Neptune and Uranus squaring him, including a potential to be unrealistic about things.

Your Saturn and moon conjunction tells me you've been emotionally invalidated growing up. Any attempts at expressing your feeling may have been squashed. Your Venus in the 8th highlights difficult issues around feeling loved. Love may feel dead to you.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

 

[Beth93]

Hi Antiks thank you for responding, it does feel exactly as you described at times. The position is difficult when I have to rely on him for things that I wish I didn’t have too, and I was often convinced he was doing it to try and “better” me as a person, but it’s really difficult to form any kind of personal connection and it makes me feel lost at times, yet my younger sister has a much better relationship with my Dad then I do. I hope there is a way we can work on this but it does seem hopeless in a sense.

 

[Antiks72]

Hi Antiks thank you for responding, it does feel exactly as you described at times. The position is difficult when I have to rely on him for things that I wish I didn’t have too, and I was often convinced he was doing it to try and “better” me as a person, but it’s really difficult to form any kind of personal connection and it makes me feel lost at times, yet my younger sister has a much better relationship with my Dad then I do. I hope there is a way we can work on this but it does seem hopeless in a sense.

You're welcome, dear.

 

[ScorpioMaria]

Probably you have terrible synastry with your father as well

In the natal chart, Saturn often represents father, old people, authority, and Mars often represents men and father.
I noticed that you have hard aspects involving Saturn (to your Pluto and Moon), as well as Mars and Jupiter (to your Uranus and Neptune), suggesting conflict.
Even your Sun and Mercury square your Ascendant can suggest conflict with your father.
And your Moon-Pluto square suggests intense emotions, conflict, and problems with your parents (mother or father)

Try astro.cafeastrology.com for a full astrological/psychological profile

Are you searching for specific career advice or romantic advice?

 

[waybread]

May I ask, where is your mother in all of this? Does she stick up for you?

Mars rules your 4th house of the father (in traditional astrology.) Mars squares Uranus, suggesting that Dad lacks basic impulse control.

But I agree, that it would be good to compare your and your father's chart in a synastry bi-wheel. You might also add a midpoint composite chart. Then we could better see the dynamic between the two of you.

I note that your sun-Mercury in Virgo probably make you very intelligent, and also very sensitive. You don't seem like the kind of person inclined to put yourself forward.

Suppose you stood up to your father and told him to back off and be civil to you. How would he react? Is there any chance of getting into family counseling with him?

People will tend to take you at your own evaluation of yourself.

 

[Beth93]

May I ask, where is your mother in all of this? Does she stick up for you?

Mars rules your 4th house of the father (in traditional astrology.) Mars squares Uranus, suggesting that Dad lacks basic impulse control.

But I agree, that it would be good to compare your and your father's chart in a synastry bi-wheel. You might also add a midpoint composite chart. Then we could better see the dynamic between the two of you.

I note that your sun-Mercury in Virgo probably make you very intelligent, and also very sensitive. You don't seem like the kind of person inclined to put yourself forward.

Suppose you stood up to your father and told him to back off and be civil to you. How would he react? Is there any chance of getting into family counseling with him?

People will tend to take you at your own evaluation of yourself.

Hi Waybread, thank you for your response. my Mum is probably the only person in my family who does stick up for me because she knows he can be harsh, even with her at times but never to the point of anything physical. My Dad isn't wired like that, he's just a difficult person to communicate with. I'm always told i'm extremely sensitive but my dad has called me selfish on a ton of occasions because I've detached from him and like to do things myself whenever I can.

I have said a couple of things to him to stand up for myself, but they never come off well, and makes him more agitated because he never likes to be "shown up" or
"proven wrong" it's like his word is law if that makes sense? Saying that, he does appear to have a better relationship with my sister who's away half the time than any of us. Sometimes social settings he's the tiniest bit more better to talk too but there's still no connection there that I feel.
As for a composite chart, I dont know his time of birth to look into it more specifically.

 

[FraterAC]

Beth93,
You can do a synastry, making a biwheel with your nativity on the inside and your father's noon chart around the outside as if they were transits. The conjunctions (and possibly oppositions) can show the dynamics of your relationship. This may help to understand the specific energies involved and provide clues as to how to deal with them. This can be done even without the specific time of your father's chart.
There are other relationship techniques some other members here may be able to suggest.

 

[waybread]

I agree with FraterAC. If you don't know the birth time we can't accurately look at houses, but the planets-in-aspect should tell the story.

Your dad sounds like an old-school traditional father-- this type of dad would see his word as law.

It seems like you've done your best with a very difficult situation.

 

[Beth93]

May I ask, where is your mother in all of this? Does she stick up for you?

