Goldilocks And The Twelve Signs: The Pisces Guide To Compatibility

Arian Maverick · #1 11-18-2007, 03:32 PM

This is a hilarious post from the blog Matthew The Astrologer entitled Goldilocks And The Twelve Signs: The Pisces Guide To Compatibility. No offense is intended towards any Pisces:

Quote:

Once upon a time Goldilocks went to Speed Dating, sponsored by the National Oat Growers Association... so naturally porridge was involved. She sat down at the big, long table and prepared to receive her potential suitors.

Before anyone else had a chance to sit down, Aries zipped in and filled the chair in front of her. "Hey baby," Aries said, "try mine first!" Goldilocks tried his porridge. It intrigued her, but the flavor impulsively faded before she could really get into it. So she decided to wait for the next suitor.

Taurus came next. His porridge was smooth and comforting and sensual, and she really liked it. But then Taurus criticized her spoon technique, calling it ungrounded. This miffed Goldilocks to no end, especially when Taurus called her "ungrounded."

Then Gemini sat down. Gemini's porridge was full of interesting flavor combinations, any one of which would have been fine on it's own, but the saffron and marjoram covered up the comfort and warmth she was really seeking.

Cancer offered his bowl next. Goldilocks was intrigued by the depth of feeling Cancer put into his offering. The conversation went well, and Goldilocks suggested they meet again, But Cancer became too defensive and scurried off.

Leo came next. His bowl was hot and shiny and flavorful... as appealing as Cancer's, but more adventurous. But then Leo started telling her in detail how she was enjoying the wrong flavors, and how she didn't appreciate his technique, and moved on, flipping his hair as he left.

Virgo sat down and offered his porridge. It was delicious. "Why do you think so?" Virgo asked. Then Virgo asked what basis for comparison Goldilocks had, her experience with porridge, and the exact mileage to her home. Goldilocks felt interrogated and over-analyzed, so she ran out the clock with Virgo by discussing her health issues.

Libra sat down and handed over his porridge. It was smooth and sweet and Pisces really enjoyed it. Then Libra began to question why Goldilocks thought so, and why Goldilocks picked that outfit to wear today, then accused Goldilocks on being evasive when she couldn't answer the questions adequately.

Scorpio came next and offered his bowl. It was intense and affectionate and exactly what Goldilocks was looking for. Everything was going great until Goldilocks accidentally called Scorpio "Cancer." Scorpio sat up straight and spent the remainder of his time berating Pisces for being unfaithful, and criticizing Goldilocks' taste in foot wear.

Sagittarius came next. His porridge was warm and exciting, with an adventurous dash of curry. Once she finished, Goldilocks looked up from her bowl to ask for more, only to discover that Sagittarius had wandered off into the wine tasting next door, and was hitting on an ad executive from Cleveland.

Capricorn sat down and Goldilocks tried his porridge next. It was hearty and filling and good. Goldilocks asked Capricorn if she could see him again. By the time Capricorn finished delineating the cost of his porridge's ingredients, the time involved to make it, and how his portfolio was performing, Goldilocks had lost interest and felt a little sad.

Aquarius sat down and offered his bowl of porridge. His bowl was interesting and unique, and Goldilocks found it intriguing. Unfortunately, Aquarius didn't provide a spoon, so Goldilocks was unable to get into it in any real depth. The surface looked interesting, though. They spent the rest of their time staring at each other and then out the window.

Finally, Pisces sat down. Goldilocks was a Pisces too. This naturally started up a long conversation about their childhood dreams, last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy, and where the best place to get married would be. Unfortunately, when it came to setting up a second date, Pisces was just as scattered as Goldilocks, and nothing came of it.

Goldilocks stared out the window sadly. It had started to rain. Maybe she should just give up on the whole idea of ever finding someone whose porridge gave her the combination of strength, sensitivity, and romance that she was hungry for.

Just as she got up to leave, Aries zipped in and filled the chair in front of her. "Hey baby," Aries said...

Moulin · #2 11-18-2007, 04:00 PM

:38:LOL thats hilarious!!! she says with Pisces rising and Aries moon/venus

Lapis · #3 11-18-2007, 07:12 PM

Arian Maverick,

This guy is great! I'd not heard of him before so thanks for sharing. :38: And my Piscean Asc doesn't take offence at all!

Moulin · #4 11-18-2007, 07:22 PM

I thought the Aquarius one was just priceless!! I had tears running down my face from so much laughing...

Thank you Aries Maverick for putting fun back into the Mars RX

Arian Maverick · #5 11-18-2007, 07:46 PM

Quote:

This guy is great! I'd not heard of him before so thanks for sharing.

I hadn't heard of this guy until today either, when I read the now-archive entry JUPITER/PLUTO & HOLMES in the astrology blog I often frequent, Collaborate With Fate. In the updated version of this post, there is a link to Astrococktail thanking them for the link to Whatdoesitmean.com, which is what the entry was mainly about.

I decided to explore and found a link to Compatibility Galore, which also contained a link to the Pisces compatibility guide I posted here.

I think the Leo guide is funny too; I especially loved the picture at the top of the page!

Again, I don't mean to pick on Leos here; I can easily make fun of my own sign when I find a humorous picture or joke about it

Arian Maverick

PYXIS · #6 11-18-2007, 07:58 PM

haLARIOUS!.....this is the real STUFF ha ha

Heart of a Scorpio · #7 01-17-2008, 01:41 AM

lmao, she called the scorpio a cancer..

man she fawked up :roflmao:

Pisceanfool · #8 03-15-2008, 03:10 AM

"Finally, Pisces sat down. Goldilocks was a Pisces too. This naturally started up a long conversation about their childhood dreams, last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy, and where the best place to get married would be. Unfortunately, when it came to setting up a second date, Pisces was just as scattered as Goldilocks, and nothing came of it."

lol.... i don't think i can date a pisces... it just wont work

KayBug · #9 03-21-2008, 01:16 AM

lol Being a Pisces myself, I loved it!

lexia523 · #10 03-25-2008, 01:24 PM

Thanks for posting that !
intersting that the funniest pieces come from home truths.. says my virgo mars
as an aquarian sun merc and venus.. it takes one to know one.. and then some lol xxx

PirateBabe · #11 04-03-2008, 09:24 PM

hahaha good stuff

Matthew The Astrologer · #12 08-25-2008, 05:23 PM

Hey... you're talking about MY blog! Now I'm feeling all special an' stuff... which does WONDERS for me, given the rat's nest of transits hitting me of late... thanks!