Funny Horoscopes - Funny Sun Signs Descriptions · March 19, 2024, 5:43 GMT
ASTROLOGYWEEKLY
Right now: Moon at 22°57' Cancer, Sun at 29°07' Pisces
Funny Horoscopes
Aries
Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.
Taurus
You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.
Gemini
Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.
Cancer
You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans
Leo
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.
Virgo
You are a pain in the ass. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ass. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.
Libra
You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.
Scorpio
You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.
Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
Capricorn
Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ass. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's cockeyed system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns
Aquarius
The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.
Pisces
Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your ass and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
Sun in Pisces
Moon in Cancer
Mercury in Aries
Venus in Pisces
Mars in Aquarius
Jupiter in Taurus
Saturn in Pisces
Uranus in Taurus
Neptune in Pisces
Pluto in Aquarius
Next aspects of the Moon in Cancer
Moon trine Neptune Moon trine Sun
Sabian Symbols for this moment
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$ss[1]="A woman has risen out of the ocean, a seal is embracing her.";
$ss[10]="A teacher gives new symbolic forms to traditional images.";
$ss[100]="A large diamond in the first stages of the cutting process.";
$ss[101]="A clown caricaturing well-known personalities.";
$ss[102]="A chinese woman nursing a baby whose aura reveals him to be the reincarnation of a great teacher.";
$ss[103]="One hand slightly flexed with a very prominent thumb.";
$ss[104]="A very old man facing a vast dark space to the northeast.";
$ss[105]="A group of people who have overeaten and enjoyed it.";
$ss[106]="A man studying a mandala in front of him, with the help of a very ancient book.";
$ss[107]="The seed grows into knowledge and life.";
$ss[108]="A hen scratching for her chicks.";
$ss[109]="A priest performing a marriage ceremony.";
$ss[11]="The ruler of a nation.";
$ss[110]="Venetian gondoliers in a serenade.";
$ss[111]="A prima donna singing.";
$ss[112]="A young woman awaiting a sailboat.";
$ss[113]="The meeting of a literary society.";
$ss[114]="A woman and two men castaways on a small island of the south seas.";
$ss[115]="A leader of men wrapped in an invisible mantle of power.";
$ss[116]="Guests are reading in the library of a luxurious home.";
$ss[117]="A violent storm in a canyon filled with expensive homes.";
$ss[118]="Indian girl introduces college boy-friend to her assembled tribe.";
$ss[119]="A greek muse weighing new born twins in golden scales.";
$ss[12]="A flock of wild geese.";
$ss[120]="A daughter of the american revolution.";
$ss[121]="Under emotional stress, blood rushes to a man's head.";
$ss[122]="An epidemic of mumps.";
$ss[123]="A mature woman, keeping up with the times, having her hair bobbed.";
$ss[124]="A man formally dressed stands near trophies he brought back from a hunting expedition.";
$ss[125]="Rock formations tower over a deep canyon.";
$ss[126]="An old fashioned 'conservative' woman is confronted by an up-to-date girl.";
$ss[127]="The constellations of stars in the sky.";
$ss[128]="Glass blowers shape beautiful vases with their controlled breathing.";
$ss[129]="A communist activist spreading his revolutionary ideals.";
$ss[13]="A bomb which failed to explode is now safely concealed.";
$ss[130]="Early morning dew.";
$ss[131]="Children on a swing in a huge oak tree.";
