What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Violent

ReincarnatedRainbow

Well-known member
What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Violent

I can't stand my mom lately. Nothing big happened just now, but I was thinking about her, and I knew I had to find out before the next fight came.

She assumes that everything I say is full of attitude and criticism.
She'll say something she's accomplished and if I don't drop to my knees and praise her, she's calling me rude, selfish, cold hearted, and incapable of respecting anybody. Example:

Mom: I've been drinking more water lately. I only drink two cans of soda a day. I feel so much more energized and refreshed. I no longer toss and turn at night. I think it's because I'm not filled with caffeine like I usually am, you know? I think I may have even lost weight (by the way, she hasn't). I'm healthier now. I'm proud of myself.
Me: Mhm, that's good.
Mom: I'm really, really proud of myself. I mean, I don't drink water like you do, but I don't think you should be drinking so much water a day, anyway. Seven bottles a day is scary. But me, I've think I got down the perfect amount of water a day. I feel energized and refreshed, and I'm healthy. I'm so proud of myself. It just proves that if I want to do it, I can do it. At first, I just wanted to lose weight, and that's why I was drinking water, but it's no longer about the water now: It's about being healthy. And I'm proud of myself.
Me: You should be.
Mom: Well, you don't say that like you mean it.
Me: What?
Mom: You are so self-absorbed. You don't really care about my achievements. It's because it's all about you. I'm proud of myself, why can't you be?
Me: Uh...You drink two bottles of water a day. It's a good start. I'm not going to start jumping up and down for you.
Mom: WELL, WHY THE **** NOT?!
Me: Because it's two bottles a day. That's a good start, I mean, you're showing that you're making an effort. I'm just not extremely excited, that's all. Calm down.
Mom: Oh, you're not extremely excited? WHY CAN'T YOU BE? WHY NOT, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, YOU SHOW SOME PRIDE IN ME??!! OH, WAIT, I'M SORRY - I FORGOT THAT I'M JUST AN IDIOT FOR TRYING TO BE HEALTHY, RIGHT???
Me: No, not an idiot. Look - just stop yellin-
Mom: I'M NOT FREAKING YELLING. *slams fist on dinner table* YOU'RE SO SENSITIVE TO EVERYTHING. I'M A MONSTER BECAUSE I'M NOT USING MY inside voice.
Me: You are yelling! Listen to yourself!
Mom: I'M NOT YELLING, BUT I SHOULD, BECAUSE YOU'RE BEING A ******* *****. I DON'T KNOW WHY I COOKED DINNER FOR YOU, BECAUSE GOD KNOWS YOU NEVER APPRECIATE ANYTHING I DO. EVERYTHING I DO IS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH.
Me: That's not true. I like the dinner!
Mom: OH, SHUT THE **** UP, CAITE. Don't try to act as if you care.
Me: I don't care as much as you think I should, but I do care. I won't drop to my hands and knees. Drinking two bottles of water a day is less than what is expected. I'm sorry my mind isn't blown right now.
Mom: Oh, that's right. You can't be proud of your mom, but you can be sarcastic and a jerk, right? Aren't you proud of yourself? You're able to tear me down, how cool of you. You're so cool, Caite.
Me: What are you talking about? You think I'm a sadist? That I get pleasure from making you upset?
Mom: Well, it sure as hell looks like it.
Me: Stop being a drama queen!
Mom: Oh, I'm a drama queen? If I'm overtly dramatic, then you're an insensitive *****.
Me: Then, by your logic, I guess I am one. If that's how you wish to see me.
Mom: That's not how I wish to see you. But that's who you are. I need to stop expecting you to care about me. You never have, you never will.
Me: *walks out of dining room, towards bedroom*
Mom: Oh, that's right, walk away from your mom, who is in pain. Towards your internet! BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW THAT YOU'D RATHER BE WITH IT ALL DAY, THAN TO BE WITH ME FOR LONGER THAN FIVE MINUTES.


