What is wrong with me?

[Rebel Uranian]

OK, there is something mentally wrong with me. That's true of everyone, I just want to know what is wrong with me. I've been told quite a few times that I have distorted perceptions but I can't perceive my own perceptions (yet.) There is a link to my chart in my signature.

[sandstone]

rebel, you are barely 15.. would you rather have something wrong with you then right with you? maybe you can take a little bit of both, but then i suppose that would be a bit too normal for ya... it is natural to go through phases of doubt and questioning.. it would be healthy for older folks to do this too, but they often stiffin up and try to bury it... i think you need to chill out - live life away from the computer a bit more.. go for walks.. get more physical exercise..i think you're being spun around by your little chit chat brain a bit too much, kinda like the kid that goes on the merry go round and gets dizzy..

[Rebel Uranian]

I usually exercise for at least 45 minutes a day (longer than that most weeks,) today I only got 30. I do some seriously crazy stuff sometimes and I do it much more often than I'm comfortable with. 99% of the time I'm so stoic people complain, the other 1% of the time is pretty psychotic. I hate it, and 1% is a lot more than you think. Walk carelessly on a suspended surface with 99% stability, and likely you'll fall to your doom. I'd rather not have anything diagnosed wrong with me so I can stay out of insane asylums or wherever, but I want to know what the cause of my problems is so I can try to fix it.

[sandstone]

what do you parents say? have you talked to them about your thoughts on this?

[Rebel Uranian]

They're the primary ones who are wondering what's wrong with me (besides me myself.) If I talk to them about it, they won't do anything except reprimand me some more. Astrologically, I have a bunch of crazy aspects and I want to resolve them.

[sandstone]

i think mercury opp moon in your chart is like a cat chasing it's own tail playing a little game with itself.. i think you need to be working doing something constructive.. i am not sure what it is.. do you cook? learn how to cook.. it is a creative activity.. it will be a distraction from all the mental activity you seem enjoy so much and engage in.. what do you think?

[Rebel Uranian]

Recently I haven't even been doing enough mental activity. I've been doing a lot of busywork for school, but I can't tell what besides that. Heavily afflicted Moon and Mercury are bothersome to me. Mercury is happier but still afflicted. I wish the current transits could be delayed until I'm old and accomplished. At least now I get to be the first person to survive if I do survive.

[sandstone]

don't worry so much.. you'll survive.. i have to sign off here for a while... relax and enjoy yourself and have fun as much as possible.. don't worry about stuff you can't change or that you think your chart tells you.. consider most of what you've learned to date on astrology you may have wrong.. i think you are more all right then wrong, lol.. cheers james

[Rebel Uranian]

I've done plenty of things wrong. You're probably right that I'm probably fine.

[Anachiel]

For what it is worth, you sound fine to me.

[saturnsayshi]

RU, I think mostly what I hated hearing when I was a teenager (and still hate hearing now that I'm in my 20s) is how YOUNG I am, as though nothing I feel should be taken seriously because I'm going to grow out of it. Guess what? I never did. I had health issues that were deemed more mental than physical and were ignored for years by parents/doctors/etc., and now I have to try to go about fixing things that should have been taken seriously a long time ago. I dealt with verbal and physical abuse, I lived with my grandparents and watched them die, I was managing a multi-million dollar company when I was 19. I had my heart broken when I was 20. When I was 22 I went to my first astrology class, only to be told I was a "baby," and was basically dismissed as inconsequential.

I would never, ever tell someone they couldn't understand something because they were too OLD, and I will never assume that because someone is YOUNG their feelings and experiences aren't as valid as mine.

I'm not sure what it is you'll need to do in your life, but whatever you are feeling now is VALID and should be taken seriously and dealt with accordingly. Even if nobody else takes you seriously because of your age, never make the mistake I did and start to believe them.

Good luck and stay strong RU.

[Rebel Uranian]

I'm not 14, I'm Saturnian. The point is, age is irrelevant to me, I know I'm mentally older than I am, and because of some stupid thing about intelligence my parents (at least mom, dad never said anything about it) do too. I know I have something wrong with me (who doesn't have something wrong with them?) and I want it fixed.