$ss[132]="An evening lawn party of adults.";
$ss[133]="An old sea captain rocking on the porch of his cottage.";
$ss[134]="Cherub-like, a human soul whispers, seeking to manifest.";
$ss[135]="A pageant moving along a street packed with people.";
$ss[136]="Brilliant sunshine just after a storm.";
$ss[137]="Volunteer church choir makes social event of rehearsal.";
$ss[138]="A chemist conducts an experiment for his students.";
$ss[139]="A houseboat party.";
$ss[14]="A serpent coiling near a man and a woman.";
$ss[140]="American indians perform a ritual to the sun.";
$ss[141]="Intoxicated chickens dizzily flap their wings trying to fly.";
$ss[142]="A carrier pigeon fulfilling its mission.";
$ss[143]="A bareback rider in a circus displays her dangerous skill.";
$ss[144]="Totally concentrated upon inner spiritual attainment, a man is sitting in a state of complete neglect of his body.";
$ss[145]="A large camel crossing a vast and forbidding desert.";
$ss[146]="After a heavy storm, a rainbow.";
$ss[147]="Daybreak - the luminescence of dawn in the eastern sky.";
$ss[148]="Many little birds on the limb of a large tree.";
$ss[149]="A mermaid emerges from the ocean ready for rebirth in human form.";
$ss[15]="An indian weaving a blanket.";
$ss[150]="An unsealed letter.";
$ss[151]="In a portrait the best of a man's features and traits are idealized.";
$ss[152]="A large white cross-dominating the landscape-stands alone on top of a high hill.";
$ss[153]="Two guardian angels bringing protection.";
$ss[154]="Black and white children playing happily together.";
$ss[155]="A man becoming aware of nature spirits and normally unseen spiritual energies.";
$ss[156]="A merry-go-round.";
$ss[157]="A harem.";
$ss[158]="A girl takes her first dancing instruction.";
$ss[159]="A expressionist painter making a futuristic drawing.";
$ss[16]="Brownies dancing in the setting sun.";
$ss[160]="Two heads looking out and beyond the shadows.";
$ss[161]="A boy moulded in his mother's aspirations for him.";
$ss[162]="A bride with her veil snatched away.";
$ss[163]="A powerful statesman overcomes a state of political hysteria.";
$ss[164]="A family tree.";
$ss[165]="A fine lace ornamental handkerchief.";
$ss[166]="Children crowd around the orang-utang cage in a zoo.";
$ss[167]="A volcanic eruption.";
$ss[168]="Two girls playing with a ouija board.";
$ss[169]="A swimming race.";
$ss[17]="Two prim spinsters sitting together in silence.";
$ss[170]="A caravan of cars headed for promised lands.";
$ss[171]="A girl's basketball team.";
$ss[172]="A royal coat of arms enriched with precious stones.";
$ss[173]="A lion-tamer rushes fearlessly into the circus arena.";
$ss[174]="Mary and her white lamb.";
$ss[175]="A flag at half-mast in front of a public building.";
$ss[176]="A boy with a censer serves near the priest at the altar.";
$ss[177]="Aristocratic elderly ladies drinking afternoon tea in a wealthy home.";
$ss[178]="A bald-headed man who has seized power.";
$ss[179]="A man gaining secret knowledge from an ancient scroll he is reading.";
$ss[18]="An empty hammock.";
$ss[180]="Having an urgent task to complete, a man doesn't look to any distractions.";
$ss[181]="A butterfly preserved and made perfect with a dart through it.";
$ss[182]="The light of the sixth race transmuted to the seventh.";
$ss[183]="The dawn of a new day reveals everything changed.";
$ss[184]="A group of young people sit in spiritual communion around a campfire.";
$ss[185]="A man teaching the true inner knowledge of the new world to his students.";
$ss[186]="A man watches his ideals taking a concrete form before his inner vision.";
$ss[187]="A woman feeding chickens and protecting them from the hawks.";
$ss[188]="A blazing fireplace in a deserted home.";
$ss[189]="Three old masters hanging in a special room in an art gallery.";
