Suicidal Thoughts

[Blackempress]

As a native with 8th Pluto I have always been 'death obsessed'. This had been apparent in my creative writing since teenage.
Besides that I've got alot of Squares to my sun & moon which I now understand to be the reason for my constant internal turmoil. I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 9yrs but lately the frequency has gone up esp since Uranus Opp Mars Tr started & Uranus is Squaring Sun currently. I regularly need to disengage myself from fantasizing about jumping off buildings or mutilating myself when I cross a knife.

Is this due to Saturn Transit over the 8th? I have an obsession with 8th house activities at the moment but the negativity takes me to very psychotic corners.
My relationship status is zero including living like a ghost in my family/home. I have intense frustration with parental domination where I consistently feel controlled & inhibited. Career path isn't showing up clearly for me either & it's draining my nerves.
Should I take this seriously or wait for it to pass?

http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum...pictureid=4572
(Progressed chart)

[MJ82]

Originally Posted by Blackempress

As a native with 8th Pluto I have always been 'death obsessed'. This had been apparent in my creative writing since teenage.
Besides that I've got alot of Squares to my sun & moon which I now understand to be the reason for my constant internal turmoil. I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 9yrs but lately the frequency has gone up esp since Uranus Opp Mars Tr started & Uranus is Squaring Sun currently. I regularly need to disengage myself from fantasizing about jumping off buildings or mutilating myself when I cross a knife.

Is this due to Saturn Transit over the 8th? I have an obsession with 8th house activities at the moment but the negativity takes me to very psychotic corners.
My relationship status is zero including living like a ghost in my family/home. I have intense frustration with parental domination where I consistently feel controlled & inhibited. Career path isn't showing up clearly for me either & it's draining my nerves.
Should I take this seriously or wait for it to pass?

http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum...pictureid=4572
(Progressed chart)

Hey hon, I know about really tough transits triggering a dark(er) phase on one's life, I've been hit by a string of them and many more years of this are to come. And I know about having very dark thoughts where you feel right at the edge, but hang in there, take it seriously by all means - I mean what you're going through - but reach out and remember it will pass.

I really feel that difficult transits, especially with the onset or deepening of depression (which I've always struggled with) can bring about a feeling akin to grief, and the process is a little like grieving, because we have to let something go, something die, and it does NOT have to be you!

Such a feeling of grief, hopelessness etc can totally consume you, set in to your body and eat away - I know - but if you reflect on the process of grieving, which I'm now doing, its part of the natural cycle of life, however desperate and painful. I think that transits are often catalysts for change, and when you recognise this, it's a little easier to let go and allow things to wash over you. It will get easier.

These articles might help you gain more understanding (from an astrological POV I mean):

http://erinreese.blogspot.com/2011/1...-soul.html?m=1

http://rubyslipper.ca/2012/02/doorwa...er-depression/

I have Pluto in the 8th in my natal too, and a stellium there. I'm facing a series of pluto transit squares to this stellium, t uranus is opposite my moon, my progressed moon is in scorpio (natal moon in the 8th) and progressed sun is opposite natal saturn, for one. I know how you feel, but you're not alone!

[MJ82]

That progressed moon in Scorpio, it will be having an impact on how you're feeling and thinking. I have my moon in the 8th so it's not completely foreign territory, and transiting saturn in the 8th will throw up these issues for you quite strongly. If you're aware that this is the universe trying to teach you lessons that you can learn, albeit while doing what you need to survive these transits, it can help I find. Otherwise we'd just sink into a very dark and subjective experience. Not the best way.

[Blackempress]

Originally Posted by MJ82

That progressed moon in Scorpio, it will be having an impact on how you're feeling and thinking. I have my moon in the 8th so it's not completely foreign territory, and transiting saturn in the 8th will throw up these issues for you quite strongly. If you're aware that this is the universe trying to teach you lessons that you can learn, albeit while doing what you need to survive these transits, it can help I find. Otherwise we'd just sink into a very dark and subjective experience. Not the best way.

Thank You for the entire response. Feels like 'angelic words' at the moment. I have my Stellium in 8th by whole signs & really FEEL it more appropriate at the moment though I thought I resonated with Equal House better but perhaps your point at Moon in Scorpio could be the reason. I have intense bitterness towards those I feel betrayed (esp family)& a need for vengeance in the way of desertion! Uranus Opp Mars Sq Sun really threw my relationship with father in the air & shattered it beyond repair.

