Why do I feel like this?

[Rebel Uranian]

The good news is that I don't feel depressed any more. I have nothing to be depressed about. I have nothing to feel happy or sad or mad about. I have nothing that makes me want to live and nothing that makes me want to die either. I feel like I'm worthless and that everything is worthless. I'd much rather be depressed, because this new thing is bizarre and unbearable. Does anyone have any idea what this feeling that everything is worthless and meaningless is?

[Choe]

Originally Posted by Rebel Uranian

The good news is that I don't feel depressed any more. I have nothing to be depressed about. I have nothing to feel happy or sad or mad about. I have nothing that makes me want to live and nothing that makes me want to die either. I feel like I'm worthless and that everything is worthless. I'd much rather be depressed, because this new thing is bizarre and unbearable. Does anyone have any idea what this feeling that everything is worthless and meaningless is?

It's called depression, in my book of experience. Or lethargy more accurately. Isn't lethargy same or similar to depression? I think it is. I think it's even worse than depression.

[Moog]

What you've described sounds a bit like Anhedonia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia

Meditation helped me.

[Rebel Uranian]

I looked up lethargy. The first definition is sleepiness, and the second is indifferentness. Indifferentness is exactly what this is. I would not say that this is at all like depression. Depression is anger turned inward. I have nothing to feel angry about anymore. How do I fix this?

@Moog - It does sound a little like that, but I'm not sure if I qualify for a disease yet.

[Moog]

You have to get a doctor to qualify you for a disease. Simply having a disease isn't qualification, apparently. I'm finding out.

"When I'm lying in my bed,
I think about life and I think about death
And neither one particularly
appeals to me"

I hope you get over it

[Choe]

Originally Posted by Rebel Uranian

I looked up lethargy. The first definition is sleepiness, and the second is indifferentness. Indifferentness is exactly what this is. I would not say that this is at all like depression. Depression is anger turned inward. I have nothing to feel angry about anymore. How do I fix this?

depression: "a serious medical condition in which a person feels very sad, hopeless, and unimportant and often is unable to live in a normal way"

It's funny how they say "normal way"! Just like that. Normal barely exists imao.

I'm sometimes nihilist.

RU, I think it might be indifference,yes.

[Mark]

Rebel Uranian: This is a normal process of development for someone of your age and persuasion. You could go to a doctor, but I wouldn't recommend it just yet. You need to go to a doctor if you become dangerous to yourself or others, but not until then. Doctors are paid to give quick diagnoses and quick treatments (have you ever met a doctor who wasn't busy?), so you can't really trust that the doctor is doing what should be done. There are too many mistakes made for the sake of convenience and expedience. Anyway, you are not the first to experience such things. It is a kind of depression that occurs because you see nothing of value in the world. It can become a problem if it persists for years, but this, as a short-term experience, is normal for your age.

The problem is caused by the fact that what you find meaningful seems to be absent from the world in which you live. So, the solution is to find meaning in new ways and places. It isn't something you can force, but it is something you can contemplate. Think your way through it and your unconscious mind will adjust itself to your new perspectives as you go. It is much, much better for this process to take place naturally (without putting foreign substances into your body). Be patient with yourself and don't expect long-term problems to disappear overnight. You are, after all, the patient in this scenario.

[waybread]

Rebel Uranian, two of the best cures for feeling worthless are to:

(a) do something for people (or a family member) less fortunate than yourself. Volunteer if you can. If you can't you may have an ageing family member who would love to get more visits or messages from you. Just volunteer to read to people in your local nursing homes, or get involved with a service-oriented youth group.

(b) Set yourself some goals about something you are passionate about. Just for example, you might start training to run a marathon; or sign up for an on-line course in traditional astrology with a certificate exam. Start reading charts for other people in distress. Even if your reading is off, you can make someone's day by stating something positive that you see in their chart.

I think Mark has given you a major over-generalization about doctors! Sure, they're busy, but some do take the time to listen. Having said that, I recall my own teen-age years as having a lot of sad times. Two things that got me through were playing a musical instrument, and my love of the Great Outdoors. Nature may be dangerous at times, but it is always beautiful and faithful in its own impersonal way.

