Is this a Capricorn thing? Or am I just lacking love?

[Bradders]

I know it's said that all Capricorns don't really show their feelings, but I've never had felt a need fill me so much as right now, this night, of a feeling of wanting to be loved and nurtured, but in my family background, I've rarely felt it.

My mother always felt... odd to me. My dad was a caring guy, always on the run but he loved his kids, he died at 13 and I had to live with my mom, but I've never felt the warmth really.

I've never felt my dads' warmth, my mothers warmth' and deep down, I suppose maybe this did cause me to shut down emotionally during my school years, as I got lost in my head alot. Emotionally shut down and in my own world. I remember sitting by trees and by school buildings all alone as children played, just sitting there and thinking to myself and basically dreaming the day away.

I always felt my life had a extremely powerful Piscean aspect though. Whilst my mom and dad I never felt cared for, I was the kind with the kindness and generousity and imagination to help anyone in need, but I was always extremely quiet as a child. My family always said I always used to ignore them, most kids my age found me weird and strange.

All I'd really ever do, is whilst my family ran around the house trying to sort some big issue out, I'd get lost in a gameboy game for hours, ignore everyone else and basically shut off. Again, leading to this incredibly strong Piscean feeling and Pisces-like youth. Even how my youth felt like Peter pan in a Piscean way, a friend as close as a brother, which, whilst your dad was caring for you, and then dissapear for hours or days, you'll sleep over and stay at your friends house, would run off to play Metal Gear Solid roleplaying in the woods and play gameboy games with him and ps2 and ps1 games and on the sega and nes

Such a youth just seems so Piscean, but then... I suppose, even that, I never felt... the warmth or shown it.

I was always so taciturn in my youth, a ruthless temper was always shown, a deep misunderstanding I felt. I used to get loose and beat people up, only for people to scream at me like a monster... and I'd feel this deep feeling inside of rage.

And now as I get older, I realise, I have a mom who was always there for me but my brothers, I feel mocked by some of them.

I'm mocked for being gay when I try to show affection but he shows me a deeper love later on, my older brothers, it just seems like they love to poke fun at me and hear I am, outwardly showing my feelings and I feel so hurt and criticized...

I just feel this deep lack of love... like... what was I supposed to be in that childhood? That youth? I was and always have been so small. I have a extremely tiny body figure, which again I relate to some Pisces thing. People even say I look cute, but I didn't see myself able to help my older brothers and sisters! And apparently all my youth, they told me I wasn't normal! I had autism and couldn't relate with people!

It just makes me feel so horrified really... such a deep sense of... hatred for all these things.

I just wanna feel loved...

My chart shows virgo too, but I never saw much virgo in me. Is it normal for a person to feel a lack of affinity with his ascendent? People call me cute, cuddly, soft, sensitive, gay, probably too nice for his own liking! Extremely generous and compassionate and a ability to awaken one.

And I also look very confused and lost most of the time. I was not the guy avoiding a bus as it hit me in the backside, as I barely heard it when I was young. I was so lost inside my own mind and so deep in feeling I barely even knew what was coming next!

I'm extremely trusting too. Which makes me scared sometimes but I don't wanna shut off to the world, so I keep going...

[Vista]

I am a follow Capricorn and I can honestly tell you I am very emotional(Moon in Cancer which is part of a Water Grand Trine with Jupiter/Neptune)

