I have a dliemma here...I just need your honest opinions

[dominique]

I'm in love with one guy I will call him chart A but he won't commit. Chart B is willing to commit but I don't love him and we really don't get along, but we have a child together. My son is now 11 and his father hasn't been around since he was a baby and now he wants to try to make it work again. He's very agressive and like to push is authority around and this annoys me, and he's really judgemental and I hate that, but I feel like being with him would be the right thing to do for my son. I want him to be happy. My friend's opinion was to not settle which is what I will be doing if I was to be with my child's father (Chart B). The other guy (Chart A) we have great chemistry and we get along just fine, but he won't commit to me, he always says that he's afraid that I will hurt him, like I did before. I understand his concerns but I'm not the same person I was 5years ago when I hurt him. He's constantly saying he want's to be with me, I'm a good woman, etc, etc. But yet he won't commit because he's afraid he'll look like a fool. Really I'm ready for a relationship I want to settle down and create a family and (Chart B) is offering me that, but (Chart A) isn't. My biggest fear is that once I commit to (Chart B) there is really no chance for me with (Chart A) because my mind will be made up and I will follow through with my decision. I'm afraid that once I do this I might end up living in regret because I missed out on a chance to be with someone who I am really in love with. I don't want to wish I would've been a little more patient and understanding. Please understand I don't expect you to solve my problems for me, I will not take your advice and hold it as the ultimate truth. I know that we all have freedom to choose our paths in life and nothing is set in stone, I just would like an honest assestment of the two Charts A & B compared to my (Chart c) to see from an astrological prospective which person would be the best choice. Ultimately I will make my own decision, but I would just like different points of views. Even if you have an opinion that's not based on the charts that would be helpful. Thank you in advance whoever decides to entertain my question.

CHART A: http://www.astro.com/tmpd/cdndfilesZ...1952.42405.gif

CHART B: http://www.astro.com/tmpd/cdndfilesZ...2067.47423.gif

CHART C: http://www.astro.com/tmpd/cdndfilesZ...2188.52219.gif

COMPOSITES:
CHART A & C: http://www.astro.com/tmpd/cdndfilesZ...2385.60702.gif

CHART B & C: http://www.astro.com/tmpd/cdndfilesZ...2465.31307.gif

[JUPITERASC]

Originally Posted by dominique

I'm in love with one guy I will call him chart A but he won't commit. Chart B is willing to commit but I don't love him and we really don't get along, but we have a child together. My son is now 11 and his father hasn't been around since he was a baby and now he wants to try to make it work again. He's very agressive and like to push is authority around and this annoys me, and he's really judgemental and I hate that, but I feel like being with him would be the right thing to do for my son. I want him to be happy. My friend's opinion was to not settle which is what I will be doing if I was to be with my child's father (Chart B). The other guy (Chart A) we have great chemistry and we get along just fine, but he won't commit to me, he always says that he's afraid that I will hurt him, like I did before. I understand his concerns but I'm not the same person I was 5years ago when I hurt him. He's constantly saying he want's to be with me, I'm a good woman, etc, etc. But yet he won't commit because he's afraid he'll look like a fool. Really I'm ready for a relationship I want to settle down and create a family and (Chart B) is offering me that, but (Chart A) isn't. My biggest fear is that once I commit to (Chart B) there is really no chance for me with (Chart A) because my mind will be made up and I will follow through with my decision. I'm afraid that once I do this I might end up living in regret because I missed out on a chance to be with someone who I am really in love with. I don't want to wish I would've been a little more patient and understanding. Please understand I don't expect you to solve my problems for me, I will not take your advice and hold it as the ultimate truth. I know that we all have freedom to choose our paths in life and nothing is set in stone, I just would like an honest assestment of the two Charts A & B compared to my (Chart c) to see from an astrological prospective which person would be the best choice. Ultimately I will make my own decision, but I would just like different points of views. Even if you have an opinion that's not based on the charts that would be helpful. Thank you in advance whoever decides to entertain my question.

