Can someone read my chart . . . please ?

miquar

Well-known member
Hi. The awareness that you have will continue to germinate over time. You'll gradually get used to the idea that there is more of you waiting to be expressed, and as this happens you'll be naturally inclined to explore new ways of being.

Feelings come and go. Each time things come up, there is another opportunity to notice something about them, or to embrace them a little more. And please feel free to share anything here if you think it might help. Seeing a counsellor would probably help you along this path that you are on, because that would involve sharing hidden parts of yourself face to face with a real person in a safe way. The counsellor would model a way of responding to your vulnerability which you could learn from, and which you can use as a new bench-mark of what you have a right to expect from others if they want to be close to you. Otherwise, you only have the responses of your family to go on.

You're doing great. I'm impressed by the way you have been able to properly engage in this dialogue, even though your defenses are understandably very strong around these issues.
 

Forum Member

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I hope it will , I just feel frustrated now. I was so close , I could feel myself on the precipice but now it feels like it's miles away and i'm out of reach of my emotions. It will probably be a long time until I manage to change again.

I don't think I'll need a counsellor as long as I've got you Miquar ; ) . But I'll consider it. I would find it hard to trust them though so we wouldn't make any progress for a while.

Of course , these issues are hard for me to think about at times but remember that it takes two to tango. If it wasn't for your good questions I wouldn't of been able to give good responses. If you ever want a mentee I would be honored if you chose me.

I can't think of anything else to share right now but I'll give it some serious thought tomorrow and see what I come up with.
 

miquar

Well-known member
Hi. Thanks for your kind words.

Indeed, after what you've been through, why would you trust anyone. It would take a leap of faith for you to contact a counsellor, and it must be said that some are better than others. On the other hand, you have nothing to lose by giving it a go if and when the time feels right. And if you're not happy with how its going you can stop at any time - counsellors are used to that. You might later decide that you stopped as a defense against facing something in yourself, but no matter - there are plenty more counsellors in the sea! Or a good counsellor will understand and welcome you back with open arms if you decide to pick up where you left off with her or him.

The seed has begun to germinate. In time it will grow, flower and bear fruit. When the feelings come back, whenever that may be, try to feel them - by doing this you will water this new seed.
 

Forum Member

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Ah it's ok , you deserve kind words.

Yeah i've already lost quite a lot no harm in losing more right ?

I think I would be comfortable as long as the counsellor is female , I always feel safe around women. Around men I'm always on-edge waiting for something to happen. I always notice every movement they make , quite a few boys have tried to sneak up on me and all have failed or they get surprised when I don't even react when they come up behind me , without even turning to face them I say something like "I knew you were coming" but women can creep up on me easily because I don't see them as a threat.

I can trust others as long as I see a good reason to or if I've seen them do something good for someone else but when it comes to strangers it takes me at least a week just to start talking to them properly.

I hope a counsellor can help me. Maybe they can help me deal with the guilt I feel , I've done some things I'm not proud of when I was younger.
 

miquar

Well-known member
Hi. We do what we feel is necessary in the situations that we find ourselves in, and with the awareness we have at the time. We don't need to carry guilt, which involves some degree of self-loathing and a sense of deserving to be punished. We just need to experience a sense of remorse, which simply means that we would choose a different course of action if the same circumstances were to arise again. Guilt does't benefit anyone.

Yes its good to know what you need from a counsellor. You can always experiment with a male counsellor further down the line. Things like work, and perhaps acquiring in-laws at some point, will confront you with the need to form relationships with men, so it might be useful to work through some stuff with a male counsellor at some point, if and when you feel inclined to do so.
 

Forum Member

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Well said , I didn't realise what I did at the time. It took me about 10 years to think back to those events and realise how my actions made them feel , needless to say I felt guilty. It would be best if I forgave my self , part of me thinks that I deserve to be punished because I realised exactly what I was doing , another part thinks that it had to be done and the last part thinks that I was simply too young and had too many things on my mind my homelife was one of the things.

I've had a male mentor before , it wasn't for anything personal just business. Even though we didn't talk about anything personal it still felt awkward every time we met. Even on the way home I was still shaky. I liked the guy , really liked him he was a good man but I could never trust him. The only thing I didn't like is that I had to sit directly in front of him , if we sat side by side I would of felt a bit more comfortable and I could break eye contact easily and focus on other things in the room.

I don't mind talking to other men as long as it's important or just small talk but as soon as the conversation gets too personal I can't wait to get away.
 

miquar

Well-known member
I suppose its going to take time for you to relax around men after you've felt so let down by your Dad. I'm sure that life will bring the people to you who can play a part in healing this issue, though of course some such interactions will be more pleasant than others. I have a lot of faith in your capacity to play your part in this healing process, and as you walk this path in a creative way you'll have a healing effect on others - though of course not all of them will be receptive to the healing potential of the encounter. They may not have the awareness that has been emerging, and will continue to blossom, in your consciousness. You're perhaps beginning to appreciate now that conflict can have two winners, two losers, or one winner and one loser. A winner is someone who responds creatively, which may require much more courage than simply fighting back, and a loser is someone who responds destructively and compulsively. A winner's prize is to leave the conflict behind, but a loser has to carry it away to be experienced all over again in another encounter. Victory and defeat in the more superficial sense are actually meaningless.
 

Forum Member

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I think let down is an understatement , I don't think I can even think of a word that describes my feelings. Life has already brought me that person (well the most important person anyway) to be honest I'm not sure how to go about healing myself but at least i'm on the path now. I share those views on conflict. Most of the time I think arguments and fights are pointless , there's no point in defending your honor against a stranger because you probably won't see them again. I lean towards thinking that there are no winners in conflict.

On a side note I had to walk through a busy commercial area today , I despised the people there . . . all of them.

Also I was wondering if there is someway astrology could help you find your past life (if any). I think regression therapy is interesting and I would like to try it one day , the only draw back is the price.
 

miquar

Well-known member
Hi. Some astrologers do believe that past lives can be seen in the chart. Carter approaches this issue in a way that sits well with me in 'The Zodiac and the Soul' (page 49):

The nativity indicates the general destiny of life, for the soul, once incarnate, cannot reverse its choice. Further, although a nativity cannot represent the condition of the soul in its extra-spatial and supra-temporal state, it can represent its relation to material things and its possible psychological reactions. It is in fact the record of its past successes and failures in its attempts to adapt itself to an alien condition.'

By 'alien condition', he means the state of incarnation.

While I can go along with this, I don't see how the chart can describe the circumstances of these successes and failures. As far as I can see, a birth chart could at best give a sense of what kinds of lessons were left unlearned during previous incarnations. If past life regression works (and indeed if reincarnation actually occurs in a way which is relevant to this discussion) then it is no doubt a useful way to clear complexes which get in the way of accurate perceptions of life. 'Past-life memories' may, in many or even all cases, be a kind of personal myth which one can work with in order to achieve liberation from complexes - not that this necessarily invalidates 'past-life therapy' as a means for personal growth. If it works, it works.

I wonder if people with the Moon in a fire sign are more prone to try to mythologise their past? I'm not knocking this - its a perfectly valid thing to do, whether or not we do actually have past lives.
 

Forum Member

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This certainly is interesting , I'm not sure if my moon sign has anything to do with it but I just think it would be useful to find out what kind of life I might of had so I can avoid making the same mistakes. Now I know it's best if I steer clear of this subject , Karma sent me some strong messages on Tuesday. I think I'll have to do my best to forget I ever asked the question. I'm getting some bad vibes when I think about it.

I'm sure that there must be some kind of life after death , reincarnation doesn't seem far fetched to me. Death is merely a reset switch.
 

sasa62

Well-known member
3: Do You think I could create a successful product ?
[I have two ideas for innovative products at the moment. The first could change peoples opinion for the better (I lack the skills to make it though , furthermore I'm tired of helping people. I've done some bad things in life and I seek redemption by trying to help people but I don't think I deserve redemption anymore, I've made my bed . . .) and the second has potential to become extremely dangerous but the science behind it is simple and I know everything I'll need to make it. I feel compelled to try and create the second product , I'm sure I could build a prototype in five years. If it works I'll continue to develop it.]

If the exact hour of birth is then important for career last year.

If you're one or both ideas began to develop since last summer or in the period of early spring of 2011, there is a high possibility of realization 2020/21year of course provided they you're going to realization, or you go in realization the latest by 2015

If that period was not associated with the career field then was related to emotional situation and possible relationships ...