Just now Pluto is hitting your grand cross. He asks for profound personal transformation, and is seldom gentle about it.

[Ion]

Originally Posted by Rebel Uranian

The good news is that I don't feel depressed any more. I have nothing to be depressed about. I have nothing to feel happy or sad or mad about. I have nothing that makes me want to live and nothing that makes me want to die either. I feel like I'm worthless and that everything is worthless. I'd much rather be depressed, because this new thing is bizarre and unbearable. Does anyone have any idea what this feeling that everything is worthless and meaningless is?

This is an 'opinion' , based upon personal experience , and an opinion shared by 'advanced' (?) yogis and spiritual types :
Astrology can lead one to 'liberation' . . . freedom from 'want' and material madness . . . .
the realization that 'things' (meaning material things) are worthless can be interpreted to mean that 'material distractions' can disrupt our path to liberation.
Why ? The underpinning of the philosophy is that we human beings are actually 'spiritual essences' navigating through eternity . . . . and we can and often do 'get stuck' by our material desires . . . material desires REQUIRE that we have a 'sense based' vehicle (a body) in-order to experience the results of our 'wanting' . . . . and this 'wanting' typically' produces 'bondage' .

My suggestion to to find 'something' (i.e., liberation - a non-material 'thing') as most valuable . . . . so we can accelerate our deliverance.

Perhaps you are just 'done with' this plane of existence . .. so am I !

best regards ,
Ion

[Raquel]

How long are you feeling like this?

[Mandy]

Yep, agree with Mark and waybread. You sound like you're skirting on an existential crisis. Good times. I have no advice to offer other than to say this is something you just have to ride out. You know the answer, but you have to develop trust and courage in yourself to practice it. YOU ARE THE MEANING. In the mean time, can I interest you in some visuals?

"If you knew who walks beside you on this path that you have chosen, fear would be impossible." -A Course in Miracles

[Yuusha]

It is perfectly ok to have an existential crisis where you feel like life lacks meaning, Rebel Uranian.

I sometimes feel that way, and thus far, talking to understanding people, drinking St. John's Wort occasionally, preparing a recipe and doing martial arts all help me refocus my energies.

I understand how you feel, the world we live in has not really equipped people to find meaning in their lives.

You'll have to figure out what you want to do in life and how you'll go about it.

I have some goals in life, but sometimes I worry about how I'm going to accomplish them.

[lazarusx]

Originally Posted by Mandy

I have no advice to offer other than to say this is something you just have to ride out. You know the answer, but you have to develop trust and courage in yourself to practice it. YOU ARE THE MEANING.

Spot on, thanks for sharing.

I've been going through what i would refer to as the 'limbo' zone for some years now, it's a hard place to be in.. you know you can't go back to how you were before but you don't even know how to begin to move forward. In my own life the experience of meaninglessness within everything is a period where you are forced to become intimate with yourself on the most fundamental level.. to develop true faith in yourself, you can no longer look for external means in which to guide you through life.. the responsibility of your existence falls directly on you and it's only you that can define it.

Ultimately there is no meaning apart from what you give; if there were.. you would be deprived of your absolute freedom of being.

[Rebel Uranian]

I'm going to respond to all the messages I can here but not explicitly direct any of it to anyone.

I've been feeling like this for a couple of days. It's been throbbing a little but I've never been normal. All sorts of terrible things could happen and I'd be apathetic. I'd wish I could be sympathetic but I couldn't, although some moments would be better than others. It's rather unnerving. All advice given here is good, but I don't think this derangement is some type of spiritual advancement, it's just derangement. I looked this up on the Internet a little and a lot of people are like "I want to die." I responded "lucky, I wished I wanted to die, at least life would have meaning." I examined things closer and this derangement has been building up for a while, and I wouldn't say that I just started skirting on an existential crisis. The skirting has been going on for a while and this is the full-blown thing. Following passions isn't going to do anything, nor are doctors or "foreign substances." This is severe indifference and I hope it gets better but it doesn't look like it is. I'm in the same derangement (look up "derangement" if you're wondering) as I type this. The whole "freedom of being" thing sounds like a rip-off, because I don't want to be, much less be free. As I said, this doesn't seem like anything spiritual or any advanced state of being, just derangement to me.