She's always begging me for compliments, finding subliminal insults in everything I say, and accusing and blaming me for anything she doesn't like. Example:
Me: *in my room, hear a loud crash in the kitchen, run towards there*
Me: What was that?
Mom: *perfectly fine, cleaning refrigerator shelves on kitchen counter*
Mom: Oh, nothing, just one of the shelves fell off the counter.
Me: *sees shelf on floor*
Mom: It's plastic, though, so there's no sharp shards or anything to walk on.
Me: Okay. *turn back towards bedroom*
Mom: OH, I'M FINE, THANK YOU.
Me: Yeah, I know.
Mom: HOW WOULD YOU? YOU DIDN'T ASK IF I WAS FINE.
Me: I didn't have to. I saw you were fine.
Mom: You can't know that. I could've been hurt by the shelf.
Me: Mom, seriously? I was just in the kitchen. You said yourself you were fine. I didn't think I'd have to ask.
Mom: Of course, because there's no time to worry about me when your precious internet is waiting.
Me: Would you prefer me to read a book?
Mom: You couldn't even bother to pick up the shelf for me.
Me: I'm sorry, I figured you'd get it.
Mom: Oh, right, because I never get tired.
Me: Of what? Picking a plastic shelf up that weighs less than the cat?
Mom: I've been cleaning the kitchen all day. Maybe I should make you help me clean, so that you know what it's like to be tired.
Me: Okay.
Mom: You didn't even think that it'd be thoughtful of you to pick the shelf up for me?
Me: It's, like, two feet away from you.
Mom: And?
Me: Instead of being sarcastic, you could've just asked me to pick it up for you. Would you like me to pick it up for you?
Mom: Don't waste your precious internet time.
Me: *picks up shelf*
Mom: PUT THAT THE **** DOWN. I DON'T WANT YOUR ******* HELP. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU MEAN IT.
Me: *leaves*
Mom: THAT'S RIGHT. GOTTA GO GET YOUR INTERNET.

She attacks me every day. She's even thrown tender tantrums. In those fits of rage, she's broken the remote control, my glass figurines that my Mimi bought me, my can of bug spray, and a few of my hangers. She had actually aimed the bug spray at my head, but missed. When I confronted her much later about how she shouldn't break my stuff when she's mad, she told me blatantly that it was my fault that she had to resort to breaking stuff.

Every day she's mean to me. I'm constantly calling people to pick me up for the whole day, just because I can't be in the same house as her.

What is going on with her? And how can I handle her?

astro_w2gw_04_susan_hp.74636.22498.gif
 
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Blackempress

Well-known member
Re: What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Viol

Can you post your own chart & a composite /synastry too?

She seems to be a strong individual with Nice trines to the Asc from Sun/Mars/Mercury In Leo. She probably had emotional problems & didn't feel she got her dues. Being a Native Leo she would definitely be looking for attention & appreciation.

If I'm not wrong the Transits might be more important esp if she's been behaving this way since last year more than before. Pluto Transit over 2nd house Square Uranus 4th. She's likely feeling frustrated with home/family & wants a change. Have there been financial issues cropping up lately?

There are many areas to address so hopefully the seniors join in to help.
 

waybread

Well-known member
Re: What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Viol

Charts please.

My mom's favourite saying: "It takes two to start a quarrel."

Your mom thinks you don't love her. Do you? Who does love her, in her life? She sounds like someone starved for love.

Maybe the two of you could at least agree not to swear at each other, for starters.

Her physical violence is more serious. I suspect Mom needs a physical check-up, and maybe some counseling. Do you know if she is menopausal? It is no excuse for violence but sometimes it affects women really, really badly.

If you think your physical safety is in danger, have you got another family member you could live with for a while? Have you got a trusted school counselor or teacher that you could talk to?

Are there other siblings at home, or is it just you and Mom?
 
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Brea

Well-known member
Re: What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Viol

lol if this is a recent thing, you're lucky my mom is like this permanently. When you post charts it'll be fun to compare. She's very reactionary (like my mother lol) so best way to deal with this is to continue being detached and calm, Ghandi has alot of wisdom to offer in this department. I cant stand people who are illogical like this, if YOU WANT SOMETHING say SO. Otherwise you CANT complain about something I didnt give you because you NEVER asked. Does she ever cool off and become a little introspective and sorry about her behavior?
 
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retinoid

Well-known member
Re: What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Viol

Not that I know anything, but my feeling is that your tone probably can set people off. You probably seem very self absorbed. Your mom, on the other hand, is looking for compliments and that you 'care'...which she shouldn't be and is upset that you have a condescending, distant aura. Now why are you this way? Are you unhappy with your life situation, do you dislike your mom or your life, etc.?
 
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tsmall

Premium Member
Re: What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Viol

RR, I do hope you'll repost the chart (s) as the original link is expired. A synastry chart would be good.

From what I saw of the chart last night, your Mother's ASC is in Sag, ruled by Jupiter in the 29th degree of Sag, retrograde and exactly (within minutes) opposed Venus in Gemini. That's two planets, including the chart ruler, in critical degrees. Moon was in Gemini, which could mean mood swings for sure as I recall it was conjunct Saturn and on the DSC. Sun in Leo, in domicile and in Joy (9th) with both Mercury coming behind (making Merc out of sect in this chart, so thoughts working against your mother) and Mars there as well--Mars as the out of sect malefic also working against Mercury and Sun.