Mars rules your 4th house of the father (in traditional astrology.) Mars squares Uranus, suggesting that Dad lacks basic impulse control.

But I agree, that it would be good to compare your and your father's chart in a synastry bi-wheel. You might also add a midpoint composite chart. Then we could better see the dynamic between the two of you.

I note that your sun-Mercury in Virgo probably make you very intelligent, and also very sensitive. You don't seem like the kind of person inclined to put yourself forward.

Suppose you stood up to your father and told him to back off and be civil to you. How would he react? Is there any chance of getting into family counseling with him?

Hi Waybread, thank you for your response. my Mum is probably the only person in my family who does stick up for me because she knows he can be harsh, even with her at times but never to the point of anything physical. My Dad isn't wired like that, he's just a difficult person to communicate with. I'm always told i'm extremely sensitive but my dad has called me selfish on a ton of occasions because I've detached from him and like to do things myself whenever I can.

I have said a couple of things to him to stand up for myself, but they never come off well, and makes him more agitated because he never likes to be "shown up" or
"proven wrong" it's like his word is law if that makes sense? Saying that, he does appear to have a better relationship with my sister who's away half the time than any of us. Sometimes social settings he's the tiniest bit more better to talk too but there's still no connection there that I feel.
As for a composite chart, I dont know his time of birth to look into it more specifically.

People will tend to take you at your own evaluation of yourself.

Probably you have terrible synastry with your father as well

In the natal chart, Saturn often represents father, old people, authority, and Mars often represents men and father.
I noticed that you have hard aspects involving Saturn (to your Pluto and Moon), as well as Mars and Jupiter (to your Uranus and Neptune), suggesting conflict.
Even your Sun and Mercury square your Ascendant can suggest conflict with your father.
And your Moon-Pluto square suggests intense emotions, conflict, and problems with your parents (mother or father)

Try astro.cafeastrology.com for a full astrological/psychological profile

Are you searching for specific career advice or romantic advice?
That's pretty much what it's like in the house hold, when things

 

[Beth93]

Thanks everyone so much for your responses. Honestly, I thought it was just me not being able to connect with him but it seems there are more underlying issues with transits that i'm probably not aware of either. I will look into some of the aspects you have mentioned so I can fully understand them for myself. I have attached a composite chart from astro seek. My dad is "Partner A" Person. His birth details are 5th September 1962. And I set the time to 12pm noon as recommended. The location is the same as my chart.

 

[waybread]

Beth93, is it possible for you to post a slightly larger chart, using the free charts feature at Astrodienst, www.astro.com. Something in the composite chart isn't computing for me, but it is hard to say without the degrees being legible. If you could post your Dad's chart separately, that would be helpful, as well. Keep in mind we need to be able to read the degrees. If you don't know Dad's birth time, just input it as "unknown." Thanks.

 

[Frisiangal]

Thanks everyone so much for your responses. Honestly, I thought it was just me not being able to connect with him but it seems there are more underlying issues with transits that i'm probably not aware of either. I will look into some of the aspects you have mentioned so I can fully understand them for myself.

Hi Beth,
Metaphorically speaking, I'll probably get my head blown off in disagreement from others, yet it is YOUR chart that is shown above. It relates to how YOU are and how YOU interpret and personally deal with all situations as a result of it. Planets can 'symbolise' people, yet it is still how you see them through your perspective of how you visualise your life to be.

Your age indicates that you are coming out of what is called the Saturn return, the period of life when maturity sets in, and authoritative/parental dependent control should be over. A person learns to metaphorically take life into their own hands and stand on their own two feet. Yet you say
' I sadly cant afford to move out of my home, .......... not had it easy getting a stable job', that would signify you are still dependent upon your parents 'good will' and 'support' towards/of you. Most parents look forward to the children 'leaving the nest' by the time they show signs of wanting their independence and can treat home as they would a hotel.

You are born under the sign Virgo, the most critical of the zodiac. Everyone has Virgo somewhere in the chart and the saying 'seeing the splinter in another's eye and missing the plank in one's own' describes the sign's discriminative nature in a positive as well as negative attitude well. At its worst it can be very self discriminative because it sees only its flaws (through the eyes of others?), rather than its attempts to be 'practically perfect', a gift only given to Mary Poppins!

You are born with a Moon (reaction to outer circumstances) in Aquarius, a sign describing mentality towards outer situations. It may not 'feel' comfortable there because the sign inclines towards detaching itself from any emotional contact and expression. Moon needs to feel the opposite. It comes up against the manifestation barrier of Saturn. It can make one 'feel' harshly distant.