$ss[19]="The magic carpet of oriental imagery.";
$ss[190]="A canoe approaching safety through dangerous waters.";
$ss[191]="A professor peering over his glasses at his students.";
$ss[192]="Miners are emerging from a deep coal mine.";
$ss[193]="Children blowing soap bubbles.";
$ss[194]="In the heat of the noon, a man takes a siesta.";
$ss[195]="Circular paths.";
$ss[196]="After a storm, a boat landing stands in need of reconstruction.";
$ss[197]="A retired sea captain watches ships entering and leaving the harbour.";
$ss[198]="Two men placed under arrest.";
$ss[199]="A gang of robbers in hiding.";
$ss[2]="A comedian entertaining the group.";
$ss[20]="A young girl feeding birds in winter.";
$ss[200]="A jewish rabbi performing his duties.";
$ss[201]="A crowd upon a beach.";
$ss[202]="A child giving birds a drink at a fountain.";
$ss[203]="Chanticleer's voice heralds the rising sun with exuberant tones.";
$ss[204]="A third wing on the left side of a butterfly.";
$ss[205]="The sight of an autumn leaf brings to a pilgrim the sudden revelation of the mystery of life and death.";
$ss[206]="An eagle and a large white dove turning into each other.";
$ss[207]="An airplane sails, high in the clear sky.";
$ss[208]="A man in deep gloom. Unnoticed, angels come to his help.";
$ss[209]="Mankind's vast enduring effort to reach for knowledge transferable from generation to generation. Knowledge.";
$ss[21]="A pugilist (boxer) entering the ring.";
$ss[210]="Three mounds of knowledge on a philosopher's head.";
$ss[211]="A sight-seeing bus filled with tourists.";
$ss[212]="A broken bottle and spilled perfume.";
$ss[213]="Neighbours help in a house- raising party in a small village.";
$ss[214]="A youth holding a lighted candle in a devotional ritual.";
$ss[215]="A massive, rocky shore resists the pounding of the sea.";
$ss[216]="A gold rush tears men away from their native soil.";
$ss[217]="Deep-sea divers.";
$ss[218]="The moon shining across a lake.";
$ss[219]="A dentist at work.";
$ss[22]="The gate to the garden of all fulfilled desires.";
$ss[220]="A fellowship supper reunites old comrades.";
$ss[221]="A drowning man is being rescued.";
$ss[222]="An official embassy ball.";
$ss[223]="An inventor performs a laboratory experiment.";
$ss[224]="Telephone linemen at work installing new connections.";
$ss[225]="Children playing around five mounds of sand.";
$ss[226]="A girl's face breaking into a smile.";
$ss[227]="A woman, filled with her own spirit, is the father of her own child.";
$ss[228]="A path through woods rich in autumn coloring.";
$ss[229]="A parrot listening and then talking, repeats a conversation he has overheard.";
$ss[23]="A woman in pastel colors carrying a heavy and valuable but veiled load.";
$ss[230]="A woman drawing aside two dark curtains that closed the entrance to a sacred pathway.";
$ss[231]="Obeying his conscience, a soldier resists orders.";
$ss[232]="Hunters shooting wild ducks.";
$ss[233]="A rabbit metamorphosed into a fairy (nature spirit).";
$ss[234]="Crowds coming down the mountain to listen to one inspired man.";
$ss[235]="An x ray photograph.";
$ss[236]="Indians making camp (in new territory)";
$ss[237]="A military band marches noisily on through the city streets.";
$ss[238]="The king of the fairies approaching his domain.";
$ss[239]="An indian woman pleading to the chief for the lives of her children.";
$ss[24]="An open window and a net curtain blowing into a cornucopia.";
$ss[240]="Children in halloween costumes indulging in various pranks.";
$ss[241]="Retired army veterans gather to reawaken old memories.";
$ss[242]="The ocean covered with whitecaps.";
$ss[243]="Two men playing chess.";
$ss[244]="A little child learning to walk.";
$ss[245]="An old owl up in a tree.";
$ss[246]="A game of cricket.";