Is your mom divorced? From what you have written, and the chart, it looks as if your mother may be a bit self absorbed (those Leo placements) and prone to mood swings, with her chart ruler never seeming to be able to grant what it promises. That opposition between Jupiter in the 1st and Venus in the 7th is going to come out in her relationships, so it seems possible that her neediness has created trouble in her relationships in the past. That combined with knowing that you are growing up and becoming independant (and getting ready to leave her) could be driving her to push you away in an effort to convince herself that she doesn't need you anyway?
 

ReincarnatedRainbow

Well-known member
Re: What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Viol

She seems to be a strong individual with Nice trines to the Asc from Sun/Mars/Mercury In Leo. She probably had emotional problems & didn't feel she got her dues. Being a Native Leo she would definitely be looking for attention & appreciation.
She is very strong. Not recently, however. She's been breaking down a lot.

If I'm not wrong the Transits might be more important esp if she's been behaving this way since last year more than before. Pluto Transit over 2nd house Square Uranus 4th. She's likely feeling frustrated with home/family & wants a change. Have there been financial issues cropping up lately?
Actually, no. Our financial situation is the best it's ever been, and any family problems come from my father's side (whose misfortunes only please her).


My mom's favourite saying: "It takes two to start a quarrel."
Well, I used to fight her back a lot, but ever since she's started acting like this, I much prefer to leave the house than to argue with her. I'll admit I can sometimes have an attitude, but she's the main stress factor in my life. I don't see how I can't not allow some acid to drip off my tongue sometimes. Hell, I prefer visiting my grandmother's house more than my own, and my grandmother's house has toxic water from the poisoned well, mold growing in the house, and a 75% chance of Lyme Disease.

Your mom thinks you don't love her. Do you? Who does love her, in her life? She sounds like someone starved for love.
Hell, if she's starved for love, then it's her own fault. She rejects me whenever I try to show her I care, claiming I don't mean it. I'm sorry, but after a while of being told that my love for her is false, I just don't feel the motivation to prove her wrong. Out the few "manipulative" things I am capable of, faking my emotions is not one of them. I honestly love and I honestly hate; if I truly did not love her, I wouldn't even care to convince her otherwise.

As for romantic love...Everyone is beneath her, in her eyes. The only men who are not beneath her, are low-life, white trash jerks. I can't help her if she has bad taste, and only goes for guys who believe they're doing her a favor. They are always so "I'm here, aren't I?"


Maybe the two of you could at least agree not to swear at each other, for starters.
I rarely swear in general, let alone at her. I'd get slapped. I'm not some out-of-control teenager. I'm pretty even-tempered.

Her physical violence is more serious. I suspect Mom needs a physical check-up, and maybe some counseling. Do you know if she is menopausal? It is no excuse for violence but sometimes it affects women really, really badly.
No, she's not going through menopause. She would've told the whole country if she was; my mom is shameless when it comes to "private matters".

I've tried recommended counseling to her, but she just flipped out. In fact, she flipped out enough on me to make me cry. I had to get picked up by my aunt, because I was having a panic attack and could barely breath by the time my mom was done berating me.

If you think your physical safety is in danger, have you got another family member you could live with for a while? Have you got a trusted school counselor or teacher that you could talk to?
She's only beat me once, and my aunt picked me up that time, too.

Are there other siblings at home, or is it just you and Mom?
Nope. Just me, my mom, and our cat.


Not that I know anything, but my feeling is that your tone probably can set people off. You probably seem very self absorbed. Your mom, on the other hand, is looking for compliments and that you 'care'...which she shouldn't be and is upset that you have a condescending, distant aura. Now why are you this way? Are you unhappy with your life situation, do you dislike your mom or your life, etc.?
If I am self absorbed, then I can't see it because I'm too into myself to notice.

I'm okay with how things are. Things could be better, but that's everyone's life.


RR, I do hope you'll repost the chart (s) as the original link is expired. A synastry chart would be good.

From what I saw of the chart last night, your Mother's ASC is in Sag, ruled by Jupiter in the 29th degree of Sag, retrograde and exactly (within minutes) opposed Venus in Gemini. That's two planets, including the chart ruler, in critical degrees. Moon was in Gemini, which could mean mood swings for sure as I recall it was conjunct Saturn and on the DSC. Sun in Leo, in domicile and in Joy (9th) with both Mercury coming behind (making Merc out of sect in this chart, so thoughts working against your mother) and Mars there as well--Mars as the out of sect malefic also working against Mercury and Sun.
Yup, she's mindbogglingly moody. One minute, she's on top of the world, having a good time with me. The next, I step on her toe by mistake and she's screaming like a banshee, telling me that I'm not truly sorry.

