Oh, I think anyone who studies astrology long enough contends with this. I don't have an easy chart myself. I actually got into studying my chart because someone else studying astrology claimed I was "doomed" to commit suicide because of how poorly my Neptune is aspected in my chart. My Neptune is highly afflicted in my chart, no doubt. It opposes my titanic Venus-Saturn conjunction and is a singleton. Add to that, Neptune falls my 3rd house and rules my 7th house, where my afflicted Pisces moon is.
Externally, I'm this full-blown Gemini/Mercurial type with some Saturn and Uranus influences to make sure I'm as unyielding and uncooperative as possible. I appear confident, level-headed, super intelligent and authoritative to a lot of people, as well as irrepressibly optimistic, independent-minded, rather flippant and a tad cynical the way a Gemini girl would be. But inside, I'm a whole other flavor of cupcake. That is where my Neptune singleton rules, and it's not pretty for me. Whatever punches Neptune can throw, I've been through it. Disillusionment, victimization, being ostracized and rejected, excessive idealism, unrealistic romantic attractions, self-esteem issues and feeling unlovable, learning disabilities that made me feel like a "freak" and a "failure," overwhelming psychic-intuitive hypersensitivity, spiritual emptiness and longing, profound loneliness and alienation, desultory ambitions, poor self discipline, substance abuse issues, highly tidal emotions that when an "earthquake" hits my life turn into tsunami emotions that just drown everything, depression, BAD depression, depression so bad I was borderline psychotic, and yes, suicidal fixation and ideation.
Well, at least I can say it's been an interesting life. But much of the time, I wish I wasn't so "interesting." Among other things, I want to be a wife and mother. I think I could a very good wife and mother, with the right man who could both empathetic and sensitive to my "hyper romantic" Neptunian self and help give direction and structure that my Neptunian self can't seem to find on its own. But most days, my romantic idealism seems to undermine any chance I have of meeting such a man. Mundane, dull, "common" men I simply cannot tolerate. It's not that I haven't met "nice" and "kind" men who would have been happy to marry me and father my children. I have. I just couldn't overcome my lack of romantic attraction to them, not to mention my screaming intuition that was saying "It's ALL WRONG! RUN AWAY!" And so I ran, like the goddess Diana (asteroid Diana, BTW, conjuncts my Pisces moon). I've also met some very not so nice and not so kind men who wanted much the same from me, for less loving reasons, and who left me deeply wounded. And I've had stalkers who too, seem to think I was their prefect woman, and likewise made me downright neurotic about any man showing an interest in me romantically.
I can find some peace and sanity in creativity, but it's been a very hard struggle to channel my Neptunium creativity in the sea of chaos that is my inner self. I wish it wasn't so hard. But at least, I understand why i am the way I am better, and a lot of that is with the help of astrology. I may not be as happy as i want to be right now, but as at least I have something to work towards.
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