$ss[247]="Cupid knocking at the door of a human heart.";
$ss[248]="Deep within the depths of the earth, new elements are being formed.";
$ss[249]="A mother leads her small child step by step up the stairs.";
$ss[25]="A double promise reveals its inner and outer meanings.";
$ss[250]="A theatrical representation of a golden haired 'goddess of opportunity'.";
$ss[251]="The lamp of physical enlightenment at the left temple.";
$ss[252]="A flag that turns into an eagle that crows.";
$ss[253]="A widow's past is brought to light.";
$ss[254]="The pyramids and the sphinx.";
$ss[255]="The ground hog looking for its shadow on ground hog day.";
$ss[256]="Sea gulls fly around a ship looking for food.";
$ss[257]="An easter sunrise service.";
$ss[258]="Tiny children in sunbonnets.";
$ss[259]="Pelicans, disturbed by the garbage of people move their young to a new habitat.";
$ss[26]="A man possessed of more gifts than he can hold.";
$ss[260]="In winter people cutting ice from a frozen pond, for summer use.";
$ss[261]="A child and a dog wearing borrowed eyeglasses.";
$ss[262]="A chinese laundry.";
$ss[263]="Immigrants entering a new country.";
$ss[264]="A bluebird standing at the door of the house.";
$ss[265]="A chubby boy on a hobbyhorse.";
$ss[266]="A flag-bearer in a battle.";
$ss[267]="The sculptor's vision is taking form.";
$ss[268]="An old bridge over a beautiful stream in constant use.";
$ss[269]="A fat boy mowing the lawn.";
$ss[27]="Through imagination, a lost opportunity is regained.";
$ss[270]="The pope blessing the faithful.";
$ss[271]="An indian chief claims power from the assembled tribe.";
$ss[272]="Three stained-glass windows in a gothic church, one damaged by war.";
$ss[273]="The human soul, in its eagerness for new experiences, seeks embodiment.";
$ss[274]="A group of people entering a large canoe for a journey by water.";
$ss[275]="Indians - some rowing a canoe and others dancing a war dance in it.";
$ss[276]="Ten logs lie under an archway leading to darker woods.";
$ss[277]="A veiled prophet speaks, seized by the power of a god.";
$ss[278]="Birds in the house singing happily.";
$ss[279]="An angel carrying a harp.";
$ss[28]="A large disappointed audience.";
$ss[280]="An albatross feeding from the hand of a sailor.";
$ss[281]="Pheasants display their brilliant colors on a private estate.";
$ss[282]="A student of nature lecturing revealing little-known aspects of life.";
$ss[283]="A fire worshipper meditates on the ultimate realities of existence.";
$ss[284]="An ancient bas-relief carved in granite remains a witness to a long- forgotten culture.";
$ss[285]="In a hospital, the children's ward is filled with toys.";
$ss[286]="School grounds filled with boys and girls in gymnasium suits.";
$ss[287]="A girl surreptitiously bathing in the nude.";
$ss[288]="The union jack flies from a new british warship.";
$ss[289]="A child of about five carrying a huge shopping bag filled with groceries.";
$ss[29]="The music of the spheres.";
$ss[290]="A hidden choir singing during a religious service.";
$ss[291]="A relay race.";
$ss[292]="A general accepting defeat gracefully.";
$ss[293]="A soldier receiving two awards for bravery in combat.";
$ss[294]="A woman entering a convent.";
$ss[295]="An oriental rug dealer in a store filled with precious ornamental rugs.";
$ss[296]="A nature spirit dancing in the mist of a waterfall.";
$ss[297]="A mountain pilgrimage.";
$ss[298]="A large aviary.";
$ss[299]="A woman reading tea leaves.";
$ss[3]="A cameo profile of a man in the outline of his country.";
$ss[30]="A duck pond and its brood.";
$ss[300]="Directors of a large firm meet in secret conference.";
$ss[301]="An old adobe mission.";
$ss[302]="An unexpected thunderstorm.";
$ss[303]="A deserter from the navy.";
$ss[304]="A hindu healer.";
$ss[305]="A council of ancestors.";