Is your mom divorced? From what you have written, and the chart, it looks as if your mother may be a bit self absorbed (those Leo placements) and prone to mood swings, with her chart ruler never seeming to be able to grant what it promises. That opposition between Jupiter in the 1st and Venus in the 7th is going to come out in her relationships, so it seems possible that her neediness has created trouble in her relationships in the past. That combined with knowing that you are growing up and becoming independant (and getting ready to leave her) could be driving her to push you away in an effort to convince herself that she doesn't need you anyway?
My mom had a divorce at nineteen, and now she's nearly forty. Does that count?

My mom hasn't been in any recent relationships lately, due to her bad taste in men, as I talked about above in this post.

I don't think she's pushing me away, but only God knows what this woman is thinking. I've never been able to read her. Usually I'm pretty good at that, too, so it's not as if she's an open book. She talks like one, but there's always a hidden text. That's how it feels, anyway, what with all her double talk and tantrums over things so seemingly petty.


I hope these ones aren't expired, then:
My Chart
Her Chart

Where can I get a synastry chart from?
 
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tsmall

Premium Member
Re: What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Viol

I hope these ones aren't expired, then:
My Chart
Her Chart

Where can I get a synastry chart from?

I only have a moment, but if you go to astro.com and click on the extended chart selection under free horoscopes, there are many different charts you can create. You'll notice that it sets up synastry for you (if you have signed up for a free account?) in that your name will be the first one followed by a drop down menu to choose what chart you want to compare with. Below that is the option to select the type of chart you want, and you pick synastry. Save the image to your hard drive and upload it here as an attatchment (it will stay permanently that way) or save it to a photo sharing site like flikr or photobucket and insert the image here.
 

ReincarnatedRainbow

Well-known member
Re: What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Viol

I only have a moment, but if you go to astro.com and click on the extended chart selection under free horoscopes, there are many different charts you can create. You'll notice that it sets up synastry for you (if you have signed up for a free account?) in that your name will be the first one followed by a drop down menu to choose what chart you want to compare with. Below that is the option to select the type of chart you want, and you pick synastry. Save the image to your hard drive and upload it here as an attatchment (it will stay permanently that way) or save it to a photo sharing site like flikr or photobucket and insert the image here.
Our Synastry
Thank you.
 

waybread

Well-known member
Re: What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Viol

Rainbow, is there any chance you could live with your aunt or grandmother, at least for a while, and still get to school? Or perhaps another family member is in the picture? The situation at home sounds pretty toxic.

During my daughter's last year in high school, her best friend just got in terrible rows with her parents. She showed up at our door one day with a few of her belongings in her suitcase and asked if she could stay with us. I said, "Sure," thinking the problems would blow over in a few days. During the next day, her father put the contents of her room in garbage bags on the front porch. She ended up staying with us for seven months (including over Christmas) till the situation at home settled down.

While to this day I can't fathom this girl's parents' behaviour, I believe there are people in your life who understand your tough situation at home. Perhaps they might be willing to help you.

Looking at the squares made to your moon-Chiron in your 4th house, and that Saturn on your MC, I think mother troubles are in your stars. These can be overcome, but it will probably take some time, and you will need to get some perspective on your situation.

Right now transiting Pluto is squaring your natal sun-Saturn-MC, and transiting Uranus is sitting right on them. So regardless of how your mother is behaving, this is likely a difficult time for you. This transit has been described as feeling "stripped of your skin." Pluto is essentially asking you to give up what you think you know about yourself (sun) so that a new you can emerge.

I've got a less clear understanding of what is going on in your mother's horoscope, but hopefully focusing on your own chart will give you something to go on. I do modern astrology, but tsmall's traditional astrology approach offers some good insights.
 

