I am so worried about this Wednesday

[Indigowater]

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[Ludicer]

I couldn't see anything that should make you feel socially anxious. Your mars is in gemini. Your moon is an aquarius in the 3rd house. Except for the mars, venus saturn square there aren't any tight aspects in your natal chart. Your natal mercury seems to be somewhat emotional, as a cancer in the 8th house. But it doesn't have any hard aspects on it.
Don't get fooled by the amount of red lines in your chart. Most of them are with 5 or more degree orbs. Ofcourse the way their energies work may cause tension, but not as much as they would if they had tighter aspects.

Usually I don't like to use predictive astrology in such particular situations. But for this one I'm giving it a try.
There doesn't seem to be any hard aspects from transits on your 3rd, 7th, 11th houses which are related to communication and social stuff.

Tranist Saturn is squaring your 3rd and 9th you may be feeling it getting close on your sun but that's rather a long term tension and shouldn't effect this event particularly.

The sun, mercury, venus and mars are all in sort of easy going spots.
So, you should do good if you avoid the anxiety grow on you and maybe better if you remember your a leo sun..

Best,
Ludi

From your pluto position, I'm guessing you're at your close to your 20s. So enjoy it.

[Indigowater]

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[miquar]

Hi Indigowater. From looking at your chart, I think that your own fear of rejection is probably all that stands in the way of your enjoying the party and connecting with the people there.

At the moment, transiting Saturn is nearly square your Sun, and because transiting Saturn is slowing down at the moment its effects may be stronger. Along side this, transiting Saturn is activating the close Venus Mars Saturn T-square, exactly semisquare Venus and sesquiquadrate Mars, and also sesquiquadrate Saturn. So a fear of isolation and a sense of awkwardness are not surprising at this time. Although these transits are longer term than one night, your general mood might still latch onto the party as the place where your fears could come true. Your Venus seems particularly stressfully placed in your chart, in its sign of detriment, conjunct Chiron, opposite Saturn and square Mars.

The strong presence of water in your birth chart (Scorpio rising, Pluto in the first house, Jupiter in Scorpio in the watery 12th house, Saturn in Pisces in the watery 4th house, Mercury in Cancer in the watery 8th house) suggests that you have a vulnerable side, which fears isolation and rejection. It is likely that your early home life did not feed your need for the warmth of genuine human contact. The Saturn Chiron Venus configuration falls across the parental house axis , suggesting that you felt rejected by one or both parents on some level. You are probably projecting this onto the strangers who you will meet at the party, and so assuming that they will be the same as your parents.

This configuration finds expression through its squares to Mars in Gemini in the 7th, which perhaps partly accounts for the way your anxieties have come out through thinking (Gemini) about how you will relate to these people, and they you (7th). The trine from Mars to Moon in Aquarius in the 3rd suggests that you tend to try to analyse your feelings rather than feel them. But at this time probably your feelings are flooding into your thought processes. Mercury in Cancer in the 8th also suggests that your thought processes are likely to be influenced by your feelings.

This could be a useful time for you to get in touch with feelings that are not usually so much at the forefront of your mind, but which influence you in subtle ways every day nonetheless. Hopefully by the time of the party you will have had a chance to see through some of these fears and lay them to rest to some extent.

One of the things we need to learn around Saturn is that it is ok to fail. You might not make the perfect social connection with everyone you meet - this is the same for all people at all times, but perhaps you are especially sensitive to rejection and notice such flaws in social dynamics more than most other people (and by 'notice' I include imagine because you may sometimes imagine that you made a bad impression when you didn't). By trying and failing we learn that actually the pressure we put on ourselves was unnecessary because we failed and we're still alive!

One last thing I would add is Don't try too hard. That Sun in Leo in the 9th is very fiery, and is not only widely opposite Neptune and the Moon - it is closely opposite the Moon/Neptune midpoint. You may sometimes experience fantasies of great popularity that help you to deal with your fears of rejection.

Saturn can sometimes be prone to overcompensating and since you have Saturn strong not only natally strong, but also strong by transit at the moment, you may strive to accomplish some air of sociability that can be seen as partly a mask to hide your fears.

Also, Jupiter is square your Sun at the moment, so that may cause you to exagerate your Sun in Leo side too.

I would spend some time over the next couple of days reflecting on how your fears about the party remind you of how you have felt in the past. And then perhaps try to arrive at a realistic expectation of how the party will be for you - not terrible and not perfect either - not a constant experience of unfettered joy and not hell on Earth. Perhaps make contact with one of the people who you already know who will be there and ask if you can travel to the party with them - possibly being honest about your trepidation.

Its not uncommon for people with strong Saturn and Pluto placements to throw up smokescreens in order to feel safe from rejection. But of course they have written themselves off before anyone else gets a chance to accept them. You have a choice, however, to accept yourself for who you are, and to push yourself a little to be open enough to give people a chance to interact with you. And of course you don't have to go if you don't feel like it - for everything there is a season, as they say, and you may need to hibernate socially while you feel this way. But either way, I hope you feel at the end of the week that the world is an easier place to live in than you believed to be the case at the start of the week!

[Indigowater]

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[miquar]

Hi Indigowater. You know the fact that your mother wasn't able to give you the unconditional love that all children need is a reflection of her problems - not a reflection of who you are as a human being. It is likely that whatever you did you could not have pleased her. She could not deal with her own wounds, so she acted them out, and so now you have inherited the same self-doubt that she couldn't face. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with you - its just the impression she gave you, and as children we are very impressionable indeed.