$ss[306]="A masked figure performs ritualistic acts in a mystery play.";
$ss[307]="A child born out of an eggshell.";
$ss[308]="Beautifully gowned wax figures on display.";
$ss[309]="A flag is seen turning into an eagle.";
$ss[31]="A clear mountain stream.";
$ss[310]="A popularity that proves to be fleeting.";
$ss[311]="During a silent hour, a man receives a new inspiration which may change his life.";
$ss[312]="People on a vast staircase, graduated upwards.";
$ss[313]="A barometer.";
$ss[314]="A train entering a tunnel.";
$ss[315]="Two lovebirds sitting on a fence and singing happily.";
$ss[316]="A big-businessman at his desk.";
$ss[317]="A watchdog standing guard, protecting his master and his possessions.";
$ss[318]="A man being unmasked at a masquerade.";
$ss[319]="A forest fire quenched.";
$ss[32]="An electrical storm.";
$ss[320]="A large white dove bearing a message.";
$ss[321]="A woman disappointed and disillusioned, courageously facing a seemingly empty life.";
$ss[322]="A rug placed on a floor for children to play on.";
$ss[323]="A big bear sitting down and waving all its paws.";
$ss[324]="A man turning his back on his passions teaches deep wisdom from his experience.";
$ss[325]="A butterfly with the right wing more perfectly formed.";
$ss[326]="A garage man testing a car's battery with a hydrometer.";
$ss[327]="An ancient pottery bowl filled with fresh violets.";
$ss[328]="A tree felled and sawed to ensure a supply of wood for the winter.";
$ss[329]="Butterfly emerging from a chrysalis.";
$ss[33]="Steps up to a lawn blooming with clover.";
$ss[330]="Moon-lit fields, once babylon, are blooming white.";
$ss[331]="A crowded public market place.";
$ss[332]="A squirrel hiding from hunters.";
$ss[333]="A petrified forest.";
$ss[334]="Heavy car traffic on a narrow isthmus linking two seaside resorts.";
$ss[335]="A church bazaar.";
$ss[336]="A parade of army officers in full dress.";
$ss[337]="Illuminated by a shaft of light, a large cross lies on rocks surrounded by sea and mist.";
$ss[338]="A girl blowing a bugle.";
$ss[339]="The race begins: intent on outdistancing his rivals, a jockey spurs his horse to great speed.";
$ss[34]="The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.";
$ss[340]="An aviator in the clouds.";
$ss[341]="Men travelling a narrow path, seeking illumination.";
$ss[342]="An examination of initiates in the sanctuary of an occult brotherhood.";
$ss[343]="A sword, used in many battles, in a museum.";
$ss[344]="A lady wrapped in fox fur.";
$ss[345]="An officer drilling his men in a simulated attack.";
$ss[346]="In a quite moment, a creative individual experiences the flow of inspiration.";
$ss[347]="An easter promenade.";
$ss[348]="In a huge tent a famous revivalist conducts his meeting with a spectacular performance.";
$ss[349]="A master instructing his disciple.";
$ss[35]="A widow at an open grave.";
$ss[350]="A table set for an evening meal.";
$ss[351]="A little white lamb, a child and a chinese servant.";
$ss[352]="A prophet bringing down the new law from mount sinai.";
$ss[353]="A 'materializing medium' giving a seance.";
$ss[354]="An inhabited island.";
$ss[355]="The purging of the priesthood.";
$ss[356]="A new moon reveals that it's time for people to go ahead with their different projects.";
$ss[357]="A harvest moon illuminates the sky.";
$ss[358]="A fertile garden under the full moon.";
$ss[359]="Light breaking into many colors as it passes through a prism.";
$ss[36]="A bridge being built across a gorge.";
$ss[360]="A majestic rock formation resembling a face is idealized by a boy who takes it as his ideal of greatness, and as he grows up, begins to look like it.";
$ss[37]="A woman of samaria comes to draw water from the well.";
$ss[38]="A sleigh without snow.";
$ss[39]="A christmas tree decorated.";
$ss[4]="Two lovers strolling through a secluded walk.";