Fwiw dominique:

So you would consider a “relationship” with a guy who (a) annoys you, who (b) throws his weight around and with whom you (c ) “don't really get along” because he is so "judgmental" and all because (d ) you think that would “be the right thing to do” to “make your son happy”?

Your son is 11 and after another four/five years IF he is not interested in school, could be thinking of maybe finding work and moving away from home... leaving you "doing the right thing" with a dude who throws his weight around and annoys you by being judgemental!

Alternatively, although the other 'dude A' won't “commit” consider that if you choose to remain with him on an informal basis at least you shall be with someone you feel emotionally bonded with and perhaps you shall therefore feel happier and that could influence the atmosphere at home by encouraging a more relaxed atmosphere... who knows...

Your son is unfamiliar with his biological father because he has not shared a home with him and may have an idealized image of him. Your son might be unhappy to watch his father throwing his weight around and annoying you! Your son may not appreciate judgmental comments aimed at him either.

Also why has the annoying judgmental dude chart B suddenly returned? Has he been dumped by someone?

[Mandy]

Jesus. NO. If you get back together with Chart B you are digging a grave for you AND your son. Dont let YOUR desire for commitment lead you into thinking that any commitment is good. Your babyfather is the kind of man I would RUN from. I talk from experience. The result is obsession, aggression, the wrong kind of judgement that's forced upon you, with the aim to bring you down to their level. It will mess with you self-esteem. Should this happen to you, obviously it will affect your son and your future relationships. Do you want to give this man the power to do that, when you already know he cannot be trusted to treat you properly? You're not taking a risk there; its a sure thing. In fact, if I may, the fact that you're even considering this suggests to me that your self-esteem has been damaged. Making yourself vulnerable to more damage, with the perpetraitor, is not going to repair it.

Anyway, keep it simple. Eliminate the babyfather from the equation. With his behaviour, he lost his voice a long time ago. He can see his son when the court decides. You're in love (and how wonderful!) with someone who doesnt want to commit to you. What are you going to do about that, is the only question. Obviously, you've done some wrong there...so maybe he's worth the wait. BUT be careful there too. You dont want him using you till he finds someone "better" who he can trust. Even there, there has to be a decision eventually. Is he going to forgive you or not? What is he saying on the matter?

[VestaMoon]

Your chart .gifs have expired so it is impossible to base this is astrology... but do NOT commit to your father's son just because he wants to get back in your life and the man you love doesn't want to "commit". You do not love him, based on his past behavior you can't trust him, and all you will be teaching your son is how to live in misery.

There are different levels and means of commitment and maybe it would be better to ponder what it means to you and what aspects of commitment you feel you need and aren't getting?

If you think of "commitment" as marriage alone, there are lots of men who are willing to put a ring on a woman's finger and then cheat on her and treat her like dirt -- but they are "committed"!

On the other hand, there are men who are "commitment-shy" who are far more loyal, loving, supportive, etc. than the man who "commits" easily. A man who takes his promises very seriously may not make many or make them easily.

[dominique]

Originally Posted by JUPITERASC

Fwiw dominique:

So you would consider a “relationship” with a guy who (a) annoys you, who (b) throws his weight around and with whom you (c ) “don't really get along” because he is so "judgmental" and all because (d ) you think that would “be the right thing to do” to “make your son happy”?

Your son is 11 and after another four/five years IF he is not interested in school, could be thinking of maybe finding work and moving away from home... leaving you "doing the right thing" with a dude who throws his weight around and annoys you by being judgemental!

Alternatively, although the other 'dude A' won't “commit” consider that if you choose to remain with him on an informal basis at least you shall be with someone you feel emotionally bonded with and perhaps you shall therefore feel happier and that could influence the atmosphere at home by encouraging a more relaxed atmosphere... who knows...

Your son is unfamiliar with his biological father because he has not shared a home with him and may have an idealized image of him. Your son might be unhappy to watch his father throwing his weight around and annoying you! Your son may not appreciate judgmental comments aimed at him either.