Which is correct version?
sorry for my english ...
 

miquar

Well-known member
Yes, reset or replay as the case may be. I don't think we need to know about our past lives to redeem them. We just need to respond in the right way to the old issues as they are reconstellated in this life. There's no need for us to complicate things.

If, for example, someone had an issue around standing out from the crowd as a unique and special individual, then it wouldn't matter whether this arises from regret over a past life of excessive public self aggrandizement, or from fear arising from a past life of painful obscurity. The important thing is to feel the feelings which are arising in this moment of this life.

Hope things are going ok for you.
 

Forum Member

Well-known member
If the exact hour of birth is then important for career last year.

If you're one or both ideas began to develop since last summer or in the period of early spring of 2011, there is a high possibility of realization 2020/21year of course provided they you're going to realization, or you go in realization the latest by 2015

If that period was not associated with the career field then was related to emotional situation and possible relationships ...

Which is correct version?
sorry for my english ...

That hour of birth is the official time recorded by the hospital so it might not be 100 % accurate. Anyway I thought of both the ideas recently so that means 2015 would be the year I go into realization. Your english seems ok to me but I don't really understand what you mean by "realization".

miquar said:
Yes, reset or replay as the case may be. I don't think we need to know about our past lives to redeem them. We just need to respond in the right way to the old issues as they are reconstellated in this life. There's no need for us to complicate things.

If, for example, someone had an issue around standing out from the crowd as a unique and special individual, then it wouldn't matter whether this arises from regret over a past life of excessive public self aggrandizement, or from fear arising from a past life of painful obscurity. The important thing is to feel the feelings which are arising in this moment of this life.

Hope things are going ok for you.

That's a good way to think about it , what's done cannot be undone. I think I have a general idea of who I could've been. Things are going good for me , thanks for . . ah never mind. Anyway it's just that things were going good for me for a bit to long so when karma decided to take me off my high horse and rough me up it just caught me off guard but i'm feel much better now. On top of that someone tried to have a go at me but for some reason it actually put me in a good mood , I just can't stop smiling right now.
 

miquar

Well-known member
I'm really glad to hear that. Perhaps the incident put you in a good mood because it showed you that you are more solid in yourself now.

Now that you have a solid place from which to view life, your memories of humiliation at home may have a different slant. You may be able to revisit some of those incidents with a sense of calm - and an awareness that there was nothing wrong with you, and that your family were just acting from a place of fear and confusion.

I hope you continue to feel better.
 

sasa62

Well-known member
That hour of birth is the official time recorded by the hospital so it might not be 100 % accurate. Anyway I thought of both the ideas recently so that means 2015 would be the year I go into realization. Your english seems ok to me but I don't really understand what you mean by "realization".

I think the starting plans. All that starting by 2015 is realized by 2020/21
 

Forum Member

Well-known member
I'm really glad to hear that. Perhaps the incident put you in a good mood because it showed you that you are more solid in yourself now.

Now that you have a solid place from which to view life, your memories of humiliation at home may have a different slant. You may be able to revisit some of those incidents with a sense of calm - and an awareness that there was nothing wrong with you, and that your family were just acting from a place of fear and confusion.

I hope you continue to feel better.

You could be right about that . . . to be honest I haven't had much time to think about my feelings for a while, i'm always busy all the time. But luckily i'm almost finished as well, I can almost taste the freedom and i'll finally be able to live life as I see fit.

I could try to think about those feelings again but i'm just too distracted, I can't concentrate on weekdays because I put everything into my work and by the time I get back home i'm brain dead. Sometimes I even end up stumbling around the house like a zombie . . .

The only thing putting a downer on my mood is the weather recently, I have to brace my self because I know it's not going to change anytime soon.

I think the starting plans. All that starting by 2015 is realized by 2020/21

Sounds good, the more research I do the more complicated the project becomes. But with five years i'm sure I could work out all of the kinks and i'll try not to fry my brain in the process (literally).
 

Forum Member

Well-known member
Hi. Good luck with your project, and with your healing when you pick up where you left off...

I'm going to need it, I don't always have the best luck. I know I'll have quite a few major set backs (as usual). As for the healing I don't think i'll need luck. I think I might of finished with that already. I don't know what happened or how it happened but I feel much better now it happened earlier today, there are no words to properly describe the feeling. All I can say is that I feel different . . . almost like a new person and I haven't even got a clue where the old me has gone. For the first time in may years I really am looking forward to the next day
 
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