$ss[40]="A red cross nurse.";
$ss[41]="A woman sprinkling flowers.";
$ss[42]="A young couple walk down main- street, window-shopping.";
$ss[43]="A porter carrying heavy baggage.";
$ss[44]="On the beach, children play while shellfish grope at the edge of the water.";
$ss[45]="A man with rakish silk hat, muffled against the cold, braves a storm.";
$ss[46]="An old teacher fails to interest his pupils in traditional knowledge.";
$ss[47]="A symbolical battle between 'swords' and 'torches'.";
$ss[48]="A woman airing an old bag through a sunny window.";
$ss[49]="A new continent rising out of the ocean.";
$ss[5]="A triangle with wings.";
$ss[50]="Wisps of clouds, like wings, are streaming across the sky.";
$ss[51]="Moving finger points to significant passages in a book.";
$ss[52]="White dove flying over troubled waters.";
$ss[53]="A jewellery shop filled with the most magnificent jewels.";
$ss[54]="An indian warrior riding fiercely, human scalps hanging at his belt.";
$ss[55]="A large well-kept public park.";
$ss[56]="A spaniard serenading his senorita.";
$ss[57]="An old indian woman selling beads.";
$ss[58]="A mature woman reawakened to romance.";
$ss[59]="Two cobblers working at a table.";
$ss[6]="A square brightly lighted on one side.";
$ss[60]="A peacock parading on the terrace of an old castle.";
$ss[61]="A glass-bottomed boat reveals under-sea wonders.";
$ss[62]="Santa clause filling stockings furtively.";
$ss[63]="The garden of the tuileries in paris.";
$ss[64]="Holly and mistletoe bring christmas spirit to a home.";
$ss[65]="A radical magazine, asking for action, displays a sensational front page.";
$ss[66]="Workmen drilling for oil.";
$ss[67]="An old-fashioned well.";
$ss[68]="Aroused strikers round a factory.";
$ss[69]="A quiver filled with arrows.";
$ss[7]="A man successfully expressing himself in two realms at once.";
$ss[70]="Aeroplane performing a nose-dive.";
$ss[71]="Newly opened lands offer the pioneer new opportunities for experience.";
$ss[72]="A black slave-girl demands her rights of her mistress.";
$ss[73]="World famous pianist giving a concert performance.";
$ss[74]="Two people, living far apart, in telepathic communication.";
$ss[75]="Two dutch children talking.";
$ss[76]="A woman activist in an emotional speech, dramatizing her cause.";
$ss[77]="The head of a robust youth changes into that of a mature thinker.";
$ss[78]="Two chinese men talking chinese (in a western crowd).";
$ss[79]="A large archaic volume reveals a traditional wisdom.";
$ss[8]="A woman's hat with streamers blown by the east wind.";
$ss[80]="A cafeteria with an abundance of choices.";
$ss[81]="A tumultuous labor demonstration.";
$ss[82]="Dancing couples crowd the barn in a harvest festival.";
$ss[83]="Three fledglings in a nest high in a tree.";
$ss[84]="Children skating on ice.";
$ss[85]="A gardener trimming large palm trees.";
$ss[86]="Winter frost in the woods.";
$ss[87]="A young gypsy emerging from the woods gazes at far cities.";
$ss[88]="Society granting bankruptcy to him, a man leaves the court.";
$ss[89]="The first mockingbird of spring sings from the tree top.";
$ss[9]="A crystal gazer.";
$ss[90]="A parade of bathing beauties before large beach crowds.";
$ss[91]="On a ship the sailors lower an old flag and raise a new one.";
$ss[92]="A man on a magic carpet observes vast vistas below him.";
$ss[93]="An arctic explorer leads a reindeer through icy canyons.";
$ss[94]="A cat arguing with a mouse.";
$ss[95]="At a railroad crossing, an automobile is wrecked by a train.";
$ss[96]="Game birds feathering their nests.";
$ss[97]="Two fairies (nature spirits) dancing on a moonlit night.";
$ss[98]="A group rabbits dressed in clothes and on parade.";
$ss[99]="A small, naked girl bends over a pond trying to catch a fish.";
?>
For the Sun: For the Moon: