deep.blue.sadness
New member
Hi. I’ll try to make this brief, marking the key events of my life.
I was born on august 5 1987 at 8:05 PM in Rio de Janeiro.
In 1998 my family moved to the city of Natal (northeast Brazil).
In 2003 my family moved to Brasília (Brazil’s capital).
I never quite adapted to Brasília.
I was a fat kid, but in 2004 I went on a diet and exercise program and got in good shape.
At the beginning of 2005 I met a girl (I’ll call her Izzi) and fell madly in love with her. It was the only thing I ever liked about this city. We had a one-week (very intense) thing, and eventually she told me she had a boyfriend. This made me furious and I stopped talking to her.
At about the middle of 2005 many friends started noticing that my behavior changed dramatically. I was getting irritated, ‘euphoric’ and depressed at very fast intervals.
In 2006 I was accepted into Law School. By this time I though I had gotten over Izzi. I also had other one-week things with other girls, all of those relationships ending because I didn’t really like any of them.
During November 2006 I was feeling hopelessness and a sense of complete meaninglessness and a lack of will to keep living. I was crying a lot. By the end of November I found, after numerous searches and attempts, a spiritual path that made me feel excited about life.
In May 2007 I was at the peak of my happiness as life was wonderful and everything was going great. In that month Izzi contacted me saying she regretted never giving me another chance. By April we had another one-week thing, after witch she told me I wasn’t exciting enough for her. This sent me into a kind of ‘delirious’ mindset. I would lock myself in my room and draw crazy symbols for the whole day. I was obsessed with her for the whole year. My academic performance had a sharp drop.
By august 2007 I was diagnosed with Uveitis, an inflammation in the eye. This sent me into deep sadness. The only treatment is with corticoids, and this substance has the side effect of inducing depression. Just what I needed…
By the beginning of 2008 I was trying to recover from all that. I was hopeful and optimistic. Life was going somewhat normal.
But on June 2nd, at about 1:30 PM, as I was getting back from a weekend in São Paulo, I had a ‘psychotic’ event in an airplane. I lost control of my body and of my mind. I froze in the airplane seat and started crying and laughting, hallucinating, became aggressive, saying my thoughts out loud, etc. I thought that the plane was going to fall, that I was the only human in existence, that life was an illusion and an endless joke, that this was the millionth time I was alive, that time had stopped and was going backwards and many other crazy things. (Side note: I did not ingest any type of drugs). I attacked people and broke things. They stopped the flight and took me to a psychiatric hospital, and gave me powerful sedatives. I was diagnosed with CID-10 F05.9 (unspecified Delirium not induced by alcohol and other psychoactive substances)
My behavior drastically changed after that. I was again at that kind of ‘delirious’ mindset, and had very strange behavior. I contacted Izzi again, tried to get back. She was dating someone else. On the outside I could appear to be normal, but inside I was in pieces.
I got a job on July. I was happy and excited about it for the whole month, but now on august I’ve been feeling huge panic everyday. I’m scared of everything. I feel sad, depressed, and even suicidal. I gave up my spiritual path. I couldn’t sleep on the night between august 15 and 16.
I’m seeing a psychiatrist and she thinks I have had depression for years.
I would like to know if there is any connection between those events in my life and astrology, and if there is hope that this nightmare will end.
I was born on august 5 1987 at 8:05 PM in Rio de Janeiro.
In 1998 my family moved to the city of Natal (northeast Brazil).
In 2003 my family moved to Brasília (Brazil’s capital).
I never quite adapted to Brasília.
I was a fat kid, but in 2004 I went on a diet and exercise program and got in good shape.
At the beginning of 2005 I met a girl (I’ll call her Izzi) and fell madly in love with her. It was the only thing I ever liked about this city. We had a one-week (very intense) thing, and eventually she told me she had a boyfriend. This made me furious and I stopped talking to her.
At about the middle of 2005 many friends started noticing that my behavior changed dramatically. I was getting irritated, ‘euphoric’ and depressed at very fast intervals.
In 2006 I was accepted into Law School. By this time I though I had gotten over Izzi. I also had other one-week things with other girls, all of those relationships ending because I didn’t really like any of them.
During November 2006 I was feeling hopelessness and a sense of complete meaninglessness and a lack of will to keep living. I was crying a lot. By the end of November I found, after numerous searches and attempts, a spiritual path that made me feel excited about life.
In May 2007 I was at the peak of my happiness as life was wonderful and everything was going great. In that month Izzi contacted me saying she regretted never giving me another chance. By April we had another one-week thing, after witch she told me I wasn’t exciting enough for her. This sent me into a kind of ‘delirious’ mindset. I would lock myself in my room and draw crazy symbols for the whole day. I was obsessed with her for the whole year. My academic performance had a sharp drop.
By august 2007 I was diagnosed with Uveitis, an inflammation in the eye. This sent me into deep sadness. The only treatment is with corticoids, and this substance has the side effect of inducing depression. Just what I needed…
By the beginning of 2008 I was trying to recover from all that. I was hopeful and optimistic. Life was going somewhat normal.
But on June 2nd, at about 1:30 PM, as I was getting back from a weekend in São Paulo, I had a ‘psychotic’ event in an airplane. I lost control of my body and of my mind. I froze in the airplane seat and started crying and laughting, hallucinating, became aggressive, saying my thoughts out loud, etc. I thought that the plane was going to fall, that I was the only human in existence, that life was an illusion and an endless joke, that this was the millionth time I was alive, that time had stopped and was going backwards and many other crazy things. (Side note: I did not ingest any type of drugs). I attacked people and broke things. They stopped the flight and took me to a psychiatric hospital, and gave me powerful sedatives. I was diagnosed with CID-10 F05.9 (unspecified Delirium not induced by alcohol and other psychoactive substances)
My behavior drastically changed after that. I was again at that kind of ‘delirious’ mindset, and had very strange behavior. I contacted Izzi again, tried to get back. She was dating someone else. On the outside I could appear to be normal, but inside I was in pieces.
I got a job on July. I was happy and excited about it for the whole month, but now on august I’ve been feeling huge panic everyday. I’m scared of everything. I feel sad, depressed, and even suicidal. I gave up my spiritual path. I couldn’t sleep on the night between august 15 and 16.
I’m seeing a psychiatrist and she thinks I have had depression for years.
I would like to know if there is any connection between those events in my life and astrology, and if there is hope that this nightmare will end.