I love Uranus for all it's evil but at times Neptune scares me to delve into drugs/suicide which I try to remain away by staying busy.

I'm glad that we have astrology to understand our situation & more to share them. I had Uranus Opp moon last year & really I was relieved beyond imagination but the Saturn Depression started with the 8th Tr.

I also realised something after posting this thread. I've been into intense psychotherapy with my First-ever therapist (last ever too-ME) & it's been remarkably working like magic! !

Blessings for your way ahead!

[*emma*]

everyone gets them time to time when stressed most of the time its not an option, its actually a sin to not fulfill your potential even if its only 0.000001 per cent of it
ive started desperate threads on there and gone on to delete or edit them next day

we are just frustrated and lost sometimes

suicide can never be an option it harms all our loved ones and thats not what anyone wants

[gen6k]

Neptune makes me get in to drugs as well, but I finally quit drinking. transiting Pluto conjunt Neptune, Pluto opposite Mars in the 12th. When Uranus came along at the 10th and also squared Mars that kind of opened me up to "change". Instead of making it worse.


Now, if you've had this morbidity for a good portion of your life instead of a phase which some of us have. I don't like to recommend these types of treatments, but I think ibogaine TA would really do justice to everything you just mentioned now.

You should watch some videos regarding depression.

If you've had some experience with these types of things then it shouldnt be that difficult if you have "inner willpower". Well if youre an 8th house person then this might be the ultimate 8th plus the most anti-depressant. It actually does act as a potent anti-depressant for months afterwards. Plus the world-view change is phenomenal.

Well I havent done it yet, but its not comparable. Sometimes it shows you your life story, and you can eventually zoom in to any question you have about yourself and answer it with the subconscious.

I was going to take it this month, but I'm going to wait till next month.

[Blackempress]

Thanks!
I have my childhood traumas to resolve but I'm very much a 8th H person which means self sufficient. I learnt to heal n counsel from my own life but it's my own restricted position in terms of (odds in the family) that depress me. Uranus wants to liberate but Saturn doesn't let go. (natal)

9/10 dys I'm chirpy n get along fine. Just have to move along with challenges. Was only concerned that I didn't take a serious illness too casually. I'll take on your advises.

[miquar]

Hi Blackempress. These are notes I took from The Inner Sky, by Steven Forrest. They might shed some light on what you've been experiencing.

If Scorpio is to live as if each minute were his last, he must create a perfect alignment between his feelings and his actions, and to achieve that he must destroy whatever walls prevent those feelings from entering consciousness. He must have the courage to feel anything, no matter how terrifying, or what the implications are for his life. In reflecting on death, the Scorpio is able to understand which of his commitments and behaviour patterns are based on the insane assumption that he is physically immortal.

[Blackempress]

Originally Posted by miquar

If Scorpio is to live as if each minute were his last, he must create a perfect alignment between his feelings and his actions, and to achieve that he must destroy whatever walls prevent those feelings from entering consciousness. He must have the courage to feel anything, no matter how terrifying, or what the implications are for his life. In reflecting on death, the Scorpio is able to understand which of his commitments and behaviour patterns are based on the insane assumption that he is physically immortal.

Beautifully stated! I kindda like My Jupiter in Scorpio for the same reason. Thank you for sharing.

[Blackempress]

Originally Posted by *emma*

everyone gets them time to time when stressed most of the time its not an option, its actually a sin to not fulfill your potential even if its only 0.000001 per cent of it
ive started desperate threads on there and gone on to delete or edit them next day

we are just frustrated and lost sometimes

suicide can never be an option it harms all our loved ones and thats not what anyone wants

Suicide ideally shouldn't be an option & struggle is part of life. More for some than others. But there's a purpose for us all & I really agree with you!

[Judy_AzVirgo]

Sending sympathetic vibes... or at least giving it a try!

You've had such a lot of ouchy transit activity... still going through a lot of it. So there's likely to be a combination of things going on to get you into this state, rather than just one. One that hasn't been mentioned yet is your Mercury-Uranus opposition being squared by transit Neptune in your 12th. Gloomy. I hope the posters can help you shed some light on this thing... astrologically, that's what will probably do you the most good, given your chart.

