Bad past life karma?

[hutch]

Hello everyone! As a kid I was likable by people and had friends. Then one summer I slept way too much and I was always tired. I switched schools and for the first time I was the but of jokes for everyone. It was the same in every class, every school I would move to after that point, even in college. I was instantly disliked by most people in many different environments, treated in a very rude, almost subhuman level really. Discriminated, despite living in my country at that time and not being any kind of minority. I attracted negativity to me like a magnet.

I really detest my birth chart and date, I've never had any luck with things having to do with the numbers 2,4,7,24 and I no longer even celebrate my birthday. I even told my mom I am sorry she didn't miscarriage me.

I consulted a numerologist and she told me that I have bad past life karma. Apparently I was someone powerful that abused his/her power. I wonder if I was Hitler or Stalin lol. But really, do you think it's fair to waste your youth on a miserable hell of a life? I often ask God or whoever is out there "Why me? Why? How can I forget, will I ever forget? I was just a kid, for God's sake, just an innocent kid!" Sorry for the woa is me vibe but those that were evil to me didn't get a payback, they have the perfect lives still, most are even married with children and me, I still don't have any love life. I want a wife and kids so much but they never came. I am improving now (woman told me ages 10 to 30, so I'm close to parole haha), and started developing muscles for the first time since forever, but the thing is you're only young once. So what if I become very happy in my 30s and 40s when my teens were totally wasted on depression, bullying and so many sadness that my body gave up and I developed an autoimmune condition? If the whole world shows you rudeness you lose your life force, no?
How can I even make a relationship work when I have no prior experience?

I wonder if I'll ever forget that dark period? And, no past life karma IS unfair, I don't think that innocent kid I was deserved rude treatment and bullying. I don't think small children that are raped deserve this, even if they were someone like Hitler in a past life. So basically I suffer because someone else (my soul but different life) was a jerk? Isn't that like wanting to punish modern Germans due to what their grandparents did?! I know life's unfair, but what if I never trust my future wife because I was emotionally bullied mostly by females (save for at home where my dad was the bully)? Does she deserve not being trusted? How can I forgive? I really cannot even stand living in my home town anymore, everything there reminds me of those sad days (despite all the wonderful years before that I had there).

I am releasing lots of things here on my Moon line and have more and more good days, but the bad ones... I feel like jumping in the river sometimes...16 years really take a toll on you...Things are improving but will I ever get my happiness back? Will I ever be able to let go? Will He punish those evil people in their next lives the way he punished me in this?

 

[Monk]

Hutch, you need to get a positive mindset, there are only a few problems that you need to solve, a lot of astrologers would love to have a Jupiter M.C.!

You are going through your Saturn Return, so you will chuck out stuff that is negative!

My thoughts about your negative outlook is that you have an extremely powerful star rising by paran at location and time of birth, you need to control this star, don't go looking it up, it will scare you when it shouldn't!!!

The star is Alphard, the heart of the serpent, if not controlled it can make you feel as you do, it is connected to Kundalini Meditation, i would suggest that you find a school near you that will train you in this type of mind control, when you can control the snake by meditation, your life will be so much better!

I have put a link below to calm and interest you:-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNQepa8yANQ

On private members download, i have a graph of Alphard rising at time and location, please just left click on image below:-

 

[sadge]

Your chart is nice. Look at that beautiful kite pattern, tying to the MC/Jupiter.

You will be fine. We all have some blips in our charts to work through, and yours are not anything insurmountable. Study your chart more.....you will be surprised.

 

[Osamenor]

I had a similar experience with intense bullying as a child. It happened in early grade school, with (as I learned after I got into astrology) Saturn and then Pluto crossing my MC, one right after the other. It colored my self image, to where I could never see myself able to make friends, even when I was making friends. A therapist once told me that's a normal response to being traumatized.

What's going on with you is trauma. Autoimmune diseases usually are linked to trauma, and it's not necessarily just personal trauma. It could also be trauma that your ancestors carried, that was never healed, manifesting in you as an autoimmune disease.

That, I think, is the real meaning of karma. It's not just about what you personally have done or caused, in this life or any other. It's collective. If we live in a world where bullying happens, you may be bullied. If autoimmune diseases exist, you might get one. If the water is polluted, you might drink polluted water and suffer as a result.

I don't see this "Hitler or Stalin reincarnated" business going on. Based on your chart, it isn't even clear to me that you were a powerful person who abused your power. You might have been, but you just as easily might not have been. Even if you were, though, abusing your power isn't what you're doing now, which is what matters.

How old were you when you changed schools and the bullying started? I'm working on a theory about bullying and astrological transits, so I hope you don't mind sharing. My theory is that a combination of heavy Pluto and Saturn transits may be involved. You had Pluto cross your IC and Saturn cross your DC during the mid 1990's, close to the same time--is that when it happened?

 

[Monk]

Get control of LIFE, Hutch,

My life is far more difficult regarding Karma, most understand Moon's Nodes regarding KARMA....please note Osamenor is moderator, however may not have great hermetic profile but i value profile:-

http://www.astro.com/astrowiki/en/Moon's_Nodes

To make you feel better, would you like my PROFILE?

What is more easy for you isn't for me!!!!!

 

[JUPITERASC]

Get control of LIFE, Hutch,

My life is far more difficult regarding Karma, most understand Moon's Nodes regarding KARMA....please note Osamenor is moderator, however may not have great hermetic profile but i value profile:-

http://www.astro.com/astrowiki/en/Moon's_Nodes

To make you feel better, would you like my PROFILE?