Everything you described is pretty much outlined in your natal chart.
The feelings of not being love by your mother is represented by Moon conjunct Saturn and Venus widely conjunct Saturn. This, as you say, will be a common feeling or theme in your life. With the Moon conjunct Saturn, you can have the tendency to become depressed or be very introspective. Aquarius Moon in general is probably the least emotional sign of the zodiac, with it's ancient ruler Saturn(Uranus modern) being cold and dry, kind of the wet blanket of the zodiac I would say your not being an emotional person is a very accurate opinion. This of course is not to say you do not want love. You also have Moon square Pluto, this, coupled with the Mars square Uranus can make you fly off the handle and at times be a little abusive. It's like an active volcano that erupts out of nowhere. Lastly, Mercury which rules your ASC sign is in Sag and debilitated, sometimes you can say things without thinking. I feel you probably live out your Sun more because of the Moon conjunct Saturn in Aquarius, Saturn is very prominent. Lastly, Mars in Cancer is a bit weak and it's further weakened by the retrograde. Typically, either Mars in Pisces or Mars retrograde people have a hard time sticking up for themselves and at times be pushed around or bullied. I think your temper is more like a build-up of feeling pushed around. I would try and harness this energy into something constructive, maybe seeing that takes a lot of physical energy. This would be a good way to deal with the rage and oppressive thoughts.

Originally Posted by Bradders

I know it's said that all Capricorns don't really show their feelings, but I've never had felt a need fill me so much as right now, this night, of a feeling of wanting to be loved and nurtured, but in my family background, I've rarely felt it.

My mother always felt... odd to me. My dad was a caring guy, always on the run but he loved his kids, he died at 13 and I had to live with my mom, but I've never felt the warmth really.

I've never felt my dads' warmth, my mothers warmth' and deep down, I suppose maybe this did cause me to shut down emotionally during my school years, as I got lost in my head alot. Emotionally shut down and in my own world. I remember sitting by trees and by school buildings all alone as children played, just sitting there and thinking to myself and basically dreaming the day away.

I always felt my life had a extremely powerful Piscean aspect though. Whilst my mom and dad I never felt cared for, I was the kind with the kindness and generousity and imagination to help anyone in need, but I was always extremely quiet as a child. My family always said I always used to ignore them, most kids my age found me weird and strange.

All I'd really ever do, is whilst my family ran around the house trying to sort some big issue out, I'd get lost in a gameboy game for hours, ignore everyone else and basically shut off. Again, leading to this incredibly strong Piscean feeling and Pisces-like youth. Even how my youth felt like Peter pan in a Piscean way, a friend as close as a brother, which, whilst your dad was caring for you, and then dissapear for hours or days, you'll sleep over and stay at your friends house, would run off to play Metal Gear Solid roleplaying in the woods and play gameboy games with him and ps2 and ps1 games and on the sega and nes

Such a youth just seems so Piscean, but then... I suppose, even that, I never felt... the warmth or shown it.

I was always so taciturn in my youth, a ruthless temper was always shown, a deep misunderstanding I felt. I used to get loose and beat people up, only for people to scream at me like a monster... and I'd feel this deep feeling inside of rage.

And now as I get older, I realise, I have a mom who was always there for me but my brothers, I feel mocked by some of them.

I'm mocked for being gay when I try to show affection but he shows me a deeper love later on, my older brothers, it just seems like they love to poke fun at me and hear I am, outwardly showing my feelings and I feel so hurt and criticized...

I just feel this deep lack of love... like... what was I supposed to be in that childhood? That youth? I was and always have been so small. I have a extremely tiny body figure, which again I relate to some Pisces thing. People even say I look cute, but I didn't see myself able to help my older brothers and sisters! And apparently all my youth, they told me I wasn't normal! I had autism and couldn't relate with people!

It just makes me feel so horrified really... such a deep sense of... hatred for all these things.

I just wanna feel loved...

My chart shows virgo too, but I never saw much virgo in me. Is it normal for a person to feel a lack of affinity with his ascendent? People call me cute, cuddly, soft, sensitive, gay, probably too nice for his own liking! Extremely generous and compassionate and a ability to awaken one.

And I also look very confused and lost most of the time. I was not the guy avoiding a bus as it hit me in the backside, as I barely heard it when I was young. I was so lost inside my own mind and so deep in feeling I barely even knew what was coming next!

I'm extremely trusting too. Which makes me scared sometimes but I don't wanna shut off to the world, so I keep going...