Transgender

[AquaVenusian]

Hello friends!!
recently, after a few years of psychoanalysis, I became aware of being a transgender man.... and this gave me immeasurable internal happiness and relief.
I go to therapy with my psychoanalyst and a psychiatrist, last year I was diagnosed with depression and currently I take medication... I had a little resistance in believing that I had depression, but now the reasons behind the diagnosis, everything made a lot of sense to me... for example, my poor self-image and never being satisfied with my appearance... I did everything to repress my masculine energy, I became an exemplary business woman, the thin elegant woman who constantly takes care of her appearance.. .but I never felt enough, I never felt satisfied with my appearance, if I was thin I avoided checking my weight for fear of not being at enough weight, if I gained weight I also avoided checking my weight so as not to face the reality of having failed and loosened my grip... and now it's finally reached my limit and I can no longer contain this masculine energy that I've repressed so much throughout my life, my desire has blossomed into exploring this energy even against my own prejudices, moreover, I am once again breaking a taboo with this, because I was prejudiced against being a lesbian before becoming one and I was prejudiced against being transgender and now I want to become one.
Next week I'm going to consult a specialist in endocrinology and I already want to start my hormone therapy
I have been studying astrology more focused on my self knowledge for 13 years and I would like to discuss the points in my chart that could indicate these newly discovered issues.... I have some thoughts and would like you to share yours with me.... soooo what do you think?

P.S: another thing that I REALLY want to discuss about your thoughts is in this aspect sun square pluto .... because I already read a lot about it and there is an astrologer / psychologist with a youtube channel called (Jewel Mayberry) she said that one of the possibilities from this aspect is the almost impossible union that the individual could make between the conscious and the unconscious ... my masculine energy has always been very unconscious for me, and now I want and I will develop make it conscious as much as I can. ... as you can see my square is very tight ... could this have anything to do with my self discovery of being transgender??
I truly believe that by living the experience as a woman and now as a man on my next saturn return I may be able to balance both experiences as a man and as a woman and become a complete, unique and balanced human being, because this is a unconscious goal aimed and desired by me.

 

[Osamenor]

What leaps out at me instantly is that triple conjunction of your Sun, Mercury, and Venus in your twelfth house Placidus but first house whole sign. The twelfth house is the most deeply unconscious house. The first is the most conscious one. When a planet is in the whole sign first but on the twelfth house side of the ascendant, I see a lifetime directive to the native to bring what is deeply unconscious to light, through how they live their life. When Sun is part of that picture, your life is about that.

Your description of being prejudiced against being a lesbian and then becoming one, and then prejudiced against being transgender and now becoming one, is a perfect match for that twelfth/first house kind of awakening.

In the admittedly small sample of charts I've seen belonging to people who are either transgender or questioning their gender identity, I've always seen both Mars and Venus in especially strong positions, and typically Mercury too. Venus is the planet of femininity. Mars is the planet of masculinity. People's sense of their own femininity or masculinity correlates with their Venus or their Mars, respectively. When people raise questions around their sense of femininity or masculinity, their Venus or Mars is the first place to look.

Mercury is the queer planet. Even in antiquity, it was known for changing its gender. When I'm explaining the astrological planets to someone who doesn't know them, I usually say Mercury is the one that would go by they pronouns.

You have Venus at your ascendant, looks like Mercury cazimi (within half a degree of exact conjunction to Sun), and Mars in domicile in an angular house. All of them show up strongly.

Your Aquarius ascendant and Sun and personal planets are perfectly happy to live outside the box, and very visibly so. I can see your birth chart, and perhaps even you personally, wearing one of those t-shirts that say, "Not Even Trying to Appear Cisgender."

Interestingly, Aquarius can also represent extreme efforts to conform to social expectations, usually unspoken social expectations. Your past obsession with maintaining not only femininity, but an extreme version of a "correct" female body, was another version of living Aquarius.

That does make me wonder whether you are truly a transman, or more to the middle of the nonbinary spectrum. How do you envision yourself living as a transman? Do you expect to be as masculine as you once were feminine? Will transitioning make you suppress the femininity that is also a part of you? Or will it somehow make you freer to express both sides?

Between your chart and your life history, it looks to me like there's a real risk of you going too far to the other side, and again suppressing a crucial part of yourself.

But then, your Libra Moon sets you up for a lifelong quest to seek balance. Perhaps this over balancing is all part of the quest.

 

[AquaVenusian]

O que salta para mim instantaneamente é aquela conjunção tripla de seu Sol, Mercúrio e Vênus em sua décima segunda casa, Plácido, mas no signo inteiro da primeira casa. A décima segunda casa é a casa mais profundamente inconsciente. O primeiro é o mais consciente. Quando um planeta está primeiro em todo o signo, mas no lado da décima segunda casa do ascendente, vejo uma diretriz vitalícia para o nativo trazer à luz o que está profundamente inconsciente, por meio de como eles vivem sua vida. Quando o Sol faz parte dessa imagem, sua vida gira em torno disso.