[waybread]

Rebel Uranian, this thread is one reason why I stick to my belief that Pluto has real meaning in chart interpretation. (And special chart formations, as well.)

You have a grand cross (grand square) in your chart, which is a big challenge you were born with. Just now Pluto is activating it the way a spider pouncing on a fly on one strand of its web gets the whole web to vibrate.

Pluto is all about the existential Dark Night of the Soul. It is all about gazing into the utter futility of human life. It is about seeing no reason to live. Pluto says, "Yes-- the cosmos is laughing at you." In mythology Pluto was the god of the underworld, who ruled over the dead. Resistance is futile.

So welcome to tough Pluto transits! In modern astrology, each planet has a constructive and destructive nature. You experience the destructive side. The constructive side is that Pluto is all about profound transformation. Now is the time to clean up or throw out anything metaphorically dead or dying in your life. Outworn habits, negative friendships, junk that you don't need, you name it.

Pluto works like the seasons. In autumn and winter, the old growth dies off so that something new and flourishing can take its place. What this will be you don't yet know, but you have to toss out the detritus before it will have space to live.

Lazarusx and Mandy have given you great advice. There is no "meaning to life" out there. You create whatever meaning you choose to give your life. As my refrigerator magnet puts it, "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

And hey-- have some fun with it!

Above all, try to do something worthwhile for other people-- not because they need your help, but because you will benefit from getting out of your head occasionally. Set yourself a goal that is way bigger than anything you think you can do. The universe notices when you risk something by getting out of your comfort zone.

[Raquel]

You made me remmember an album title "alive or just breathing"

To me that's an emotional death...
There's nothing we can do about emotions or the lack of it. Because these are things we just can not control.
Wait, and learn through it... you'll reborn.

[Rebel Uranian]

@waybread - That's Saturn to me, minus a couple of things. But Pluto is great too. If we can reach correct conclusions, it doesn't matter how.

@Raquel - OK.

Originally Posted by Roy

oh i'm sorry you asked why, i thought this was a game, looking for the word and stuff

the year card for your life is the Hermit, people usually get depressed when this card comes about because it forces them to look within themselves, looking at the truth objectively, most people are not pleased

funny how we can predict stuff, thinking we have a choice

Men plan, God laughs

lalala

You mean for this year or for my whole life based on the year I was born? I'm thinking the latter...

@Everyone - Good advice, good advice (mostly.)

[Raquel]

Astrologically I agree it's Saturn causing you this... It's just a phase... have faith.

[Rebel Uranian]

If it's just a phase, then it's been quite a long one (this indifferentness being just another step.) Plus, Saturn is leaving transits to planets by sign, not entering them by degree... It's only squaring Sun and Jupiter now...

[waybread]

Actually, it could be Saturn come to think of it. It's now hitting your Chiron ("where it hurts") and squaring your sun, but there's a difference between it and Pluto. Of course, a double-whammy doesn't help.

Transiting Saturn is Doctor Reality Check. It runs a diagnostic on your life. If people haven't faced reality-as-is, (not reality-as-wished-for,) Saturn shows you up. Saturn asks for ground-truthing in your life. At a middle age level, Saturn gets into our finances, our bill-payments, and reaping what we sow in personal relationships. Saturn demands hard work, patience, and resourcefulness.

Pluto runs deeper than that. It asks you, "Why are you on the planet?" Pluto says, "Life is inherently meaningless." Pluto sweeps away Saturn's reality. One can keep the bills paid and relationships steady, and Pluto can show all of this to be meaningless. An analogy would be someone who did everything correctly (Saturn) only to have all of her material belongings and loved ones swept away by a tsunami (Pluto).

Either way, resistance is futile. However, these transits go best if we try to manifest the postive facets of these planets in our lives.

Saturn's rewards typically come about later in life. Save money now (when you can't even think about old age,) and it will nevertheless multiply for your retirement (just one example). Pluto rewards with a kind of warts-and-all maturity. It may not be pretty, but one would never go back to the naive personality that one had prior to the Pluto transit.