[sandstone]

for the record, i take everything rebel u says dead serious.. i find rebel u a brilliant person and i don't really give a rats *** about age either, but since i have had many conversations with them i felt like this was a good time to mention the age thing.. otherwise, i agree with you saturnsayhi. back later..

[saturnsayshi]

Originally Posted by sandstone

for the record, i take everything rebel u says dead serious.. i find rebel u a brilliant person and i don't really give a rats *** about age either, but since i have had many conversations with them i felt like this was a good time to mention the age thing.. otherwise, i agree with you saturnsayhi. back later..

No worries sandstone. I am a newbie here and don't know everyone well yet, so I just have to go with my gut instinct that says that it's nice to be taken seriously even if there isn't an immediate answer/cure/solution.

[MaeMae]

Rebel ~
I am reminded of my younger self by you.
My Moon~Pluto never allowed me to broadcast my concerns without fear of dying, though.
You have 12 active media channels.
This doesn't mean there is anything WRONG you.
You simply havent found a comfortable place for yourself, with yourself.
I'm almost 51 and I'm still figuring it out. But don't be discouraged by this fact. I spent a good 30 years of my adult life trying to fit into others expectations of who I should be. I have a strong Cappy influence.
My suggestion to you is to imagine your end day, looking back on your life, and ask yourself "Whose life did I really live?"
Live accordingly.
It's okay to feel "different, weird, unconventional" but it's more important to be comfortable with it.
Peach trees should never be expected to grow apples.

[tsmall]

I think a better question to ask would be "what is right with me?" The trouble everyone (not just you) seems to have is focusing on what they see needing to be fixed, instead of nurturing what makes them exceptional.

[MaeMae]

Originally Posted by Rebel Uranian

I'm not 14, I'm Saturnian. The point is, age is irrelevant to me, I know I'm mentally older than I am, and because of some stupid thing about intelligence my parents (at least mom, dad never said anything about it) do too. I know I have something wrong with me (who doesn't have something wrong with them?) and I want it fixed.

Age is inconsequential to life experience. Saturnian youth are always more mature in outlook, but the school of life is what earns our degree in wisdom and self~awareness.
Maybe your "problem" is that you have not lived a life of experience and self-awareness, but you want all the answers as if you have?
You are not 14, you are Saturnian?
Ask your Saturn what he would tell a 14 year old is wrong with her.

[MJ82]

Originally Posted by MaeMae

Rebel ~
My suggestion to you is to imagine your end day, looking back on your life, and ask yourself "Whose life did I really live?"
Live accordingly.
It's okay to feel "different, weird, unconventional" but it's more important to be comfortable with it.
Peach trees should never be expected to grow apples.

LOVE this. Very true...

[Ben]

Originally Posted by Rebel Uranian

I'm Saturnian. Age is irrelevant to me. (But) I know I have something wrong with me (who doesn't?) and I want it fixed.

As I have absolutely no knowledge of medical astrology, it would be unethical for me to attempt any kind of astrological analysis on this Board.

However, I'd like the opportunity to do so, Rebel Uranian - So, please will post again on (say) Natal Astrology/Astrology and Psychology.


Ben

[Mark]

Rebel Uranian: Where do you get your idea of what you should be? Everyone else? As you said yourself, though in more forgiving terms, everyone is broken and blinded in their own way. There is no such thing as a truly sane person. In fact, given that we live in this world full of screaming idiots, you have to be a little insane to be a truthful, right-thinking person. Earth itself might be compared to an insane asylum that is run by the inmates. If you're the only sane one in the room, the rest will turn against you for being different. That's where your anxiety over this observation originates.

You aren't supposed to be like them. You are feeling these things right now because this is the time in your life when you are supposed to wake up and define yourself. Most people will focus on seeking what they want and avoiding what they don't want. Thus, they are defined by the situations and people around them. They have given the helm of their minds to others. This isn't good enough for you. If it was, you wouldn't be feeling like this. You need to define yourself for yourself and to hell with what anyone else thinks you should be. Be resilient, intelligent, and determined in the ways you see are right.