Love2Know

Well-known member
Re: What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Viol

is ur mom divorced? I have leo planets and am not so self absorbed but I can be a bit interesting like ur mom lol. My family usually just rolls their eyes at me.. or laughs then I start to laugh. If my mom gets like this (Fire temper she has!) I just compliment her and make sure I let her know she is appreciated because she is so caring and giving, cooks and cleans. I like to tell her she is beautiful randomly and such, which she is she looks like me or I look like her lolllllllllllllll
 
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ReincarnatedRainbow

Well-known member
Re: What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Viol

Rainbow, is there any chance you could live with your aunt or grandmother, at least for a while, and still get to school? Or perhaps another family member is in the picture? The situation at home sounds pretty toxic.
No, there's not. Their house is about an hour away from my school, the living conditions are awful, my aunt and grandma are always fighting horribly because they live together, I can barely breathe in the house because of the mold and the cats (I have a mild allergen to them), my aunt's girlfriend is infuriatingly weak, selfish, immature, and irritating, and there is only one room and one couch. I would have to sleep on the dirty floor.

I don't have anybody else but my grandmother and aunt, though.


During my daughter's last year in high school, her best friend just got in terrible rows with her parents. She showed up at our door one day with a few of her belongings in her suitcase and asked if she could stay with us. I said, "Sure," thinking the problems would blow over in a few days. During the next day, her father put the contents of her room in garbage bags on the front porch. She ended up staying with us for seven months (including over Christmas) till the situation at home settled down.
Wow, I feel sorry for her. I highly doubt my situation could ever escalate that far.

While to this day I can't fathom this girl's parents' behaviour, I believe there are people in your life who understand your tough situation at home. Perhaps they might be willing to help you.
My grandma and aunt do care, but they don't have the money or the living conditions to.

Looking at the squares made to your moon-Chiron in your 4th house, and that Saturn on your MC, I think mother troubles are in your stars. These can be overcome, but it will probably take some time, and you will need to get some perspective on your situation.
All I know is that she makes me feel so trapped. If I feel trapped, I can't look outside myself much to see a solution.

Right now transiting Pluto is squaring your natal sun-Saturn-MC, and transiting Uranus is sitting right on them. So regardless of how your mother is behaving, this is likely a difficult time for you. This transit has been described as feeling "stripped of your skin." Pluto is essentially asking you to give up what you think you know about yourself (sun) so that a new you can emerge.
How am I supposed to give up myself? Is that even possible? Regardless of who I think I am, I still am who I am. Even if I didn't know who I was, I'd still act how my personality dictates I would.


@tsmall
Seriously? Why does it keep expiring?!

Me:
March 26, 1997
Norwich, CT
Exactly 12:00 PM

Mother:
August 4, 1972
Detroit, MI
4:01 PM
 

tsmall

Premium Member
Re: What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Viol

The charts keep expiring because you haven't saved them anywhere. Here they are for you. I used whole sign houses because that's how I look at charts.

You might research Aneretic degrees to get an idea about Venus and Jupiter in her chart. Here's one link.

http://www.cafeastrology.com/criticaldegrees.html

I notice that you are both at the tail end of Saturn transiting the angles, your mother's Libra/11th house MC, and your Libra/4th house IC. In a word...ouch. I think that the key for you is going to be to try to understand her, and then to be able to accept her for what she is, and for what she isn't. A tall order for anyone, even taller for a teenager. It sounds like that is what you are trying to do?

Mom's got Moon in Gemini, in 7th. Gemini is a debilitated sign (a whole discussion on this topic here http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49522) for the Moon, since it is the Moon's 12th, and added to that it is conjunct Saturn. Saturn shows blockages, in this case blockages in relationships/partnerships. That's already rough, because Venus and the Moon here are driven to find those. So, we look to the ruler of the 7th, in this case Mercury in Leo, combust and conjunct the out of sect malefic, Mars. We can get an idea of where this is going? Moon in Gemini can be prone to mood swings, and then the sextile to a fiery/untamed Mars (who says "easy" aspects are always easy?) with Mercury can turn those mood swings into angry tirades.

Going back to her Sun in Leo, with the condition of Mars and Mercury, in domicile and in Joy in the 9th...I said a little self absorbed because planets in their home signs are really comfortable in being who they are. In this case her Sun is concerned with her Sun, and with again Mars and Mercury there, it makes me think of someone who yes, needs attention, and as sometimes can happen with domiciled planets, might be...not so nice about demanding it? None of this takes away from her abilities to be a strong person, but can give us a little insight into how she really feels/reacts, and in the case of the planets performing over the houses they rule, how she might feel thwarted at times. Sure, this will often be due to her own choices, but if we look at the chart we can start to see why she might be making these choices.