And if you feel its right to face your fears and go to the party then good for you. But sometimes the brave and enlightened thing to do is to give up - sometimes we are trying to live up to an ideal that is not in line with who we really are, and we need to find the courage to not follow something through.

[Indigowater]

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[miquar]

Hi. Sorry for jumping to conclusions about your Mother. I'm glad you have a good relationship. The Saturn Venus Chiron configuration across the parental axis can work the other way too, and I should have mentioned this. I stressed the possibility that no matter what you did it wouldn't be good enough for the parent, but of course ultimately its your chart, showing your own disposition - it could be that you are innately predisposed to be disappointed with yourself (until you work through the issues) and that no amount of parental love could undo that. In other words some or all of your sense that your mother wanted more of/from you could be imagined by you. People with Saturn connected with parental significators in their birth chart will tend to filter out some of the unconditional love and magnify/imagine signs of rejection, criticism or disappointment in the parent.

Having said that, it is normal to find a synchronous similarity between the actual parent and the parental significators in one's birth chart. With Leo on the MC, ruled by Sun in Leo in the 9th, it is possible that she has hoped that you would live out her need to be special and significant. Since you have Venus in Virgo in the 10th in the T-square with Saturn, Chiron and Mars, it could be that there was tension either between your parents, or tension felt inwardly by them, which affected their ability to relax into emotional intimacy, both with you and with one another. Moon in Aquarius in the 3rd adds to the likelihood that your Mother finds it easier to relate on the level of thoughts than through feelings. And Saturn in Pisces in the 4th can manifest as a disappointing or controlling father, and again points to the possibility of restricted feeling exchange in the early home environment.

Mercury in Cancer in the 8th suggests that you do need to communicate your feelings, and since it is part of a grand trine, perhaps that was satisfied by your upbringing. But because Saturn in Pisces in the 4th is exactly trine Mercury, perhaps the flowing nature of the trine aspect reflects that it felt natural and appropriate to place certain limits on which feelings were discussed. I can, of course only speculate since these factors can manifest in numerous ways.

I think that not going to the party opens up chances too - you will learn new things about yourself this week that will help you enjoy social interaction more in the future.

Feel free to continue asking things on this thread, or ask anything by private message. If you start a new thread and you want me to post on it, let me know by private message as I may well not notice it if I'm not on the forum for a few days.

[Indigowater]

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[miquar]

Yes there are some very sociable placements in your chart, especially Moon in Aquarius in the 3rd trine Mars in Gemini, with Mars being one of your Ascendant rulers. Sun in Leo in the 9th is also, in itself a naturally gregarious energy.

I don't know if this has any relevance, but people 3 to 4 years older than you will have their Pluto near your Ascendant, and many of them may also have Saturn opposite your Sun and/or conjunct your Moon.

It's interesting that you say that you feel too ambitious to miss the party - like being there could be a means to attaining a goal. Whereas usually people associate such events with immediate gratification of some kind.

I'm sure you're right that the social circle you are talking about is exclusive and hard to get into to some extent - many social groups are. But perhaps keep in mind that your chart suggests a predisposition to expect rejection. This is symbolised most pertinently in your chart by the tensely aspected Venus in the 10th, as I mentioned before. This predisposition could result in you imagining rebukes that are not there, behaving in an aloof and guarded way which may then invite rebuke (ie a self-fulfilling prophecy), and also craving the attention of people who are critical and exclusive. This last point, if it applies to you, could be a kind of unconscious attempt to recreate an early relationship (often the Mother) which failed to satisfy on some level, in order to try to make things work out differently this time. It might feel, on some level, like you can only redeem the past hurt by going into a parallel situation and getting what you need. We all do this - most of us quite a lot, and there is nothing wrong with it, especially in someone as young as yourself. But if its happening its good to be aware of it, so that you can keep at the back of your mind the fact that the people you are seeking this missing thing from do not have the power over your emotional well-being that you might think they do - first time round you were a helpless child, and you may feel like that again in the run up to the party if you are projecting unresolved stuff from a parental relationship onto the people about whom you've spoken.

The planets most associated with self-esteem are the Sun and Venus. its interesting that you refer to the 'great self esteem' of the people who will be at the party. We tend to project that positive as well as negative traits onto others when we don't identify ourselves as possessing the traits. When there is a strong emotional charge attached to the projection, it tends to signify something that is an important part of our own psyche that we haven't lived out consciously in the way we would like. Sun in Leo, its own sign, needs to cultivate self-esteem, although this does not necessarily need to involve the appreciative audience which Leonine people are often suggested to be dependent upon. With transiting Jupiter and Saturn making a T-square to your Sun at the moment, it is no wonder that this projection is so important in your perceptions at the moment. I should imagine its very difficult having your Sun caught between the mixed messages of that Jupiter Saturn opposition.

And with Venus making challenging aspects in your chart, it will be difficult for you to value yourself, and therefore you'll probably tend to notice those who do seem to value themselves. (Keep in mind though that genuine self-worth doesn't need to shove under the noses of others, and some of those who appear to have high self-esteem are actually trying to hide a sense of low self-esteem from themselves as well as others.)

[Indigowater]

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[miquar]

Hi Indigowater. I'm glad it all went well for you. Hopefully each time you go through this it will affect you less and ultimately the energies that sometimes plague you will increasingly show their positive expressions.