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<blockquote data-quote="Abby83" data-source="post: 550681" data-attributes="member: 35582"><p>Hello Junoisuppose,</p><p> </p><p> Your message touched me. Mostly because I posted on here perhaps a yr ago. Since then I have educated myself and now looking at your post, ive realised just how far ive come.</p><p> </p><p> You are spot on with the fact that bullies target people who are different. It's a strong reaction to the fact that there is someone different, whereas others are more accepting and agree to disagree or look for common ground. The worst part is many keep doing it if they get away with it over and over again. That is, until "somebody," maybe "you" makes that change.</p><p> </p><p> In my experience, pluto has been the main source that has shown me when bullying occurred. And in my opinion, having a 12th house mars does make it a little difficult to take action as decisions can be a little foggy. Delusion, umming and ahhing are such 12th house things.</p><p> </p><p> Anyway, ppl like these are everywhere. It's how you deal with it. Here are my tips that have helped incredibly over the last yr.</p><p> </p><p> * stay calm, speak at a slow pace, you control your pace and decision to speak</p><p> * reflective listening - THE BEST THING IN THIS LIST I CAN RECOMMEND!!!! - Reflective listening is the best way to give a mirror reflection to the bully, using communication. If you can find someone to teach u this eg communications expert, you will win most battles. Otherwise I can teach you myself.It has worked in every situation I have tried.</p><p> * pay as little attention to them as possible - (bullies are desperate for attention so they will chase after you and notice the change immediately, but the more you move on, distance yourself, focus on yourself, be vague and brief with your dealings with them the better.) They'll get angry, throw tantrums, yet u carry on. They end up wasting their time and being the loser in the end because their time was invested in you, and your time was invested in you.</p><p> *Speak in terms of positive eg: someone will say your scarfe looks disgusting. You could say - Oh, you're repulsed by this scarfe. what would you prefer instead. they say - none, theyre all ugly. u say - I actually like the pattern on this scarfe, the fabric is warm, and im proud to have gotten it discounted half price. I cant wait to wear it with my new boots. etc.</p><p> </p><p> this is an off the top of my head example but if you keep persisting with your positive responses, ppl are attracted to positive, so even if the bully is frustrated, other people will eventually be attracted to your self assurance, your confidence, positivity and belief in yourself, which the bully does not have. And they crumble. In fact they've already crumbled before they even started bullying. It's just that you pulled yourself down with it.</p><p> </p><p> * Stay focused on your own needs and yourself.</p><p> </p><p> Anyway, these are just some things I wanted to put out there cos I can see so many people are having trouble, as did I. Love you all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Abby83, post: 550681, member: 35582"] Hello Junoisuppose, Your message touched me. Mostly because I posted on here perhaps a yr ago. Since then I have educated myself and now looking at your post, ive realised just how far ive come. You are spot on with the fact that bullies target people who are different. It's a strong reaction to the fact that there is someone different, whereas others are more accepting and agree to disagree or look for common ground. The worst part is many keep doing it if they get away with it over and over again. That is, until "somebody," maybe "you" makes that change. In my experience, pluto has been the main source that has shown me when bullying occurred. And in my opinion, having a 12th house mars does make it a little difficult to take action as decisions can be a little foggy. Delusion, umming and ahhing are such 12th house things. Anyway, ppl like these are everywhere. It's how you deal with it. Here are my tips that have helped incredibly over the last yr. * stay calm, speak at a slow pace, you control your pace and decision to speak * reflective listening - THE BEST THING IN THIS LIST I CAN RECOMMEND!!!! - Reflective listening is the best way to give a mirror reflection to the bully, using communication. If you can find someone to teach u this eg communications expert, you will win most battles. Otherwise I can teach you myself.It has worked in every situation I have tried. * pay as little attention to them as possible - (bullies are desperate for attention so they will chase after you and notice the change immediately, but the more you move on, distance yourself, focus on yourself, be vague and brief with your dealings with them the better.) They'll get angry, throw tantrums, yet u carry on. They end up wasting their time and being the loser in the end because their time was invested in you, and your time was invested in you. *Speak in terms of positive eg: someone will say your scarfe looks disgusting. You could say - Oh, you're repulsed by this scarfe. what would you prefer instead. they say - none, theyre all ugly. u say - I actually like the pattern on this scarfe, the fabric is warm, and im proud to have gotten it discounted half price. I cant wait to wear it with my new boots. etc. this is an off the top of my head example but if you keep persisting with your positive responses, ppl are attracted to positive, so even if the bully is frustrated, other people will eventually be attracted to your self assurance, your confidence, positivity and belief in yourself, which the bully does not have. And they crumble. In fact they've already crumbled before they even started bullying. It's just that you pulled yourself down with it. * Stay focused on your own needs and yourself. Anyway, these are just some things I wanted to put out there cos I can see so many people are having trouble, as did I. Love you all. [/QUOTE]
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