Looking at the 1st house, Jupiter in the ascendant is very optimistic. Hope for something better just around the corner. But in this case, retro and opposed (exactly! oh my) Venus, well that aspect isn't a great one to begin with. That it is exact suggests that it is something that will be dealt with constantly throughout life unless or until something drastic helps to resolve it. Jupiter is the ruler of her 1st (herself) and 4th (her home and everything associated with that) and the exaltation ruler of her 8th (not just death and transformation, the 8th represents other people's money, and also the resources to support 7th house matters. Consider that those resources aren't always represented by money, and you can see the issue with this one.) Retrograde and angular, maybe able to make things happen, but those will come with reversals. Like relationships that seem so great in the beginning but never end up the way she wants. In a nutshell it could be that Jupiter hasn't delivered on the optimism?

Then we look at this Saturn transit (and boy can I speak to this one) of both her MC and her 11th house of hopes and wishes, and here is Saturn not only challenging all her angles (yours as well, at the same time) but doing it from the house of what you wish for. Saturn strips everything down to it's basest flaws, exposes them, and then wants to know what you are going to do about it. It's also the cold hand of reality, and you mom is just at that age when she is starting to realize that time is slipping away. Whether she can or wants to take responsibility for her choices is one thing, but having Saturn here might just be telling her that what she wanted her life to be isn't what it turned out to be, and isn't likely to ever do so.

I had similar issues with my mother (who also has Venus in aneretic degree) around the same age. I can say that she drove me nuts, that she said things that were mean and hateful and never, ever apologized for them. She blamed every bad thing that ever happened to her on the fact that I was born. And to this day I am the only person who really understands her. It took a long time, but I finally had to realize that she wasn't ever going to change, to roll my eyes and bite my tongue and very often agree with her when I didn't always do so. And to be able to walk away and either let her cool off or snap out of it. But boy did we have some knock down drag outs getting there.

Hopefully other, more experienced members can say more about these charts...
 

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waybread

Well-known member
Re: What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Viol

Rainbow, perhaps another way to think about your situation is that it is only temporary. If you think through your high school classes and beyond, hopefully you can get out of the house and become self-supporting or go to college. I can imagine that your home situation would affect your studies now, but if you can stick with them and do well, you should get a ticket to a better future. Hopefully your school has a guidance counselor or some sympathetic teachers to be mentors for you.

Given your age now, this would be quite a maturation process. Transiting Pluto asks us to give up who we are now, in order to be who we could become. It is hard to say who that person would be because you have yet to invent her, but your sun by sign and house, north node, and MC will help point the way.

Your posts indicate someone who is extremely thoughtful and analytical. These assets should help you as you move forward. It is interesting that you started this thread with a detailed and compelling dialogue. With your moon in the 5th house (which rules the theater) participating in your high school drama club and even writing short plays may be beneficial.

With your sun in Aries conjunct your MC (midheaven) and Mars conjunct your north node, I wonder if you have athletic ability. Even if you don't think so now, there should be some less conventional sports at which you excel. These won't change your mother, but they should give you a constructive outlet for your pent-up energy. You are basically majoring in Aries, with five planets in this sign, so anything you can read about Aries should be helpful.

Natally you have a close sun trine Pluto. At the core you are a very strong person, who is unafraid to face the harsh realities that life sometimes throws our way. Hopefully you are not turning any blame inward on yourself. This can happen with Mars retrograde. But to use a sports analogy, yours is an inner game.

Good luck, Rainbow!
 
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Love2Know

Well-known member
Re: What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Viol

plus shes ur mom spend some more time with her plan like a movie date, take some time instead of just being online all the time. People get mad at me for the same thing. It is not worth it.
 

JUPITERASC

Well-known member
Re: What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Viol

plus shes ur mom spend some more time with her plan like a movie date, take some time instead of just being online all the time. People get mad at me for the same thing. It is not worth it.
fwiw IMO that's good advice Love2Know!! :smile:

Reincarnated Rainbow, notice the important nodal connections - i.e. your mother's South Node conjuncts your Ascendant so then her North Node conjuncts your Descendant. Some astrologers refer to this as indicating previous connection in other lives... your name 'Reincarnated Rainbow' implies you have some understanding of the idea
 

ReincarnatedRainbow

Well-known member
Re: What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Viol

You might research Aneretic degrees to get an idea about Venus and Jupiter in her chart. Here's one link.

http://www.cafeastrology.com/criticaldegrees.html
Thank you. I'll read it.

I notice that you are both at the tail end of Saturn transiting the angles, your mother's Libra/11th house MC, and your Libra/4th house IC. In a word...ouch. I think that the key for you is going to be to try to understand her, and then to be able to accept her for what she is, and for what she isn't. A tall order for anyone, even taller for a teenager. It sounds like that is what you are trying to do?
I've been learning to accept, not to "be a better person", but because there's nothing else to do. I don't understand her, and I'm too angry with her most of the time to sympathize with her. But I've got years until I can move out, so it's practically required that I accept who she is.