Sua descrição de ter preconceito contra ser lésbica e depois se tornar lésbica, e depois preconceito contra ser transgênero e agora se tornar lésbica, é uma combinação perfeita para esse tipo de despertar da décima segunda/primeira casa.

So, we cannot forget my lunar south node in Scorpio and all the squares my personal planets in the Ascendant make with Pluto.


And why I want to quote this, because in my life (not only related to sexual orientation) I burned personal values in relationships, and in a strange way doing that moves me, I am completely different from people, from my family, with my country and with everything I manage to leave my mark different, I have a very strong price for being like that and bringing this revolt in a positive way, exercising only my right to be who I am.


Sooo I see myself burning all these values/prejudices and regenerating myself in a lighter, more evolved way and gaining more personal power.

Na amostra reconhecidamente pequena de mapas que vi pertencentes a pessoas que são transgênero ou que questionam sua identidade de gênero, sempre vi Marte e Vênus em posições especialmente fortes, e tipicamente Mercúrio também. Vênus é o planeta da feminilidade. Marte é o planeta da masculinidade. O senso que as pessoas têm de sua própria feminilidade ou masculinidade se correlaciona com sua Vênus ou seu Marte, respectivamente. Quando as pessoas levantam questões sobre seu senso de feminilidade ou masculinidade, sua Vênus ou Marte é o primeiro lugar para olhar.

Mercúrio é o planeta queer. Mesmo na antiguidade, era conhecido por mudar de gênero. Quando estou explicando os planetas astrológicos para alguém que não os conhece, costumo dizer que Mercúrio é aquele que passaria por seus pronomes.

Você tem Vênus em seus ascendentes, parece Mercúrio cazimi (a meio grau de conjunção exata com o Sol) e Marte em domicílio em uma casa angular. Todos eles aparecem fortemente.

Seu ascendente Aquário e Sol e planetas pessoais estão perfeitamente felizes em viver fora da caixa, e muito visivelmente. Posso ver seu mapa astral, e talvez até você pessoalmente, com umas camisetas antigas que dizem: "Nem estou tentando parecer cisgênero".

OH MY GOD... I loved that phrase!! lol

I was always on the podium for the best science papers at school fairs. And that's why the boys at school called me ("Suzy Man"... Suzy is my first name)...



I suffered a lot with these bullies because I didn't want to be seen for a sexual orientation that I still 'didn't know fit me at the time.... soooo since that time it started to repress my strong masculine energy... and it only made me suffer because when I exaggerated the female energy it never seemed to be good enough....



I felt that way with the depression I was diagnosed with, in everything I did I was never good enough (the weight wasn't right, the appearance wasn't good enough, I couldn't even tell NO to family, friends, work or intimate relationships... I couldn't have the right to be angry about anything... )
I never felt like a good enough woman.



I went through extremely abusive relationships (I was abusive to myself in those relationships too) because I was that extreme feminine energy that was always doing my best, always tolerating, always believing that the relationship would get better even with all the pain and red flags I went through. I forgave the unforgivable, I always put everyone first and then myself, I was the one who failed in all my possible energies (material, emotional, intellectual and spiritual in the name of the love I felt) I was the one who didn't know the right to matter, I didn't know the right to have safe barriers and to be firm, I was the one who accepted crumbs and mistreatment.





And now my breaking point has arrived... with years of therapy I discovered that I have values, that I am beautiful, that I was extremely good with others and terrible with myself... now I don't want to develop more than I already developed from my feminine energy, today I know that I did it with excellence, I still need to forgive myself for having let many things happen to me... but now I want and need to live the masculine energy, explore everything I want for myself first and then for the other, about being non-binary, I really like this concept, maybe I can fit in... but I still have little knowledge about it but I believe it's like Prometheus and if it is, it's more or less this mythological idea that I really like.

Curiosamente, Aquário também pode representar esforços extremos para se adequar às expectativas sociais, geralmente tácitas. Sua antiga obsessão em manter não apenas a feminilidade, mas uma versão extrema de um corpo feminino "correto", era outra versão do Aquário vivo.

Isso me faz pensar se você é realmente um homem trans ou mais no meio do espectro não-binário. Como você se imagina vivendo como um homem trans? Você espera ser tão masculino quanto antes era feminino? A transição fará com que você surpreenda a feminilidade que também faz parte de você? Ou, de alguma forma, o deixará mais livre para expressar os dois lados?

YESSS ... I completely agree that this was an obsession of mine and that I made myself feel very bad, I wanted to fit in with what society wanted from me.... I longed for perfection when I realized that it didn't even exist.



It got to such a breaking point that now I don't even care what other people think, I feel like I did my best to be someone acceptable to have an outcome that let me down and now it doesn't matter. more, it's like I've tried so hard to be who I am not just to find out who I really am.