What is more easy for you isn't for me!!!!!

The word "karma" means "action"
and "actions" have "consequences"
check out the meditation thread discussion at http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=101719

 

[sadge]

Get control of LIFE, Hutch,

My life is far more difficult regarding Karma, most understand Moon's Nodes regarding KARMA....please note Osamenor is moderator, however may not have great hermetic profile but i value profile:-

http://www.astro.com/astrowiki/en/Moon's_Nodes

To make you feel better, would you like my PROFILE?

What is more easy for you isn't for me!!!!!

Monk, why do you think you have bad karma? I think you're amazing!

 

[Monk]

Hi Sadge,

This is about Hutch, i'm only trying to make him see that negative feelings must be sorted out during his Saturn return so he can move on to a happy life, then Jupiter will give him success!

I don't have to use Astrology for my own karma, my name was chosen because i was a monk once in a previous life, i did battle with Catholic Church, there is karma in it!

You may see it if you are a modernist, perhaps not if you are traditional, however i follow the oldest astrology of all, Parans, birth chart below on link, very complicated:-

http://www.mauricefernandez.com/phpbb3/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1989

 

[Neptunian Rainbow]

I don't believe that you are feminine. I believe that you feel an aversion towards the wounded sense of self that you have because of the abuse you experienced. You do not want to feel vulnerable and weak.

Growing up we repress a lot of negative emotions and beliefs about ourselves as well as positive traits if they are not accepted by our environment. Those parts stay stuck in time and they don't grow up.

Around the age of thirteen those parts starts to call for us to come and save them. We hate their cries since they cause us pain and anxiety. We want them to stop existing. This is abusive. Some turn their inner abuser mostly towards other people and some turn it mostly inwards.

If you would be able to turn your inner abuser into a supportive part of yourself, your life would change dramatically. It's difficult to connect with vulnerability though, we know that abusers are attracted to vulnerable people and that others are attracted to strength and not to people with a poor self esteem.

Imagine that a little boy comes to you. He is sad and he feels hurt because someone has been mean. You tell him that he disgusts you and that he behaves like a girl and that you wish that he would die. This causes him even more pain.

Imagine that you would instead tell him that it is natural to feel the way he does after what he has been through. You also tell him that you will always be there for him regardless of how he feels. He will then be allowed to feel his emotions. When you give your emotions pure presence and acceptance they transform by themselves.

You talk about wanting to get rid of certain parts of you. That cannot be done. You need to connect to them and help them to transform and grow if you want to become strong.

Think about the heroes in movies. They are very vulnerable. They feel intense pain, despair, a lack of confidence and all kinds of negative things when they confront their enemy. Still they remain connected to their vulnerability. That is very brave. The enemy is coldhearted and unfeeling.

You have your south node in the first house like I do. It has to do with feeling like a warrior. You feel like you are on a battlefield and you need to embrace the south node and learn how to be a hero. You also need to embrace the north node and learn to create peace within yourself (connect to and help the wounded parts instead of being at war with them) and learn how to create peace with others. Do not observe people from a distance the way a soldier does on the battlefield. Soldiers do not communicate with the enemy. They make calculations, predictions and assumptions and they react accordingly. You need to talk to people and ask them about what they feel and what they think and what there intentions are instead of assuming things. If you for example are suspicious towards others, you will irradiate a negative energy towards them and that is not beneficial if you want to create good relationships.

 

[Neptunian Rainbow]

I also have to add that I don't agree with that numerologist. Becoming strong by completely disowning all of your vulnerability the way psychopaths do is not a good idea. Emotions will always seek an expression and they express their pain through others. They say that people with personality disorders are about 3-5 years old on an emotional level. They have many repressed child parts stuck in time since a young age and those parts act out towards others.

Becoming strong through owning and carrying your pain and by learning how to make the wounded parts transform and grow turns you into a compassionate, brave and strong person.

 

[kshantaram]

pisces-jup inimical for virgo asc, rahu the node over pisces,
stress-delay in relationship-marriage,foreign relationships-foreign travels;

ketu separative node virgo asc, critical thinking, attention catching looks;
pain-injury head-intestinal etc;
prayers to Mother Goddess wed evenings, offer red flowers at the alter;

venus gemini 10th, charismatic leadership, artistic aptitudes;

inimical jup over gemini 9th,
luck-education-travels under stress-delay, prone to lung issues;

mars lord 9th negating to the 8th, negating luck-support of father;

mars own aries 8th, accident prone, success amidst adversity;


moon dark scorpio 3rd, research-occult aptitudes, suspicious, sentimental, sarcastic;
moon lord 11th for income-gains-friendships debilated;
sat retro towards moon-scorpio 3rd.

moon elevated aspect over taurus 9th, supportive of luck;
mars aspect own scorpio, moon's debilation cancelled,
gradual improvement in initiative-communications-research-occult aptitudes etc;
wear pearl over a silver pendant touching the heart;

mer lord 10th over 11th cancer for gains, debilated aspect from mars;
wear emerald over little finger;
mer 9th from moon, settling at 32+

sun leo 11th gains through govt-corporates-social elite;
wear sapphire over gold pendant touching heart;

rahu now transit sun leo 11th clouding things, heart-stomach affected;
light camphor at the alter daily mornings; may be gains from foreigners;


wishing well,


kshantaram

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