Mom's got Moon in Gemini, in 7th. Gemini is a debilitated sign (a whole discussion on this topic here http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49522) for the Moon, since it is the Moon's 12th, and added to that it is conjunct Saturn. Saturn shows blockages, in this case blockages in relationships/partnerships. That's already rough, because Venus and the Moon here are driven to find those. So, we look to the ruler of the 7th, in this case Mercury in Leo, combust and conjunct the out of sect malefic, Mars. We can get an idea of where this is going? Moon in Gemini can be prone to mood swings, and then the sextile to a fiery/untamed Mars (who says "easy" aspects are always easy?) with Mercury can turn those mood swings into angry tirades.
I never put those two together, but now it seems kind of obvious how she would be prone to violent mood swings. When I look at her chart, sometimes I still see someone who is solely my mother, and it's hard for me to believe that my mom can be anything less than perfectly controlled. But she's always been like this. Maybe not as extreme as now, but she's been shouting over every milk I ever spilt since I can remember. Or maybe, she's always been like this, and I'm just noticing it now. It's possible. My relatives were always telling me, as an elementary schooler, that if she hurt me, I could tell them. It seemed random and over-reactionary to me at the time.

Going back to her Sun in Leo, with the condition of Mars and Mercury, in domicile and in Joy in the 9th...I said a little self absorbed because planets in their home signs are really comfortable in being who they are. In this case her Sun is concerned with her Sun, and with again Mars and Mercury there, it makes me think of someone who yes, needs attention, and as sometimes can happen with domiciled planets, might be...not so nice about demanding it?
Makes sense. I wish I had connected those together. I'm a feeling a little thick now.

None of this takes away from her abilities to be a strong person, but can give us a little insight into how she really feels/reacts, and in the case of the planets performing over the houses they rule, how she might feel thwarted at times. Sure, this will often be due to her own choices, but if we look at the chart we can start to see why she might be making these choices.
She's a big optimist, but she always feels defeated, too. She allows her hopes to soar, and when they don't, she becomes either depressed or a tyrant at home.

Looking at the 1st house, Jupiter in the ascendant is very optimistic. Hope for something better just around the corner. But in this case, retro and opposed (exactly! oh my) Venus, well that aspect isn't a great one to begin with. That it is exact suggests that it is something that will be dealt with constantly throughout life unless or until something drastic helps to resolve it.
Could that happy ending potentially include a lover? I think I want her to be in a relationship more than she does, and she's been longing for one since I was eleven. I keep trying to get her to get herself out there, to look for guys outside of work, but she always makes up these **** excuses on why she can't chase love. I mean, God, how the hell does she expect somebody to swoop in and give her that sappy romcom-movie ending she's always moaning about, if she just sits on her *** all day, watching Sex and The City? This isn't a romance movie where you meet your partner by accident. If you're desperate, you need to actually look. Move out of state, get active in town activities and clubs, flirt with people, etc. It's sickening how she thinks that someone will even bother looking at her if she's seemingly content to waste her life away on the couch. She's an overweight, near fourty year old woman! She needs to use personality. No one is going to take a second look at her like this.

Jupiter is the ruler of her 1st (herself) and 4th (her home and everything associated with that) and the exaltation ruler of her 8th (not just death and transformation, the 8th represents other people's money, and also the resources to support 7th house matters. Consider that those resources aren't always represented by money, and you can see the issue with this one.) Retrograde and angular, maybe able to make things happen, but those will come with reversals. Like relationships that seem so great in the beginning but never end up the way she wants. In a nutshell it could be that Jupiter hasn't delivered on the optimism?
Ha, I just talked about that in a previous paragraph. Yup, Jupiter doesn't seem to be pathing her road in gold at the moment.

But she tries her best to make the house look good. It gives her pride to have the lushest lawn, the cleanest driveway, the trimmest house, and the coziest interior. She's bad at aesthetics, though, so I often find myself having to steer her away, last minute, from an awful color theme or choice of furniture. I'm pretty good at interior designing, but I don't enjoy it, so I tend to become irritated when I have to explain to my mom why a white end cabinet would not look good in a maroon kitchen.