Two aspects to Sun and Moon are noticeable. and both say something about the use of 'controlling power'. Moon-Pluto aspects have a reputation for their obsessive, manipulative, compulsion quality (the 'must have' coercion), depending upon which force is stronger in the chart. Sun-Pluto is a less known aspect ....the 75 degree separation .... that I personally study, and is the half of the better known 'stress and strain' 150* degree. Trying to find words to describe its effects, all I can come up with at present is 'inner tension'. Circumstances prevent that which one desires, yet about which they can do nothing to change. What Sun wants .... the perfect situation ... is out of its personal control because circumstances ( of which one may or may not be consciously aware) 'force' otherwise. It cannot be easy to live with, yet with Pluto contacts one must.
With a 9th house influence, I do wonder in how far a religious/cultural background, or perhaps health situations, play a significant role.

As I was astrologically taught, we can never blame others for that which is created within ourselves.
Perhaps looking inwards within one's self for reasons may provide alternate perspectives?

 

[Beth93]

Beth93, is it possible for you to post a slightly larger chart, using the free charts feature at Astrodienst, www.astro.com. Something in the composite chart isn't computing for me, but it is hard to say without the degrees being legible. If you could post your Dad's chart separately, that would be helpful, as well. Keep in mind we need to be able to read the degrees. If you don't know Dad's birth time, just input it as "unknown." Thanks.

Will attatch this asap. Would it be best under chart synstsry or composit?

 

[waybread]

I think you can post additional types of charts here for continuity's sake.

BTW, I have Virgo rising and Saturn in Virgo. Yes, we can be the worry-warts and critics. On the other hand, Virgo tries to be helpful to people. This Mercury-ruled sign is often very discerning.

 

[Antiks72]

Your nativity is on the inside of the biwheel and your father's noon chart is around the outside as if it were a transit. Relationship dynamics are revealed by conjunctions (and possibly oppositions). In this way, the specific energies involved can be understood and clues can be provided as to how to deal with them. This can be done even without knowing your father's chart's exact time.
Members here may know of other relationship techniques.

Are you saying that a square aspect to Venus has no bearing on a relationship? Really?

 

[FraterAC]

Are you saying that a square aspect to Venus has no bearing on a relationship? Really?

Any close aspect between charts will have an effect. However, in my experience, the conjunctions between charts show where the personalities are really "nailed" together. In the interest of simplicity, and as a way to get started, I only mentioned conjunctions and oppositions in my post.
Note this is a parent/child and not a romantic relationship.

The member CE above quoted me but I am not that member, nor is CE a sock puppet for me.

 

[Beth93]

I think you can post additional types of charts here for continuity's sake.

BTW, I have Virgo rising and Saturn in Virgo. Yes, we can be the worry-warts and critics. On the other hand, Virgo tries to be helpful to people. This Mercury-ruled sign is often very discerning.

My dad’s chart is here.

 

[Beth93]

Thanks everyone for your responses on this read, i’m still struggling to form any kind of connection/relationship
with my father and I hate that this is what its like knowing him at times so I’ll definitely be resesrching some of the hight lighted aspects/transits that you have all pointed out. The insight is really appreciated because whenever I communicate with him, he always tells me I dont make sense or he doesn’t understand me like my mum does.

 

[waybread]

Beth, with no accurate birth time, we cannot use the houses in Dad's chart. We can look at planets in aspect and in signs.

One thing I note about your father's chart is his kite formation, with sun-Pluto at the apex. Sun-Pluto is often about personal (sun) power (Pluto.) This seems to be a major focus in his life. With his Jupiter-Chiron opposition to sun-Pluto, he may be struggling with the whole concept of compassionate wisdom, and how it is incompatible with his primary and primal urge to dominate.

I don't know what is going on with your sister, but possibly she doesn't seem to threaten his dominance in a way that he would experience your doing-- whether you see yourself in this way or not.

Your and your father's birthdays are very close together. Where your sun-domiciled Mercury make no other major aspects to other planets, you have a bit of the wild child about you. The less he can control (Pluto) you, the more he wants to try.

Your Dad's sun-Pluto combination is reinforced by his moon and ascendant in Scorpio. Pluto is the modern ruler of Scorpio and this sign partakes of Pluto's will to dominate other people. Unfortunately your moons are squared, which suggests emotional incompatibility. Where your moon also conjuncts Saturn, he may experience you as being very critical of him, whether you intend this, or not.

Are you sure you cannot afford to move out of the house? (It's NOMB, and you don't need to answer, but) perhaps you have a female relative or friend who would be happy to have your companionship and contribution to her living expenses. Otherwise I suggest you simply avoid Dad as much as possible. You can be cordial, but emotionally detatched.