All my life there has been one principle above all else that I have respected. Perhaps it should have been Love, but it wasn't (though it is no different). For me, it was Truth. No matter what anyone thinks, says, or believes; even if the entire world were to collectively agree on a mistake, the Truth is unchanged. There is fact and I can reach it as long as I ignore everyone else's criticism. Let them seek the things they want. You must seek the things that you want.

These are the principles that I have found by my own sweat and tears: Love, Peace, and Truth. Christians refer to these as the "Father, Son, and Holy Ghost." The real punch is that all three of these are the same thing: Oneness. The Love is in the doing. The Peace is in the being. The Truth is in the seeing. These are the things I have sought out for myself because these are the best principles I can imagine. I haven't always thought the way I do now and it would be strange if I did. You also shall change many times, so it is your responsibility to guide yourself ever closer to what you see in yourself is right and correct. Remember that no matter how you change, nor how many times, you will always be you. Be the best you that you can be.

P.S. Forget the astrology on this one. This is so straight-forward and simple that astrology can only mess it up. You don't have to be told how to be you.

[StillOne]

RebelU, when the forum was down I thought quite a bit about this post. I think you're very advanced for your age. It's really great to see that you're researching, pondering, questioning. It also seems that you might be frustrated. Frustrated that all your research hasn't provided you with the answer. What are you trying to figure out? What are you looking for? Meaning perhaps? Aren't we all on this forum...

This forum is, in my opinion, one of the more progressive places to be to contemplate purpose and find meaning. I really have to commend you as your search has taken you far. You are already very advanced in your deliniations, much more so than some members twice your age here. That's the thing, there are members here that are much older than you that are here questioning and searching just like you.

However, The truth is that no one knows what the purpose of life is and that's frustrating. There are thousands of religions and philosophies about the meaning of life and that only further proves that no one knows why we're here. There are wars over who is right which is contrary to most of their fundamental beliefs... Very sad is the state of humanity at the moment I feel.

My advice is to seek your own purpose here. Cultivate your deepest passions early if you know them. If you don't, then figure out what they are as soon as you can and get going. Use your natural talents for good and help people if possible. That gives some of the deepest satisfaction.

Ps. I know you're a musician. Being a rebel musician is really cool!

From (Still) one rebel uranian to another...

[♥♥♥]

energyremoved

[Rebel Uranian]

I think I'm getting it figured out. Looking at it astrologically still makes it more interesting, but I'm not quite there yet.

[miquar]

Hi Rebel Uranian. With your Sun and Saturn making so many aspects to outer planets, your sense of individuality is being pulled in all directions. Despite you being old for your years, many of your piers may still seem more settled in themselves than you are at any given age. But being challenged to channel so much collective energy through your ego, I think you need to focus on building a sense of distinct individuality, perhaps finding relatively superficial outlets for the outer planet energies for the time being - almost paying lip service to them while you anchor your consciousness in a strong sense of self.

A couple of things perhaps to mention about this strong sense of self (forgive me if I'm stating the obvious). Firstly, a strong sense of self is very different to a forceful or determined personality, which can be merely a brittle shell with little density further in. Secondly that Moon in water is looking awfully lonely over there on the descendant and probably being ganged up on by Saturn Mars and Mercury - without a good connection to your Moon, the world will seem a frustrating and desolate place.

I would try to take the self that you have arrived at so far less seriously (Sun Saturn Pluto) to give yourself a chance to further blossom. Maybe reflect upon your personal planets, Mercury, Venus and Mars in order to further define who you are as an individual.

[Ion]

'Consensus Reality" demands that we all 'see and experience' reality in the same way . . . . this is ridiculous .
If you have a particular and unique 'vision' then , perhaps, you can express that vision in an artistic format .
Before you 'invalidate yourself' . . . check out some biographies of geniuses . . . . and , may I suggest that you 'let go' of what others are thinking and continue enjoying (?) your experience ..... unless your experience is 'paranoid' or otherwise indefensible .

Ion