Also why has the annoying judgmental dude chart B suddenly returned? Has he been dumped by someone?

Thank you so much for your opinion. Everything you said is what I am actually thinking and feeling right now and to hear it from someone else confirms my intuition.

[JUPITERASC]

Originally Posted by dominique

Thank you so much for your opinion. Everything you said is what I am actually thinking and feeling right now and to hear it from someone else confirms my intuition.

Relationships are a complicated mix dominique so I am glad that my comments have proved of use to you and I wish you the best regarding your future experiences in relation to this matter

[dominique]

Originally Posted by Mandy

Jesus. NO. If you get back together with Chart B you are digging a grave for you AND your son. Dont let YOUR desire for commitment lead you into thinking that any commitment is good. Your babyfather is the kind of man I would RUN from. I talk from experience. The result is obsession, aggression, the wrong kind of judgement that's forced upon you, with the aim to bring you down to their level. It will mess with you self-esteem. Should this happen to you, obviously it will affect your son and your future relationships. Do you want to give this man the power to do that, when you already know he cannot be trusted to treat you properly? You're not taking a risk there; its a sure thing. In fact, if I may, the fact that you're even considering this suggests to me that your self-esteem has been damaged. Making yourself vulnerable to more damage, with the perpetraitor, is not going to repair it.

Anyway, keep it simple. Eliminate the babyfather from the equation. With his behaviour, he lost his voice a long time ago. He can see his son when the court decides. You're in love (and how wonderful!) with someone who doesnt want to commit to you. What are you going to do about that, is the only question. Obviously, you've done some wrong there...so maybe he's worth the wait. BUT be careful there too. You dont want him using you till he finds someone "better" who he can trust. Even there, there has to be a decision eventually. Is he going to forgive you or not? What is he saying on the matter?

Thanks for the wake up call. The red flags are there but yet I'm ignoring them because of who he is. You are right i am now getting my confidence back because for so long I did not like myself and never considered myself to be beautiful and that all stemed from my childhood experiences my babyfather included, and now he wants to come back and i'm allowing him to because of my sense of duty to my son. I want him to have his mother and father in his life like I did as a child and it's really tearing me up. And regaurding the other guy chart A i'm not quite sure yet what to do about him, but I know it's been 5 years and he's a scorpio and I know it's hard for them to forgive and forget. I've been somewhat patient but really I haven't we've been playing this back and fourth game for too long. I will leave because i'm not patient enough and he'll come back looking for me declaring his love. Emotionally it's just too painful because the love I have for him is so intense and deep I've never felt like this for any other man. Maybe cause his sun fall's into my 7th house and his saturn conjuncts my venus and moon. Who knows. Thanks for your insights. I really appreciate you taking the time out to offer your advice.

[dominique]

Originally Posted by VestaMoon

Your chart .gifs have expired so it is impossible to base this is astrology... but do NOT commit to your father's son just because he wants to get back in your life and the man you love doesn't want to "commit". You do not love him, based on his past behavior you can't trust him, and all you will be teaching your son is how to live in misery.

There are different levels and means of commitment and maybe it would be better to ponder what it means to you and what aspects of commitment you feel you need and aren't getting?

If you think of "commitment" as marriage alone, there are lots of men who are willing to put a ring on a woman's finger and then cheat on her and treat her like dirt -- but they are "committed"!

On the other hand, there are men who are "commitment-shy" who are far more loyal, loving, supportive, etc. than the man who "commits" easily. A man who takes his promises very seriously may not make many or make them easily.

I really appreciate the advice that you have given me. I never thought about our relationship in that way. When I think commitment I think marriage, a ring and the whole 9 yards. But when I actually think about it he doesn't promise anything that he is not willing to give. But he has made it clear that he loves me and he is commited to me in a sense and has been for a very long time. He's always asking what more do I want for him. I just never really thought about it from that perspective. Thanks again. Also here is a copy of our charts again. Hope this helps