Saturn in synastry - advice needed!

[HH]

I need advice on how to best work with my Saturn at 21 Scorpio (5th house, close to 6th)particularly in relationship to my partner whose Ascendent is 20 Leo conjunct Pluto at 20 and Mars at 24 Leo! We have a lot of great synastry aspects but this is the one that we need help with. I feel that he really can't change the energy of his Leo ascendent and of course it is REALLY intense because of the Mars/Pluto conjunction there. My "saturn self" judges him to be too frequently negative (Pluto), sometimes selfish (Leo) and sometimes rude (Pluto/Mars) and either sometimes cold or too aggressive (Pluto/Mars). My Saturn is important in my chart - it is in a Grand Trine with Jupiter/Uranus and my Sun but also in a T-square to my Mercury/Pluto opposition (Aquarius/Leo) -- so yes, my Mercury opposes his Mars/Leo conjunction and is conjunct his Descendent. He particularly dislikes it when I "hold onto thing and then lecture" him about them. His Mercury is in Virgo conjunct my Moon and our communication can be quite good but he does tend to embellish with detail and emphasize the negative and it is his negativity and critical perspective - or at least the way he expresses it (ascendent) that gets to me. I feel that since my Saturn is involved I may need to change or he will get tired of feeling "judged" an he will have a hard time changing his ascendent energy. ANY advice is appreciated!!!!!

Like I said we have many good close aspects including: my Jupiter (part of my Grand Trine) conjuncts his Moon; his Moon trines my Sun, sextiles my Moon and trines my Saturn, his Sun/Saturn conjunction trines my Venus; we have Venus/Mars trine; my Sun conjuncts his North Node in his 7th house -- and there are other good aspects.