Maybe I will become non-binary as I related above, I like that concept and my brother when I told him....he talked about that possibility to me and that suited me because I don't want labels and I don't want to be in a box without absolutely nothing, I believe that maybe I will become non-binary.... but I want to change my body, I want to dress more like a man, I don't want to feel suffocated in a woman's body anymore with extreme concern in looking like getting my nails done, tidying up hair, losing weight... but at the same time I believe that with my more masculine body I will feel better about taking care of myself.


And look what a coincidence in all this awakening I've been having... recently I'm having health problems and guess what?


I just found out I have issues with my ovaries and uterus where I'm sterile and I'll probably have to have those organs removed as well... so even if it was a choice before, those "female" organs are no longer healthy inside my body.

Entre seu mapa e sua história de vida, parece-me que existe um risco real de você ir longe demais para o outro lado e, novamente, suprimir uma parte crucial de si mesmo.

Mas então, sua Lua em Libra o prepara para uma busca ao longo da vida em busca de equilíbrio. Talvez esse excesso de equilíbrio faça parte da busca.

Sooo this is one of my fears, because I don't want to become a narcissist or a being so extreme in male energy that I don't care about others, only myself...



because I see it now I want external changes, but my internal feelings have been changing for some time... I don't know if it's my therapeutic process but I'm completely disconnecting from the feelings of others and much more connected to my own feelings... connecting to others' feelings made me fight to never let other people down without caring about me...now that's completely changing.





But as a lunar libra I always ask myself do I need to experience the extremes of each energy to finally know how to balance myself??

Even the people I attracted into my life now vibrate more feminine energy, they are fairer, they go to therapy, they offer me more than I give.

When I say that everything is changing, in all relational and physical spheres and spheres, everything is changing for me.





PS: I put some pictures here for you to see how extremely feminine I was and the possibility of how I will be as a man.

 

[AquaVenusian]

I want to share some thoughts of mine on mars and would like to know if it makes any sense to you...

as you can see mars is in the last degrees of scorpio and in the 10th house (natural capricorn) so planets in scorpio are very repressed and hidden... and in the 10th house it can take a long time for perception or mastery of this.

In my hard effort to be a whole woman, I had a real hard time finding my anger and expressing it without excesses and without accumulated baggage... I had a real struggle to address my problems, conflicts and anger with other people.

That being said... with my therapeutic process I have become quicker to recognize these Martian characteristics and without fear I have been expressing and addressing them in real time with people.

What has also been in my thoughts is that Mars is almost in Sagittarius (Mars wanting to become consciously known and gain a direction) ... that same Mars squares my Jupiter in the 1st house, Jupiter makes mutual reception with Uranus reinforcing self-awareness ... and jupiter is ruler of sagittarius ... and as I always found the interpretation to be poor in articles on the internet, I kind of observed this energy in my life, I had one in which this square does bring awareness of masculine energy on top of a lot of pain (Scorpio mixed with Sagittarius) for integration into the self (Jupiter in 1st house) with a lot of time and experience (Mars in 10th house).

 

[Osamenor]

@AquaVenusian I can't read most of your first post because of the lack of spaces between lines. I have extreme difficulty reading electronic text if it doesn't have a line's space at least once every five or six lines, and I can't read it at all if it goes any longer than seven or eight lines without a space. Please break your posts into shorter paragraphs if you want them understood.

 

[AquaVenusian]

@AquaVenusian I can't read most of your first post because of the lack of spaces between lines. I have extreme difficulty reading electronic text if it doesn't have a line's space at least once every five or six lines, and I can't read it at all if it goes any longer than seven or eight lines without a space. Please break your posts into shorter paragraphs if you want them understood.

I've tried to separate the lines... is better now?

 

[Osamenor]

I've tried to separate the lines... is better now?

Much better. But it might be some time before I can come up with a reply that does your posts justice.

It sounds to me like you've really thought this through, and you're very much aware of the astrology involved.

(I'm surprised the phrase, "Mercury would go by they pronouns," translated into Portuguese. Is there even a way to say the singular gender neutral "they" in Portuguese?)

 

[AquaVenusian]

Much better. But it might be some time before I can come up with a reply that does your posts justice.

It sounds to me like you've really thought this through, and you're very much aware of the astrology involved.

(I'm surprised the phrase, "Mercury would go by they pronouns," translated into Portuguese. Is there even a way to say the singular gender neutral "they" in Portuguese?)

Sooo "they" can be used in a neutral way in some situation, like when have boys and girls in a place, we use "they".


for you "they" can always be used as a neutral, but in the Portuguese, for example, if a place is full of girls, "they" will transforme in a female pronoun, if full of boys, it will be a male pronoun, but if there are boys and girls, the pronoun will remain masculine.
I don't know if I managed to explain it well, but if you don't understand please let me know.


I'm waiting for more thoughts from you, because I have a lot of depth about the astrology involved here as well that I'd like to share.