Then we look at this Saturn transit (and boy can I speak to this one) of both her MC and her 11th house of hopes and wishes, and here is Saturn not only challenging all her angles (yours as well, at the same time) but doing it from the house of what you wish for. Saturn strips everything down to it's basest flaws, exposes them, and then wants to know what you are going to do about it. It's also the cold hand of reality, and you mom is just at that age when she is starting to realize that time is slipping away. Whether she can or wants to take responsibility for her choices is one thing, but having Saturn here might just be telling her that what she wanted her life to be isn't what it turned out to be, and isn't likely to ever do so.
Nope. Mom is still trapped in her fantasy world where she's ageless. I'm constantly having to remind her that she needs to do more with her life not when she's ready, but right now. Her response is a consistent "what's the rush?"

That's one aspect of ourselves that seems to oppose one another; my mom views each day as forever, while I've been trapped in an hour glass since the day I was born. She counts the days until the next vacation, the next holiday, and the next day off. I count the days until vacation ends, a holiday is over, and the time before Monday. I guess I should feel jealous of her live-in-the-future attitude, but I just see it as an annoyance.

I had similar issues with my mother (who also has Venus in aneretic degree) around the same age. I can say that she drove me nuts, that she said things that were mean and hateful and never, ever apologized for them. She blamed every bad thing that ever happened to her on the fact that I was born. And to this day I am the only person who really understands her. It took a long time, but I finally had to realize that she wasn't ever going to change, to roll my eyes and bite my tongue and very often agree with her when I didn't always do so. And to be able to walk away and either let her cool off or snap out of it. But boy did we have some knock down drag outs getting there.
Why should I have to take her bite? She certainly didn't take mine when I was the problem. Why should she get to slap me when I lose my temper, but I can't slap her? Isn't the point of reprimanding your child to make them realize what is respectful and decent and what is not? If she doesn't know, then she needs someone to reprimand her, too. Not that I'm stupid enough to be the teacher.
 

ReincarnatedRainbow

Well-known member
Re: What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Viol

fwiw IMO that's good advice Love2Know!! :smile:

Reincarnated Rainbow, notice the important nodal connections - i.e. your mother's South Node conjuncts your Ascendant so then her North Node conjuncts your Descendant. Some astrologers refer to this as indicating previous connection in other lives... your name 'Reincarnated Rainbow' implies you have some understanding of the idea
I don't believe in reincarnation; there is not enough proof. My name is derived from when I was making fun of my one of my sister's favorite songs, "If I Die Young".

Lord, make me a rainbow. I'll shine down on my mother, she'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors.

"She wants to be reincarnated as a rainbow? Huh, ya' know, they're an elusive little breed. They don't always come after a storm, and when they do, you never know where they end."
"Shut up, Caitlyn."
"Actually, being a rainbow sounds kind of appealing, now that I think about it. You get that mysterious aura and what not. Like, 'oh, is there a pot of gold under me? I guess you'll never know, but I'll let you chase after me. I'll let you think I'm tangible." Of course, I'm really not. But that's the beauty of me. I'm an unattainable dream; the best kind. Okay. Lord, when I die, I want to come ba-"
"Shut up before I hurt."
"Yes, ma'am."
 

ReincarnatedRainbow

Well-known member
Re: What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Viol

Given your age now, this would be quite a maturation process. Transiting Pluto asks us to give up who we are now, in order to be who we could become. It is hard to say who that person would be because you have yet to invent her, but your sun by sign and house, north node, and MC will help point the way.
How am I supposed to become who I can be if I don't know who that is?

Your posts indicate someone who is extremely thoughtful and analytical.
They do? How so?

These assets should help you as you move forward. It is interesting that you started this thread with a detailed and compelling dialogue. With your moon in the 5th house (which rules the theater) participating in your high school drama club and even writing short plays may be beneficial.
You flatter me, but those were actual conversations that my memory was able to attain, near word-from-word. No creativity needed.

With your sun in Aries conjunct your MC (midheaven) and Mars conjunct your north node, I wonder if you have athletic ability. Even if you don't think so now, there should be some less conventional sports at which you excel. These won't change your mother, but they should give you a constructive outlet for your pent-up energy. You are basically majoring in Aries, with five planets in this sign, so anything you can read about Aries should be helpful.
I like sports well enough, but in P.E. everybody complains when I'm on their team because I'm highly uncoordinated and skittish in ball games.

Natally you have a close sun trine Pluto. At the core you are a very strong person, who is unafraid to face the harsh realities that life sometimes throws our way. Hopefully you are not turning any blame inward on yourself. This can happen with Mars retrograde. But to use a sports analogy, yours is an inner game.

Good luck, Rainbow!
Wow, aren't you inspirational?

I might blame myself for some things, but I can't be sure, because some of them may actually be my fault. And if they aren't, I still think they are. So, there's no way to tell.
 
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