You take good care of yourself, young lady!

[miquar]

You're welcome - they're Forrest's words/phrases. The Inner Sky is the one of the best books I've seen for understanding the signs. The other is Barriers and Boundaries, by Greene.

[poyi]

Originally Posted by miquar

If Scorpio is to live as if each minute were his last, he must create a perfect alignment between his feelings and his actions, and to achieve that he must destroy whatever walls prevent those feelings from entering consciousness. He must have the courage to feel anything, no matter how terrifying, or what the implications are for his life. In reflecting on death, the Scorpio is able to understand which of his commitments and behaviour patterns are based on the insane assumption that he is physically immortal.

As a Scorpio, I often think I might not live tomorrow or even next mintue as you already mentioned. So I decided to be honest to myself and to others. I don't like to waste time and regret later on.

I have one simple goal: Lives life With No Regret.

[MJ82]

Hang in there Blackempress! And always share your struggles with someone, make sure to reach out, you're a beautiful person

[Blackempress]

Originally Posted by Judy_AzVirgo

You've had such a lot of ouchy transit activity... still going through a lot of it. So there's likely to be a combination of things going on to get you into this state, rather than just one. One that hasn't been mentioned yet is your Mercury-Uranus opposition being squared by transit Neptune in your 12th. Gloomy. I hope the posters can help you shed some light on this thing... astrologically, that's what will probably do you the most good, given your chart.

You take good care of yourself, young lady!

Thank you so much! Nice to have your word here. You mean to say there's more?
That which you mentioned is Mid-point Venus-Uranus Sq Neptune? (Sorry I'm not good on transits..sigh).
I think the chunk of it is coming from the Pluto in 10th & Neptune to side it. I'm working but frustrated feeling like someone's holding me down no matter which direction I try taking with my career.
I'm gonna look into this Neptune transit if I find something. Uranus isn't bothering me even at the cost of the Sq Sun. I'm enjoying my freedom/ renewal. The Uranus-Mars has kicked my (Idiotic) mars to be assertive instead of people pleasing. But 8th Saturn is creating some issues.

Your sympathetic vibes were very effective. Ty!

[Blackempress]

Originally Posted by miquar

You're welcome - they're Forrest's words/phrases. The Inner Sky is the one of the best books I've seen for understanding the signs. The other is Barriers and Boundaries, by Greene.

I'm definitely getting my hands on these two authors/books!

Originally Posted by poyi

I have one simple goal: Lives life With No Regret.

I'd have it no other way!

Originally Posted by MJ82

Hang in there Blackempress! And always share your struggles with someone, make sure to reach out, you're a beautiful person

It's beautiful people like you who make everything so much better!
Blessings lovely Lady!

[wintersprite1]

A non Astrological link to The Depression, Bipolar Support Alliance Depression that leads to suicidal thoughts are often organic chemical issues. Anyone feeling such would benefit from visiting this website. There is a suicide prevention phone number available, and there are chapters in about every state. These are wonderful people that also suffer from depression that run the chapters and volunteer for the group, so they do understand. It is important to remind yourself during a low time that it will pass, just hold on to who will really loose once you are gone... those are your life preservers.

TK

[poyi]

When you have suicidal thoughts, especially when you have actual planning involvement, that is the very clear indication that this suicidal thought can be manifested to actual act.

According to Australian study, 1in 4 people will experience Depression sometime in their life. It is far more common. And people that seems bright and laugh in the public are the worst and most serious type. They pretend and hide it so well that even the closest family, friends and lovers would have no idea about it. Depression might also be hidden into unconsciousness mind by the native also.

The one talking about his/her own depression is closer to be cured. But the one never talks about it that is always the one that will kill he or herself and shocks everyone by surprise.

Talking about your concern and issues are the sign of recognition of the problem by the rational mind. To start the healing process, one must first recognized the wound and issues with their consciousness mind and rationalize it in words.

Once you are able to rationalize the issue in words then there is hope.

So talking to someone is to help yourself. It is perfectly healthy to express that you need help. This is the act of the beginning of self-empowerment.