[Mark]

Rebel Uranian: So, what makes you both indifferent and over-the-top melodramatic? You probably don't see this melodrama from your side, but it is certainly there. You assume that your life will always be as it is right now. That's one of those habits that the Universe loves to break for you. Forced introspection is uncomfortable for most, but it is only forced because you didn't do it on your own (introspection is one of my hobbies). It's not as much of a decision at your age, though. This is the kick-off event of a life-long pattern (and it won't always be so troublesome). I can tell you this much. If you don't get the message from these experiences, they will happen again and again throughout your life. You can take a spiritual or psychological perspective on that one, but it is true either way. By "getting the message," you will naturally (and unconsciously) start drawing to yourself the next step of development, rather than repeating this step over and over. This can be thought of as karma, lessons, or simply development that was intended for this lifetime. As inferred by others, the only thing you can effectively do at this point is learn about yourself.

Nothing is louder than silence.

[Rebel Uranian]

@waybread - By my definitions of planets, Saturn does what you said Pluto does. Saturn is responsible for melancholia, nihilism, skepticism, and all sorts of crazy things.

@Mark - So your definition of melodrama is: "assuming life will always be as it is." That's not mine. I'm also obviously not totally indifferent or I wouldn't be able to post this. I've had pretty much total indifference happen a few times since the first, but not all the time. However, normality has never returned.

I also don't mind if I'm forced to introspect because I'm fine doing it anyways. Just because someone is forced to do something doesn't mean they wouldn't do it anyways. To make a fallacious analogy for you, a horse is forced to run, but it'd run anyways.

[Rebel Uranian]

Who decided this whole Tarot thing?

The Empress:

"Some recurring keywords are:

• Mothering (!!!) ----- Fertility ----- Sexuality ----- Abundance

• Material prosperity ----- Pleasure ----- Comfort ----- Power

• Nature (what kind of nature?) ----- Delight ----- Desire ----- Physical attraction

• Health ----- Sensuality ----- Beauty ----- Satisfaction

"

(Actually, I could've bolded all of that to emphasize all of it...)

Go read this, especially all the "woah, you're a girl?!?!"s. Also read about me being depressed, which actually started with me denying other people's comments that I'm depressed (I'm actually not sure that much of it happened here.) I always feel like the Hermit or something. I mean for a few years. i.e. (this happened a couple years ago) *someone curses* *everyone laughs but me because I take it too seriously* random person: "wow, you're so mature" me: *wants to talk but feels blocked and can't think of anything* person: *gets bored*

Basically, I don't think this works. The Empress sounds like some sort of superficial Venus thing.

[JUPITERASC]

Originally Posted by Rebel Uranian

The good news is that I don't feel depressed any more. I have nothing to be depressed about. I have nothing to feel happy or sad or mad about. I have nothing that makes me want to live and nothing that makes me want to die either. I feel like I'm worthless and that everything is worthless. I'd much rather be depressed, because this new thing is bizarre and unbearable. Does anyone have any idea what this feeling that everything is worthless and meaningless is?

One of the reasons life could seem meaningless and worthless is because everything in life is transient so the lack of reliability or permanence leads to feelings that life is somehow - in general - unsatisfactory.

We like the security of permanence and often feel unsettled by change – but we want unpleasant experiences to end, although at the same time, we want pleasant experiences to continue.

However, ironically, we feel more settled when we accept change because everything is transient including feelings and in common with everything in life, feelings change. That's not unusual

Rebel Uranian, currently, you have become aware that your feelings have changed from depression to detachment - if you continue observing your feelings you'll notice the frequent changes

[Rebel Uranian]

Originally Posted by Roy

hmm, The Empress, mothering, giving birth to children, if not children then ideas.. right, creation and stuff, whos idea was it to create a traditional astrology section, you right

hmm, i have a book with this stuff if you want to know more

I do want to know more, but that sounds like a stretch of the concept. You're either interested in giving birth to children or you're not. If we stretch it to ideas, then the definition becomes too vague and comes to encompass the whole worlds' population and is thus useless. Also, explain all the comfort, material prosperity, physical attraction, etc. junk please. Last/this Christmas I said I didn't want any more junk. Someone accused me of being the Grinch. It can't get any less Venus-esque Empress than that.