I feel like I've got to sacriface in my life (very challenging life so far)

[Amit89]

Hello all,

I've had a very challenging life so far. I don't mean to be negative here and I'm sure you'll find my chart educational.

I used to have a very, very bad speech impediment, which was delayed speech. This caused a lot of heartache and I could not communicate properly or obtain my desires. It was heartbreaking. THANKFULLY its healed.

I've had a difficult family life. My mother suffered from depression and died when I was young. I had a good relationship with my father up until my teens were some reason he turned egotistical and just did not accept me or even understand me or have compassion for me in my life. My sister is rude and rebellious and only seems to care for herself. My uncles were a bit hard on me too and lacked understanding.

Through my own mistakes, I've had a late education. This is partly due to lack of direction, laziness and seeing the bigger picture which contributed to me going late to university and because of problems at home and in my life, I've failed my first year at university and I've had to retake it again. This has always made me very insecure in life.

I've always been intersted in women and up until the age of 17 I've had interesting experiences with some females. BUT for the last 5 years I've never even had a single female friend and I've generally lacked the lion spirit and confidence to take the iniative. This is killing me inside.

So there you go, a late education, a non-existent family life, lack of females in my life and I've never had the female friends I've wanted to have. My social life has only started after I was 20! (my father did not even want to have friends or hang out every week!) I feel like crying because there are some friends I know who have a great family life and just seem to be attracting the female relationships they desire, I cannot help feeling sorry for myself. Everybody else has loving, caring and nuturing relationships.

i just feel I have to sacriface in this life. The non-existent family life is very hurting. I just don't want to reincarnate again and then experience the good family life.

There are some plus points. I'm very intelligent and analytical and I do write every single day on self-improvement. I also tend to be very ambitious, motivated and inspired at times, which I have to thank my mars in leo for.


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My chart:

I've noticed I've got mercury square ascendent, I guess this is the late education and I take a trial and error approach to life which doens't seem to work and I have a need to keep studying and writing until perfection.

My moon, mars and pluto are involved in a t-square. Like I've said, I've always been interested in women because I love women and would like special experiences with them. The moon-mars is a very frustrating aspect and I've tried a lot of things to be honest. The moon-pluto opposition just enhances the need to have women. By the way, I'm considered very attractive by women.

My moon is square venus, but in mutual reception, I guess this enhances the need to meet my 'venus and moon desires'.

Neptune conjuct saturn in a very tight degree orb is a classic worrying indicator.

Transits wise, my saturn is going to square my venus, I don't think I can take another year of just working and having no relationships.